I’m new to Reddit so if I’m doing this wrong, please let me know.
My roommate moved in less than a month ago and since she moved in we have been at odds about the thermostat. She thought the temp I had it set to was too cold (67°F) so I told her I would set it to 70°F at night. We live in a 4 bed/2 bath apartment (that I commonly refer to as a house so keep this in mind). There were a few nights that I forgot to change the temp so she took it upon herself to change the thermostat (she’s paying rent and utilities so I didn’t really mind at first).
I would wake up in the morning drenched in sweat. I discovered she had been turning the heat on to around 72 degrees. It’s the middle of summer! Who turns on the heat in the summer? We had just gotten the air conditioning fixed after a 100° heat advisory where I live so naturally, I was a little upset that I wasn’t able to enjoy my new air conditioning. We had a few civil talks about it. It never seemed like she was fully grasping the concept of the fact that I didn’t care what she set the house to. I just cared that the heat was on in the house during summer. I explained to her how air conditioning and heating works. The furnace will break if you run it in the summer. Same with the air conditioning in winter. If you run the heat in summer, the house will heat to that temperature but if it’s warmer outside, the house will get hotter. This seemed like common sense to me.
As we started talking more and more about it, she began to get an attitude with me. I’m going to college and live right off campus but my hometown is 2 hours away. I was back home for a few weeks. She began to set the heat even hotter since I wasn’t home. Someone else who lives in the house put the air conditioning on after she turned the heat on. Around 10 PM when I’m not even there but 2 hours away in my hometown, she gave me a phone call screaming at me. I could hear her throwing things around the house. She kept asking “What the fuck is your problem?” and telling me I was being unreasonable for wanting the air conditioning on. She tried to gaslight me and say that I agreed to have the heat on in the house which makes no sense. Why would I agree to that?
I remained calm pretty much the entire time. I told her that she was being disrespectful and that we could have a mature conversation about this. We’re both adults so I figured we could talk like adults too. This fired her up even more. I had the other people living in my house texting me saying they were scared because she was screaming at me over the phone and throwing things around in the living room.
I told her we can go talk to the people in the leasing office to come to a common agreement because the conversation we had at this point was not solving anything with her screaming and calling me names. She told me that “we should be able to have an adult conversation about this and not act like kids.” I told her she’s the one that’s screaming and that I won’t be talked at or down to when I am speaking respectfully to her. I told her the only option we had was going to the leasing office then hung up on her. I called the leasing office the next day and they said they would give her a call and talk to her about it.
I came home probably 3 days later around 11:30 PM. They still hadn’t spoken to her about it. I called them the following day again and asked them to give her a call so they did. They told me that we came to a good conclusion to leave the AC on at night at 72. This didn’t actually satisfy her. She got home from work and immediately started throwing things. Screaming and destroying MY things specifically. Slamming doors. I called the office multiple times with no answer. I was shaking in my bed next to my boyfriend genuinely scared for my life. I found my chance to leave and we grabbed the dog and left.
We got to the leasing office and told them what happened. They told me to call the police. After I got off the phone with 911, the office had informed me that they had already made a call to 911 about 3 hours prior because she and her aunt (who is her cosigner for the place) were in the office on a lunch break holding everyone hostage and would not leave until police intervened. I think she hit the property manager too. She threatened the maintenance guy with the same threat that she used on my boyfriend, “I’m gonna have my brothers pull up.”
The police walked me to my house and I grabbed a few overnight things quickly and moved into the model apartment for my own safety. My door is broken in the old apartment and doesn’t lock so my room is pretty much open to her. I’ve been slowly grabbing my things with the help of the local police department starting with all of my pots and pans and dishes and utensils which I don’t think made her very happy. I am traumatized from this experience and am scared to be anywhere alone including my (model) house or anywhere in public.
I don’t think I’m the asshole for any of this. But I guess perspective may say otherwise.
Am I the asshole?