I didn’t mean to scare her.
I just wanted her to understand where I was coming from. Show a little empathy, you know?
It’s not like I enjoy walking around like a giant human shaped pit of anxiety. And I cope with it as well as I can. I really do. It’s my problem, not anyone else’s.
But I would have hoped that the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with would have tried to help a little bit. And she wasn’t! Is that really too much to ask?
So I played a tiny little prank.
Just something to show her an ounce of what my brain is constantly telling me is real.
She had been in a rush one morning, made herself a quick breakfast (toast and coffee) and was out the door for work.
But not without a little remark to me about how I shouldn’t have unplugged her phone. We’ve had this fight before, she uses her phone as an alarm and plugs it in at night.
But it’s an old apartment building and they still have that old knob and tube wiring. So I prefer we don’t leave anything unnecessary plugged in unless we’re watching it. When she plugs her phone in at night, I unplug it. I’m not interested in either of us dying in an electrical fire, you know?
Now, this part might be a little mean of me but I was just so frustrated. I ran my idea by a friend and he thought it was hysterical.
Looking back, that should have been my sign not to do it. Dude was a shit stirrer if there ever was one. But you live and you learn.
I had my buddy spoof a number and he pretended to call from the hospital. He told her the apartment had caught fire and I had been badly burned and might not make it. He told her they suspected that the toaster had been too much on the old wiring and had sparked the fire.
I could hear her on the other end, hysterical. Crying and sobbing. Begging for it to be a cruel joke.
And it was.
But I let it play out a bit longer. She hung up the phone and rushed to the hospital.
She was there when I called her and let her know it was just a prank. She got real quiet after that and hung up. Turns out that when people say they just want something to be a cruel joke they still get mad at you for it.
She disappeared for a week, phone was off the whole time. I imagined the worst, none of her friends or family knew where she was. She had put in for vacation at work so I figured she still planned on coming back at some point. Maybe not to me, but home at least. It gave me some peace to know that this was planned and she wasn’t in the hospital.
I still checked, I called every hospital in a 50 mile radius.
I knew I fucked up though. This was my fault, my little prank had been too big. I bought fresh flowers every day in case she came home. I had the best chocolate I could find waiting for her. And I made her favorite dinner every single night. Steak and mashed potatoes so I wasn’t exactly suffering through dinner myself. But it was ready for her when she was ready to come back.
On the 8th day, she came home. I woke up to the shower running. The bathroom is right next to our bedroom and like I said; it’s an old, cheap apartment. You can hear the water running pretty easily.
I ran in and was overjoyed to see her. I honestly can’t remember everything I said, I was pouring out apologies and begging for her forgiveness. Professing my love over and over.
Something I said did it. Or maybe how pathetic I looked. She forgave me and agreed not to dump my ass.
I waited on her hand and foot that day, and she let me. We called her family and friends and let them know that she was safe and home.
Things went back to normal for a bit. But like, a better normal. I was still doing everything in my power to keep her from seeing sense and leaving me. And she was more sympathetic when I was anxious about things. She didn’t leave things plugged in at night. We talked about moving to a better apartment and what would help me feel less anxious day to day.
Not to say my prank was a good idea, but it worked. And I was so in love with her, trying to impress her just as much as when we had first started dating.
Then, one day she came home and told me she had found the perfect place. She was so excited she showed me all these pictures.
It looked too good to be true.
We packed up and moved. Maybe I should have asked to see the place first. At any other point in our relationship I would have. But I really wanted to please her, I would have done anything she had asked right then.
She was driving the moving truck and I must have fallen asleep at some point. Which is weird looking back on it, because I normally can’t sleep in the car.
When I woke up, I was in bed. My girl is strong, stronger than I thought at least. I didn’t realize she was able to carry me. She was waiting and so excited to show me around. All of our stuff was unpacked and in its new home.
It’s newer construction, so the electric isn’t going to be a problem here. And it’s really big too, there’s even this indoor garden.
But it’s not quite as pictured. There aren’t any windows. And if there’s an exit door, I haven’t found it yet.
But we have internet… Turns out my girl is able to work from home. She’s asleep right now, so I’m borrowing her laptop.
I think we’re underground. She said this place was perfect because now I would be safe.
If anyone knows of any recent underground construction, please send help. I know this is my fault with the prank and all but I’m honestly a bit scared of her. She gets this look in her eyes when she’s talking about how safe we are. I think I broke something in her with my prank.
I’ll keep looking for an exit. She says she had it sealed but that’s crazy, right?
I’m sure it’s just a prank.