Dear Beatrice, September 10th
The darkness is worse than before. I’m stuck. It’s as if the ghosts of my past are all screaming at the same time. I can’t hear a thing! I wish I could see you once more. At least to hear the tendering singing of your voice. Alas, none the matter anymore. I shall never see you again, and I must accept that.
At least I can write these letters to you. Sometimes, I feel like writing these is the only thing that keeps me sane. Isn’t that funny? Writing about my sanity keeps me sane, yet doing nothing will drive me to the brink of insanity. Crazy, isn’t it? Life surely is a mystery.
Anyway, how have you been? I’m sure you being all by yourself is frightening, as it is for I. Ma and Pa are doing just fine, if you wanted to know. They’re always fighting, but that’s normal for them. It makes me remember how we first met. I remember how I had to leave because Ma and Pa were fighting, and I met you by the creek? Remember how we skipped stones and splashed around in the water? It was so fun! I sure hope we can do that again sometime.
With much love, your dearest Sammie
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Dear Beatrice, September 13th
Ah, what a day! I went on a walk and saw a dead bird. Seeing it reminded me of the unfortunate passing of my dear sister, Sadie. It’s crazy, really. How you showed up after her death. You sure helped me a lot, you know. You helped me realize that I can live without my sister. I can live without everyone, as long as I have you.
Speaking of death, what is your opinion on it? I find it to be quite interesting. It is only the second stage after life. One can only imagine all of the stages after life. Do they exist, or is life the only thing there is? Oh, so many questions!
Ma and Pa sure do fight a lot. Have I mentioned that before? Well, so sorry that I keep on repeating myself. It’s just…hard sometimes. It adds on with everything else. They argue about me, you know. They say horrible things about me. They talk about sending me away! Oh, how I despise their talk. I just want it to end. I want it all to end!
However, nothing seems to change. There is no other option left, I’m afraid. I cannot go away. Not now, when these are the only letters keeping me sane. Unless…I already am insane…no! Of course not! What silly accusations, my dear Beatrice. Silly accusations indeed. I am more sane than you, Beatrice. I’m the only one who knows about you, of course. I must keep your secret, but as the days go by it gets harder and harder. How could you do this to me? How could you ask me to keep such a secret? Haven’t I already done enough for you? Why do you ask so much of me? Please, answer me this time. I’m begging you.
With much love, Sammie
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Dear Beatrice, September 20th
Oh Beatrice, why, oh why do you never answer? You used to be with me all the time. Now you’re gone, what happened? Was it my fault, or did something inside of me change? Please, oh please tell me. Even if these letters are meaningless, at least you’ve helped me. At least you’ve helped keep me sane. However, with you no longer here, I can’t promise that I’ll stay that way.
However, I shall look on the bright side. I hope that we will meet again. If we do, I will be oh so happy. Even with you sent away, I still have hope. And that’s the most important thing.
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Dear Beatrice, October 2nd
I’ve waited patiently, oh, so patiently. Please, please answer me! I’m going insane waiting! Ma and Pa are about to send me away! I cannot wait any longer. Once I’m gone, you won’t be able to respond!
“Come on Sammie! We’re waiting!” Ma calls for me.
“Hurry up you little brat!” Pa yells.
Oh Beatrice, I can’t stand it anymore! The pain, it’s so bad! Even they don’t know about our little secret, Beatrice. I’m warning you, if you don’t respond I’m telling them. Please, oh please respond! I don’t want to tell them, I really don’t! But I’ve got no choice. Goodbye, for now Beatrice. I sure hope we meet again.
Love, Sammie
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Dear Beatrice, October 4th
I’ve done it, Beatrice. No longer will I be sent away, and no longer do I have anyone to look after me. They should have known better than to talk so loudly. I’ll miss them, of course, but what’s done is done.
You may be upset, but at least our secret is kept. At least no one knows about you and I. I still take my medications, but I know that they are just holding me back from my true potential. So, tomorrow I shall stop taking them.
I am quite scared, but also excited. It’s been so long since I’ve been without my medications. I can’t wait to see the power unleashed. I can’t wait to see what I accomplish. Anyway, I hope you respond to me soon!
