I am wondering if anyone had an experience like mine or knew someone that has. Mind you, this can all be chalked up to severe anxiety and mental health, but hear me out.
Only my family knows and remembers this, I’ve never told anyone what used to happen to me when I was 9-10 years old.
It all started when I was over at my dad’s for the weekend (divorced parents). Being at my dad’s meant I got to see my first cousins and basically hung out with them the whole time. One night, near Halloween, my older cousins decided we should watch a scary movie. At this point I’m 9 years old and wanted to spend time with them so I stayed.
I was aware of how scary movies and scenes affected me; I had to be excused from class if we watched any Goosebumps because of how impressionable I was/am. I would feel such anxiety for the characters and would pretty much be convinced that it Must, to some degree, be real.
My cousins decided to pop in the 1980’s Amityville Horror II. I know, why anyone let a 9 yo watch something like that is beyond me, but I stuck around. I remember the scenes in the basement well, the finding of the tunnel, the pigs on the wall, but most importantly how the devil possessed the eldest brother to kill his whole family with a shotgun. I can remember how his face contorted in a scene and it scarred me more than I could register at the time.
When I returned to my mother’s house, the damage was done. At 9yo I would beg my mom to stay with me until I fell asleep because whenever I was alone in bed I believed I could hear scratching underneath my pillow. My little brain was convinced it was the devil trying to scare me. I can remember lying there, listening to scratches and trying to rationalize: it’s my eyelashes or my head moving with each breath. But, I would test it, I wouldn’t blink or breathe for several moments and would still hear the scratching.
It was around this time that I would hear heavy footsteps walking around up in the attic. It didn’t help that the attic door was in my room. It would happen in the middle of the night, where I could’ve very well been half asleep, but I distinctly remember being woken up by the sound. I would hold my breath and listen, back and forth they went until I would fall back asleep.
I started having nightmares that ended in sleep paralysis. They consisted of my step dad slowly opening my bedroom door, where I would see his silhouette holding a shot gun. Another nightmare that ended in sleep paralysis was when small shadow creatures would crawl into my room from the door and the attic door. They looked like the shadow monsters from Kingdom hearts, and in hordes just like in the game. I could feel them start to crawl onto the bed and before they could reach my face I would wake up.
This persisted for months. Months of my poor mom, exhausted from working all day, having to stay with me until I fell asleep. Months of sleep paralysis and nightmares. And months of another symptom that I’ll explain now.
At 6pm, every single day, didn’t matter the season, I would start to cry. I wouldn’t be looking at a clock, it didn’t necessarily have to be dark out, but no matter what, at 6pm I felt terrified and started to cry. I can distinctly remember being at a birthday party, playing and having fun, and stopping because my heart felt funny. My body knew what time it was, at this point I am 10 years old.
My parents had no other explanation other than anxiety from watching that scary movie months prior. I would tell them about my nightmares, foot steps, sleep paralysis but they just said I was too impressional and that it will eventually stop. And to be sure it did. I don’t remember how or why, but one day I didn’t hear the pillow scratching, or had nightmares about my stepdad murdering me with a shot gun. We moved into a different home and I no longer heard footsteps.
I’m absolutely sure anxiety played a dominant role, but I always had the thought in the back of my mind that it was all real. The devil was trying to reach me but gave up.
Then, my cousins and I decided to watch Fire in the Sky…