14th August 2023
6:03am
This is the time the last alarm goes off, I’m supposed to be up by 6, but that’s only the three minutes of luxury I can afford for myself in this ghost town. The rest of this, should go the same way as it is, get up from bed, wash your face, brush your teeth and get some breakfast that mum prepared.
It’s almost always the same old everyday, bread, eggs and a cup of chai, I’m lactose intolerant, but that’s something my mum seems to conveniently forget every morning, finish the food, lie down for 5 more minutes and get dressed, if the five minutes turn to seven, you’re late for class and if there’s one thing I need more than money right now, is to save my almost failing grades.
I find the first button down shirt that has been cleaned and ironed, because I forgot to do my laundry this week, put on the same black jeans as yesterday, and my almost original looking pair of knock off air jordans, put my earphones on, and get out of the house.
It’s 7:15,
I have to be at the bus stop by 7:30 because that’s when the bus from my college arrives, the class is at 8:30, and it’s a 30-minute route but traffic in this town is horrible, if you’re lucky, you’d reach class by 8:15, if you’re not, no one knows when you make it, and the college bus doesn’t stop at every other bus stop like local transport, so that’s the safest option, and it’s free, and sometimes, missing out on sleep is better than spending money to sit in a crowded, sweaty, cesspool of people who are just as done with life as you are.
As the lead vocals of this obscure indie band I’ve been listening to reaches the chorus, I see this car run up to me, driving erratically for what looks like a 16-year old going home after a party, he’s either too hungover or sleepy to drive, and he’s already lost control, and it’s coming right at me.
Instantly, I take a step back, dude loses control and hits the sidewalk, the sound of his front window sounds like a perfect add on to whatever that’s playing in my earphones, I see a commotion approaching as I stand there, probably a bit fazed from everything that just happened.
“Sheesh, a second too late, and I’d probably have my guts all over the street”
I thought to myself, as I walk away from the commotion, I still have a bus to catch, It’s 7:22 already.
EXCEPT, I already knew this would happen.
I’ve been living this exact same day for god knows how long. I go out of my place, this poor teenager tries hitting me, I take a step back and go on with my day. I know everything that’s going to happen afterwards, I’ll make it to class sharp at 8:27, the teacher will be 15 minutes late, and three boring lectures later, I’m out.
The rest, I can do whatever I want, then at night, as I go back to sleep. I’ll wake up in this exact same day, 14th August 2023.
So, what if I did things differently, for once?
Maybe, get out a bit late? Maybe not go to class at all?
Or maybe, maybe, just spend the whole day in bed, and call in sick and it should solve this right?
Except, it doesn’t. Every time I fall asleep, the day restarts to where we started.
Rinse and repeat, every fucking day.
And truth be told, It wasn’t always exactly the case, because the first time it happened I didn’t step back.
I remember bits and pieces, there’s blood on the streets, both mine and the drivers, there’s some weird appendages lying around, not sure who they belong to, and then I pass out.
Then darkness, silence.
Truth be told, I don’t remember much of what happened after I blacked out, but I know I did something in that moment, I asked someone or something that I vaguely remember, to give me another chance, a chance to just take a step back.
And that’s all I got, chances after chances, repeating the same thing, over and over, but each time, with the same possible outcome.
And yes, I’ve tried getting hit again, it’s the same old fucking story, except, I remember the pain, the sound of my bones crushing, me gasping for air because something probably hit my throat, and then, the same old darkness
Except this time, there’s no one else to hear my pleas, no one to give me another chance.
I’ve done everything that I could, well except this, putting this into the void of the internet and seeing what happens again, maybe, maybe, it finds a way to stay on the internet, but not like I did, maybe someone remembers and tells me that they’ve seen this before.
But who knows, there has to be an end right?