I am only writing this because I made a mistake. I ruined someone’s life and I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself. It was the last summer vacation before graduating highschool. I was known in school as THE guy to go to if you wanted to get high. Whatever it is that you wanted, I got it. I’ve always wanted to get clean and put this life behind me, but the money blinded me. How can I put this life behind me when it’s the reason I have my own car and my own apartment. Everyone at school was jealous of how I always got and did what I wanted when I wanted.
Before summer ended I met Jade. I’ve known Jade since 9th grade but we never were friends, we just knew each other because we had mutual friends. One night, I go out with my friends and I see Jade alone. Her bestfriend left off with her man and left Jade. So I said Hi. I wish I didn’t. We couldn’t stop talking to each other and I don’t think either of us had any idea that we would enjoy each others company. We exchanged numbers and from then on, we couldn’t stop texting. One thing lead to another and by the time summer came, we both were so in love with each other that we didn’t know how to spend time without each other.
One day, Jade’s parents find out about us, and they have this huge fight that lead to her father kicking her out the house. That was the first night she stayed here and somehow we couldn’t enjoy it given the circumstance. I never did this before. I wish I never did. She wouldn’t stop crying. Nothing I said or did helped. I felt like there’s nothing else I could do. I wish I didn’t. I asked her if she wanted to get high, to help get her mind off of her parents. She looked hesitant but she said yes. I only had heroin on me. I wish I didn’t. I ruined her life. She was scared but she took it. She liked it. She got addicted. She couldn’t live without it. I got drafted into the army later that year. I left her behind. I wish I didn’t. I was away for 7 months. I didn’t know what I had left behind me. I came back to find a huge pile of mail at the lobby under my apartment number. I still have our picture from last summer in my pocket. Everytime I looked at it I remembered how much I love her. I was reading some of the mail while I walked up the stairs and most were from some close friends so I assumed they just missed me or just wanted to check on me. Until I found one from my supplier. I panicked so I stopped where I was and I opened it. He told me he’s seen Jade selling her body for product, that she is a mess, that he is worried about her health so he had to cut her off.
I ran to the apartment. It was dark. The smell was foul. Most of the furniture wasn’t there anymore. The blinds were replaced by newspapers. Every 3 steps I took my shoe crushed a syringe. Every step I took made my heart beat faster. I open the door to our bedroom to find the love of my life laying on a mattress on the floor. The smell. Her eyes. Her mouth. Her belly. She was pregnant. I lost the love of my life. The only person I ever loved. I ruined her life. I’ve been sitting here in the room. It’s been 4 hours and the smell still slaps me in the face every deep breath I take. I can’t live with this. This is all my fault. I’m a terrible person. If you’re reading this, Please, don’t try to influence your loved ones into substance. Please don’t make the mistake I did. I have a 9mm next to my left foot. I’m gonna end it. I can’t. The feeling in my chest is heavy. I hope you learned something. I wish I could go back in time. I’m sorry Jade. I love you so much. I’ll see you soon.