People steal. It’s my job to catch them. I’m good at what I do. At least I thought I was. The day ‘Glitch Klepto’ stepped foot at the whole foods was the day I questioned my ability to do my job. It forced me to question my own sanity as well.
Now I know you’re probably like, *seriously? And i get it like, how many people go around stealing overpriced tomatoes and artisanal cheese that whole foods has a loss prevention department. Well there’s all kinds of expensive merchandise at whole foods and there’s supplements here that are over 100 dollars. Once I left surveillance so I could trail a potential shoplifter undercover, I would have fun with secret shopping sometimes i even crossdressed and wore a wig. I pretended to be blind with a cane and sunglasses and even brought my k9 with her vest that had the words service dog. I pretended to blindly shop for wine in an isle where i could still see her and here I caught her in the act. So i witnesses her clever attempt; shifting things around inside her shopping cart while her bag which was in the middle of the groceries happened to catch a supplement which drooped as she aimlessly rearranged her groceries. She noticed me but noticed the glasses, the cane and the service dog and went for it. You better believe i approached her before she left the store.
“Miss, you’re gonna have to come with me.” I said and i gently took her arm, motioning it back in the opposite direction. She didnt resist. Usually they do. But when you mention the cameras and the cops and promise not to call them if they hand back the stolen merchandise they start complying. We simply present a quick chit chat in the office as an alternative to calling the cops. Most people stop resisting here and come with us. Others think it’s a trap and run outside at which point I am not authorized to chase them outside the store. I’m not allowed to use any force on them and if I do touch I better hope that they in fact did steal, otherwise it’s my job on the line.
So the day Glitch Klepto walked in the store I immediately got this overwhelming sensation.. It was like this primal sort of fear. My body went into this low key fight or flight mode and I startd to sweat. This hooded individual walked in a rather peculiar manner. He swayed his arms back and forth with each stride. The footage displayed by our monitors only added mystery to the image of a tall, hooded humanoid as he eerily shopped, or pretended to at least, for sauerkraut, kimchi and other overglorified fermented vegetables. I was mesmerized by what I saw but not in a good way. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what exactly was so strange about him. I also couldn’t quite shake this feeling i had been overcome by. I had to see for myself if he was indeed as ominous in person as he was on the footage. I remember that I didn’t even bother going into the store as a secret shopper. The truth was I was genuinely disturbed. I simply wanted to rationalize what I was seeing; what I was thinking and channel these dark vibes. Honestly at that moment, I would have allowed him to steal whatever he wanted if he promised to take the creepiness down a notch.
I went around the store in search of Glitch Klepto, walking in a speed which would have blown my cover as a secret shopper. And here in this haunting, first encounter I witnessed the first glitch. The area in which he had been seen on the camera–in which he’d left his cart behind– was devoid of the humanoid i saw on the monitor . An employee who saw him seemed though as if she’d seen a ghost. This was worse. He drew from her eyes that mysterious, primal fear which only now that Glitch Klepto was gone subsided. I always knew the exact moment that Glitch Klepto set foot at our store, I felt it. It had become a heads up, followed by this nightmarish sensation. And soon my obsession with him would deter me from my actual job. There were times even that I aborted surveillancing serial shoplifters. Instead, while they roamed our store and exercised their five finger discounts I tried to catch Glitch Klepto. It was as if he knew I was onto him. Almost every time I approached him, he’d leave. I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe too good at what I do and thus I needed a challenge. But I asked my coworkers and even showed them what I looked at on the monitor. They fueled my fear.
There was one night that still sends the shivers down my spine. I cannot explain the phenomenon which occured or why it occurred. In hindsight, I’m not sure if this was just another glitch, another one of those moments which accompanied this other worldly entity. It was always the case with him that reality would tell you one thing and suddenly take it back as it never happened. Leaving you with, Did that actually happen?, Or am I bat shit crazy. So one night I was alone at the store, reviewing the cameras for something unrelated and I get that feeling all of a sudden. I switch to the live mode to look at an empty store. The security and the manager had already locked up and left. So did the cleaning crew. I made sure the entire store was locked. Front and back. I checked the cameras and there he was, in his Hoodie and his face perfectly outlined to its last wrinkle, for now at least, I knew I wouldn’t recall it later. This was strange: He came back just to fuck with me. He had a duffle and he cleaned out about $2500 worth of supplements. He even had the audacity to steal a cold brew coffee at this hour. it’s 2 am, really? He ran at full speed to the nearest exit and something told me not to move a muscle.
