Hello guys, I really hope you can help me finding answers.
Some days ago I was at home. I had to do some household chore and for this I had to enter the nursery. This time there was something different. I spotted a piece of paper on the floor. First I just stood there thinking about if I should have a look on it or not. As there should be no paper on the floor I decided that I have to check it.
It was a letter. Here is what it said:
“Dear Mom and Dad,
I’m so sorry that you have to read this, because this means I’m causing some trouble to you. Again, just like I always did.
Do not search for me, the police will contact you when they found me. Better: When they found whatever will be left over from me. Maybe it won’t be much.
The reason I’m writing this to you is that I feel that I have to explain myself. Explain why I did what I did. I hope you will understand.
Very important: It is not because of you, please don’t feel guilty.
I think my suffering began with my birth. I sometimes felt like I would be invisible to the world. I couldn’t connect well to you and to others in my age. I never had friends. It was not you fault, it was mine.
It was not that bad in the time I went to the kindergarten, but it went worse when school began. I was an outsider since the first day. I was always so lonely. No one wanted to interact with me. At least the first few years. Maybe these were the best ones.
After some years the others randomly began joking about me. I didn’t do anything to them, I swear! This went to insults against me. This went to physical attacks. They bullied me. They never let me free. I was trapped in the school with these bastards.
This went on for years. They were creative and cruel. With the time they also started to bully me online. I couldn’t get on my phone without reading hundrets of new messages that were all about abaseing me.
Every.
Fucking.
Day.
I just can’t handle this anymore.
Dad, I don’t know if you noticed, but with the age of about 14 or 13 I started to steal some of your alcohol. I am so sorry for that. At first I really just had a sip of your hard liquor, I swear. But by the time I began stealing some bottles of beer. Some day it was even a whole bottle of hard liquor. I don’t know how you could not notice that.
Drinking Dad’s alcohol wasn’t the only way I tried to get along with my situation. There was another way for me I found out about some years before the alcohol. It is so hard for me to write down now. I’m literally crying right now. Once I also stole some of Mom’s money when I was sent to the grocery. I’m so sorry, Mom. I used your money to buy a pocketknife. I don’t want to tell you, but this is my last chance to be honest with you. I have to tell you that I started cutting myself. A lot. And I was always hiding the fresh wounds and the scars.
Both, the cutting and the alcohol, were the tools that carried me untill today. I’m so sorry that I have to end it now, but I don’t have the strength to go on any further.
Also a last one to Dad: Just about 2 years ago I realised something. You remember what happened when Mom wasn’t at home when I was younger, don’t you? You told me not to tell it anyone. My lips will be closed forever. You also said that this would be normal in familys. Well, I realised it is not normal. Absolutely not. But I forgive you. I love anyways, what happened doesn’t matter.
Mom, Dad. I still love you, even if I was such a burden to you. I have to leave you now. I really hope for you to not be sad about it. At least to not be sad very long about it.
Yours,
Nadine”
When I read that I was shocked. Not because of what you may think now. I was shocked because of something else:
The day I found this piece of paper out of hell was exactly 18 years after my wife gave birth
18 years ago my wife gave birth, but the child was already dead when it left her body
We were used to call the child Nadine
On that day 18 years ago we decided to not try having kids ever again. The nursery in our house should never be used as long as we live here.
Now I’m asking: Who wrote that shit?! This can’t be real!
I be honest with you, I’m sober for way more than 20 years, I don’t have any hard liquor or beer left. Also I would never ever do anything like what I think the writer paraphrased at the end! Never!
I didn’t tell my wife or anyone else about this shit. It just fucks my mind for days now. What is this, who wrote it and why? How did this even come inside the house?
I just don’t know what to do, please help me.