I am writing this for only one reason. A warning. This is a warning for all of you who think you are invincible. You are not. You are powerless.
I am older now, in my 40s, living in that rather uncertain divide between the boundless energy of my youth and yet too far from the slow-paced, quiet of being an elder. It has been some time since my own sense of invincibility was not only questioned but thoroughly obliterated. In fact, my mind had tried its hardest to erase these memories from existence. First, my rationale interrogated the circumstances, refused to accept certain details and later simply forced me to focus on the present and simply leave the past behind.
I have my own children now, both almost bound for college, off to explore the dark crevices of this world on their own. I suspect that’s why the memory wormed its way back to the forefront of my thoughts. Well, that and what I had read in the newspaper.
Two teenagers, a couple apparently, have gone missing. Their last known location was the local supermarket. People just presumed they ran off together. I thought so too at first but the article stayed with me, gnawed at my subconscious. And then my kids asked me if they could go to the local Walmart to get some drinks and snacks for an upcoming party. Without thought, I instinctively blurted out, “NO!”
They stood silent. My wife even came rushing into the room. I rarely shout. Even I was confused by my reaction. I quickly apologized, told them it was alright to go but asked them to be careful and rushed out of the house to take a very long drive.
The story I am about to tell you, my story, came flooding back to me on that drive.
I must’ve been around 19, if not 20. Me and a group of college friends had gone to the local liquor store to supply ourselves for another night that would inevitably turn into a day of endless hangover. We armed up with bottles and cans and even, I am not afraid to admit, a few rather well-rolled joints. It was me, my friends Sam and Jackson as well as Tania and Jolene, or Jo as we called her. All of us had met either through common classes or simply by hanging around our dorms, forming a tight bond over stressful coursework and copious amounts of alcohol. Even now I am smiling about some of the adventures we got up to back then.
It was a cloudy night and as soon as Sam, the oldest, got out of the store with the goods, it started to rain and we found cover under the outside storage for shopping cards which were already brought inside the store to avoid being stolen, right there on that parking lot. The shed was basically nothing more than a sheet metal roof, some lights and wall at the back, its sides open for easier access.
The lot itself was rather massive. The liquor store was in a shopping park that connected a few fast-food establishments, a tattoo shop and a superstore. It was late already and the lot, given it was a weekday and a rather small college town, was practically abandoned. It was perfect.
We laid out our jackets, cracked the first cans and lit up. For a good while we just sat there, enjoying the strange coziness that comes with being in a dry spot, out in the open, yet surrounded by rain. It is similar to driving through a thunderstorm, the enclosure of the car giving you an extra added sense of comfort from the natural elements. But this was different, more natural. We still felt the breeze, could smell the wet asphalt and hear the water clearly as it splattered onto the hard ground, forming puddles while we were safely guarded by a simple metal roof and illuminated by flickering halogen lights.
We didn’t have a portable source of music back then. Just us. Sometimes Jackson would bring his guitar and Tania would inevitably try to to sing. But that night, all we had was ourselves.
While Jackson, Sam and Tania were sitting together, Jo had stood up and asked me to come with her to the edge of the shed. The rest looked at us and snickered like high schoolers. I suppose we basically very much still were that immature at the time.
While it feels weird writing this now, with a wife and kids I love very much in my life, I have to admit that Jo was something of my first real love. She was a smart, funny engineering student who would not take anything lying down. The first time I had met her, I simply wanted to ask her out but the more we hung out the more I simply wanted to spend time with her. Now apparently, Jo felt similarly. I never assumed as much but Tania, who joined the group through Jo, once confided Jo’s sentiment towards me while high out of her mind. I did notice that every time we hung out, Jo would usually stick with me. Of course, I didn’t mind. I always felt warm when she was around me, especially on a night like this.
So there we stood at the precipice between dry comfort and a torrent of water, sharing my joint. She kept particularly close, brushing shoulders with me. If her mere presence was warm, then now I was running red hot, trying to conceal my reddened cheeks with the light and smoke of the joint.