I arrived home after dealing with the cops, i spent over an hour showing them the footage of the hooded thief and submitting an official police report of what he stole. The cops asked me for copies of the footage and I did not hesitate to provide them with it.
My son was still awake tinkering away at his robot project, some artificial intelligence thing he had been working on. This one was apparently a big deal and upon entering his room I could see he had already come along way with his project, he had technically been done with it according to him. It just so happened that the times I’d seen it were the times in which he disassembled it to work on its parts individually. I pondered the idea of him helping me with Glitch Klepto. I thought about talking to him about it perhaps. My coworkers always changed the subject when I brought him up. I don’t blame them. There was too much to unload and I did not want to distract him from what he was building. I closed my eyes as I lay in bed. As I drifted off to sleep I heard a whisper. Find me. I opened my eyes in fear. Although that feeling hadn’t followed me home the recollection of it was enough to terrorize me from the comfort of my own bed. I tried hard to fall asleep.
The sun came up and thankfully my curtains shut the sunlight away. I was glad I did not have to work today. I drifted in and out of sleep that morning and I had what I can only describe as a sleep paralysis of its worst kind. I remain lucid–fully awake–and having fear take over as it had been doing lately. I caught a glimpse at first. I wasn’t even sure If I saw something but still I was scared. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t move. And it happened subtly, visible amidst the darkness of my room because of the lights on out on the hallway and my bedroom door slightly open. The hand–a couple fingers slowly emerged from through the door. The fingers danced to my horror as if playing with its own shadow. Progressively and to my complete horror I saw more fingers creeping in. Too many actually and even though I had been too afraid to count, there were without a doubt more than 10.
Suddenly the fear fades away and the fingers slowly begin to retreat into their shadowy depths of hell. I watched each finger withdrawal and once the last finger joined the rest I was able to move. I survived what was the worst sleep paralysis of my life and the comfort this brought me allowed me to drift soundly back to sleep. Glitch Klepto left me alone after this, for a while
By the time he returned I had protocols in place to catch him. Employees had been incentivised by a one thousand dollar reward which despite my lack of savings, I offered anyway. This is when he began to steal discreetly. When he’d come to the store that feeling that I would get was no longer there. Though I was glad it stopped it meant that I had no advantage, no warning and no clue. I missed him several times. So did the newly motivated staff. He now had changed his attire completely. It was always different each time. Floral button downs, cargo shorts, suit and tie, pajamas and Nikes, Halloween costume in March. He was always one step ahead and knew when we were onto him. There’s no way this level of intuition is human.
One morning over at the coffee bar, Genesis was making my latte and that primal sensation took over for the first time in a while, I reluctantly looked back and that’s when I came face to face with him. If a sketch artist depended on it, I would not be able to assist him with his sketch; describe to him a single one of his features. Though I had seen his face, up close, the intensity of the sensation only allowed me to recall shapes and colors. Strangely, during the encounter I recalled seeing his face so perfectly. For a moment suspended in time I felt threatened and captivated. I witnessed every blood vessel in his blue eyes and the outline of every immature wrinkle he may or may not have had. He looked at me and something deep down suggested that the longer I looked at him the less I’d actually see. How an individual in full control o his faculties can look at someone’s face with a crystal clear mind no less and still not be able to recall a single detail moments later will forever mystify me to my core.
I stood in a debilitating fear. I couldn’t move. I watched him leave the store completely undetected and with alot of stolen merchandise. He wore a red hat that day. I can tell you nothing else. Once as I replayed footage of him I noticed something I had never seen before. Obscured by his trench coat was this…this…hand? it was not human and at that moment I realized that this was not within my pay grade. What I saw was this; a sort of tail looking hand, it had finger though I could not tell if that’s what they were. Anyway this vessel extending from his trenchcoat, slowly moved toward the shelf and like a sleight of hand magic trick grabbed a 75 dollar bottle o resveratrol. He did it again and again and when I arrived at the scene I noticed he’d done a number on our stock of resveratrol supplements. Grape Seed extract too. This much intake of antioxidants only made my adversary scarier and healthier.
