like I know plants don’t bleed bleed, but… I swear I heard of this species that has red sap or something so it looks like the tree is bleeding. That’s native to America right? Thats a species you could just find out in someones back yard right? Its gotta be. I dont… really know. I know google exists but Im in a bit of a… state. Right now. Like im only barely getting this much out. My hands keep shaking and I cant quite hold my phone still.
Anyway!! So that no one thinks Im a total nutcase here, I do have this tendency to see shit. Like, see shit wrong. Not hallucinate or anything but like, yknow how you turn off the lights and things can sometimes get swimmy after your eyes adjust? That’s not just me right? Like if you focus on the shapes too long then they start low-key rearranging themselves and you see shit that isn’t there. Low visibility fucks with your brain and your imagination just goes buck-wild.
I’m like… 95% sure that’s what’s happening here. I wanna be 95% sure that this is what’s happening. I’m so here for a bunch of internet strangers telling me I am just seeing things. Was. Am?
Was.
God having to wipe off my phone screen every few sentences is not helping.
Ok ok ok, maybe I should, uh, back up a bit? I’ll try to be quick.
My uncle has a cabin in North Carolina. I love my uncle and I love that cabin. He’s a chill dude when he’s working with machinery and doing good work, he’s just not too good with social stuff. Neither of us are. So he has a cabin by the woods. It’s like a vacation spot, y’know? There’s a pond we fish at together. In the fall the trees are all bare and it’s easier to see how deep the woods go. I like it! It’s calm and peaceful, and there’s no bears or anything dangerous at night to be scared of. I still think we should get a deadbolt on the door but he always shrugs me off with a smirk, like, ‘who in their right mind is gonna find this place and rob it? Whatever. Anyway.
He and I go to that cabin for around a week at a time together. He teaches me to fish since my dad doesn’t do that, and he shows me how to use a hatchet on the skinny trees. He’s big on survival skills and I just like spending time with him. Never said anything about having a niece instead of a nephew and I still thank him for it.
He’s taken a hatchet to dozens of these trees and they split like any other would. Should. They chop, they have that nice sound, and they fall over and we carry it back to split it up for firewood. Bonding stuff. Nothing strange. The hatchet swings and hits the wood, and it’s a soft but clean, dry /thuk/. Metal into wood. Age old work here. Hundreds of times, all the same.
Never once saw a tree bleed ‘til a couple days ago.
Normal day so far as I remember! Y’know, except for fuckin’ that. I tell my uncle I’m gonna close up the tackle box for the afternoon and get to moving around with the hatchet, get the blood pumping. He says fine but if he catches anything good with the frog he’s not gonna share lunch. I say fine fine fine, but he isn’t gonna catch anything lunch-size with the frog anyway. Not when it’s this cloudy out.
I reel in the rod, close up the box, and hike up the trail. Ten minutes uphill, give or take. And it’s nice out. I mean it’s not; the greenest thing out here is the pond, but even the dead colors are kinda nice when it’s cool out. It’s a nice atmosphere.
So I drop my stuff in the cabin, change into some dry pants, and I grab my hatchet. Head out again in the opposite direction, start looking for a good sized tree to warm up my arm with. And I find one. Scrawny thing, won’t take a few swings.
Normal day.
Until I slam the hatchet in and red shoots all over me. One neat line of splatter and I piss myself right there. I think I just chopped off something’s tail or some shit. I let the hatchet go like it’s on fire and I back the fuck up so I don’t catch the fallout. Nevermind my heart’s screaming at me.
I must’ve spent minutes laying in dead leaves just staring at that tree. I fell I was scrambling back so fast. Not like I’m scared of blood or anything just I wasn’t ready.
And I’m staring at the gash in the trunk like, what the fuck did I hit? What did I just kill here? I don’t see anything like a small animal or anything when I can finally get myself together enough to look closer. It’s just red, oozing out of the wood.
