I tried to cull this sonuvabitch rooster damn near three weeks ago. I chopped his cute head clean off —-the right way n everything– but he didn’t seem to care bout it none. He didn’t bleed. Aint common (but i did see it back once when i was a yungun) I figured he’d just pass out once he realized he aint gotta head no more. Nope. He plumb just started walkin backwards. My wife, she’s a bit of a geeker. She’s the one that told me to post tuh y’all about it. Personally, i wouldn’t ever give tew shits about some other mans problems. Guess I’m just wired different! Im bout, mmm 40 somethin. My wife’s young. She’s 32. We live together with our nine kids in a small town in middle america. The house has got some problems, but uh, its also got a lot of charm too. heh. I guess you could say that.
When my wife first moved in she told me she “aint never lived in a house with as many anomalies as this one. First she was mad cuz her “feminine products” kept disappearine. I told her, it was just cuz the house “ain’t used to having a nice lady like her around”. And sure enough a couple of them showed up some weeks later. They might have showed up covered in blood. But I told her it was chicken’s blood. U know i know the smell.
I smell it when i fill up the chicken’s food. Usually that stubborn cock is the first line fer seed. He always spits some blood up when he’s mashing his dirty stump into the feeder.
After going outside to piss one night last week, I stepped off the porch and slipped on something that was at the bottom of the stair. I banged my head real good on the side of the porch. It broke a wood panel all the way off.
A few days ago, my wife and I was drinkin on the back porch. She kept bitchin bout the broken step. And while i was gazing into that broken step, while I was fantasizing about chopping my wife’s head off with my rusted hatchet, i heard that chicken start to hiccup.
He thrashed his head up and down like he was an elliptical person at a def lepperd concert. Then his hiccup turned into a big ol burp. A geyser of gunk shot up from inside the chicken. That gunk was probably a mix-up of blood, stomach fluid, bugs, and whatever other fluids a chicken got. The gunk flew past the grill and exploded right in my wife’s face. I had to chop up the rest of the bastard for that. He got gunk all over my new grill.
Then last night, I tripped on the broken step while going out to piss. i face planted right into a heap of that gunk. It was even grosser than what my wife got, i gotta say. I had to go throw up in the bathroom after wards.
Today, the chicken is back. Fer good i think. Just walkin around like nothing changed. His head is back on too. ‘Cept now its on backwards.