The dreams started a few months back. They were all so vivid and lifelike yet surreal at the same time. The details were never quite the same but the location always was.
I was in a great city, vast and unending. Twisted grey spires rose skywards, beautiful in one regard and yet hideous in others. Their architecture was almost completely alien and the metal that built the structures seemed to be writhing in pain. The sky was darkened and grey with pollution. Distant sounds like thunder echoed but I could never tell if they were from the stormy sky above or the ceaseless machinery down below.
Blocky vehicles moved in slow yet methodical lines along narrow city streets in an imitation of traffic. People crept along the narrow sidewalks, dressed in drab grey suits. A logo was always stitched onto them, a single white star. That logo existed on most things, actually. It seemed almost corporate with its prevalence although I didn’t recognize it.
This landscape wasn’t entirely alien though. The denizens were unquestionably human and through the twisted architecture I spotted a few landmarks that I recognized on the skyline. Far off in the distance, I could see a few staples of Manhattan. The Chrysler building and beyond that, the empire state building. Yet both looked so out of place amongst the taller metal spires that reached skyward.
In my dreams, I would walk through these narrow, gray streets. Pale neon signs advertised businesses but I couldn’t remember their names. People walked silently on the concrete streets only to stop and suddenly turn. All eyes shifted up and from above I heard a voice speaking words I could not understand. I looked up, trying to catch a glimpse of what had their attention and…
I’d open my eyes. Again, I’d be back in my own bedroom with my wife sleeping soundly beside me.
I always woke up in the early morning. Too late to go back to sleep but too early to accomplish much. I’d get out of bed and start the day anyways. Maybe make breakfast for my wife, Alexis and our son Matthew. Our apartment was always quiet in the early morning so I’d be generally undisturbed. Breakfast would be ready by the time Alexis woke up and greeted me and then she’d go and wake up Matty. The dream would soon be forgotten and life would go on as normal.
Rinse and repeat.
The dreams didn’t bother me at first. It was strange but I’d had strange dreams before. Everyone does. They didn’t interfere with my life, aside from waking me up early and they didn’t happen every night. There were worse fates to suffer and I had more pressing concerns, such as my work and my family. Those always came first. No exceptions.
I’d considered bringing the dreams up with one of my colleagues once, Dr. Gill. I visit him from time to time. I think it’s healthy to have someone to talk to, especially if you’re a psychologist yourself. My work can be a bit emotionally taxing. I hear a lot about people’s deepest insecurities. Their fears, their trauma. All of it. A while back, I realized the importance of keeping my own mental health in check. I was so sure they were just dreams though and they weren’t affecting my life. Not in any significant way beyond waking up early every now and then.
Yet as time went by, they slowly got worse. They became more frequent and it got to the point where they began to haunt me every night. It was never the exact same dream. The parts of that gray city I saw always changed. All of my dreams ended the same, though. That’s when I checked in with Dr. Gill.
It wasn’t a formal appointment, just a visit between friends. I’d brought a bottle of cognac as an informal form of payment all the same. Dr. Upton Gill lived alone in a nice suburban house just outside of town and as I knocked on the door, he greeted me with a warm smile.
“Tom Blazer! It’s been too long! Come in, come in. Get yourself out of the cold. How have you been?”
Gill was a tall man with narrow limbs yet he was always impeccably dressed. I never once saw him without a suit coat, vest and ascot. Despite being on the other side of fifty, he had dark, wavy hair and a moustache that dominated much of his upper lip. Age had left spots of grey in his hair but it hadn’t diminished.
“Evening, Upton,” I’d said and I’d held up the cognac. “Brought you a little something.”
“Ah, so you’ve come to spoil me then, huh? Well make yourself at home. I’ll fetch us some glasses.”
He led me into his house which was silent other than the methodical ticking of an old grandfather clock in his front hall.
I knew the way to his office and made my way there. I set the cognac down a small coffee table before I made myself comfortable on his couch. Gill joined me only a moment later, two glasses in hand that he eagerly filled.
“You sounded troubled over the phone,” He said as he offered me a glass. “I assume you’ve got something on your mind?”
I nodded and took a sip of the cognac. Gill sat down across from me.
