TW: light implied SA and a bit of gore/violence
-——————
I took out the trash.
I suppose I should start this like many others do by telling you a bit about myself. I live in a college town. You know the type; during the school year the few roads in town are packed with young students stumbling from bar to bar exploring their new found independence; filling hookah shops with clouds of smoke, loud and rowdy in the same streets that the regular citizens avoid September through June. Then during breaks the older folks, who had lived there before the rambling university truly blossomed and overtook its populous, climb out of their time capsule homes to cautiously fill up on supplies avoiding any of us stragglers no matter how quiet we are. The town is kept alive by the elders who peaked in college and never left or those of us who remain on the outskirts with nowhere to go.
I grew up with a single mother who didn’t try, and an uncle who made me afraid of the outside world. The moment I got my acceptance letter though it was like finding my golden ticket amongst a million chocolate bars. Finally I would be free of the dark hellscape that had consumed me for 18 years. A naturally petite young woman I was raised to be quiet, delicate and timid. I wasn’t to speak unless I was spoken to, and on the rare occasion I did the sting of a hand was quick to fill my red cheeks with raw regret. Everyday the same routine, wake up, wash away the putrid turmoil of the night, eat breakfast alone if I was lucky, quietly go to school, clean up the mess of the day left by the so-called adults in my life, prepare dinner and eat it without breaking eye contact with my plate. I felt each bite I swallowed hit my stomach as knots formed constantly afraid I’d have to hear his voice asking me ‘how my day was?’ The drag of their forks across the white ceramic unnervingly breaking the silence. I was quick to do the dishes so I’d have enough time to lock myself away and get lost in my assignments until the knock came. Each night without fail it was always on time. Three swift knocks was my signal that it was time to go to bed.
Knock
Knock
Knock
Time to face the darkness that I’d trained myself to get lost in. I’d shower away the safe moments of the day, climb under my covers and prepare for the nightly onslaught of horrors that awaited me.
I hid the letter from everyone the day it arrived. I had no friends to tell, and no family I wanted to know. Quietly I began packing things up that were important to me. Little by little they’d disappear into the bag under my bed. The only bag I planned to take with me. I scraped together what money I could find lost in the sofa cushions or left drunkenly tossed on an end table. The time came to make my escape, I bought a one-way bus ticket and ran. My first year I’d managed to collect enough with financial aid and loans to live in a dorm. I got a job as a server at a little restaurant in town that was decently popular on the weekends. Unfortunately tips were hit or miss with the college crowd. Still something was better than nothing.
I saved every dollar I made so that when this year came I would be able to rent a house with the few friendly acquaintances I had. It’s not much, a small kitchen, two tiny bathrooms, a decent living room, and 3 bedrooms. My roommates have all left for the Summer and I haven’t spoken to anyone in my family for two years now. I revel in the peace and quiet every night. Being able to turn on the tv and watch a show at my leisure, blast my music while I sing in the shower, dance while I avoid daily chores and watch makeup tutorials on the internet. This is my life now, no one else’s, no one can take this from me ever again. I won’t let them. I will never be commanded by a knock again.
Days are wonderful. They’re easy and smooth, and the warm summer sunlight comforts me even on the ones I’m trapped under the fluorescent glow of the restaurant lights pouring cups of lukewarm coffee for the regulars and serving up the pie of the day.
The nights are different. My instinct for routine sinks in as an effort to avoid them. My boss does his best to make sure my shifts are earlier in the day, and if they aren’t I can usually find someone willing to trade me. People like the dinner shift they’ll make more in tips. I don’t care about the tips when it comes to survival. A part of my routine is that whenever I get home from work I take the trash out. That way it doesn’t have to sit in the kitchen; the pungent odor of filth mingling with the stale humid summer air that settles across the house. Everyday my routine is the same and every Wednesday the blue plastic can gets dragged down the driveway to the curb for Thursday morning pickup.
Things were different on this Wednesday though. I’d seen him in the restaurant before, and I knew he was a student who most likely lived somewhere in my neighborhood. Dorms closed during the summer, but the homes typically brimming with students around me were still available to rent although sparsely populated. I was cautious of most everyone, but especially men given my past. He ran his fingers through his dark brown curls and smiled at me ever so slightly from across the room. He was certainly handsome, and if I had to guess probably a senior or maybe even a grad student.
My coworker Tina sauntered over, she was in her mid 40’s and genuinely hated her job, but worked to escape her kids on the Summer mornings. “He’s asking for you. Go ahead and take him,” she said nodding to the stranger’s table.
My hands began to shake as I slowly walked over. Beads of sweat forming on the back of my neck causing my hair to stick to it. I shakily poured him a cup of coffee sloshing it over the edge, I rushed and apologized as I went to wipe up my mess.
His hands were warm as he gently took my wrist, “it’s ok,” he said ever so softly. His eyes were so kind and soothing. This was something I’d never noticed in other men before, and it made me feel so wonderful.
My cheeks filled with blood as a heat like the sun consumed me. The tremors that had wracked my body subsided as his calming voice filled me with peace.
