“DO YOU FEEL THAT THERE IS AN UNFILLABLE VOID IN YOUR LIFE? DO YOU SUFFER FROM INSOMNIA, DEREALIZATION, AND/OR HOPELESSNESS? JOIN OUR TRIAL TO HELP FILL THAT VOID AND RECEIVE GENEROUS COMPENSATION FOR YOUR TIME. MORE INFORMATION WHEN YOU CALL THIS NUMBER…”, the ad for Omni Pharmaceuticals screamed at me from my paper. I had been unemployed for months due to the pandemic and was bitterly searching for a new job. I lost many other things along with my job, including my house and dog which I could no longer afford. When my efforts to find a new occupation proved to be fruitless, I spiraled into an extremely low point in my life. I felt that I had no purpose and almost gave up on finding a job altogether. Hence, when I came across this ad in my local newspaper to take part in a clinical trial, I was intrigued.
I immediately called the number listed and a man with a cheery voice picked up the phone. He told me that the trial spanned over a week and during that time subjects were to stay in designated quarters for observation. They were testing their new drug, “Numen”, a pill which they had been working on for decades. My jaw dropped to floor when he told me the compensation I would receive: $7,500. For just a week. I felt a grin spread across my face, that kind of money would help me find a permanent job and pay off some of my debt. I told him that I wanted to sign up and he gave me the dates of the trial. I wasn’t completely naïve, though. I knew this deal sounded too good to be true, so I did some independent research on the drug and trial after I hung up. I found close to nothing about it, though, and the only comments on it seemed positive. Some woman who helped develop it, another man who worked on its animal testing stage with rabbits. The man on the phone sent me the paperwork via email later that afternoon and my heart skipped a beat. My luck was finally turning around.
When the date for the trial finally arrived, I got in my car and headed to the address the man on the phone (whose name I later found out was Dr. Eurig) told me to go. The building was massive, a similar size to a warehouse, but was concrete like a windowless office building with a sign that read Omni Pharmaceuticals displayed on its front. The reality of what I was about to do suddenly hit me and I paused. I had no idea what I was really getting myself into, and according to my research, the compensation was higher than it should have been for simply testing drugs. My decision was sporadic; I had never volunteered for anything quite as extreme as this. Yet I knew that I needed the money. Clinical trials have to be approved by the government, so what’s the worst that can happen? I shifted my backpack, full of my necessary belongings for the next week and sighed. I pushed my doubts aside and walked into the building. The lobby was grey with white couches and a reception desk on the back wall. It was illuminated with harsh fluorescent lights and had cameras in each corner. There were several people sitting on the couches, their ages varying, and they all wore lanyards with small black boxes around their necks. I nervously made my way to the receptionist and she looked up and smiled at me.
“Hi there! Are you Darcy Thomas?” she chirped.
I nodded with a puzzled look on my face. How does she know my name? She seemed to notice my reaction and added,
“You’re the last person on the roster since all the others have already arrived. Take this lanyard for me and put it around your neck. Doctor Eurig will explain what it is in a moment.”
I felt relief wash over me and took the lanyard. Knowing that there would be a familiar face, or voice I suppose, eased my anxiety about what I was about to do. I joined my fellow test subjects on the couches as a tall man wearing a lab coat stepped into the room. He had tan skin and short black hair, and I noticed that he too was wearing a lanyard around his neck.
“Hello everyone. As you may know, my name is Doctor Eurig. I am the lead researcher in the Numen trial and will be collecting data with my team over the next week. Numen was created to help people feel complete, to feel fulfilled in their lives. Taking it once a week should increase motivation, sharpen senses, and stimulate parts of the brain in ways they are not usually used. Our belief is that after taking the drug for a few years, the body and mind will adapt to it so that no more doses are needed. It will be useful to students and workers alike and will transform the minds of generations to come. I believe that this drug is the key to human evolution and will open the door to a previously unreachable point in modern science. I thank you for your help in making this possible, and I cannot wait for you to experience the extent of the drug yourselves. As for the people receiving the placebo, I hope you choose to purchase the pill when it is on the market. It is truly life changing. I also know you are all wondering what the box around your neck is for, and it is used to track your heartbeat and brain activity when asleep. A vital time for the drug to take action is when you are sleeping, because your brain is not as occupied as it is during the day. Now I know that was a lot of information that I just sprung onto you, so let me introduce my partners and then let you all get settled in.”
After introducing us to the rest of team, Doctor Eurig showed us our sleeping quarters, which were separated by gender and each consisted of a few bunk beds and a bathroom. We had access to a number of different rooms, one in which they would be monitoring our brain waves three times a day. We learned that the drug made the brain more active and altered its pattern of thinking, a unique pattern which could be easily observed on their high-tech machines. I counted nine other test subjects, whose ages I found out ranged from 21 to 57 after we all introduced ourselves. Once we all got settled into our sleeping quarters and made acquaintances with our bunkmates, we assembled in a room with a large table which was where we would be having our meals. At each chair on the table were two dixie cups, one full of water and the other with a pink oval pill. Doctor Eurig cleared his throat and announced,
“It is now time to begin the trial. Everyone take a seat.”