“I’ve been having some unusual dreams, lately” I said. “Not quite the same dream but the same setting. A city, New York I think…”
Gill listened intently as I told him of the city I’d seen, the metal buildings, the darkened sky and the ominous voice from above. I didn’t leave a single detail out. He sat there, his legs crossed and the cognac sitting comfortably in his hand. Even when I’d finished speaking he sat there with a quiet, pensive look on his face.
“I believe that dreams can tell you a lot,” He said after a few moments. “I can’t say I’ve ever heard of anything quite like that before.”
“So you’ve got nothing?”
“I didn’t say that. From the perspective of a psychologist, I can’t say much. I’d advise you to go to a sleep clinic if you’re not getting enough rest. The cause may be medical and the dreams may be your mind reacting to some other stimuli. That said… And this is not information I might give as a professional… I had a patient a few years back. A troubled girl who had dreams of herself committing various crimes. I didn’t make much progress with her but then one day, she came in to her appointment with the biggest smile on her face and told me she’d stopped having the dreams.”
“Why’s that?” I asked, sitting up on the couch.
“Well, apparently she’d begun looking into lucid dreaming. With a bit of practice, she was able to take some control over her dreams.”
“And she changed them, right?”
“Surprisingly, no. She told me she’d ‘spoken’ to the version of herself in her dreams that was committing the atrocities and asked herself why she was doing it. Apparently whatever her dream self had said had given her some clarity although she never told me what exactly was said.”
I took another sip of my cognac.
“So what? You’re saying I should try lucid dreaming?”
“Well, there’s nothing solid to back up my theory here but I think it might help you determine the cause of these dreams. Clearly there’s something causing you considerable unrest. An opportunity to explore this city in your dreams may help you figure out just what it is.”
I paused for a moment, taking in Gill’s suggestion. It certainly wasn’t the craziest thing I’d ever heard.
“Maybe,” I said under my breath.
“Just try it, okay? And let me know if you make any headway. I’d love to hear the results,” He said before he stood up. “Which reminds me, I’ve got a couple fine cuts of steak and nobody to share them with. Would your family miss you terribly if you stayed for dinner?”
Gill offered me a warm smile that I reciprocated.
“No, I don’t suppose they would,” I replied.
Over the next few days, I did my research into lucid dreaming and Alexis was patient through my efforts. I told her about the dreams of course and I’d told her what Gill had suggested.
The dreams were coming almost every night now, but that just meant I had more chances to get it right. I’d started to come home a little bit early from work. Every evening, I’d have dinner with my family and then try and relax and get myself into the right mindset to actually try lucid dreaming. I’d bought a sleep mask and started closing the curtains at night. I’d also turn off my phone and spend the last few hours of my day to relax, take a warm bath and stay hydrated. If nothing else, I did feel more relaxed before I went to bed and it only took a few days before I started to see results.
In my dream, I was on a crowded sidewalk. Dull eyed people shuffled past me, paying me no mind as if I wasn’t really there. In the grey cloudy sky above, I saw no sunlight. Most of the light I saw came from white neon signs that cast a pale hue over my drab surroundings.
The ground pulsated beneath my feet and seemed to tremble with the thunderous murmur of the incessant machinery beneath my feet, like the heartbeat of some great and terrible beast.
Looking around, I could see the faces of the passersby. I could see the quiet unease on them. They looked as if they were afraid and none of them seemed to be speaking. I willed myself to move and I did. I walked down the street, following the flow of strangers and studying them. Their grey outfits looked more like a uniform than anything else and they walked with purpose. A few of them turned and entered a featureless grey building. Looking up, I saw that I stood at the base of one of the twisted metal spires that dominated the skyline. It seemed to reach so far up that the top was almost invisible. On instinct, I reached out to touch the cold metal wall of the spire. It felt cold, like frozen steel.
Grey figures shuffled past me into their building and I followed them in. I was greeted with a wide open room that seemed circular. There were aspects of it that were almost familiar. The room seemed almost like a lobby of some sort. Near the edges of the room, I saw several tubes leading further up the spire. Looking up, there didn’t seem to be a ceiling. Just elevator tubes running up into infinity.
In the center of the room, I saw a bright light and a pair of what looked to be human lips. It took me a moment to register what I was seeing as some sort of hologram.
