The plague hit many folks hard, and unemployment crashed down like a tsunami. My tenure as a machinist was deemed an unnecessary service to my ex employers, as such, I was gracefully fired on short notice. From there, I had been riding through my funds until that damned ad.
I was enjoying my quiet, dingy apartment, reclining with a fresh cold drink in hand. It was shaping up to be another dreary day of social distancing. The TV came to life as I learned back. Odd, I thought. Must’ve sat on the remote? I reached beneath me, feeling for the hard plastic I had come to know all too well over the last year. It wasn’t to the left, where I had expected. Tilting to the other side, I felt around to my right. Nothing. I surveyed my living room, drifting from shelf to end table. My eyes settled on the end table. There it was, the black plastic mocking me for getting comfortable without first grabbing it.
Sighing, I stood, trudging my way to the remote. Just as I was a hair’s breadth shy of the remote, the TV said something that caught my attention.
“Down on your luck? Looking to pay the bills that keep piling up? Reaching for the remote after you just relaxed, only to realize you had forgotten it?” I couldn’t tell you why, but the TV seemed to be speaking to me, particularly me. Quiet alarms whined out the red flags. Sure the TV spontaneously turned on on its own, somehow knowing I was reaching for the remote. The offer was a siren, and I was a naïve sailor, steering for the rocky seas.
Long story short, I applied for the position, starting the very same week. That’s how I landed the luxurious title of head of clean team. In other words, I was a glorified janitor. Not my grandest moment for sure, but the pay was something I couldn’t turn down. Free board, a 401k, and dental? I would have been crazy to say no. Now I realize I was crazy to say yes, but hindsight is twenty twenty, ey?
Saint Mito’s Private Boarding School for the gifted appeared as your typical privileged student body on the surface, all smiles and carefree. Free lunch, full board, room service, this place was better than most hotels. Five star hotels aren’t shown like this even in their advertisements.
The school was monstrous, touting four tennis courts, two pools, another one indoor, a full gym, three soccer fields, and hundreds, nearly a thousand classrooms, maybe thousands. This obscene combination was marvelous, yet a whole new level of hell to maintain. The campus was a real life labyrinth. A dusty, dirty, labyrinth.
Thankfully, I had maps at every turn. Not to mention, I always seemed to end up where I needed.
As to be expected, I had to maintain the school grounds, a task of untold difficulty. For every ten rooms, there was a bathroom. Every bathroom had four stalls, two sinks, two wastebaskets. The floors had to be swept every day, the fields had to be trimmed every week, it was terribly exhausting. I surprised myself with just how much I managed to accomplish on my lonesome.
A week came and passed, and I had barely slept a wink. I was shoulder deep in a closet searching for a bucket, when my radio crackled to life. “Clean team to the main office, clean team to the main office.” I abandoned my quest, heading for the heart of the school.
Approaching the glass wall of the office, I noted the filth that had accrued along the baseboards and window sills. I would have to make my rounds here, later. Lost in my assessment, I barely noticed the small group of young adults, nervously watching me through the panes. Not one to keep people waiting, I entered the eyesore of the main office. I am convinced the interior design was composed by someone both colorblind and maliciously incompetent. The burnt orange carpet paired with the bright purple seats gave the impression of a poor man’s Halloween, year-round. For anyone with epilepsy, steer clear of this office.
The secretary sat at their desk, impatiently tapping a finger on the pale yellow, vintage beechwood surface. Gesturing for me to approach, I obliged. “These unruly students need to learn some core values. Their behaviors have been less than desirable, thus they have been assigned as honorary members of your clean team. Please show them the ropes. Thank you.” The secretary stood up, shooing the group of us out of the way I had entered, before I could even utter a single word.
“Let’s get some things sorted out,” I stated, as we walked and talked. “I do not care what you lot did, whether it was spray painting the principal’s car, blowing up a toilet, or whatever you kids do these days,” I sighed. “One way or another, you’re stuck with me. Welcome to the clean team.” I tried to flash a fake smile to the sluggish students at my heel. My forced smile quickly turned to a grimace as I saw the sheer distaste these runts expressed. “Look. Whatever you guys did, you’re lucky to not have been expelled.” I tried, suddenly flaring up in anger.
“Gods almighty, just give it up,” one kid grunted. “We’re all prisoners here. All we did was try and escape.”
“Huh?” I couldn’t understand what I had just heard. What did they mean by ‘escape’ exactly? “Escape?” I thought aloud, without intending to.
I was met with a moment of silence, broken half a minute later as the kid stepped ahead of the small crowd. “You might not know it yet, but we’re all trapped here. As far as the world’s concerned, we don’t even exist anymore. We are…” the kid trailed off.
“Ah I see, you guys just have a nasty habit of lying, ey?” I rationalized. They’re trying to scare me off, I thought, shaking my head.
“We aren’t in the mood for this. Just show us where the new dorm. You have rooms for us, yeah?” Another student stepped up .
I paused, unnerved by the unwavering cold in these kids’ dead eyes. These kids seem like weathered veterans. What are they playing at? “Fine, keep your secrets” I forced a chuckle, continuing my stride for the main maintenance closet. I wanted to show them on the way to the maintenance dorms. They were my new recruits, afterall.
After introducing my mops and brooms to the disinterested group, I led them to our dormitory. “Welcome to la casa de clean team” I said in a mock grandiose tone. “My room is the only one with the door closed. Toilet seats are left down. Leave unoccupied doors open. Clothing stays off the floor.” I counted the rules off of my fingers. My orders were met with grumbles, as the kids made their ways to different rooms. Some did not even bother to close their doors behind them.
After I felt certain I was left alone in the lobby, I pulled out my walkie. “Dani?” I called through the microphone. “What did these kids do, exactly?”
Moments later, the secretary responded, “if you know what is best for you, please forget about that matter. Just do your job, teach them to do theirs, and mind your own business. Anything else just isn’t… advisable’’ Dani paused, considering that last word carefully.
“Please? I’ll owe you one?” I offered, slyly.
“I am not at liberty to disclose their actions. Just know they broke the rules, and these are their consequences.” Dani stated, as cryptic as ever.
“This is why you never get invited for drinks” I teased. “You’re never any fun.”
“I can be fun!” Dani blurted, catching their voice. “Ahem, I mean-there is to be no alcohol on campus.”
“I know, I know,” I said. “But I got ya good, ey?” I laughed.
“Goodbye.” Dani said flatly, unamused. With that, the static silence returned to the walkie, so I replaced it back on my belt.