I just needed a moment alone, a place where I would have peace and rest in my head for just a few hours. So, I went to the forest. I am pretty lucky, because there is a huge forest about 30 minutes from me and my girlfriend’s house.
I walked for about an hour or two, so I was deep down in the forest. I took a moment to stand still and take in my surroundings. For the first time this week, I was truly relaxed. Everywhere I looked there were trees. I was surrounded by nature. Hearing nothing else than the chirping of the birds and the eternal sound of the wind rushing through the trees was refreshing and helped me to cope with all the things going on in my head. I haven’t seen a single soul in my two hour walk, which felt awesome but also a little disturbing, given the fact that I felt like I was being stared at the whole time. I touched my hip for a brief moment to feel the calming touch of my hunters knife and relaxed again. I have never hunted an animal in my entire life, but always took the knife with me for comfort and safety. I continued my walk and after half an hour I entered a little more open area and was stunned by the view. To the right and behind me was now the forest I just left and on my left side was a beautiful open field radiating green in the blazing sun. It stretched for what looked like eternity.
I was enjoying the view when all of the sudden I heard a faint panting like noise from behind me, and that’s when I saw him. A grey wolf, looking right at me, from only 5 meters away. My heart jumped and it cost me everything not to run away or draw my knife, which were definitely the worst 2 options. I tried to stay as still and calm as possible, while avoiding too much eye contact. I know wolves aren’t a direct threat to humans, especially not on their own, but I still felt drastically intimidated. I tried to take a moment to take in the situation, but I was so overwhelmed by the wolves appearance that my mind didn’t quite work. But at least I am still alive, I thought. The wolf looked fierce and relentless, but at the same time wise and harmless. He is probably just curious, I told myself. Just stay calm and you’ll be okay. The wolf had beautiful grey fur and light blue eyes. For a long moment I just stood there, observing the gorgeous creature, which was beaming with an expression I couldn’t describe differently than calmness, power, pride and understanding. The wolf didn’t move a single muscle either.
It didn’t look like it was considering harming me, which I thought was a good sign, so I tried to do the same and show some respect. I was afraid of what would happen if I walked away. Also the wolf gave me some sense of calmness that I didn’t want to lose. Slowly, I lowered to one knee. Cautiously I reached my arm towards the wolf. It turned its head, as if considering. We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, though it was probably only a few minutes. Then the wolf slowly started approaching me. Stay calm, stay calm, I kept repeating to myself.
When he was about halfway my human instincts got the better of me and I met its gaze. It instantly stopped short and bared its teeth, giving a growl, a deep and menacing sound that reverberated through my bones and sent a shiver up my spine. My heart rate went skyrocketing. I immediately returned my gaze to the ground beneath me while lowering my head and somehow managed not to stumble backwards despite my fright. Stupid kid, what were you thinking? I said in my head. It didn’t make any more growls and continued its approach even more slowly and cautiously than before. Still looking down, I could tell it was right in front of me. I didn’t dare to move any muscle, knowing any small movement would be offending and would probably get me killed.
Why am I doing this?, I thought.
But at the same time:
This is awesome!
Then something happened that I’ll never forget. I felt the sensation of the wolf sniffing my handpalm. It continued doing so for a few seconds. That was when it must have noticed my hunters knife. I have know idea why it didn’t see it earlier, but it did now. It jumped back a couple meters, growling even more fiercefull than before, bearing its teeth once again. My head jumped up, and I followed its gaze to my right hip. Now I’m in some serious trouble, I thought.
Very carefully I raised my left hand while trying to release the knife holder with my right. I was afraid of how it would look to the wolf, but I had to get rid of that cursed thing that just ruined everything. Come on, come on, just get off my freaking belt. Apparently the wolf interpreted my fidgeting with the knife holder otherwise. It suddenly jumped towards me with an astounding speed. My instincts took over completely and I wasn’t in control when my hand took the knife out of its holder at an inhuman speed, pointing it forward. It felt like watching a movie, a terrible movie. I’ll never forget the feeling of the skin of the wolf’s chest giving way to my knife. Seconds later everything went black. I must have passed out because of the tremendous stress.
Suddenly I woke up and when I opened my eyes, the wolf was laying on me. It wasn’t moving. Then I noticed the warm and wet flow on my right hand and realized what had just happened. A wave of noussia, disgust and anger surged through me and I threw the wolf off me, which cost more power than I expected. I looked to the wolf, to the beautiful deep blue eyes whose lights had gone out and to the grey fur which was soaked in red blood around its chest. I screamed. I cried. And I cuddled him. For hours on end, I stayed with him, crying in its fur. I have never felt more helpless. It sounds ridiculous, but in those few minutes I had been with the creature, I got more attached to him than I could have ever imagined.
I must have cried for hours, because when I heard my girlfriend’s voice, the sky was pitch black.
“Johnny, Johnny”. My girlfriend’s voice. It sounded faint but still warm and comforting. I looked up. My girlfriend, the love of my life, was looking right at me, sitting next to me. She looked surprised and shocked about the scene she had arrived at. I threw my arms around her and a new wave of tears filled my eyes. But it did help a lot to have an acuel living being to cuddle again. Man, I love her. She told me she went looking for me since I wasn’t answering my phone and I had been gone for nearly 8 hours. After consoling me for at least 30 minutes I started telling her what had happened. She was shocked, but grateful that I was still alive.
‘I, I didn’t mean to hu, hurt him.’ I sobbed. ‘I know’, she said, pushing her forehead against mine. When I was a little more calm, she asked, full of empathy: ‘What would you like to do with him?” “I have no idea”, I admitted. Eventually we decided to carefully drag him into the forest and bury him under the leaves. After that we went back home.
That night, still being very upset, I fell asleep in my girlfriend’s arms, the most comforting place in the entire world.