For context, I have Narcolepsy type 1. I drop in and out of sleep all the time, but this experience nearly melted my perception of life as a whole. Please enjoy.
I was so tired. Being awake without my medication is too exhausting. I decided to take a nap. As I fall asleep, I can feel that it’s not going to be a normal nap. I don’t know when I started dreaming, or if I was dreaming at all. I was soon greeted with some familiar sounds. I can hear The Fairly Odd Parents in the distance through my right ear.
I’m in sleep paralysis. It feels like I’m in two places at once. My mind is here and “there.” I can see both places. The room in front of me and the void of empty space ahead. There’s me, laying on what I perceive as a surgical table. My back feels exposed. I can see a large, two-way mirror with a couple of vague figures behind it. In my left ear, I hear the sound of radio charter. I focus in on it and respond.
I’m not sure how, but a connection was made. The voice on the radio says, “He can here me!” It’s a grown man. I start to lose it, but concentrate harder on my anchor that seemed to be that TV show. Then the radio chimes in again. This time, a child introduces his sister. “Hello! Here’s Marie!” Like talking through mud, I mutter, “Mm..mur..rriieee?” I open my eyes wider and can almost see through the veil.
I can see the air in front of me rippling and washing thinner the harder I concentrate. I know that I belong there, too. All I have to do is relent. The first child describes Marie for me. “She has hair like [my son]!” I’m afraid of going too far. I sob, “I’m not ready to leave.” I can feel electricity surging through my spine, tugging my mind out of me, but I fight it. I don’t want to leave yet.
I snap back into my body like a lightning bolt, convulsing backwards in a partial U. I contemplate what had happened for the next few days.
AFTERTHOUGHTS ——————————
I still think back on this one. I’m in better control of my mindscape now, but I felt so broken then. It felt like death. I felt like I was a mere thought away from killing myself and going to whatever was calling me on the other side. People aren’t supposed to see this stuff. I’m not ready to explore what it truly means. I just had to rationalize it the best that I could.
My hallucinations don’t talk back. I’ve never manifested such an experience before. It nearly destroyed the perception of my subjective reality. I just want to wake up… but I’m too scared… scared to lose it all. What happens to everyone I love? Friend and foe alike, do they still get to exist? What happens when I’m pulled from this experience? I’m not ready to leave…