When I decided I wanted to get high on Benadryl - of all things - you must understand I was not in the most rational of mental places.
I was going through a breakup, of course, and I was just a stupid guy trying to find out who I am. I won’t bore you with details of that failed relationship, but in short, she told me she felt like I had no personality, no edge of my own. She was the love of my life, and I hadn’t seen this coming, so you understand that I took this pretty hard. I started to feel like she was right, that I didn’t have my own identity. I always thought I was just an easy going person who went with the flow- but apparently the people you love can view that as dull.
Now, the apartment was mine. It felt too big for me all of a sudden. I didn’t have nearly as many possessions as she did, and she took most of the good furniture. This was fair, it was hers originally and I wasn’t necessarily much of an interior designer in the first place. But the two bedroom flat that was now all mine felt just too cold. Her absence was steadily present to me in the weeks following the breakup. Whenever I cooked for myself, I kept making too much food. And, kind of depressing, I kept making the recipes that she had always really enjoyed. At night, in what used to be our bed, I only occupied my side. Even though, within me, I knew she would never take space in what used to be her side ever again.
Alright, maybe I did burden you with the sad details of my failed relationship. It’s just all I can think about now, all I can wish for to be the most of my problems. Especially after what happened to me last week.
I mostly keep good company, I have about two solid friends I’ve kept over the course of graduating university. There was Justin, who I had known since high school, and had always been a reliable and cool guy to hang out with. Then there was Lars. Lars had always been a “loose cannon”– or at least that is what my ex used to call him. And she wasn’t wrong. Lars and I had met in college, but he dropped out shortly after. We hung out frequently, actually, despite our pretty transparent personality differences. I think I was Lars’s rock, and Lars was my wild card. We benefited off each other in a weird way; I kept Lars grounded to reason, and Lars knew how to get me to loosen up. He wasn’t a shitty guy, he just dabbled in certain drug experimentation and minor criminal activities that just weren’t my speed. Nothing intense enough to warrant any serious concern, at least in my opinion. Some weed here, some very minor shoplifting there.
Lars was a good guy though. I trusted him. With everything he screwed up in his life, he never pressured me in any way to fuck up my own. It was a few days after she had moved out, though. Lars and I had just been texting, and he mentioned something he read on online forums. He said people were taking large doses of Benadryl, to get high and hallucinate. Y’know – Benadryl, what I thought was a kids’ allergy medication? I laughed at first, but he said it was definitely legit, and that he had done it years ago before it was more of a trend. Now, I’ve known Lars to exaggerate, so I did not take his claim that seriously. But he started talking about how it did make him hallucinate, and that he saw the most beautiful angels in the world, and he had never felt more spiritual in his life. I frowned slightly reading his long texts. He was by no means a religious guy in the time I’ve known him. But Lars was speaking about this like it was an insane spiritual experience, and at one point he started gently encouraging me to experiment with this. I hesitated. Lars had offered me many a variety of substances in the past, but when I would always refuse he would not press me. He was a nice guy like that. This time, I asked him how serious he was about his experiences.
Maybe it was because when I heard the name Benadryl, I just thought of a harmless medication. It wasn’t scary, like marijuana or cocaine was. Just taking too much liquid medicine didn’t sound so bad. And if it made him feel euphoric, well maybe….maybe it was just my current unpleasant emotional state, but I was willing to try something stupid like that. And I trusted Lars. I told him I would buy some of the medicine and let him know how it goes. He didn’t seem concerned, or surprised, in the slightest. The last thing he said was “Have fun, guy :)”.
Cut to the next Friday night. It was 5 pm, and for some reason I thought that is an acceptable time to start tripping on medication. I started with a normal dose of liquid Benadryl. It was sickeningly sweet, and the viscous liquid hung on my tongue longer than I liked. I cringed, but poured another dose right away. I figured I would start slow, and just go a little over the recommended dose for an adult my size. I finished off the second dose, set down the bottle on my coffee table, and waited. I was sitting on my sofa, with cable TV playing mostly for background. It was a Seinfeld rerun, I think.
Half an hour went by. I checked my watch to be sure, having felt next to nothing. Maybe a bit drowsy, but that could have been in my head. Honestly, I had started to space out watching the TV and forgot about my drug endeavor. I shifted to the edge of the sofa to take another two doses of Benadryl. It went down smoother this time, and I almost enjoyed it. Once again, I slumped back into my sofa, mindlessly watching TV.
Time passed weirdly. I looked at the watch on my wrist, and it said another half hour had passed. I really though it had only been about 2 minutes. I looked to the bottle of medication on the coffee table, preparing to take another dose since I was pretty convinced I was feeling nothing freaky. As I sat up to confront the bottle of Benadryl, mocking me from the coffee table, I could have sworn it was much emptier than it should have been. This didn’t concern me, at the time. I tipped my head back and sipped one more dose.
It started out of the corner of my eye.
The dull roar of the TV barely registered to my ears. I sat on the edge of the cushion, slouched over, my arms hanging limply by legs. Just feeling. I noticed a movement in my peripheral vision, and I was actually not surprised. It’s like I was anticipating it, waiting for it to happen.
It was a figure, in the hallway that separates my two bedrooms. It was just barely peeking out behind the wall, and it was only blackness and shadow. I was so still when I registered its presence, that for a moment I wondered if I was already dead when I saw it.
