hello there, my name is bob and iam an addict. this is what they told me. but i question everything. sure i enjoy drugs. the use of drugs helped me destroy my relationships and many other things including my mind. but that was the source of my problems. maybe an unconcious representation, trying to manifest itself by doing what my body knew was the source of my initial pain, myself. i was my problem, and made it your problem too. why should i sit alone in this misery. i knew this realization would haunt me eternal. so it did for 33 yrs.
But today it stopped. i cant even begin to explain why. i hate me. i hate you. i fuckin hate everyone and everything. or so i thought. this was partly true. but to have hate there must be love also. this cant be true right? well lets think about it. if i was indifferent to it all why should i hate anything. we all have our demise. that one thing that will either eat us alive from the outside in or eat us alive from the inside out. nobody wins the battle of our minds. we either bow down or get cut down by the knees. you can see this transformation as it happens. by how someone treats you. but its just a matter of time.
your time is coming. we are all addicts. just in a different way. we all seek peace but only few find it. i have found the answer. the answer we ALL seek. stop seeking you wont find it while looking. nothing really matters. nothing matters except your brothers and sisters and sons and daughters. the very people we hate. the ones we push away because they dont understand and some wont ever understand. to find the answer imagine this….
you died, its over right? not exactly. you can see but have no eyes. you remerge with your god somehow were not unclean because unclean is not holy. but its different than what you thought. you can see everyones life right before you. the pain, anguish, depression, happiness, everything they have endured. it is but a mere movie. you feel it yes but its so insignificant at this point you merely chuckle at the thought of thousends of your brothers and sisters, pain and happiness. it is great and not great at the same time. you now have infinite knowledge. you are knowledge. you are everyone all at once. thats how you see everyones life all at once.
you are the man that you laughed at when he asked for money at the gas station. you are the woman that was raped and beaten. but you can see now that she passed you asking for directions, being dismissed because you were late. you are your brother that died in in battle. he did it for you, only now you see how much he looked up to you feel every last emotion he went thru. you are the enemy in every war. the doctor to save hundreds of lives in that same war.
can you feel it? only now you realize that in a world full of people in way we truly were alone. we are all one. we are part of somethng so great its terrifying. but this int the full truth. it only helps us to see the light. to see that we are all connected. in big ways. to lift up your brother instead of cutting him down. because he is you. would you cut yourself down. yes you would. you have done it your entire life but have been ignorant to the fact how close you actaully are to the enemy. the enemy is I. i hate you all and i love you all.there cannot be one without the other. this hate i feel so i know its real. you will too. do you feel it yet?
this realiztion will break you as it should. its the begining of becoming something Great. i know this because Iam a wealthy man. with the wealth of knowledge both great and terrifying. Iam you and you are me. this is the only way to explain it, that are meager minds may understand.
we are so great together but alone we are divided. this is our one of our strengths and also our weakness. divided we fall. we have fallen. i can feel hate and its all i feel around you. remember you are loved. we have forgotten this. its there you just have to open your eyes. how do you know? hate is your answer. we all feel it. when were beaten down by our own brothers and sisters. we must forgive. it literally broke me to find this truth, as it should.