The moment of truth came that afternoon, a day which will forever haunt me. What happened next I no longer question. It irreversibly and drastically distorted my sense of reality. Even now as I type, it’s only with a sort of denial. This denial is all I have now and if not for it I would not be around to testify in any event or corroborate the details surrounding Glitch Klepto. He’s out there and he may come back. I know him very well now.
I arrived home to my son tinkering away at one of the robotic parts to his AI project. He had been watching this prank video which he himself had shot. In the video this robotic thingy went around and ever so swiftly grabbing stuff from unsuspecting individuals. My son’s friend would reveal to the person that they were part of a prank etc and this I watched in what will be the culmination of all my fears combined; the clues had been there all along every night as I’d pass my son’s room I had overlooked them. They did not register to me as the culprit of this entire phenomenon. I saw the poster of Deadpool on my son’s wall before I rested a gaze at his realistic AI. The Halloween costume Glitch Klepto wore was Deadpool and although i did not get to see my son Halloween night I remember he told me he had dressed up as Deadpool. I put the pieces together. I saw the features on the AI’s silicone mask. It was uncanny as it was sublime.
But there’s no way that my son could have been fucking around with me this whole time. There’s just…no way. That primal fear invaded my mind all of a sudden; a fight or flight panic state took over. This time I did not choose to take flight, no I fought. My son looked at me confused at first. He tried to stop me but I was hellbent on destroying that fucking robot. Dad what are you doing?! Stop dad, don’t! Stop dad you’re scaring me! Dad please, no! DAD PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE DAD. With my own two hands I proceeded to destroy this AI whom had tortured me for months now. I bashed my own fists, bruising my hands and facturing my knuckles.
The room suddenly grew quiet and my adrenaline eased. I looked over at the bright screen which was my son’s Screensaver. It was the face of the AI, the face of Glitch Klepto which had slowly and unsuspectingly embedded its image onto my subconscious. A sudden realization dawned on me and I stormed out of the room to validate its possibility. As I made my way over I could hear my son in the distance calling my name and demanding an explanation for what I’d done. I opened my closet door and laid eyes on every piece of merchandise stolen by Glitch Klepto. A goldmine of supplements and the only item which was unlike the others was a cold brew coffee sitting now at room temperature. I went back to my son’s room to confess what’s been happening to me.
I heard his voice one more time before I looked down at the mess I’d made. My eyes widened and it was at this moment that I discerned something was truly, truly wrong. To my horror I was presented with what I could only hope was some sort of anomaly another…Glitch, i prayed. I gasped loudly when it became as clear as daylight. There was no primal fear, nothing that I couldn’t explain. Because as far as I’m concerned robot’s aren’t supposed to bleed. I scoped the room for my son’s AI. There were smaller robot’s, some mechanical parts but no realistic AI. My son’s voice echoed in the back of my head. I closed my eyes hoping that this could be a manifestation of these schizophrenic episodes. I opened them after a while,
I tried to make out my son’s face but at this point it proved unrecognizable. And though I’m in a constant state of denial, it is fear—-an intense, dangerous paranoia that follows me wherever I go. It clouds my judgment, distorts my reality and convinces me of things that aren’t real. I don’t think mankind can offer anything more horrifying than not knowing If you’re in your right mind or not. I remember the last thing I saw that night as I tried to fall asleep; after I made the decision to cover up my own son’s murder, was a faint, frail, shadowy finger creep it’s way against the doorknob to my bedroom door. More fingers crept their way in and the silhouette of a figure began to enter the room, its shadow loomed against the hallway illuminated by a light still on.
Unwelcome, this figure Slowly entered the room and just as quickly left me alone. The figure was Glitch Klepto. This I know now, that he’s real and that he killed my son, and I’m pretty sure he killed his mother, my beloved wife too