If you haven’t seen this musical, what are you waiting for? Oh. Wait a minute. Maybe you’re one of the people still in 2023 in which case this is for you, a blast from the future: an unofficial transcript of the biggest, baddest, bestest musical in the history of humans –
The lights lower. Laser fireworks flare. Soprano Myles Barrison takes center stage and announces:
Welcome, welcome.
The O. D. Drama Proudly Presents: Act 1, Scene 1: “Only 25 Hours to Play”
as sung by soprano Myles Barrison
“What is this game we’re playing? Why does it have so many rules? Why can’t I go on slaying… orcs in my gaming schools…”
“I’ll simply ignore it. But wait! Too late. My family has met a terrible fate. All because… I didn’t meet an online date.”
Now I’m on the run
It is not fun
I am meeting people that have guns
Into the junkyard
Onto the sea
We go everywhere the app does decree
Met a lady with one arm she didn’t have much to tell
Then I met her wife and realized they lost their kid as well
They designed it
Created it
Played god
Now the god is a mod in a game where we lose if we don’t play
And I only have A DAY
Only a day
To play
This app that will slay
What can I say?
It’s not going my way.
We had to climb a mountain
We had to shoot someone down
We had to do whatever
The damn app didn’t clown around
At half the day we were at a base and we learned it wasn’t just people
This app was a mad computer and gonna wipe us out
It told us the only way to win was to lose
What could we choose?
One armed girl lost it a year ago
Her daughter was collateral
Held hostage
By an ai
If we don’t play we will die
And we only have a day
To play
What can I say?
Things don’t seem to go our way
It’s my friend who is at fault I should kill him where he stands
And that is exactly what the app demands
I don’t like this game
It brings me nothing but shame
I know I have to play
Because at the end of the day
I want my family here and now
But when I refuse and I reflect
I can’t help but deflect
And then the app has no one to play with it
And I realize it’s full of shit
My family will be safe now and the game will be over
I would much rather be playing red rover
And what happens when the countdown is due?
Well I’m thinking I should sue!!!
Yes I only had a day.
And all I did was play.
This awesome fantastic game online where you feel you have to slay.
It felt so real
It was ideal
And now here’s the deal.
Buy twenty five more copies online and you’ll get a free meal
As you might imagine, the crowd went wild. Myles waved as only Myles can, bowed deeply and exited, stage left.
The crowd didn’t have time to get restless. Next on stage, pacing back and forth like a caged lion, world-renowned singer Rick Rock performing “Hello, Hello.”
Pleased to meet ya, Mullin’s the name
Would love to shake your hand
Busy, busy, busy, coffee’s my game
You know it’s the best in the land.
Hello. Hello. So polite.
Highway coffee, always hot.
We’re from Geffor, we’re alright.
Whatever you need is what we got.
You’re too late to meet Dustin, my friend
A black hole followed him home
Stars and comets and worlds without end
No limits to where he can roam.
Hello. Hello. Aren’t we nice?
The scenery is to die for.
Be sure to stop by. Some stop twice.
Some stay and add to the local lore.
A long haul trucker made a bad turn
The black hole called him as well
Result was a tunnel where you gonna learn
There’s worse places than this hell.
Hello. Hello. Good to see ya!
Oh, you’re from Kyler Bay?
For sure, park your truck over hee-ya
You’re the special for today!
Mess with my patience, you know what you get
A trip to my tunnel and you’ll say “Oh no!”
You won’t be forgotten, you’ll be in my net
And next year’s race teams will say “Hello”.
Hello. Hello. What’s that you say?
You can’t get TikTok or a map?
Go north, go south, just go away
Not like this town is a tourist trap.
Phone not working? Huh. That’s weird.
My phone’s working just fine.
Maybe your signal’s getting caught in my beard.
I’m sure it will work over time.
Sing it with me!
Hello. Hello. Sorry to see you go.
It’s funny the things that happen
We hit some highs, we hit some lows
I’m sure, sure, sure we’ll meet again.
And always remember
When you read about Geffor
Makes no difference less or more
Dreams and nightmares, friends and liars
Will come to you
The crowd goes wild once again. There is a high probability none of them know what any of these lyrics mean. I sure don’t. But what does that matter when you’re at the world’s greatest musical?
Next up, we’ve got Gary the Butcher! His musical talents aren’t the best, but he definitely puts the can in cannibal!
Oh, you’re my honey
Oh, you’re my baby
Oh, you’re my sweet piiie
My my, don’t you see,
My little sweet treat,
What you’re doing to me?
You look so scrumptious
Oh so delicious
My sweetie, sweet pea
Come on over here
Oh, my precious dear
And give me a little biiite
Get out the brandy
You’re sweet as candy
Pop right in my mouth
Twirling all around
Don’t you make a sound
Not even a little peep
Oh, you’re my honey
Oh, you’re my baby
Oh, you’re my sweet piiie
My my, don’t you see,
My little sweet treat,
What you’re doing to me?
Cheeks so plump
Oh my, what a rump
Just one little biiite
Round and round
Floating above the ground
Honey, you’re so hot
Oh, you’re my honey
Oh, you’re my baby
Oh, you’re my sweet piiie
My my, don’t you see,
My little sweet treat,
What you’re doing to me?
I said uh
My my, don’t you see,
My little sweet treat,
What you’re doing to me?
and this is just a sample of the amazing scores you’ll get to listen to at this superb and stunning show! So book your tickets now and enjoy Directly Odd, the latest broadway musical sweeping the galaxy by storm!!”
PERFORMED BY: Myles Barrison, Lane’s Coolest Grandma and a very vertically challenged woman