EGRESS
Insanity is the process of doing something over and over again and expecting a different result. If someone had the opportunity to try their own life over and over again to fix all the mistakes they had made; then what happens if all their choices still result in the same outcome over and over? If god had finished his job with this earth then he could just redo it all and see if the outcome is the same. I close my eyes. I see things I shouldn’t have and have paid the price. I have lost all there is in my mind keeping me together. All the strings keeping me in place. As if my psyche has been flipped and switched due to some otherworldly reason. The things I’ve seen in my life. Will never be as horrid and indescribable as my dreams have. As if my mind
somehow decided to punish me for my sins and created my own personal hell inside my own head. If I could, I would change everything I’ve done. But would my mind still be as torn? Would the outcome still be as horrifyingly disturbed? I have no idea what awaits me on my final breath nor my sleep. My mind has tried to do whatever it can to unravel my emotions as much as possible. I might not be as religious as I once was, but may god have mercy on my soul. For I know I will burn in hell for the things I’ve said and done to others. I understand that I am not the only one with dreams worse than the bible describes hell. It’s as if my dreams led me to another world; a horrid world; a world where things no matter the reason will never be normal. My mind can’t take all the askew moments in my dreams and have broken me.
For now I sit in my bed. Staying up for hours. I haven’t slept in almost 3 days and I feel as though I have no more energy to live. No i dont just feel that. I know that. I know I have about a couple days left in me. Not even days. Maybe hours. I have no idea when it’ll happen but I know its close. I am afraid. Very afraid. I know when this happens im screwed. I hope whoever reads this will learn to never take your life for granted. Always make the best choices and be good to those around you and yourself. If you find yourself in my situation then find help. FAST. Just know there is people who
care about you. There always will be someone. It is my time to leave. Something is piercing my back. I feel it in my chest now. Dear god this hurts. It feels as though I’m being stabbed with a rusted burning knife. Over. And over. Oh no. I’m not dreaming anymore. This is real. I can feel the blood vanishing from my face. It’s all real. Goodbye. And goodnight. I’ll see you in your dreams.