Love, Sammie
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Dearest Sammie, October 8th
Hello there! I am so sorry for the wait, I have been quite busy, being away and all. How have you been? Well, I see you have already answered that! You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to see you! But you’ve been keeping me away, I’m afraid. You know what you have done. But I’m glad you have allowed me back into your life!
I have seen that you have done everything you could to not get sent away. I am very glad to hear it. You sure are learning, which is great! Please continue to tell me what’s going on. Tell me if anyone gets in your way again. I know what to do, and so do you.
Oh, by the way; how is your best friend, Annie? Last time I checked, you two were doing well! I hope that she is still doing well! When you first started your medication, she was even better friends with you, so I hope that even with you off them she’ll stay around. But remember; no matter what she says, you MUST stay off them. They are not good for you, and they are the reason you’re so unhappy. So tell me if she does anything to try and get you back on them. Well, I hope to see you soon!
With much love, Beatrice :)
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Dear Beatrice, October 9th
Oh my, that response came faster than I thought it would! Well, to tell you the truth, I have seen Annie, but we are not on good terms. You see, she was the first one I told about the medications, and she was not happy. In fact, she did something that I must inform you about.
She told me that if I do not go back on them, she’ll inform my psychiatrist and have me locked away. I cannot do that, of course! But she’s my best friend, what should I do? I hope you reply soon with an answer.
Love, your dearest Sammie.
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Dearest Sammie, October 10th
I see the predicament that you are in. On one hand, you will be sent away, so you will not be able to see me anymore. And on the other hand, you lose your best friend. While this decision is easy for me, it may not be as easy for you.
Please, do this for me. I know I am making you keep many secrets, and making you do many things for me, but trust me. This will all benefit you in the future. You know what you need to do, Sammie. You need to get rid of her. She is holding you back. She is the reason you’re so weak. She is the reason you’re so upset.
I love her, Sammie. I really do, but we can’t have her holding you back. Soon she’ll realize what you’ve done with your parents. It’s all just going downhill from here. You know that. And besides, we don’t want her finding out about me, now do we?
Love, Beatrice :)
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Dear Beatrice, October 12th
You have asked for so much this time. Yet I still did it. I had to. To make you happy. Are you happy? Annie is dead now. She will no longer be in the way. The pain still hurts though. Why, oh why? Please tell me why, Beatrice! The ghosts of my past are screaming, and now Annie’s scream is echoing in my head along with them! Not to mention my Ma and Pa as well.
You said this would make me feel better, but it doesn’t. Why doesn’t it, Beatrice? Why is the pain still here? Please tell me, Beatrice. Yet with no answer coming, I must confess how hard it was to hide her body this time. I can’t hide it in my house, so I put her by the river. It was hard, but I did it.
Each day I keep on thinking about going back on my medication. Was Annie right? No…nonsense! Of course she wasn’t. Right? Well, I hope to hear from you soon!
With much love, Sammie
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Dearest Sammie, October 13th
No, Sammie. Do not; I repeat, do NOT go back on medication. What’s done is done, and there’s no turning back. You have done a good job, but I know what you are missing. You aren’t satisfied yet. You need to do more. Get rid of MORE. Do it, for me, Sammie! Please. This world isn’t fair, and to keep you sane you must do the unthinkable.
Don’t you dare tell anyone, don’t you dare stop. You must do more. We must do more. You understand? You must never stop, or else you will be sent away. For both of our sakes, don’t stop.
You know your neighbor, Mrs. Hatcher? She must be next. She knows too much, I can feel it. You can feel it, too, can’t you? You must get rid of her. Now do as you’re told and don’t screw up. Remember, I’m the only one who loves you, so you must listen to me. Remember, if you go back on medication, I will be gone forever.
Love, Beatrice :)
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Dear Beatrice, October 14th
You are right. I’ll do whatever you say. After all, the only one you can trust is yourself. I threw my medication away, so I’ll never go back to being weak. I will be strong. I will have you. With my medication, you do not exist. I promise I will make sure that you keep on existing.
Tomorrow, Mrs. Hatcher is dead. You can trust me on that. I’ll do anything to keep you here, even if that means killing the ones I love. Because from what I’m concerned, you’re the only one who loves me anyway.
They say you aren’t real, that you’re a figment of my imagination, but how could that be when you promise me so much love? I know you’re real, because if you weren’t, then I’d be crazy. And I’m not crazy; I just know it.
Love, your dearest Sammie