Throw away so she doesn’t find this account, she regularly checks all of my socials (which she has passwords to NEARLY all of my socials.)
Every dawn my mom slips past my door (which I’m not allowed to close fully at night, safety reasons ]taking my recent psych stay into consideration.]) and watches me sleep. I’m not supposed to be awake. Sometimes I sleep through it —but I know she’s there —watching.
I can’t say I know what drives this, is it making sure I’m alive? That I haven’t slipped into the realm of the unknown in my sleep?
I’d be completely fine telling myself that was why and just letting her do what she needs to do to feel comfortable with me being back home, until this morning.
It was the brink of dawn, as always, when she slipped into my room. But this time something was different.. more.. malevolent. The energy she carried wasn’t something I couldn’t decipher, like always. It wasn’t something unreadable. It was dark. It sent chills down my spine, I broke out into a cold sweat under my comforter. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood tall.
I’ve never been one to believe in the paranormal, but my mom isn’t herself anymore. My dad passed two years ago, that’s when things started getting.. odd. It started with arguments, then as I was hospitalized more frequently, she started watching me. Sometimes less frequently, but since the last psych stay it’s been every morning.
Sometimes I’ll feel something cold graze my skin, almost metallic feeling. I don’t want to tell myself it’s a knife but I know it is. Luckily our kitchen knives are dull as shit so I haven’t been cut— yet.
Sometimes I dream that she’s killed me, stabbed exactly 32 times every time. Then I wake up and she’s always there. Suffocating me. I know I said her energy was usually unreadable, but oh my god I was so wrong. The more I type the more everything sinks in. I thought the cold feelings was me being paranoid, I sometimes feel things that aren’t there. Like bugs crawling on me. Im just so scared and need advice.
Someone please help me.
It’s been a few days since I wrote that, I wanted to process everything and see if I could remember any more details so as to make sure the full story is given.
Things have only gotten worse.
She’s started mumbling— I can’t quite make out what shes saying but it doesn’t sound like English.
She’s never mentioned knowing a foreign language.
I don’t know if maybe she’s just trying to scare me, I don’t know why she would but whatever. Or maybe she’s sleepwalking. My backs always turned so for all I know she could be asleep.
I’m trying to rationalize everything still but I really just need to accept this for what it is; My moms loosing a battle. I don’t know whether it be to her inner demons and she’s plotting to kill me on her own consciousness— or if it’s something more demonic. Either way, what do I do??
I don’t want to die. I’ve had my hospital stays and all that for trying ti, but this last time, I was put into an intensive outpatient program and the therapist for it is incredible, he’s given me a wake up call, if you will. I’m going to live another day, even if my moms plotting against it.
Please give advice. I’ll do whatever I have to do.