Eight years ago my sister vanished. She was part of some team that worked on some kind of experimental medication. She didn’t really speak much about what exactly the drug did, only that it would help those who suffered from various sleep disorders. As quickly as her dream job came, it vanished. Less than a year passed before funding had been cut and the team disbanded. Jennifer never told me what happened no matter how many times I prodded. I let the question drop, something I would come to regret.
With her job gone along with all of the work she put forth, Jennifer wanted time away to clear her mind. She asked our parents for the key to the summer cabin. Despite the fact that the place had gone untouched for many years she insisted the solitude of the woods would clear her mind. So off she went, alone, into the thick woods.
One month. She was only going to stay there for one month and yet she never came back. Police were called, a search was done, and nothing came about it. One month we were chatting on the phone and the next she was just… gone. There was no closure or last goodbye for our family. Nothing.
I’m not here for pity or condolences though. I’ve had years to accept the fact that my sister is gone and isn’t coming back. The reason I’m writing this is because of something I found five days ago. The thing is, my family hasn’t come back to our little cabin. This place was barely used before my sister vanished. With bad memories now attached to the location it was fully left to wither and rot.
It would have remained rotting alone for the rest of eternity if it wasn’t for a couple of my pals. No reason to let such a place go to waste, they said. Took some convincing but I relented. Was not hard to get my parents to hand the keys over as at this point they wanted nothing to do with the place. With a car full of camping supplies we drove off into the forest.
It was weird stepping inside the cabin again. Honestly the place wasn’t in that bad of shape. Needed a little love here and there but it was going to be manageable. Obviously if this was just about a run down dank cabin you wouldn’t be reading this right now. As I relived my childhood in the swirling forest something clicked in my head.
Jennifer and I had a tiny hollow tree stump we liked to stash goodies in. It was a secluded hidey hole away from the cabin, away from any potential search attempts. My stomach was doing flips as I searched for the stump. When I found the stump those flips evolved into full blown nausea. Inside was an abandoned and rusty lockbox.
Jennifer’s birthday was the code to open it, she never really was that creative. Inside I found a small bag with a single pill and a journal. Under usual circumstances I would never dare to read another person’s personal journal, but I think you understand that these were not usual circumstances.
I brought it back to the cabin and read it. We all read it. That is why I’m here writing this because every single one of us is at a loss right now. I’ve gone through the journal multiple times now so that I can cut out the useless fluff while maintaining the more important bits. If anybody can figure this out I would appreciate it because… I just don’t fucking know anymore.
March 15th, 2014
Tomorrow is going to be the biggest day of my life. It will be the official first day that I get to work on this super secret medication. I was only told it would help soothe the minds of people with sleep disorders and that was it. Today was mostly just the paperwork, signing an NDA and such. Honestly not much to write about but I just know it is going to be a pain falling asleep with all this excitement!
March 16th, 2014
I knew it! When I saw there was enough red tape to make even the president blush I just knew this thing was going to be huge. Somnuvail, a work in progress name, but one that could change the world for the better. It produces a chemical in the brain upon consumption that dips the user into a lucid dream state. Somnuvail not only helps restless sleepers remain asleep but it also brings them into their own creative dreamland. I’m getting giddy just thinking of the potential uses on demand lucid dreams could provide. Creative playgrounds for artists or therapeutic escapes for the depressed. I can see why Doctor Moore was so secretive with his hiring.
April 16th, 2014
Testing has begun on animal subjects. So far the monkeys that were given a dosage of 500mg or lower have shown to have no adverse reactions. Those that had dosages of 600mg to 1000mg have increased anxiety and heart rate. Severity of symptoms increases with dosage. Further testing is going to be needed before Somnuvail can be safely given to human volunteers.
April 20th, 2014
Monkeys that had taken dosages about 700mg have died. Strangely enough they didn’t die from any outright symptoms, instead they bashed their heads against their cages until they passed from a brain hemorrhage. Potential cases of psychosis noted if dosage is too large. The monkeys that had taken 600mg still appear to suffer from anxiety but no suicidal tendeinces spotted as of yet. Dosage 500mg has begun showing signs of agitation now.
July 8th, 2014
Testing on animal subjects has been concluded. Results have shown stability of the drug when given dosages of 200mg. Higher concentration causes anxiety with severe cases involving suicidal urges. Lower concentrations fail to provide proper brain waves indicating a proper state of lucidity. With these findings Doctor Moore will be able to increase funding on the project and begin the search for volunteers.
August 16th, 2014
We got our first group of volunteers today, eight in total. Group A is going to ingest a 200mg pill of Somnuvail while group B will instead be given a placebo. Furthermore each group has someone with insomnia, one with depression, one with neither, and one with both. The sample size is not really the greatest but you have to start somewhere I guess. The eight of them will be staying at the lab for the next month while we observe how their conditions change.
August 18th, 2014
First day of testing and so far nothing special. I’m taking this time to get to know some of the participants. Had a nice chat during lunch with Jeremy, the one with insomnia taking Somnuvail. Found out that we actually had gone to the same school together up in New Hampshire, he was just four grades below me so we never talked. My god it is such a small world. Had a nice chat about what teachers we liked and what ones we hated. We ended up talking for so long that I got chewed out by Doctor Moore. Oh well, there is always tomorrow.
August 25th, 2014
So far every subject taking Somnuvail has reported improvements. I’ve been talking to Jeremy about his dreams and what he has been doing. Apparently he has been using his lucidity to relieve childhood memories, some of which he didn’t even remember until recently. Such a lucky little bastard. Honestly I had never thought about using Somnuvail to relive my golden childhood memories. I’ll have to keep that in mind when I try the drug out.
