I work for the Department of Defense in Philadelphia. It’s what we call a “Dark Lab,” which actually sounds more ominous than it is; it basically just means it isn’t listed on Google Maps. Everyone has the general sense that what we do is for the government and, to some degree, secret, but nobody knows what exactly that is. Including me.
It’s funny how the military works: they need lab workers like me for their projects but they don’t tell us what the work is for. Just the objective: find a virus that carries X gene. Make a strain of Y bacteria that’s twice as infectious, three times as deadly. Don’t ask questions.
And normally I don’t, but last night, I broke my own rules. The data entry system was down- three cheers for modern technology -so, with a sigh, I stepped back from the test tubes and doffed my gloves in the exit throughway.
I left the lab without telling anyone, not planning to be gone longer than five minutes or so, and walked to the IT room, but our normal guy wasn’t there. He seemed to have stepped out for a moment, and he left his computer on. Big no-no, of course, being a high clearance level facility, but we are scientists and tech people, not soldiers. I decided to try to find my data sheet on my own, being a millennial, a tech native, all that. I thought I was being proactive.
“198.” That’s what I typed, or started to, in the hard drive’s search bar, because my file on Yersinia bacteria is called “198 Y. pestis x pXO1.” A mouthful, I know, and I was quickly distracted by the appearance of another, even more strangely named file: 1988 Feb. 13 - Incident 145 -Red Joe.
Because I am bored, naturally curious, and an idiot, I clicked on it. Everything below this is word-for-word from the transcript that appeared when I opened the file. I took pictures on my phone. They have 24/7 recordings in the security room here- have since the place opened in 1970. Whenever there is an “incident” (usually an eco nut or reporter trying to break in), they save the recording instead of deleting it. Here is what they saved from February 13th, 1988:
02/13/1988 : 02:34:15 AM
Sergeant Andrew Leahy: …don’t know though, man, my parents are real serious about that shit. Date a protestant girl and it’s okay, sure, fine, but marry her? At the church they go to, they won’t even consider marrying two people if they both aren’t Catholic.
Sergeant Francis Loki: Medieval.
Leahy: Yeah okay, sure, but look at Ireland, man. They’re blowing up cars out there.
Loki: ‘Cause they’re medieval. Why you gotta get married in a church anyway? People get married on beaches now.
Leahy: My parents would disown me.
(Rustling noise, air conditioner turns on)
Loki: Do you see that?
Leahy: Where?
Loki: Outside. That’s…is that a guy? Out there?
Leahy: I don’t… [UNINTELLIGIBLE] … is he walking? I can’t tell what he’s doing.
Loki: People don’t walk like that.
Leahy: (chuckles) Don’t say it like that, Frank. It’s the night shift.
Loki: Look at him. That’s not how people walk. I mean it. What’s he doing?
Leahy: Probably just another nut job. I’ll call -
02/13/1988 02:38:42 [FIVE SECOND PAUSE]
Leahy: Is he…? Is he crawling?
Loki: That’s what I’m saying. He’s not walking normal.
Leahy: He’s not walking at all. He’s, like… galloping.
[Static Noise]
Loki: Center security to night patrol, this is Sergeant Frank Loki. Suspicious individual spotted on Lands Road headed for…uh, headed for us. Headed for Research Building 1.
02/13/1988 02:40:03
Loki: Hello? Night patrol? Come in. This is Sergeant Loki at center security. Suspicious person sighted on Lands Road. Please advise.
[Static noise, indistinct murmuring]
Night Patrol: Sergeant… read you … this is Lieutenant [REDACTED] on night patrol. Can you … [UNINTELLIGIBLE] for the… over.
[Static noise]
Loki: Hello? Lieutenant [REDACTED]? You’re not clear, come again.
Leahy: Frank, how’s he moving so fast?
Loki: I don’t know, Andy. Hello? Hello! Night Patrol? Please come in. Suspicious individual headed for Research Building 1. I repeat: Suspicious individual.
Leahy: He’s almost at the front gate.
Loki: How’d he get past the perimeter?
Leahy: I don’t know, but he’s almost at the front gate.
Loki: Well don’t let him in.