Now I’m no high strung panicky idiot ok. I didn’t immediately think OH GOD BLOOD TREE. I don’t know what sap looks like but hell, this could be sap right?its running like water, raw sap sometimes runs like that. Forget that I’ve been chopping scrawny ass trees in this forest for years with the uncle and never once seen a tree give sap. Also forget that this tree looks exactly like every other damn tree in the forest. All the greys and browns of cigarette ashes. Gotta love fall.
so it’s just some sap right? I just happened to tap a sap tree. Or something. Whatever right? Maybe it’s good sap. So I swipe the gash with my fingers and I get a better look the way anyone does. Sniff and lick.
smells like copper, tastes like copper.
so I think okay! Maybe it’s not edible sap! I’ve played Stardew valley, maybe it’s resin! Could be something more utility! Right?
no big deal, it’s whatever, but the shock of being sprayed with red shit is still kinda yknow making my hand shake so I say fuck it I’ll leave this tree be and just find another one. It’s fine. No biggie. I can’t stop staring at how much red is pouring out of that one little hack I made at it but hey it’s fine, it’s just a tree, I’ll find another one.
so I find another one and I take a swing at it and another fucking stream of blood hits me in the goddamn face and I gag. I almost throw up. I’m not squeamish ok I’ve gone hunting before this just keeps catching me when I’m not ready! And it doesn’t help that it smells like a damn dead animal. Im covered in blood. Resin sap. Whatever the fuck the red shit is, it’s on me and I don’t want it to be and at this point I can’t tell is I’m more scared or angry. Two trees with this shit!! Never in my whole life have I ever dealt with this kinda thing here and now I’m two for two!?!?
It’s just seeping out of the trunk like it just keeps coming. It looks like a fucking cut. I’m losing my mind now. I have to be because this isn’t real. It’s stupid is what it is. It’s fucking stupid and I’m gonna find another tree and I do.
but this time I’m ready if it shoots another hot red jizz at me. I feel like a gory bukkake in the making.
humor helps me cope
third tree spatters red all over the floor and I try to scoot on back but it gets on my shoes. or ground. You know.ground and shoes. It’s everywhere is my point I may be hyperventilating now. I’m angry! I know I have mental health issues but this isn’t that, this is stupid. I have anxiety and depression and autism and adhd NOT crazy ass hallucinations. I just wanted to chop some fucjing wood and catch some fish man
but it’s fine right? It’s fine, maybe today isn’t a wood chopping day. It’s fine. I’m going back to the cabin. Three for three and I’m not doing this shit anymore I’m just gonna have a good beer and settle in with a podcast or something.
but I’m scared and angry and I decide yknow what I can’t be this crazy I gotta try one more so just as I get to hiking back I swing at the nearest tree and take a fucking guess at what squirts everywhere yall.
it’s too much ok. It spurted. Like, it did that thing where it shoots some every second. It- thats what it looks like when you hit a vein right? Artery? It’s what it looks like when there’s a HEARTBEAT.
i may have jogged back. I hate jogging. I may have jogged back.
but it’s fine, I’m at the cabin now and I put the gear away, I take a shower, nice hot shower and boil my ass like a lobster tail. It’s great. I get some clean clothes on and I pop a beer open, and I put on something. Art restoration videos, sis watches them all the time and they put my ass to sleep in no time.
But I can’t stop thinking.
it looked like blood and it tasted like blood. It spurted from the wood. That’s not
nothing does that ok. I’m not insane, trees don’t just bleed. They can’t ther’re goddamn trees.
why have I never seen this before. I’m either dreaming or hallucinating. What causes you to see shit like this? Is it always this vivid? Lack of sleep can make you see shit right? But I never had problems sleeping. I sleep when I’m tired and I wake up when I’m rested. So it’s not that. Did I eat something? Not yet, we ain’t caught anything yet, and we never eat anything that looks bad. We cook it good too, I save the sashimi for the people who know what they’re doing.
so what did I see? My clothes are still bloody, still look and smell bloody.