“The daily labor has commenced. All assets to your stations. Unauthorized absence will be punished. Thank you.”
The lips faded away and were replaced with a holographic logo of the white star before it faded away. Slowly, I retreated out of the building. I stepped back onto the dreary street and looked around. I could see the crowds fading away. The streets seemed a bit clearer.
A mechanical chime sounded from the sky and I saw what few people were left on the street and look up. I did the same. This part, I remembered. This was usually where the dreams ended but I didn’t want to wake up! Not yet! Not until I saw what was in the sky!
Staring up, I saw a visage in the sky. Another pale hologram that stood out, distinct against the darkened sky and I heard the voice of a man begin to speak.
“Good morning my America. I hope today finds you well. Today is Friday, April 28th. I hope you achieve success in your appointed roles.”
I stared up at the face in the sky and as he spoke, my eyes began to widen.
“Failure to contribute may come at a steep price but please remember that this is no reason to fear! Progress and perfection has a cost and the cost is high but the reward is worthwhile! I know that you see that, as I do!”
I recognized the kindly eyes behind his wire rimmed glasses. I recognized the shape of his face. He was almost the striking image of Alexis but there were a few features I recognized as my own, my nose was the most distinct… But this couldn’t be who I thought it was, was it? This couldn’t be…
“Stay safe. Maintain productivity and together we will continue to perfect our future together.”
The hologram in the sky faded and I was left staring up at where it had been.
That had been Matty… That had been my son.
He had been older, probably a little past the prime of his youth but I still recognized his face! A Father always knows…
I woke up suddenly. The image of the older version of Matty still lingered in my mind and as I got out of bed, leaving Alexis behind I found myself gravitating towards my son’s room.
Matty lay in his bed, still years removed from the man I’d seen in my dream. Still, I recognized the shape of his face that looked so much like my wifes. He was fast asleep but as I looked at his room, I tried to find some hint of the city I’d seen in my dreams. I was already trying to explain away everything I’d seen. Obviously I’d seen Matty’s face, it was a face that I knew and I’d read somewhere that you can’t make up new faces in your dreams and the dream had been just that a dream! There were a few science fiction type toys in Matty’s room. They didn’t quite match the twisted metal I’d seen in my dreams but I wondered if perhaps they might have been a basis.
I didn’t linger for long. I left my son’s room and went to the kitchen where I fried up some eggs and wrote down my dream in the notes app of my phone. I’d been using it as a dream journal.
I didn’t say anything to Alexis or Matty when I woke up. What would telling them any of what I’d seen accomplish? Instead, I just let the day pass. I’d have another shot at lucid dreaming that evening and I didn’t plan on wasting it.
That night, I returned to the metal city as I drifted off to sleep. I moved through the crowded streets with purpose, looking for some indicator of what these strange dreams meant.
As I walked, I tried to read the pale neon signs I passed, hoping for some indicator as to where I should go. Most of them only advertised coffee, bars or other goods. The white star was beside most of the neon logos, denoting ownership by whatever corporation that star represented. The people that I passed paid me no mind, even as I tried to speak to them, just as Dr. Gill’s patient had done so. That failed to yield any results, however.
“Excuse me?” I remember saying to one of the grey figures who brushed past me without a word.
“Hello?”
Nothing was said as the stranger passed me by and my results were the same with everyone else. Perhaps they simply couldn’t speak and my mind couldn’t conceive of anything for them to say. From above I heard a familiar chime and looked skywards with the other huddled figures moving amongst the streets and I saw the pale hologram of my son again.
“Good morning my America. I hope today finds you well. Today is Saturday, April 29th. I hope you achieve success in your appointed roles.”
I stared up, watching the older version of Matty smile warmly as he spoke in such a calm, friendly manner. His speech was almost the same before. Not quite, but it hit some similar notes and as soon as it faded… I woke up in my bed, beside Alexis.
As the next few days drifted by and the nights yielded the recurring dreams, I found myself seeing some similarities in every instance of the dream. They would always end the same way, with the chime from the sky and Matty’s recycled morning announcement.
“Good morning my America.”