He released my wrist and slid his soft fingertips ever so softly over the back of my hand as he moved to take the rag from me and wipe up the spill. He quickly cleaned up the mess and placed the cloth back in my palm. “There, all better, now if you don’t mind I’d really like a slice of peach pie.” His smile was so perfect it left me speechless. I couldn’t do anything more than nod and return with his slice.
He quickly ate in silence and before I knew it he’d slipped out of the restaurant leaving $40.00 on the table with a note simply saying, “see you soon.”
I gratefully pocketed my generous tip and returned my apron to the hook behind the kitchen door. Tina stopped me as I was pulling my tote bag out of my locker.
“Hey kiddo,” she handed me a brown bag that smelled like the diners fried chicken, “one of my table’s had an emergency and left before I could bring their order out. Boss told me to just go ahead and take it. Do you want it? This one meal won’t go far with my family.”
I greedily took the bag from her and slid it into my tote squeaking out a polite “thanks,” before leaving.
The sun was still bright as I stepped out onto the eerily quiet street. Summer in this town was so different from city life.
“Oh! Hi,” a familiar voice spoke from behind me.
I turned and was consumed by his deep brown eyes, “hi,” I said ever so softly. I wasn’t sure how to speak to him. This young man wasn’t like my uncle or any of the other men that had passed by me in life.
“Sorry, I swear I’m not stalking you,” he laughed scratching the back of his neck, “I just stopped into the bookstore and kinda lost track of time. Now I’m about to sound like a stalker, but do you need a ride home or do you want to get some food?”
My guard went up instantly, suddenly the safe haven I had felt in his presence was becoming invaded by the prickly spines of anxiety that had haunted me all my life. I had to convince myself he was just being nice and there were no ulterior motives. My hands gripped the strap of my tote tightly as the walls of my horrific past closed in around me. Reminding me that I cannot trust men. “Thank you, but I’ll be fine. It was nice meeting you,” with that I turned to make my way home.
The entire walk home I kept looking over my shoulders in paranoia being met with the empty world around me. I sidled up the driveway spotting the overflowing trash can at the side of the house. I knew I should take it down now, but no one else had theirs down yet. The heat was causing a volatile odor to escape that would surely attract animals from far and wide. The rumble in my stomach made me aware of just how hungry I was as the bag of chicken crinkled in my tote. I bypassed the trash for now and went straight to the microwave happy to reheat my free meal.
Once it was done and the comforting aroma of the diners’ fried chicken filled the house I plopped down on the well-used second hand sofa and picked a new romcom to stream while I gobbled it down with ferocity. Food was so expensive so any protein I could get was always welcome. I must have dozed off in a food coma because I woke up to the glow of the streaming service menu and a scattering of greasy bones and crispy crumbs around me in the dark room. The night sky peered at me through the open curtains. I stood up to quickly draw them closed afraid of someone watching me. It was then I caught sight of the neighbor’s blue plastic can on the curb a few doors over. “Fuck,” I mumbled remembering my own can overflowing with putrid garbage. I scooped up the bones and tossed them into the grease stained brown bag on the kitchen table flicking on the light as I stumbled down the side stairs to toss out the bird remains. I shoved the lid down as hard as I could before I started dragging the can down the driveway. The plastic bottom scraping loudly letting the whole world know I was not in sync with my normal routine. As I fought with it wiggling it to the edge of the curb I caught a shadow out of the corner of my eye.
My heart raced, the pulsating blood rushing to my head the only sound I could hear. Who or what did that shadow below to? I steadied my breathing as I convinced myself it was just some large rodent attracted to my trash can filled with a week’s worth of shame and mistakes. I quickly walked back up the driveway and felt a rush of relief as I stepped over the threshold onto the linoleum. Spinning on my heels I rapidly bolted all of the security locks on the door. Each click brings a wave of peace over my tense body.
I pressed my head against the doorframe as I closed my eyes and steadied my breathing. I opened my eyes to turn back to the tv ready to fill my brain with more useless media. The dark night sky greeted me through the window as the panic came back. I closed it right? No I couldn’t have. I must have gotten distracted. I rushed over to the window gripping the curtains with white knuckles as I took another lingering look out over the street. The empty road glowed under the yellow street lamps. Shadows of trees looming long into the night. Their branches like extended fingers tickling at the edge of my imagination. My full trash can, the only addition to this play of shadows since I last looked out. Darkness filled the windows of every home around me. I pulled the curtains tightly closed making sure any sight of the outside world disappeared from my view.
I sat back on the sofa as I heard a slight creak come from somewhere in the house. No. It was in my head. It’s just the house settling. It’s old and me sitting on the couch obviously triggered a board somewhere else to move. That was it… but what if? No. No one followed me home. I was sure of it. I was always sure of it.
I kicked my feet up on the sofa staring at the glare of the kitchen light on the tv screen. “Damn it,” I said under my breath, but no sooner did I swing my feet back to the floor that the light flicked off.