Leahy: Jesus Christ, he must be going 30 miles per hour. Crazy son of a bitch is gonna crash right into the gate and brain himself.
Loki: What’s he wearing? Zoom in there…yeah, there. Is that…? Is that one of our uniforms?
Leahy: No, man, he’s wearing some kind of a jump suit or something. Hey maybe he’s, like, a head case. You know what I mean? There’s a hospital down the road.
Loki: No. That’s one of ours. That’s what they make the docs and the lab techs wear when they go to the slammer.
Leahy: This guy’s no doctor.
Loki: That’s what they all wear when they go to quarantine; I’m telling you. Last year? Dr. [REDACTED] got bit by one of the rats infected with [REDACTED]. They sent him to the slammer for 21 days and he wore a freakin’ jumpsuit just like that.
Leahy: Slammer’s up Lands Road that way.
Loki: That’s what I’m saying.
[Static noise, unintelligible voice]
Loki: Hello? Hello, night patrol? Do you copy?
Night Patrol: Sergeant? Come in, this is night patrol 2, Captain [REDACTED] to center security. I have a visual on your intruder. Do not exit the building. I repeat, do not exit the building for any reason. Units are approaching the suspect now. Over.
Leahy: …the shit, man…
Loki: They don’t pay me enough for this.
Leahy: Look, there he goes! There he goes right there; he stopped.
Loki: That’s the quarantine jumper, Andy, I’m telling you.
Leahy: What the hell they got cooking in the labs that can make people run like that?
Loki: What’s wrong with his eyes? Why do they look like that?
Leahy: His eyes are the least of my worries, man. Put on the radio. See what NP’s doing.
[Rustling, crackling noise]
Night Patrol Captain: Units be advised, approach the suspect with extreme caution. If he comes within twenty feet of you, you are to shoot to kill. I repeat: shoot to kill.
Night Patrol 2: Approaching suspect now. [Faintly] Sir! Put your hands where I can see them! You are… government property … hands … or we will shoot!
Leahy: Fuck, man.
Loki: Did he hear them? Why’s he looking like that through the gate? He can’t… he can’t see us, right?
Night Patrol 2: Sir! Put your hands up now and get on the ground! If you do not surrender yourself now, we will shoot you!
[Screeching sound, feedback on the radio]
Leahy: Oh! What the…
Loki: Shit!
Night Patrol 2: Open fire!
[Gunshots, metallic banging]
[Snarl, unintelligible, guttural sound]
Night Patrol 3: No…fuck…oh my God…no!
[Scream, ripping noise]
Night Patrol 2: Jesus Christ!
[Gunshots]
Night Patrol 2: Get back! Get off him! Oh my…Captain! Captain, do you read me? Help us!
Night Patrol Captain: This is night patrol to command, come in. This is Captain [REDACTED] on night patrol to DoD Command. Red Joe is breeched containment. Alert all Level 1 staff to evacuate immediately. I repeat: Red Joe has breeched containment.
Night Patrol 2: Captain! Help me! Oh God, somebody help me! Help…. ah! … no… [UNINTELLIGIBLE]
Leahy: Oh my holy God. Is he [REDACTED] ?
[Screaming, banging, then silence]
Loki: Andy, we have to get out of here.
Leahy: And go where? We’re not Level 1 staff. That there’s the only way I know out. Land’s Road.
Loki: I dunno. We have to…shit!
Leahy: What the hell’s he doing?
Loki: There’s no way he can get…
Leahy: There’s no way he can do any of the shit we just saw him do. Hit the alarm.
Loki: I…
Leahy: Hit the alarm, Frank!
[Smacking sound, blaring alarm]
Loki: The captain’s not gonna help us. Oh God, nobody’s gonna help us.
Leahy: He’s coming. Here, help me move this to the door and maybe we can…
[Banging noise, shattered glass, unintelligible yelling]
Loki: Oh shit! Oh shit, oh fuck!
[Guttural, deep laughter]
Loki: Stay away! Stay back, I…
[Unintelligible screaming]
Leahy: [Whispering] And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me. Hail Mary, full of grace…
[Snapping noise, grunt]
February 13th, 1988 : 03:11:33
[Distant groaning, nearby whistling to the tune of “Blueberry Hill”]
[Radio cuts out]