September 8th, 2014
Jeremy was quiet at lunch today. Usually he couldn’t shut up about what he dreamt about or this and that but today… he just sat there and let me speak. At first I thought he was just being polite but when he nearly jumped out of his skin when I touched his arm I knew something was up. He didn’t want to mention what was wrong at first but I managed to worm into his brain. Last night he lost control of his dream and inside the nightmare realm of his imagination he was haunted by a doppelganger. He seemed really shaken up, his body shivering as he told his tale. I told him that he should report this to Doctor Moore but he declined. We are going to see if this continues or not.
September 10th, 2014
They have all seen the doppelganger at this point. I don’t know if they started seeing it at the same time but each one is scared shitless. None of them wanted to take the Somnuvail anymore. We were able to convince them by offering compensation if they remained for the final five days. The way they are acting reminds me of how the monkeys acted. Was 200mg too much for humans? Why was it enough for the monkeys? I had suggested that we drop the pills down to 40mg for the next test. Doctor Moore was hesitant but eventually agreed that it would be for the best.
September 14th, 2014
What the fuck. What the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK! I had been waiting for Jeremy outside his room each morning after he originally told me about his nightmare. When he was thirty minutes late I went to check on him and… fuck. Putrid rot assaulted my nostrils as soon as I slid his door open. I couldn’t stop myself from vomiting immediately all over the floor. Jeremy sat with his back against the wall. Dried crimson blood and brain matter had matted the wall from self inflicted impacts and his eyes, god his eyes! His thumbs were shoved knuckle deep into his eye sockets as if he was trying to blind himself from some abomination. What really got me though in the end was that damn odor. He couldn’t have been dead for more than a day yet he smelt like he had been decaying for years. I already feel sick just thinking about it.
September 15th, 2014
I found out today that all of Group A died. It wasn’t just Jeremy, each and every single one of them died in similar ways. I don’t know what to do anymore.
September 16th, 2014
Everytime I sleep all I see is Jeremy’s eyeless figure screaming in agony. Not only are my dreams being haunted but there are also rumors that the program is going to be shut down. We were so close! Are we really seriously going to let them die for nothing!?
October 1st, 2014
The lab was shut down and everyone was let go. Somnuvail and all it hoped to achieve has been marked to never see the light of day. Bullshit, I am not going to let Jeremy and the other’s lives be wasted for goddamn nothing. Before the project was completely scrapped I had managed to sneak into the lab and snatch the bottle of 40mg pills Doctor Moore had created. I am going to borrow the old family cabin for the month. This should give me the solitude I need to test the lowered dosage.
October 4th, 2014
Took my first pill last night with no results. Everything is the same, even that damn nightmare of Jeremy. I am going to keep taking one pill each night for the next few nights. If no improvement in effects I may have to up my dosage.
October 10th, 2014
I took two pills last night and already I felt the effects. I saw Jeremy last night but this time he was still alive in his cell. I had us leave the lab and go to the local diner for breakfast. It felt so good to hear his laughter again, I forgot how much I missed it.
October 14th, 2014.
Last night was a nightmare, no that would be putting it too lightly. It could only be described as a living hell. Everything started out completely normal. I had just come home from a long day of middle school. The scent of fresh baked cookies greeted me at the door as I skipped to the kitchen. Mom had baked them for me and my brother, fresh warm chocolate chip cookies with a cold glass of milk to wash them down. I gobbled up the divine baked goods, the warm gooey chocolate was like heaven in my mouth. I grabbed my cold glass of milk and started gulping it down.
Halfway through the glass is when everything went to hell. My cold refreshing drink turned warm and rancid. I dropped the glass on the floor and began heaving up the spoiled milk. My once warm home aged a hundred years as the rotten flooring looked ready to snap with any pressure. My body was no longer that of a kid, I was my normal adult self but I sure felt like a scared child.
After what felt like an eternity of retching I was able to stand on wobbly legs. Crackling fire drew my attention to the lounge. Like a moth to the flame I answered the call and limped my way over even as my body shrieked in an instinctual horror. Every creaking step towards the kindled fireplace made me want to run in fear but I was just a puppet on strings at this point. I wasn’t in control of the dream anymore.
Inside the lounge I saw myself, sitting in a chair. I say this was myself and yet it wasn’t. Uncanny is all I could describe the doppelganger as. Everything about it seemed wrong, even its flesh looked smooth like an imperfect plastic imitation. My imperfect clone stood up and took a step forward. I mimicked that step. Another step for both of us. I was forced to march along towards what I knew was certain death. My clone started to smile and so did I. Its grin grew wider and wider. I could feel a warm liquid trickle down my chin as my flesh tore itself apart in an attempt to copy that impossible smile.
I woke up in a cold sweat. It took myself a moment to realize where I was before I felt relief flood my body. Relief gave way to pain and horror as I felt a burning pain radiate from my torn mouth.
October 15th, 2014
I fucked up. I fucked up real bad. I knew it took Jeremy and the other twenty-three days before they saw that monster, so why had it happened so soon to me? Well it only took one call to Doctor Moore to solve that question. I didn’t want to tell him I stole those pills but I had to. Doctor Moore never did get around to making those 40mg pills as it turns out. I instead stole a normal bottle of 200mg, and I had been taking two each day. A medical team is on the way to my location right now, at least that is what Doctor Moore says. I know they are just going to cover this up just like they covered up Jeremy’s death. All I can do now is hide this journal and some proof and pray someone finds it before they do.