How do I even begin telling this?
Used to work on a dead end job, so I needed to release some stress. People usually think this is were I begin to tell them how jerking off is bad and how it messed my head, or how bad my somewhere cancer were, and how many days were for me to whine about how I shouldn’t have been smoking. No. It isn’t about it.
Found a place where my needs were filled: Live streams. I know, it’s a bit weird. But felt like I was watching part of someone’s life, had a raw taste to it that I missed. Very different from my wake up-work-sleep routine. Soon, it became a habit to watch it while eating, working, you name it. Extremely obsessed, to say the least.
One day, a friend from work told me that they would have a party at Sarah’s. She was promoted and was soon be leaving our miserable office, and because she was so nice, everybody was invited to her party at her house. I went to it, felt like a nice opportunity to talk to everyone as well, maybe even be like Sarah someday.
Things went great. From what I remember, the party was a blast. Ezekiel, one of the most quiet people I ever met, himself was having the absolute time of his life. Even chatted with Markus, who was the extreme opposite of him. Lewis, the guy who invited me, handed me a light purple drink. I asked what it was. He smirked and said “drink it”. And stormed into the crowd.
Hell no. Threw it down the sink as soon as I got the kitchen. Then acted a little more goofy on purpose, until someone decided I was “drunk” enough and got me home. I don’t remember the time I went to sleep, because I had some files to fill in and was too tired to check on any device to notice.
The morning sunk in, and for some reason it felt like a truck hit me. Pounding headache, my head was dizzy, everything you would expect from a… hangover. It didn’t bother me that much, until I threw up and saw purple. Okay, maybe I had drank Lewis’s beverage, or whatever that was. No biggie.
At the table, felt like watching something. My phone was blasting about the party, how I was “much funnier than they thought”, “didn’t knew this part of me”, “wish I were more like it, of course, appropriately according to the office”. Nothing caught my eye until I found an unknown number notifying me.
It said, “I don’t know why would you want it to be recorded, but it is on you if something happens”. And a following vídeo, about one hour long. Then I realized. It was a live stream record.
I opened it. My phone was at my waist length, probably didn’t even noticed it was being recorded. I was kissing Sarah. Agressively kissing. Some guy in the background mumbled and she invited him into it. The camera went blurry because my drunk ass decided it was a great idea to cover it, so I fast forward the video.
It was me, Ezekiel, Markus, other five guys I swear I’d never seen before and Lewis. Sarah went into other room, and one of the 5 unknown man said “I wish I could rape her, she’s so hot.” Others agreed, and I was barely even put together. “Oh no, he’s vomiting again.” Someone said in the background, my phone was thrown into the ground.
Lewis picked it up, then he realized it was being recorded. They started arguing about how I wanted to frame them, but I mumbled about…how I was planning about doing the same thing.
All of the blood in me completely drained. The shock was so big, I didn’t even remembered to press pause to digest what I had just said (if it was even me), just wanted any part of this recording to say the opposite.
Fast forward again. She was back. We were in the same room, nine people now. We had the door closed, and no sound was made outside of the room, so I assumed it meant everybody left. Markus silently closed the door behind Sarah.
For some reason, I zoomed at her face. She was laughing, visibly drunk. At the moment the door closed, she twisted her head a little bit to see what was going on, then looked around a little bit in disbelief and mumbled: “…What?” Lewis turned of the light.
Because of the absence of light, there was not many to see, but the screams said everything. Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward again. The flash in my phone showed blood on the floor. She wasn’t screaming, but the sounds made enough context. Fast forward again.
“We can’t leave her like that!” I screamed. “She wanted it, that’s what she’ll get!” One of the 5 unknown men tied her to the bed. She was sobbing loudly. Apparently, she asked for them to murder her to end her suffering, and the guy who tied her wanted to lock her in the room until she eventually dies from thirst. “She just wanted to be set free!”
Markus had enough and pulled a knife. He burried the thing inside her forehead before she could react. The instant regret was visible in his face. The 6 ft blonde haired tried his best to clean his shirt from the blood, from everything, but ended up crying in the corner of the room.
“Okay, great, now she’s dead. SHE’S FUCKING DEAD.” Not a single soul was watching the stream. “NOW WE ARE MURDERERS. ALL BECAUSE HE LOST HIS GODDAMN MIND.” The guy looked at my phone. “Turn this thing off, or I swear I’ll kill you.”
“He just as fucked as we are. Doesn’t matter.” Ezekiel finally said something. Lewis were by his side, standing still. “But we still have to hide it.” And pointed at the body. Fast forward again.
Were hiding the body somewhere full of bushes, trees, whatever. “Yeah, he’s absolutely passed out.” Lewis giggled as he zoomed my face passed out in the back of the car. My heart raced. They would do it to me too?
No, they hopped into the car. and left. As soon as the video ended, I searched for the files I filled when I arrived, just to find them with some scribbles and sided with vomit. I looked again at the messages, they were not the same. My boss called me multiple times, everybody was fulming at me, and… there was a knock on my door. “Open up, it’s the police.”
I never told anyone at my office I was trans. That was why I feared for my life at the car. I felt sick again, but not sick about throwing up. It was about me. She could be me. I couldn’t live with myself knowing what I did. What I said. What I participated.
There’s nothing left to do, I guess.