Not one word was uttered. While the others were already back to their usual chattering, we two were still enraptured by the feeling of the shed. I made a move and put a hand around her waist, praying to whatever god there was that she wouldn’t immediately slap me. But she leaned in, looking up at me. I looked back at her and for that brief moment, there was an understanding, a connection so deep that you rarely ever be able to feel it again. I grabbed her with both hands and we kissed. The group behind us cheered loudly as if their favorite hockey team had just scored. I had my eyes closed, feeling the moment, feeling her being as much as possible.
I could hear Sam say, “He’s been dreaming about this.”
“Get a room, or better go out there and get wet. Just don’t make us watch this!” Jackson cajoled.
Tiana also chimed in, “GET IT GIRL! Whoooo!”
Me and Jo parted lips and looked at each other, smiling, and laughing as the other threw a celebration for our benefit. Then, taking me by the hand, Jo led me back to the circle and leaned into me. There I was. The girl of my dreams, my best friend and a night that I would always remember.
The first sign was as ominous as anything could be. The lights went out, all of them. We saw how all the other lamps in the parking lot turned off. What was weird was that they went off almost in a circle around us, the darkness encroaching slowly until even the halogen lamp above us gave up. We all booed and shouted obscenities at it as if it was a referee making a bad call. Sam and Tiana got out flashlights, which they turned on and angled upward at the roof so that the shed was engulfed in light again. Both carried one since they loved to take us into the parks surrounding the campus in the dead of night.
“Are they supposed to go off?” Jo asked.
“Well, I guess it is late. Probably saving electricity,” I replied.
Jackson said, “Yeah, but you don’t randomly see streetlamps on campus turning off in the dead of night. Only in the morning…”
Sam interjected, “So what? We got light. We got beers and wine for the ladies. We are goooood!”
Tiana chuckled, “Sam, you drink most of the wine. Me and Jo have chugged more beer tonight than I have ever seen you drinking.”
Again we all laughed, as if nothing strange had ever happened. However then it really got started. There was a sound. It was barely audible over the roaring rain but we all heard it.
It was shuffling, something being dragged across the asphalt. We all listened. It came not just from one direction but as if from everywhere around us.
With a newly found confidence, I shouted, “Is anybody there?”
Sam hushed me, “Bro, chill! What if it’s security?”
I gave him a skeptical look. We’ve been drinking, smoking and shouting here for what felt like hours and nobody came. Sam tried to raise another point but seemingly came to the same conclusion. No, we all began to realize it, a mutual feeling of the abject reality around us. With each second, each breath drawn, the security we felt moments ago was replaced with a deep desire to stay on guard. We just didn’t know from what yet.
Have you ever sat in a pitch-black room, looking into the darkest corner for seemingly hours and let your eyes just linger? Did you ever notice how your mind conjures up indescribable shapes of nothingness that make you want to turn the lights on as soon as possible? No image that with the faintest outlines of rain falling through this void. My eyes wide and suddenly gripping Jo much tighter in my arms, I thought I saw something, those same shapes. I blinked and tried to reassure myself that nothing was there.
And then HE came. My god. It was as if those imaginary amalgamations rose from the darkness to form a person, arriving out of the void and to my mind being of it.
We all jumped to the back of the shed. The man just stood there on the precipice, with a blank expression. He was wearing a dark coat, over what looked to be a dark shirt and his heirless head was adorned with a black wide-brimmed hat.
“Aaaah…fuck thaaat,” Sam quietly quivered.
The man wasn’t looking at us but at our flashlights, following the arc of light to the ceiling where it was reflected and shone onto us. Finally meeting our eyes, he smiled. It was a gentle smile, as reassuring as a camp counsellor pacifying a scared child after a particularly scary campfire story. It was a smile that turned into light laughter.