I dug my fingers into the cushion of the sofa. No. This isn’t happening. I quickly hashed out a plan, run, grab a knife out of the block on the counter and flip on the light. Confront them. That’s what I had to do. Adrenaline took over as I turned and vaulted over the back of the couch, my feet landing on the cool kitchen linoleum with ease. My instincts to live consuming my thoughts as hot blood pulsated through my veins. My hand firmly gripping the wooden handle of the knife. Ready to sink the cold steel blade into my intruder. I flipped on the light switch and was met with darkness. I flipped the switch again and still nothing. The damn light had just burned out. I dropped the knife with a clatter as I laughed to myself leaning against the counter with relief. Closing my eyes to steady my breathing. How could I be so stupid?
Creak
I held my breath, this was not my imagination. I had not moved. This was not the house settling. I scrambled to reach for the knife as I worked to steady my breathing.
That was when I heard it. Ever so softly it echoed down the empty hall.
Knock
Knock
Knock
The spines of anxiety assaulted me with their stabbing pain breaking through my safe little bubble. No. Not again.
Tears of rage welled up in my eyes as my grip on the knife tightened. “No,” I whispered.
Knock
Knock
Knock
“Fuck off!” I screamed, finding my voice for the first time in my life. This monster had ruined my life, I wouldn’t let him control me anymore. I slowly walked down the hall towards the sound.
Knock
Knock
Knock
“Get out,” I whimpered again as I got closer to the room, the knocks from within growing louder. The thought of seeing him made me sick. The greasy chicken turned in my stomach.
Knock
Knock
Knock
Knock
Knock
Knock
Knock
As the pace of my heart quickened the knocks became rhythmic. My hand shook as I reached for the knob, the knocks pounding in my ears. I screamed as I flung open the door to an empty laundry room. The knocks ceased simultaneously.
I was losing my fucking mind.
Knock
Knock
Knock
I flew down the hallway stopping at the front door, seething with rage as I peered through the peephole. A head of curly brown hair sat under the moonlight. I latched the safety chain and carefully pried open the door, “what?” I asked bluntly.
“Oh hi,” his smile was no longer warm or comforting. It was terrifying.
He slammed his body into the door as the little chain keeping me safe from the outside world snapped. The brute force of the door knocked me to the floor. No, not again, this wasn’t happening again. I struggled under his weight. His hands pawed at my wrists buckling them to the ground. I kicked with my knees trying to hit anything as I heard his shoes squeak against the wood floor of the foyer. His hot breath like rotten peaches on my face as he held me down.
Before I could realize what was happening he stopped. I felt the warm trickle of his blood drip down my arm. I caught my breath as I released the knife in his abdomen. Pushing him off of me. The metallic stench of death filled the room as his heart struggled to beat. Fighting against all odds to keep the blood circulating in his system.
I stood up staring at him as he lay on the floor of my foyer, his crimson life source staining his tan jacket and pooling around him. Droplets of it soaking into my white blouse.
“Who are you?” I asked, kicking him in the stomach.
He groaned, “I work with your uncle. Where is he? He’s been missing for over a week.”
I looked away, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in two years.”
He gasped, failing to pull the knife from himself, “he came to see you.”
“He didn’t know where I was, no one knew,” I said as the rage boiled inside of me.
“That’s a lie. How do you think I found you? He told me about you bitch. He told me what you are. What you do!”
I dropped to my knees and began crawling towards him. My bare feet slapping against the wood floor. My hands instinctively poised into a claw-like grasp. Animal instinct kicking in as I scurried in a spider-like motion. The smell of his warm blood filled my senses. “He told you what I do? Did he tell you what he does? Did he tell you what he did to me? I’ve been really good since I got away. I’ve been smart about everything. I know how to control myself when I need to without the extra pressure from my dear sweet uncle on top of me.” I whispered into his ear as I sucked his blood off of my fingers. Slowly savoring the warm fresh taste.
“Please just let me go,” he whimpered.
“Even if I did it wouldn’t matter, you’d die,” I listened to the beat of his heart slowing with each pump. “He taught me you know? It’s how you survive when you have nothing. It keeps you alive, and keeps you healthy. The best part is it’s free!” I let out a cackle in his ear as I ripped the knife from his abdomen.
“Please,” he gasped out his breathing barely a shallow whisper. His face was the familiar pale and tawdry look that all of my prey had the moment before everything went dark for them.
“Do you want to see my uncle? I can take you to him? The can is a bit full, and his meat was far too tough to even bother with, but I can take you to him.” I laughed as I slipped my hands under his arms dragging his lifeless body to the kitchen.
-——-
The sun rose peeking at me ever so gently through the curtains, a soft kiss of warmth over my sweat soaked brow. I leaned the blood drenched axe against the table as I wrapped up what parts of him weren’t salvageable in trash bags. I stripped off my clothing and stepped into the shower to wash away the putrid turmoil of the night. I lugged the bag of fresh garbage to the curb lifting it on top of the pile of rotting flesh buried in bags beneath. It’s a good thing the trash man hadn’t come by yet. Leaving this out for a week in the Summer heat might attract some attention.
I wandered back into the house. Carefully carving away the selection of fatty meat I had chosen and frying it up in my cast iron skillet. Food was so expensive any protein I could get was always welcome.
Today was a good day because today I took out the trash.