Hey, Alen here
I just wanna write this before I forget it again. I was Alan yesterday, I really was. My whole life I went to school studied and even have a college degree under the name of Ken. But who was Alen then? Was I not Alan? Was I Ken? What Was I….No, Who Am I?
I remember, the day I went to school and the teacher made me introduce myself on the first day and I clearly said, ‘I am Alan’. But then when I try to think about it, a new memory shows up, it isn’t my school teacher there, nor it is my first day of school instead I am standing in front of a group of boys, who are grabbing my collar and pushing me to the urinal…they are bullying me. I am weak and I even gave up the idea of even resisting, I am just keeping my eyes open to let it all sink in, and, then I see Ken hanging Alan up.
I tried to enjoy my nights by going to my brother’s house for drinks, but I don’t know him, did I even have one? I tried to remember him as hard as I could but all I could see is a man, I can see his maroon shirt and khaki pants but his face…his face is black, it was like it was burned. I can hear his laugh, I can hear the music, I guess it’s a party? But where are the others and who is this man? He calls me brother and every time he does that my heart aches, it races but I don’t know this man…
I woke up as Ken, but he wasn’t sleeping, I guess he was standing how can he sleep when he is standing? I got the exact feeling you get when you wake up, the sore throat, the body ache, the stiffness but when did I sleep? I am now standing in from of a group of students who are cheering…for Ken, I think, I am Ken. But there is this kid, in the back of the crowd I could see his figure but not his face, he was smiling but why can’t I see above his lips? his eyes? his hair? Who is he?
| **[6 February 2012 | Monday | 1:23 AM]** |
I got a call, it was a woman’s voice she was screaming but she was crying too. She screamed, “When will you come home Ken? It’s been five years, now.”, I woke up, but I wa-I was just standing in the hallway to pick up the phone, in my house but right now I am on the rooftop of a hotel and I am smoking a cigarette. I tried to regain control of this body but someone whispers behind my back, “Don’t do it, Ken don’t you dare to jump.” and I jumped…
| **[3 March 2012 | Saturday | 10:49 AM]** |
I stopped looking at the mirror, every time I do I see a man with no face beating my face, but who is he holding? Is he Ken? Is he Alen? Am I Alen? Everywhere wherever I see a reflecting surface I can see my reflection the man beats me, and I decided once to look and he kept beating me, he broke my jaw, my teeth were hanging, my face was swollen, and my eyes vanished behind the skin of my face.
| **[6 March 2010 | Tuesday | 3:12 AM]** |
Ken is appearing more frequently now but where is Alen? If I am seeing Ken what am I? The lights are gone and I failed to pay the bill on time as it was in the name of Ken. I tried to remember Alen’s origin but all I see are burnt-black faces, I tried to find Alen on Facebook, and Instagram, I even called the school I was in but the Alen never existed, instead they had a kid named Ken in there. It’s been a few weeks since I am meeting a psychiatrist but yesterday something weird happened. I looked at his writing upside down and everywhere I told the name Alen he wrote Ken.
| **[20 February 2012 | Tuesday | 1:23 AM]** |
I don’t remember when was the last time I was Alen, I killed Ken three days ago and so far I am sailing smoothly in life, I got a job, I went on a date, I even went cycling. I was happy after a long time. But then Ken came in suddenly and I was at my house and I had a knife in my hands and blood drops on my face, two policemen were laying on the stairs. I killed them, and Ken refuses to go now. I lost control of my body and all I can do is watch what he is doing behind those eyes which once belonged to Alen.
Bye
Ken