Again, the details are hazy and the lack of light didn’t help but I could swear that there was something off with his teeth. They seemed too polished and too many.
The man spoke, “Children, don’t fret. I present you no harm.”
We all very much didn’t quite believe him, looking and speaking like an old pilgrim. He felt out of place.
Tania made the first move, unable to be held back by Jackson, “W-who are you? Did we do something wrong?”
Again the man laughed and replied, “Oh no, very much the opposite.” There was an awkward pause.
“So, do you want something from us?” Jackson said.
Suddenly, the noises around us seemed to multiply, only for a brief second, before the sounds of scattering disappeared into the rain. We all huddled together a bit closer, Tania and Jackson rejoining our feeble defensive position.
The man cocked his head, looked behind himself and said, “I’m just waiting.”
Frowning, I wanted to ask for what. But it struck me. The way he looked at our arrangement of lights, the way he wouldn’t enter the shed and seemed to stay just so enough darkness was still covering him.
My eyes widened, “How long will those flashlights last, guys?”
The man looked directly at me and grinned widely. There it was again, too many teeth. Sam again caught on and whispered, “I don’t know, bro.”
In my head, I was giving us an hour to be conservative, praying that in actuality it was much, much longer. That sense of survival had gotten to me. Darkness was our enemy, almost personified by him. Whatever his intentions may be, clearly we were all safer in the light, our sense of sight being the most vital skill to have.
Jo shouted, “Ey Dickface! Fucking leave us!”
I couldn’t hide my smile. She was the most aggressive of the group, although it was more bark than bite, trying to scare away any threat to her friends with the demeanor of an aggressive rottweiler, although more possessing the statue of a corgi.
The man didn’t budge, instead testing the limits of our lit boundary with his shoes, always careful not to intrude too far.
Jackson got agitated, grabbed the bottle of wine like a bat and before we could dissuade him, charged forward, undoubtedly roused by Jo’s fiery words.
I quietly snapped at him, “Jackson, don’t fucking do it!”
But it was too late.
Jackson mouthed off, “So you want to play? Let’s play, cunt!”
I guessed he thought the man would retreat at the thought of his mark being more aggressive than anticipated but he didn’t budge. Jackson’s anger clearly rose, smashing the bottle on a supporting rail in the shed to make himself a more intimidating weapon. However, as he smashed the bottle, his hand graced the outside darkness for a second, a mere second.
It happened so fast. What looked to be a pale, sickly arm, grabbed Jackson’s hand through the open side of the shed and caught in surprise and shock, he was pulled into the darkness. We couldn’t help but look. First, he was screaming and shouting, exasperated, his voice first close by but then appearing further and further away, before it was joined by the most unholy sounds you could imagine. Crunching, squelching and tearing are the words that came to mind. I instantly closed my eyes, being left with Jackson’s screams growing higher than I’d ever heard any man scream. It was more like a dear in pain than a man.
Slowly, his screams died off but the other noises remained, transfixing the rest of the group into a collective shiver. We all cried out for him. Jo tried to run after, but I stopped her and Sam did the same for Tania. The girls may be braver than us but our sense of survival kicked in before the need to save our friend.
Remembering Jackson, that night, I grew sick in my car thinking back to that dark cacophony and my inability to help him. As you might’ve guessed, whatever happened to him, he was gone, the reality being too gruesome to be spoken out loud, even now.
There was no solace in his vanishing, for now we knew what we were up against and our knowledge made us only hunker down further, sending the deepest shiver through our spines. We were indeed not alone in this parking lot, we were surrounded.
The man sighed, “So eager…I should’ve been given the courtesy. No matter. This slight will be dealt with later.”
Jo shaking like a leaf in my arms turned her head and asked, “What are you?”
The man frowned and replied, “Their shepherd, I suppose. Although, unlike sheep, I am herding my own kind,” he looked around himself, “Some are not as…shall we civilized as the likes of myself.”
