Is it possible to be haunted by a living person?
This is the story of the terrible thing we did, more than fifteen years ago. Our lives all changed after that, and we are still haunted.
I mean, it wasn’t the worst case scenario- it could have been much more terrible than it ended up.
But sometimes, I don’t know.
After all, she -Bella- is alive, and so are the others. We all live quietly here, in this town where we were born, except lucky Mila who moved away. And of course John, who killed himself a couple of years later, unable to live with the memory of what had happened that night.
But the rest of us, from that group of friends who were at that party are here. Our kids go to the same school, although we carefully skirt each other in the hallways. We bump into each other at the doctor’s office, in fact the doctor is actually Nick’s uncle. Nick became a doctor like him, they’re one of these doctor families. He was the attending physician when my Mom passed. Everything is like that here, in our town. Our dentist is Sally, and Robert is a real estate agent in one of the local property development families- we bought our house from him.
Bella herself- she didn’t end up having a career or anything like that, although she does have a couple of kids from different dads. Rumour has it the eldest is John’s child but who knows. I don’t think Bella knows either- she was a bit of a mess at that time, and perhaps not much better after the child was born. Bella and her kids all live with her parents, in a downtrodden old house which she always used to say she hated so much and couldn’t wait to get away from. I used to hang out there a lot after school, it had a funny smell and Bella used to joke it’s probably from the corpses in the basement, which is actually so ironic. I haven’t set foot in there since that night of course, fifteen years ago. We stopped being friends.
We still see each other all the time- school events and birthday parties, and just even doing our weekly shopping. Bella is there of course, always, with her big green eyes accusing me, following me around wherever I go, whatever I do. And I know it’s the same for Nick and Sally and Robert. Even though none of us talk about it, ever.
Let me tell you the story straight. Perhaps once I tell you, it will get better and I won’t end up like John. Because somehow time isn’t healing us.
It started, like any other story, at a stupid teenager party. We were all friends- the kind of friends where we all went to the same school and just hung out together all the time. I later realised, just because we spent all our time together, didn’t mean we actually liked each other. Perhaps we weren’t really friends, just stupid young people thrown together all the time. And of course there was a lot of bickering and little jealousies and all that nonsense- I think I was actually dating Nick at the time, who had just broken up with Bella, and Bella was furious with me but we still hung out together because really what else were we supposed to do?
Oh god I’m even lying to myself here, playing it down. I remember perfectly, there is no “I think” about it- I was dating Nick, and he had cheated on Bella with me and then broken up with her, and I was so proud of myself and Bella was really upset but that somehow made it more fun. Yes. I remember the feelings perfectly well. But she had become a bit of a nuisance to be honest- she already had started working on that accusatory green stare- which she has since perfected over the years.
And then Robert tried to date Bella - at least he said he had asked her out, but she said he had grabbed her and kissed her when she said she didn’t want to- anyway- you know the stupid shit teenagers say and do- and he said she wished, stupid bitch. And drugs and alcohol- everywhere of course.
Back to the party. It was a graduation party- one of the many unofficial ones. Robert was hosting, his parents conveniently out of town. It was one of the last get-togethers of the summer. By the next couple of weeks, most of us would have started university or in Robert’s case, his “gap year” where he traveled around Europe. Bella and I were going to the same school, she was going to do biology and I was doing sociology. As it turned out, neither of us went. Nick and Sally were going into medical science programs, already destined for their careers. They went of course. The whole thing was really about their precious careers, when you think about it.
There were drugs of course- I think, no, I know, it was John and Mila who were pushing them. I didn’t use- I don’t know why, but Bella loved that stuff and couldn’t get enough. Honestly, I don’t mean to sound victim-blaming and all, but you could kind of see it coming.
It must have been five or four am – no, actually it was 4:47- I remember looking at the clock because I knew the police would ask me- most people had cleared out, and there was only us left. Bella was lying on the couch. Nick was pulling my hand, but I was trying to wake Bella up. Her head lolled back. She was dead. I screamed.
We gathered round her body. I swear I wanted to call the police, but the others talked me down. I swear it was their idea- I’m putting it here in black and white. They were worried about the hassle, and the fall out- and we all had these plans which would go wrong. Mila was crying, begging me. “Please, please, just do it- it’s not our fault, the stupid bitch took too much or whatever but we’re going to be blamed” she kept saying. Nick’s face was too close me “we’re in this together baby. You’ll do this for me, right?” and Robert and John were standing right behind him, staring at me. Tears were rolling down John’s face- he had a bit of crush on Bella.
All these stares, all these crushes, all these years.
So, we decided to bury her- Robert knew the perfect spot, at one of their construction sites close to their house-. He said we could cover her and then concrete would be poured over her in a couple of hours- he had been working there over summer and he knew- and no one would ever know- and we lined up our stories- she left the party somewhere around 2am, saying she was going home.
The boys and Sally carried her corpse to the site Robert pointed out, among all the construction stuff. Honestly I don’t even know why I tagged along- I might as well have gone home, but Nick still had hold of my hand.
It looked like a perfect shallow grave had already been dug for her, between a bunch of metal bars and machinery and the boys tossed her in.
Maybe it was the impact or whatever. But just as they were getting ready to cover her, Bella suddenly drew a long ragged gasping breath, opened her big green eyes, and sat up.
She looked at us, standing above her in a circle over the makeshift grave. She knew instantly what was going on. John gave a short yelp, and then everybody was quiet. The morning birds could be heard, very loud.
Robert charged as if to attack her and Bella flinched and automatically lifted an arm to shield her face- but John grabbed his arm.
Bella stood up, shaking off dirt and gravel from herself.
“I’ll never tell” she said. “Please don’t hurt me. I promise.”
She started walking away, shakily. Robert gripped her - “No that’s not good enough. All of us, we have to swear. We can’t have this night – just because of your stupidity- ruin the rest of our lives.”
Bella shrugged. I remember thinking, for someone about to be buried alive by her close friends, she was very calm.
We swore to each other – none of us would breathe a word, ever. To anyone else. Nick later married me, to make sure, I always think, that I never spoke- I know they think I am the weak link. Sally and Robert got together too, although they later separated. They seem fine. We all kept our promise, as far as I know. None of us ever breathed a word of what happened that morning. We just live our lives, looking at each other as our lives cross and re-cross.
And that is the story. Now you know, perhaps you can tell me, who is haunting whom?