It was tall…too tall. Its head brushed the ceiling, which must stretch nearly 7 feet. It was only shadow, but what I could make out from the corner of my vision, I could also see eyes. Two eyes, peering from around the corner of the wall. They were large, too large, and very white. But the irises were much too black.
It all happened very fast. As soon as I registered this…. this Thing’s presence, my head snapped in the direction it had appeared. It was gone.
My hands were shaking, but I did not genuinely think anything weird was going on. I had gotten freaked out by the dark before, and now that I was alone in the apartment, it was bound to happen more often. I shook my head, and blinked my eyes rapidly. Looking around, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. The sound of the TV faded into my attention, and I felt more grounded. Taking a deep breath, I picked up the Benadryl bottle again, taking another dose. At the time, I did not think I was in any danger, and I believed I was just letting my internal anxieties get to me. This time, the medicine tasted much better. I think I was coming around to it. The sweet, intoxicating taste lingered on my tongue, and I sank back into the comfortable cushions of my couch.
I couldn’t tell you how much time had passed before the TV became wrong. Seinfeld was one of my favorite 90s shows to just watch and shut off my brain. But now, after writing this, and after everything that has happened, I can’t stand to have it on without feeling sick. But that night, I was staring into space, watching the television and enjoying the tiny buzz I could feel in my veins. This must be the nice high Lars was talking about, I thought to myself.
I saw it on the television. No, I saw it in the television program. In Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment. I was watching the actors of the show bicker about god knows what, when I noticed the camera had been still for much too long. Focused on one angle of the apartment set. Then I saw why. In the background, where I know the set disappears into nonexistent bedrooms, a figure peered around the corner of the wall. The same one I had seen before, in the corner of my eye. But now, I saw it in full view. Something was wrong though. The TV glitched in ways that it shouldn’t have. I don’t have a very old television set, so these kinds of glitches weren’t typical. The pixels around the Thing were glitching wildly, to where I could barely tell if it was even there. But I knew. I knew it was there. A low hum started. I frowned, and clicked the volume down on the remote. It didn’t stop, though, and it actually got louder. Eventually, it began to drown out the dialogue of the show. I could only sit, frozen, not knowing what to do. The sound hurt my ears, like a million bees buzzing around my head.
After a while, I couldn’t hear anything but the hum, though it had evolved into something much more disturbing. Almost a scream. Was it a scream? The eyes of the Thing did not waver. They fixated on the camera.
No…no they fixated on me.
The darkness of that shadow figure seemed to spread across the screen, in progression with the ever increasing scream that replaced the original television audio.
When I finally blinked, I realized I had been crying. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I checked my watch again. I had been watching the fucked up TV for over 30 minutes. Looking up from my watch, I saw my television screen had gone black. There was only an error message, but it was one I had never seen before. I owned a Smart TV, and I recognized common error messages like when my internet had temporarily gone out. This one was weird. The font was weird, and seemed almost inconsistent, like somebody’s handwriting. It simply read:
“ERROR! we couldn’t find what you are looking for. have you tri̴̡̧̼̳͖̰̞͓̳̣̪͒̅̀̓̆̆̈́̂̓̇̽͊͑͛̄̒̚1é̷̩̦̹̪̯͋͐̓̌̕̕͠͠͝d̵͔̱̪̗̞̣̍̅͑̓̈̓͗̍̇̎̎̎̏͌̌͠͠ ̶̛͔̹̦͙̻̪̘̜͓̣̮͎̮̩̦̪͒͊͂̈́͝y̶̢̰̬̽̃̑̿̀́̉̈́̍̈̈́͋̓͋̚̚͠0ǫ̴̛̤̫̱̳̩͎͎͂͒͗̕͝ú̸̧͈͇͚͚̞̈́̎͝ͅṟ̴͕̼̘͔̞̯̪̲̻̫̻̲͇̳̫̣̃̈́̇͗̎̈́͊͆̆̊̀̅͂̚ ̸̧̻̆̒̈́͗̈́̆̈́ͅb̷̧̧͓̻̤̩͊́̈́̿͌̅͑̃̾͐̈́̚e̴̡̢͉̙̪̼̮̱̱̜̖̬̣͑̋͒̄̇͂͛͝͝ḑ̷͓͕̣̙͎͍̗̪̮̻͍̫͗̆̃͗́́̇̃͝r̵̨̡̡̞̻̲̰͎͖̟̤̦͈͉̃̈́͊̽̒̐̑̇̎̄ō̷̟̄́̃̋̎̐̊̋̕̕̚0ȏ̵͕̮͕̖̞̙̪̬̩͇̀̈̆͗̅̈́̌̑̍̐͂͂̐͑̚͘m̴̮̹̗̦͉͊͒͑͊̾̃̀̑͋͒̋̈́̀̕͘͜͠?̷̨̧̗͇̼͎̤̲̞̺͍͐̐́̈́͑?̵̧̧̛͇̙͍͓̰͙̯̖͖̻̯̘͑̓̂̽͆̂́̓͌̌̚̚ͅ??̵̺̯̈́͑̓̂͠?
I couldn’t read the last few words, the glitching screen obscured them too much
……………………..
(Part 1, I’m still writing the rest :) Also first post was removed for some reason. leave me alone reddit. this is my own private domicile and i will not be harassed)