Sam and I put the girls behind our backs, looking all around, careful to center ourselves at the very back of the wall. Something banged on the sheet metal, leaving a dent on our side. We all screamed but tried to remain at the back. As far as it seemed, we were safe in the shed but that safety was absolute, giving no leeway to flee.
The man licked his lips, again testing the boundary
“Forever restless, forever wild it seems,” he mumbled to himself.
He began slowly pacing the shed, walking past the side, his eyes always transfixed on us. The closer he came, the colder I seemed to feel. His skin was indeed pale, his dark veins were clearly visible and his eyes were like that of a shark, mostly black with the faintest white border around the iris. He disappeared behind the back, we didn’t dare to turn, and just as quickly, he appeared on the other side. Sam threw an empty can at him. It struck the man in the back of his head, almost tipping his head off. The man stopped, emitting a low growl for a moment, before composing himself, shooting Sam a wide grin and finishing his walk back in front of us.
“Are you trying to get us killed!” I glared at him.
“Thought I’d try,” He meekly replied.
“Indeed. There’s no harm in trying, young one. But do be careful not to disrespect your elders,”
The man said with a tone akin to an old teacher.
Jo silently shook me. I met her eyes and followed them to Tania’s flashlight. I almost whimpered. It started to grow ever so faint. I nudged Sam and we all stood in shock. The man noticed too, eagerly staring at the dying light.
Jo ordered, “Move closer to the middle. We need to stay as close as possible where the light is strongest.”
I nodded and we all took a step forward, wary of not fanning out too close to the edges or accidentally tipping over the flashlights.
Tania was the first to notice it, “Guys! Shit! Our shado-”
I whipped my head around. She was right. There was one fatal flaw in our strategy. Moving closer to the light in the middle had prohibited the light from reaching the wall, as our bodies now blocked the path to the back.
Sam acted quickly, taking out his zippo and lighting it as quickly as he could.
The flame was weak but enough to exterminate our shadows. Yet, it was a long enough dark divide for us to see another glimpse of what had previously gotten Jackson.
Ashen, gangly shapes dispersed back into the darkness but one had grabbed a hold of Tania, close enough to see its bloodshot face and open mouth, rows of teeth gnawed into her ankle. It took the ground from under her feet, causing her to topple and scream with whatever air was left in her lungs. She tried to grab onto us, clawing into Sam’s arm, almost causing us all to topple and fall over. Me and Jo maintained our balance, helping Sam hold onto Tania but her legs had already crossed the boundary.
I still hear her screams the most, every now and then in a nightmare that I often have long forgotten the details of once awake. Her screams were one of those truths that never left me. Nobody makes such screams in any normal circumstances.
She wailed, cried and begged us to drag her back into the shed. It echoed around the metal and I had to try my hardest not to shut my ears like a child.
The shuffling appeared and drew around her legs. There were splashes of red that entered our sacred shelter, a pool of crimson glistening in our protective light. Between us holding onto her and whatever tried to drag her away, she was suspended in mid-air, flailing. We wouldn’t let go. Suddenly, her lower half dropped to the ground and her whaling and begging became fainter. We tried to drag her back to us. We all wished we hadn’t, that we had just let her go as it became very apparent why she was released from their terrible grasp. They had their part.
Jo recoiled and Sam, lighter still in hand, vomited. Tania tried to crawl closer but she quickly slumped over and one of the beings must’ve gotten a hold of whatever was spilling out of her to drag the rest of their prey into the void.
“I-I-I didn’t…” Jo couldn’t speak.
“It’s not your fault,” I replied and tried to bury her face in my chest, shielding her eyes and covering her ears. We thought it was bad before. It is so much more soul-shattering when it’s right next to you.
“I’ll be right back,” The man chimed in and disappeared into the darkness. We heard a loud noise, like a road but in reverse. I got out my lighter to give Sam some assistance.