The way he said that… It felt almost like a presidential address. It’s significance beyond just the sight of a familiar face in my dream eluded me, though. I wondered if that was the point. Whatever was going on in my head to cause these dreams, Matty was at the center of it but I didn’t understand why.
“I can’t say there’s any obvious point to this,” Gill had said when I’d called him to discuss my limited success. “You’ve already drawn the same conclusions I would although it might not hurt to sit down and have a talk with your son. The best I can say is you’re worried about his future, perhaps?”
“I don’t see anything to worry about, though!” I replied. “He’s doing alright in school. He’s a good kid. Hell, better than I was at his age.”
“Worry isn’t always justified,” Gill replied. “It’s inescapable. Besides, there’s never been any harm in taking a boy for a drive and having a chat. I’m beginning to wonder if these dreams of yours are stress related. Could be you’re working too much. Our job can be taxing and taking some time off never killed anyone. Maybe plan a vacation with your family? When’s the last time you did that. Take a few weeks off, maybe have a talk with Matty and see what happens.”
Perhaps he was right… I’d gotten worse advice. Maybe some time off was exactly what I needed.
I had a talk with Alexis that evening and we started making plans. Nothing special. Just a drive up to the edge of Long Island. We found a little beachside hotel there where it was warm enough to go swimming and I made some plans to take a week away from work. I’d hoped Gill was right. Maybe a little vacation might be just what I needed.
The dreams still came, of course and every night I’d wander that dreary city still searching for the ‘Why’ of it. My search was less focused, however. Each night the dream ended with an announcement by Matty’s older self that was almost always the same and the pale neon streets all seemed almost the same. Nothing changed. The twisted spires of metal that stabbed upwards into the dull sky were all the same inside and their upper floors were nothing but grey and lifeless office spaces that seemed all too familiar. As I did explore, I’d see splashes of color here and there. Scattered trees with hints of greenery and whatnot. But that was it. My mind was more focused on the coming vacation and I hoped it might be enough to get rid of these ominous nightmares for good.
On the night before we left though… I finally found something.
The building was squat and made of chiseled stone compared to the twisted spires around it. There was a more classical feel to its architecture and that leant a sense of importance to its design. The concrete stairs leading up to the doorway were flanked on both sides by glimmering metal statues of a woman with large wings folded behind her back. There was a strange beauty in them and I couldn’t help but admire them as I ascended the stone steps and stepped into the building.
The lobby had a white marble floor and the space seemed so open. I could see the bookshelves stretching far into the back and a small ‘reception’ area with periodic flashes of holograms of the white star or a pale pair of lips giving announcements.
“Remember, books removed from the library must be registered and returned by the appointed date!”
A library, huh? Well, I suppose my wandering was going to lead me somewhere useful eventually. I walked past the lobby and towards the shelves behind it. There was a quiet murmur of human conversation. Not too loud, but at least it told me there were other people there.
As I walked through the shelves, I skimmed the spines of the books that I passed. I was a little surprised to see that I could actually read the words on the spines. I was once told you couldn’t read in dreams. Some of them were titles I recognized. Others were not. The colors of some of the old books contrasted the pale and grey aesthetic of this old place. Looking up, I saw labels near the top of the shelves, indicating fiction, self help and most importantly, history.
At least some things never changed.
On instinct, I went straight for the section marked history and began to wander through it. Maybe I’d find something there that would tell me about this world in my dreams. I skimmed the spines of the books I’d passed. Some referenced events that I recognized while others seemed unfamiliar. Nothing jumped out at me until I was a good way down the row.
A Trailblazer Into The New Age: The Autobiography of Matthew Blazer
I paused before I reached out to take the book. I recognized the face on the cover as the same face I’d seen in the sky, the face of my son. Matty…
Slowly I opened the book. I didn’t know what I expected to find. I didn’t know why my mind was making this up… Yet all the same I read the first words in that book.
The collapse of our society left a righteous vacuum of power. Torn apart by inept leadership and foolish conflict we slaughtered the American Dream long ago and now the few of us who are left still struggle to remember it…
I’ve chosen to publish the story of my life not to decree myself the savior of the new America but to explain why I have chosen to become its shepherd and to reinforce the importance of abandoning the old ways that brought us to ruin and moving forward into a glorious future!
