It all started last summer. I just graduated from Caltech with a bachelor’s degree in Aerospace engineering. I was excited, because I was hired by spacex. It felt nice to fulfil my dream. See, my parents didn’t live in California. So I pretty much left everything behind to study at Caltech not knowing anyone. So it felt that my sacrifice meant something now that I got my dream job at spacex. First 6 months at spacex was everything I hoped for. Yes, the hours I worked were grueling, but I was passionate about my work and I loved to challenge myself.
Then last month I saw Elon Musk for the first time. It was early in the morning, I was in the space x car park about to start my day. And there he was. It was Elon Musk! I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and went about my day.
Throughout the whole work day, Elon Musk was glaring at me from across the room. It was really awkward. At one point during the day, after a bathroom break, there Elon Musk was outside the bathroom staring at me. I immediately walked away with my head down to get back to work, but I could feel Elon Musk’s gaze following me.
I was relieved when the day was over. But when I drove back home and exited my car, someone covered my mouth and nose with a chloroform rag and I was unconscious. After I woke up, I found myself in a white empty room lit with bright lights. My hands were handcuffed to a chair. A few minutes later, Elon Musk entered the room with two bodyguards. He still had the same glare on his face.He stared at me for what felt like an hour. It was very awkward. He finally said, “I know who you are.” I was so confused. “What?”, I said. “Take me to your ship now!”, Elon Musk sternly demanded. All I could say was “Huh?”. He cut me off and said, “huh? huh? huh? You work for the Chinese? The Russians? You martian scum”.
“Martian. I’m not a Mart— OW!”, I screamed. One of the bodyguards just tazed me. “I will ask you once again. Take me to your ship!”, Musk demanded, “Or build me another ship to Mars.”. “Please”, I begged, “I’m not a martian. Please let me go.”.
Elon Musk just stared at me for a few minutes. Then he got up and said, “You’re not going anywhere until you bring me to Mars.” He then left the room with the two bodyguards. I started crying. Why was this happening to me? Why does he think I’m a martian? What’s going on?
A few hours later one of my coworker friends, Troy, entered the room. He took a key out of his pocket and unlocked the handcuffs on my hands. I was free. “You may be a martian. But I know you’re a nice guy and don’t deserve this.”, Troy said. “I’m not a martian”, I replied. He smiled, “Yeah right. Anyway we’ve got to go”. We stealthily left the building and walked to his car. “I’m going to take you to my place. It’s too dangerous at your house”, Troy said.
“I don’t know how to thank you.”, I replied. Troy grinned, “Don’t mention —”. Troy just got shot in the head. I looked behind him. It was Elon Musk and a bunch of military dudes with guns. I took out Troy’s car key from his dead body and hopped in his car. A car chase ensued. I managed to lose them. I now secretly live in Canada. I call my parents every night and tell them that I miss them on Mars.