“This could be our chance,” I whispered, “We grab the flashlight and run like hell.”
Sam managed to give me a shaky nod but just before I could grab the flashlight the man reappeared, his coat and shirt covered in a thick substance, his mouth stained.
He sighed, “You could. You very much could. But do take a look around you…How long will you have to run? Will you be fast enough? I will tell you one thing. It may be safer to stay right there.”
“Oh fuck you!” I shouted.
“No need for obscenities. I was just trying to offer assistance.”
“So, we can be picked off?!”
The man shrugged, “Well, I did only say it was safer, not that it is inherently safe.” He flashed me a terrible grin of his now-stained teeth.
Jo started crying, heaving in my arms, her body going limp. It tore my heart apart more than those things ever could.
“What are you?” I asked again, seething with rage and fear.
“I already explai-”
“No, you dipshit! WHAT are you?!” Sam interrupted him, aiding my inquiry.
Stretching his neck, the man replied, “Well, we are old. WE are many,” He almost wistfully looked into some unknown dark horizon, “We don’t have a name. I suppose, not to become too boastful, nobody exists that came to know us and…lived.” He grinned, almost sheepishly.
I turned to Sam, “Thrown another fucking can at him.”
Sam nodded and keeping the lighter steady with one hand, leaned down, grabbed his ammunition and chucked it. This time the man avoided it but this time I also offered assistance, using the other wine bottle and hit him square in his teeth. Despite everything, despite the horror, it felt gratifying and I managed a smile. The man roared, covering his mouth in clear pain, and turning away into the darkness.
We heard a whistle and the counterattack came quickly. We heard air moving from all around us and the next moment, we were barraged from above and behind by loud banging on the sheet metal. It seemed to bend under the weight and individual dents threatened to bring it all down on us. The back wall wasn’t safe either. Every impact made us flinch, now joined by unnatural roaring and growling. We huddled together, looking above us, hoping that our shelter would hold.
There we were, Tania’s flashlight completely extinguished and Sam’s was clearly on the cusp of starting to diminish. The roof above us rattling and shaking with every impact. In the chaos, I whispered to Jo, “I love you.”
Jo looked at me, her eyes awash in tears and she managed to give me a faint smile. Sam was losing it, grabbing his head and pulling his hair out. I grabbed him and said, as calmly as I could, “Their just trying to scare us. Get us to run. Stay with me brother.”
I wanted to believe that myself but with every impact, every thump, my heart grew weaker. All the while I looked into the darkness, wanting to see if he would return. I’d like to imagine a bittersweet smile must’ve appeared across my face. Even if they’d gotten us, ripped us apart, and exterminated our very souls, I still managed to have the last laugh.
It doesn’t make the fallen reappear, nor remedy the situation in any way but sometimes, even in my old age I will say this, it feels good to see Assholes get hurt.
As the light grew dimmer, our circle of safety shrunk more and more. Jo was too exhausted to stop crying and Sam must’ve been in shock. I just looked into the distance, drawing in deeply, as tears finally started to roll down my eyes. At least I had told Jo I loved her. At least I was with my friends, under that shed. That was all I could think about.
“Oh no…,” said Sam after a while. The light was about to go out. I closed my eyes and hugged my friends tightly, expecting searing pain to grip me any second.
Yet, instead the banging, one after another, began to recede. I could hear shuffling, moving away from us. I blinked. It wasn’t a moment too soon. The light was dead and the roof was beginning to show cracks. I looked to my sides. It was still raining, but the pitch black had, if barely noticeable, given way to dark grey, even shades of blue. My eyes widened. I shook my quivering friends. We had made it. The sun. It was coming up behind us.
The horde of unknowable beings seemed to run away. Here and there we saw a shape, a fast-moving blob but we didn’t really want to know any more at that point. I looked out into the distance again. There in an alleyway, between two shops, he stood. In the shadow of his building, only his silhouette was visible but I could see him heaving, breathing like a frustrated lion. I smiled at him. He turned and completely vanished. It would thankfully be the last time I saw him.