I’m lying there for who knows how long just letting myself half-nap while freaking the fuck out inside. Only I fell asleep all the way because I wake up. Uncle’s shaking my shoulder saying I’m muttering in my sleep again.
I asked him if he could see the blood on my clothes which i regret doing in hindsight, could at least have made it sound normal. Maybe he thought I was still waking up, or sometjing. Yeah he can see it, what did I fight, am I ok, jesus lord mom’s gonna have his head when she sees this, blah blah.
so I’m not hallucinating after all, he thinks it’s blood too.
and I think, that’s good. I’m not crazy
but it’s not good. Because a tree shot animal blood on me.
like hell I say anything to my uncle about it, I don’t want them sending my ass to an institutiin. Or laughing at me when they go out and show me the snake what was dead in the tree when I hit it.
I know I hit more than one tree ok but I wasn’t thinking about that. I was tipsy and freaking the FUCK out.
but hey
its fine
we all hit bumps, we just go over them slow. Just… let uncle do the chopping. we all get shook up over weird ahit right? Aunt on my dads side always talked about how she saw an angel pissing in the fairground parking lot and it inspired her urinology career. Or. Like. You know. Weird fucking shit like that. It’s the South.
is this some kinda fucked miracle or
fhhhhhhhhhhhhwho am I even kidding with that shit I’m not religious. But. I don’t even know what I’m hoping the explanation is! None of my options here are good! Either I’m insane, i hit an animal, I hit MYSELF somehow, or all the trees out here are all magically making sap now. Or….. yknow. It’s blood.
and what if that’s true and my uncle finds out for himself out there? Best case scenario we don’t ever come back here. and not that my priorities aren’t straight but, like… I dont want that. This place means a lot to me and my uncle. Fuck, it might be all my uncle has outside of his hunt for a job. he’s convicted, trying to rebuild his life and all that. This is kinda how we find our normalcy.
or how we used to
so yeah I just kinda don’t say anything about it and hope it goes away and hope I wake up. at least he caught a couple good bass.
yall ever had grilled largemouth? seriously treat yourself sometime. Don’t care if bass is game fish it fuckin tastes good ok. aint even half bad with the scales still on. Adds crunch.
fuck fuck my battery’s low. Fuck ok.
tomorrow is supposed to be better im telling myself. I remember he told me a storm was supposed to roll in by evening so i should aim to be inside beforehand. wouldve been real nice if id remembered then. Story of my life there.
I was trying so hard to not remember the blood stuff that i spent all damn day hyper-focused on Other Shit. Went fishing with the boat, mustve caught the whole pond worth of bluegill. They make good beer battered munchies so i tried thinking about beer battered bluegill while i fished. Then i pulled out some music and forgot what time it was. Then i packed it uo and brought the ropefull back and then pulled out some real music. When i gotta gwt away from a panic attack i just blast all the music from when i was in high school. You know, green day and panic, and fallout. Pre and post. All their shit is good don’t fucking @ me i will not change my mind.
i dont wanna think about this
so thats how i spent all that day. Fishing and jamming to music and getting my ass jamming all through the woods. Until im sweaty and done and i take off my ear buds and yall
i don’t know where the fuck i am.
I am dumb. I am stupid. This is not a mystery. I am very atupid
except HA IM NOT because ive been in these woods before and gotten lost before. I know these woods. I grew up with these woods and i know the whole place like my own home. I don’t get lost anymore here. I havent been lost in these woods in years because i know them.
so why the fuck does my woods look bass flipped ackwards and i cant figure out where im looking???
