I found myself navigating the winding roads of a dense forest, my trusty Ford Fiesta carrying me deeper into the wilderness. It was a picturesque setting, the trees towering above me, their branches reaching out as if to beckon me further.
I was only going twenty miles per hour to conserve my petrol. I couldn’t see more than ten feet in front of me as I rounded yet another blind corner, but I knew where I was going. It was a secret place that I hadn’t seen in ten years. A place where I had been happy, once.
In the distance I could hear the rustling of leaves as something big and dark came at me from behind. I pressed my foot on the accelerator and the Fiesta leapt forwards. In the dim light of the interior, I could see that my hands were clammy, but I gripped the wheel even tighter.
The engine was screaming now as the needle hit forty and my speed increased, the road becoming ever steeper and rockier. The dense canopy of the trees opened up and the world outside my window was revealed to me in the blue hue of the night. In the distance I could see the outline of a small cottage nestled in a clearing, surrounded by a rustic white fence. I had found my destination.
The car screeched as it came to a stop. My hands were trembling as I killed the engine and looked up at the cottage, a smile on my face. I got out of the car and walked to the gate, its rusted hinges creaking in the breeze as I pushed it open.
“Hello!” I shouted out, my voice echoing into the distance, “Is there anyone home?” I waited for a reply, but there was only silence. The inside of the cottage was dark and gloomy as I walked through the door and closed it behind me, my feet making no noise as I tiptoed across the wooden floor.
There was a large open space in the center of the room, with two small staircases leading up to an upstairs landing. To my right was a fireplace and next to that a sofa. A figure was seated on the couch, looking at me.
“I’ve come back.” I said, smiling at him. The figure didn’t reply, but I could tell that he was staring at me. I began to walk forwards towards him and the figure stood up, looking me in the eye. He was tall and imposing, with broad shoulders. He wore a dark red cloak and his face was obscured. As I walked closer to him I realized that there was something familiar about his body shape.
The figure took a step backwards. It seemed to know what I was thinking. I had always imagined what it would be like to meet this figure again.
I had seen the figure in my dreams, but this was the first time that I had ever seen it awake. He took another step backwards and I could see his face clearly now. His eyes were dark and empty, as if a light had gone out in his brain. The skin around his eyes was deeply lined and creased, as if he had spent a lifetime looking out from them at the world.
I recognized him instantly.
It was my father.
My heart began to race as I stared at him. He looked back at me blankly. He knew who I was too.
“Where have you been?” I asked him, taking a step towards him. He took a step back again. He was scared. I had been waiting for this moment for years and I wanted to reach out to him and hold him. I wanted to tell him that everything would be OK. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to be scared any more.
When I was young my father passed away in a car accident. I do know the person I was looking at was not my father. I know the person I’m looking at was not a human at all, but a creature. A monster. But even monsters deserve our love and affection.
I walked towards him again and he took another step back, retreating into the darkness.
I could see the fear in his eyes, but there was something else in there too. Something I hadn’t expected. I could see that he didn’t want me to get any closer. He was afraid that if I did, I would hurt him.
“It’s OK,” I said, reaching my hand out to him, “It’s me. It’s your son. It’s Simon.” The figure continued to stare at me with those dark, lifeless eyes. He seemed afraid of me, as if I had come to punish him. As if I would hurt him like he had hurt my mother.
I took another step towards him. I knew I was right about what he was, but it didn’t matter. I was here to look after him, not to hurt him. I knew that he was suffering. I knew that he had been hurt.
He began to cry. He was trembling as I reached out to him. I felt a shiver run down my spine as his hand touched mine.
“Don’t cry.” I whispered to him, “You’re going to be OK.” The figure looked up at me and nodded. I smiled at him. I was going to take care of him. I was going to make sure that he was going to be OK.
I began to feel a sensation in my stomach. It was an emotion that I had never felt before. It was something that I had been trying to find all my life, but I couldn’t.
But now I knew it was right in front of me, in the form of this creature. I knew what it was. I knew why I couldn’t find it.
It was love.