We just sat there for a while. I finally began to burst out crying, unable to bear the weight of survival on my shoulders. Jo had her head in my lap and with a shaking hand, Sam had lit up another joint.
We looked around us. No sign of Jackson or Tiana. Not even blood. The rain had washed it away. It was as if they never existed.
Once everything was clearly visible we ventured out, carefully, stumbling like newborn horses.
And then we went home, not speaking a single word. It was as simple as that.
While I wish this was the ending, it wasn’t. The more I was writing this out, the more details would come rushing back at me. This also meant remembering what happened after.
We reported our friends missing. Knowing the local cops would never believe a story about ravenous creatures in the dark, we said they walked into the woods and we never heard from them again. I felt horrible, knowing that was the legacy I gave my best friends. A lie. But what else could I’ve said?
But as I have stated in the beginning, do not think you are invincible. After shaking off the horror and internalizing the trauma, we undoubtedly felt like our ordeal had adorned us with some sort of invisible armor, the badge of having survived guarding us from future harm.
One day, Sam called me over to his room and opened a drawer. He had acquired a gun. He smiled at me, not saying a single word. I immediately grasped what his intentions were and any sense of security went out the window again. I begged and pleaded with him but the night came and we set out, the gun hidden in his backpack. It was the last time I saw Sam.
Me and Jo went strong after that night, practically never leaving each other’s side. However, as much as I tried to put the ordeal past me and forget it, she wanted to know more.
We did research, sure. Vampires, ghouls, legion itself. It could’ve been any number of those things. To me, it was just the void and the more we tried to find, the more I realized I didn’t want to know more.
It angered Jo. The situation with Jackson and Tania weighed heaviest on her. Then after Sam vanished, she broke down completely.
Naturally, she became deathly afraid of the dark, never being without a light source. Every so often she awoke with a scream from some nightmare and it took me hours to console her.
I tried to reason with her and get her to seek help but I understood just as much as she did that even a therapist may not be able to fix what the void had broken inside of her.
Inevitably, we drifted apart. I focused on university, giving it my all in my academics to leave no space in my head for things that go bump in the night. She did not.
There was one night I remember when one night she cornered me and started shouting, accusing me of being a terrible friend, betraying the others, and being weak.
“We survived!” I retaliated, “That has to be enough!”
The more I tried to hold on to her the more she slipped away and eventually stopped seeing each other entirely.
I was walking to class one morning. It was the last year of my degree and I saw her again in the middle of the university’s courtyard. She looked horrible, a frail and disheveled shell of the brilliant girl I once loved. Jo just screamed at the people around her, tearing at herself and trying to grab those daring to come too close.
I should’ve helped her more. I shouldn’t have turned away, only now coming to terms with what we have experienced. It is as I’ve stated at the very beginning. No one is invincible, whether during or after whatever comes to affect you. I’ve struggled in my own ways, but I suppose the way I was most hit was not internally but by turning away from those around me.
In any case, the authorities finally came and grabbed Jo. Tears started swelling in my eyes and I turned away, hoping she wouldn’t see me. All I know is that she ended up in an institution, raving about pale maneaters in the dark. If she ever managed to get better, I don’t know. In my quest to forget everything, I had to also include her. But alas, now remembering everything, remembering her, I know I’m not just writing this for those to come but also for those I’ve lost. It is my own way of trying to apologize to them, my way of making the danger real rather than once again trying to deny it, even to those that have also experienced it.
And that’s that. I’m writing these last lines shaking, suddenly very aware of every dark corner in my room, constantly looking out the window for a figure dressed in dark. That is the price I have to pay, I suppose, alone, just like I’ve left Jo.
I implore you again, thinking of my lost friends and my kids and likely their kids: Do not think yourself invincible. Even if you find that to be impossible, heed the light and beware of the dark.