(i swear im usually better about my writing but im at 10% and my hands are sweating and if i think too hard ill explode)
i feel like ive never seen this forest before in my life. The trees are the exact same as they aleays bsen but they look, like… fuck how do i say it. Its like the opposite of deja vu? I seen it a million times but now i feel like ive never seen it before ever. Im a stranger in my oen damn home. Im panicking. I never do that here but im panicking and i try to get back to the cabin but damnit i cant SEE it
and the clouds are rolling in too, i know it now. I cant use the sky to get back i cant fucking see the sky. Its GREEN. I know i lost my fucking mind because i remember that shit looked GREEN. The SKY. someone tell me to eat chalk or whatever people do to dumb bitches these days adrenaline is murdering my brain rn
I said fuck this shit, I run through the woods. I know these woods and if it doesnt know me too then ill make it rememebr. Ill force my way back. But i don’t find the cabin and now it all looks even more unfamiliar and im so fucking shaky because im tehijg to forget the damn blood ok i really am but im remembering it. Im looking at all these trees while the rains tarts coming down and im like are they all full of blood? Is my whole forest full of blood trees? I keep trying to run back to the cabin and its not here and my own forest is holding my hostage in the rain and i don’t know why its happening.
i need some water hold up
Ok im good
No im not fuck me wheres my FUCKING charger
It got harder as it got darker. I was stuffing my phone in my coat so it wouldnt get wet. And before yall ask i DID call my uncle but it went straight to voicemail twice i don’t know WHY. I just didnt want it to die so i shoced it in my coat to save from the rain Im soaked and miserable and i wanna go home. I feel like a fake outdoor girl like this and i hate myself. I wanna recognize something and im not and the rains only getting worse and the place is only getting darker and im like this for an hour at least maybe two i don’t know. I cant see my fuckin shoes its so dark Then lightning strikes! Oh goodie its a thunder storm!! I fucking LOVE those!
(I DO NOT LOVE THOSE) (Not because im autistic because im in a forest and idk if thats the best place to be for one) (I mean i guess its better than being near a lone tree but still)
and seeing shit for a hot second did not help me. Im seeing shit that I know aint there. You know how trees are.
Now im not a whole pussy here ok when i get scared of things, like, actual things or people, i go lizard mode. I scream and i run in. yknow how you see one kf those lizards and they throw their frills out and run at you even though youre a fucking kaiju to them? Like that. I dont know if it works ive never had the chance to square up.
but thats what im doing when the shadows get weird. I scream at it because this is my woods and ill be fucked if its gonna fuck me now like this. At least tell me why!!
and then
ughfjhm
and then it happens
The lightnijg hits a tree
And its close
And for one fucked, amazing second the nights lit up in my eyes again and that tree explodes in splinters like a bomb And it falls over.
And its not right.
I knew it was bad. I knew it was all wrong and i shouldve stayed the fuck away but its always the ones who never seen death who wanna see it most.
It didnt look right. So I ran to it. Because i remembered the blood and i needed to know. Its just a tree it cant hurt me but was there blood. I needed this.
Maybe im hoping it would kill me in a way. Or curse me. Or do something. Fuck, it aint my first time thinkin.
The rains washin somethin away off the trunk. Couldve been charr from the strike, but its black even where the splinters peeled fresh. And its still washin it.
Now again i cant barely see nothijn so im hoping im just got a fucked memory here. Darks playing tricks. But. It looks like
I dont wanna say
I dont
there was something inside that split trunk
I shouldntv touched it
It felt hot. Like a body. I couldnt feel skin or fur or anything. Just… slimy fucking THINGS. Organ bits. Lightning dont do that to an animal. Lightning cooks you. This was something blasted open but it didnt feel lik anything id even cleaned before
I dont know what it was. But i know it was still moving
fuck im getting sick again
Fuck Fuck
Uncle found me and brought me back and now we’re in the truck. He keeps sayin moms gonna chew his ear off for not takin us home before the storm hit.
i dont know what to think. Im not really keen on thinkin right now. Rather just sit and drink something until i forget my name.
So uh
Yeah
Do trees bleed