It has only been a short amount of time, but nothing feels any different. Life feels like it lacks even more purpose and meaning than it did before. I wonder in the back of my mind, what happened earlier? Was this something that I did wrong or was it an isolated incident as in the wrong place, wrong time. Whatever it was, the image of his eyes will be forever burned into my mind. They appeared to be deep. The black image seemed to disappear endlessly. Was he intoxicated or on drugs. That must have been it. His eyes would never look like that normally.
This is my first day at work after the incident that occurred not long ago. I feel like my mind is working a little differently now. I am beginning to second guess all my feelings and how I see people. Is this how they truly are, is this how they have always been, and I didn’t know. Have I been this dense? I have come to realize that my co-workers have been taking advantage of my decency to cover their shifts and work extra hours. My manager does not manage. He relies on us to do his job, while he sits back and collects a paycheck. I have yet to realize that I will no longer allow this to happen. This is how things begin to change.
I have been wearing this necklace ever since the time I put it on. I cannot bring myself to remove the charm from my neck. The thought that I was still wearing it never even crossed my mind until the person that I relieve every day first mentioned it. It is almost as if it has a power over me. I do not know how that would be. It is only a necklace, right.
The dayshift front desk agent, Ben, is supposed to assist the housekeepers with ensuring the lobby is clean and presentable. There is always an issue that comes up that prevents him from restocking the bathroom and taking out the trash. I have never had a problem with it before. So, why does it all the sudden bother me now? When I came into work and they let me know that these tasks still needed to be taken care of, I felt a sense of warmth come over my collar bone. The charm must have generated some heat somehow because what else would have caused that?
I snapped. I threatened to report him to the manager. I know, with our manager being useless, what would really happen to him. In the end, I would still be replacing the toilet paper and taking out the trash. So, I questioned why I even made it out to be an issue.
On my way home, I was drawn to the pawn store. I have seen this place a thousand times, but it has never even crossed my mind to enter until today. Before I even realized I was standing at the display case, holding, and admiring an old-fashioned blade. The blade was razor sharp. I learned this due to the drop of blood that I expended from running my thumb across the blade ever so slightly. Luckily for me, the salesman was not paying attention, and I placed my hand in my pocket after I set the knife down on the counter. I had my wallet drawn and credit card pulled out. I never even asked the price. The salesman was about to wrap it in a nice terry cloth bag, when I informed him that is not needed.
A few hours later, I was outside the hotel. I was not exactly sure what I was doing. I did not have to be at work for another 8 hours. Then I noticed Ben walking out the front double doors. Due to being almost in the center of our city, not many people drove. We either walked to and from places or relied on public transportation. It was just simpler that way. I followed my co-worker down the street and through an alley. I still had no idea what I was doing until he turned around. He noticed that I was behind him, but he must not have noticed who I was. He began to shout the most awful comments one could imagine. These are things that I would have never imagined coming out of his mouth from his demeanor at work. I now understood that it was all a fad.
A few seconds later I heard the crash of a bottle just inches away from my head. His footsteps became louder because he was walking right towards me. Moments later I could feel him screaming right into my face. That is when I looked up. This must have caught him off-guard because he instantly stopped saying anything. There was a look on his face. I knew this look because I had it the other day. I understood that my eyes now had the thirst for blood and there was nothing that would fulfil that other than giving it what it needed. I could sense his shoulder begin to roll back. I knew that he was about to swing his right arm with all his might towards my face to prevent anything from happening. I do not know what came over me. Instantly my feet began to move while simultaneously pulling the knife out of my pocket. My arm reached forward at the same time as his did. His fist was balled tightly where I could see the white and pink of his knuckles. His jaw immediately dropped, and pain must have exploded throughout his body because his fist contacted my knife right between the index and middle knuckles.
Ben instantly fell to his knees, grabbing his right hand with his left. Loud screams left through his mouth as I pulled the knife from the entrance point, blood dripping to the ground. I pulled my arm back again only to push back forward. All sounds ceased to exist except for the sounds of vehicles flowing through the streets. Ben now laid slumped over my hand as my knife was now lodged into his left retina.