I found a chair and sat down, fidgeting in anticipation.
“Out of the ten of you, at least one will be receiving a placebo pill. This is to ensure that the pill works to its fullest extent as opposed to the average person.”
Doctor Eurig glanced at his watch and smiled. The room was completely silent. I heard my heart thumping in my ears.
“You may now take your pills.”
I placed the capsule in my mouth and washed it down with my water. Everyone around me did the same. We were informed that the drug would kick in while we were sleeping, so after feeding us dinner, they sent us to our quarters for the night. We were told to be at breakfast by 8 a.m. so that they could begin testing after. I dragged my feet back to the room and plopped down on my bed, exhausted from the day’s excitement. Everyone else got into their beds and turned the lights off, so I finally let my eyes fall closed.
I woke up to my bunkmate, Stella, shaking me frantically. Stella was one of the younger people in the trial at 24 years old. I was only in my late 20’s at that time, so we were immediately drawn toward each other to bunk because of the slight age gap. I opened my eyes to her anxious face peering over me and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
“Hey, what’s wrong?,” I looked at the clock and saw that it was 8:06 a.m. “Oh no… is everyone waiting for me?” I imagined in embarrassment and scrambled out of bed. Stella nodded but before I could run out the door, she placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Wait one second. Something strange is happening, you’ll notice it when we join the others. Something inside of them is… different. And I don’t mean like the effects of your usual medical drug. They seem to be completely unlike when we first met them. You appear to be the same as you were, at least, so my only explanation is that we were the only ones to receive the placebo. Everyone else is kind of creeping me out, though.”
My brow furrowed at this and I asked, “What about the researchers? Are they treating everyone like normal?”
“Yes, that’s another thing,” Stella lowered her voice, “If anything, I was the one being treated differently. We should go join the others now, we’re just going to look suspicious if we’re any later.”
Stella and I left our room and walked down the hallway to the dining room, shaking with anticipation for what we were about to see. As soon as I opened the dining room door, I knew what Stella was talking about. The tension in the air completely shifted from what it was in the hallway, so thick that you could cut it with a knife. The room was silent as we made our way to our seats, everyone’s eyes on us. Their eyes. In them was a look I had never seen before. I felt like they could see right through me, along with something else I could not identify. Something inside of them is… different, I heard Stella’s words replay in my mind. She was right about that. I glanced over at her and her eyes were full of alarm. My eyes then drifted to a figure standing in the corner of the room. I locked eyes with the figure and recognized him to be Doctor Eurig. He was smiling at me warmly, through the smile didn’t reach his eyes. The assistant next to him cleared her throat and announced,
“Look at the sleepyhead who decided to join us. Good morning Darcy, we were all just discussing how-” Before she could get another word out, one of the women at the table let out the most horrifying noise I have ever heard in my entire life. She fell out of her chair and started to convulse on the floor, arms wrapping around her head. I stood up in a panic and felt my heart racing in my chest. What is going on? Suddenly the man sitting next to me started to laugh manically. He placed his fingers on his eyes before plunging them into his eye sockets. I jumped away from him and put my hands over my mouth as to not throw up at the sight.
I grabbed Stella, who was paralyzed with fear as she watched a man with a knife who was wrapping his own intestines around his body, a huge smile plastered on his face. We darted towards the door where we first entered the trial quarters. I had tears in my eyes and was stumbling out the door but managed to look back at the gruesome sight one last time. I watched Doctor Eurig, whose eyes were still aimed at my chair with his face drawn in a smile. A woman on the floor, the 21-year-old, grabbed his ankle and pulled him down to the floor. He was a curious man, and I’m sure he had good intentions for the drug to begin with. But he took it too far, and he knew it. He knew that no human was capable of withstanding whatever he did. He finally got what he wanted. He saw firsthand what someone looks like when they are beyond human.
I signed up for the Numen trial four years ago to make some easy cash, not knowing that I would gain knowledge on something far bigger than myself. The human mind is vast and has boundaries way beyond our own comprehension, boundaries that are not intended to be explored. Humans always want what they cannot have, though, and so they attempt to even discover where these boundaries can be found. During that trial, I found out what happens when you push the human mind so far that it does not know what to do with itself. It becomes an anomaly, a foreign object even to the rest of the body. It is not supposed to know what is beyond the border. It is not designed to comprehend what is beyond the border. But it’s very tempting, is it not? Something so much larger than our own capabilities, yet right at our fingertips? I am holding a pink oval pill in my palm, taken from a crumbling building that was abandoned four years ago. A building that, though the name is faded, you can make out Omni Pharmaceuticals displayed in the front. If you are reading this, then I am already far gone. Gone past the point of pain, of suffering, of love, of fear. There is nothing, but at the same time everything. I simply do not exist in this world.