Reading the text that followed, I watched as Matty described his early life… He described me… He described my wife!
My eyes couldn’t leave the page as I read onwards. It wasn’t until I was a few pages in that I found myself given pause. The text read.
Perhaps I was better prepared for the end than some. I learned long ago that life was a fragile thing. I loved my Mother, Alexis Blazer as much as any boy could and her death has always weighed heavily in my mind. After I lost her, I learned what suffering meant and from that lesson, I gained the first of the tools I would need to thrive amongst the ashes of our world!
Alexis… Dead? No, this didn’t make any sense! Why the hell would I dream about something like this?
Behind me, I could hear footsteps and I paused. The footsteps were the only sound I heard. No more murmurs from any other residents of the library. Slowly I looked up and I saw a man standing in the aisle beside me. I knew his face. I knew the face of my son! He wore a blue suit that stood out amongst the crowd,
“Matty…” I said softly as I lowered the book.
The older version of Matty in my dream just stared at me. He didn’t say a word but in the distance I heard a familiar chime and…
I woke up in a cold sweat. My heart was racing in my chest. The memory of the version of Matty I saw in my dream was seared into my mind. There’d been something in his eyes… Something cold, distant and barely even human. He’d had a vacant expression as though he were just a hollow shell of a man.
I looked over at Alexis, sleeping soundly beside me. My awakening hadn’t disturbed her slumber and I was thankful for that much at least.
What I’d seen was nothing more than a dream… I was sure of that much. Yet it felt like more than that.
I got out of bed and looked at my cell phone. For a moment, I considered calling Gill but I had a feeling I already knew what he’d say. Instead I just left the bedroom and started on breakfast as I recorded what I’d seen in my dream journal.
We left for Long Island only a few hours after I awoke. The morning started almost like any other. I made breakfast for the family and I took our bags down to the car while Alexis woke up Matty and made sure he ate.
We were on the road before eight. I’d figured we were in for a three or four hour drive. The hotel was on the far side of Long Island, far away from our problems and I tried to let myself relax as we drove. I tried not to think about the dream I’d had but still my mind wandered. I couldn’t forget what I’d read in my dream the night before, nor could I forget the way Matty had looked in my dream… He’d been a man and there had been something in his eye. Something knowing and calm that sent a sense of unease through my spine.
“Are we there yet?” My real son’s voice shook me from my train of thought, as did the small impact of his shoe hitting the back of my seat. We’d only been on the road for less than an hour.
“Few more hours, buddy.” Alexis said and I could hear Matty groan.
“I wanna go swimming now, though.”
“We will, just as soon as we’re settled in.”
The road ahead stretched onwards as we left the city but I could still feel Matty kicking the back of my seat. Periodically at first but getting more rapid as he grew more and more bored.
“Hey, can you stop that little man?” I asked.
“But I’m bored!”
“Well, you kicking my seat is really distracting so can you find some other way to entertain yourself?”
Matty was quiet for a moment. Then the kicking started again, harder this time as if he was deliberately trying to provoke me.
“I said stop!” My voice was harsher this time and I looked back at him, just for a moment. Alexis did the same and opened her mouth to scold him.
But she never got the chance to speak.
In the aftermath, I was told that it was the other drivers fault. He’d had alcohol on his breath and had been speeding. When his tire burst, he’d lost control of his car. That knowledge wasn’t much of a comfort, though.
I’d looked back towards the road all I saw was a red SUV speeding towards me and the last thing I remember thinking was that the other guy was probably just as scared as I was. I tried to swerve out of the way but it was too late for that. He hit us on the passenger side. At least when unconsciousness took me. I didn’t dream.
Matty had gotten out of the accident with only a few scrapes and bruises. As for me, I’d spent over a week at the hospital. The first few days for myself, the rest to watch over Alexis. The doctors did what they could for her but in the end there was only so much they could do. My wife had survived the accident but her injuries left her paralyzed and comatose. At first, I’d hoped that maybe she’d get better. Maybe there’d be some sort of miracle… But I couldn’t shake what I’d seen in my dream the night before the accident. I couldn’t stop myself from fearing that it was all true and when I saw Alexis’ condition on the decline I knew it would be better to spare myself the torture of watching her die slowly. With the encouragement of the doctors, Alexis was taken off life support about ten days after the accident.
“Are you still having those dreams?”
I’d been visiting Gill every few days after Alexis had passed. Maybe it was an abuse of his friendship but he’d never turned me down.
I’d nodded quietly in response to his question and watched as Gill took a drag on his cigarette. I’d shared everything I’d written in my dream journal with him. The library, the visage of Matty. All of it.
“Every night,” I said. “They just get more and more vivid…”
Gill nodded thoughtfully.
“You’ve been through a lot lately. I can understand why they’d get worse.”
“Not worse… Just… More vivid,” I said. “I think I’m spending more time in the city before I wake up. I keep thinking I should go back to the library but… I can’t…”
“Are you afraid of what you’d see in there?”
I looked up at Gill.
“I’m afraid that it’s not a dream,” I replied. “That book… It said it was Matty’s autobiography. It told me what happened before it happened!”
“Did it, though?” Gill asked. “You had a dream where you read a book about your wife dying the day before the accident. A strange coincidence, yes. But I don’t believe it’s anything more than that. Loss of a loved one is a common fear and a very common occurrence.”
“You want to just chalk it up to coincidence?”
“Because it is the only logical answer,” Gill replied. “You know that too, Tom! Tell me you don’t legitimately believe you’re seeing the future in these dreams of yours!”
I paused. I’d never said it out loud… But the thought was impossible to deny. My silence seemed to be confirmation enough.
“Tom, please. Look at this rationally.” Gill said.
“I think I am,” I replied softly. “God… What if he was warning me?”
“Who? Matty? That doesn’t make any sense, Tom!”
Didn’t it?
I stood up. Gill did the same. He was talking but I wasn’t listening.
“I need to go,” I said and made my way to the door with Gill following me.
“Tom, where are you going?” He asked. I looked back at him and I saw the concern written all over his face.
“I’m going home to talk to my son.” I replied and with that, I was out the door.
Matty had been quiet ever since the accident. I’d held him close as he’d cried during the funeral but we’d hardly spoken since. He’d spent most of his time in his room, trying to cope. He was there when I came home from Gill’s.
I had the courtesy to knock on his door at least and I heard him stirring inside his room.
“Matty?” I called. “Are you in there?”
There was silence which I took as an invitation to go in. Slowly I opened the door and stepped inside. My son sat on the edge of his bed, quiet and staring blankly at a nearby wall. He didn’t move a muscle as I sat down beside him.
“Hey there, little man.” I said softly. Still no response. It wasn’t until I put a hand on his shoulder that he even looked at me and I could tell he was struggling to find the words. The pain in his eyes broke my heart… It was the same pain I felt. I pulled him in for a hug and I felt him crying on my shoulder.
“I… I wish I could bring her back…” Matty sobbed. “I wish everything could just go back to normal!”
“I know, kiddo… I know… I want that too. I want that so much… I miss her. Dying is a part of living, though. Nothing lasts forever.”
I could feel my son’s body tense up against me. I could feel the rage rolling off of him and as I held him close, I understood it.
“What are we supposed to do now…” He asked. The same question had crossed my mind as well and I had no easy answer for him.
“There’s nothing we can do,” I said. “Nothing we can do except build something new… It won’t be the same. But it’s all we can do.”
An image of that metal city flashed through my mind. Something new, born out of the ashes of something old.
What was it that the autobiography I’d read in my dreams had said? There’d be a collapse… Maybe if the dreams were right about Alexis’ death, maybe they were right about the coming collapse as well. An ending to the world that was and the beginning of the world that would soon be. I saw it in my mind’s eye. An imperfect world, an ugly world with jagged metal spires where there’d once been a beautiful city but it was still a world! It was still something to call home. If my dreams really were prophecy, then I knew that Matty would be safe in the future, after the coming collapse… But I also knew that I needed to guarantee his safety. As I hugged my son close, I looked into his eyes and I saw the future. I saw a trailblazer into a new age and in that moment, I understood…
Perhaps it was grief, followed by madness. Perhaps it was the curse of knowledge. I pray that it is the former. But if I’m right, if it’s not… If the end is coming and my dreams are prophecy. Then Matthew will be prepared.
That is my duty.