He said his name is Rosco, but I ‘m not sure that’s his real name. I think he got it from that old 70’s TV show with the car. He makes a lot of “Dukes of Hazard” references. He has been stalking me for about a year now, but he has a strange way of stalking. He stalks in front of me. What I mean is that almost everywhere I go he is already there when I arrive. Somehow, he just knows.
I signed in at Super Clips for a haircut on a crowded Saturday morning. Eventually the lady called my name (Steve), before I could get up Rosco claimed he was me and jumped in the chair. I had not even noticed him there up until he jumped in my spot. It seemed a bit strange to me that the lady didn’t mind a big shaggy sheep dog jumping into a chair meant for people. Without missing a beat she went to work on his long matted coat. I slinked out and was reduced to Great Cuts for a somewhat inferior haircut.
It was no surprise to see Rosco at my job. What took me aback was how he was always undercutting me to my boss. You would think an experienced boss would recognize when a dog was brown nosing him. But he seemed to listen to Rosco at my expense. It was making me miserable at work. I began a habit of calling out when the stress was too much. There is no telling what that dammed dog said about me when I was not there.
One rainy, dreary afternoon I was watching football when Rosco came in. He laid casually on the floor nearby and started tugging at a matted clump of hair near his hindquarters. As he was casually working this knot, he started talking, in an offhanded way, about the girl across the street. “I was just over talking to Peggy”, he said. Peggy is nice girl who moved into the house across the street about 6 months ago. It’s a shared house arrangement and she is the latest of the roomies that come and go. We chatted a couple of times and I clumsily asked her out one time, but she made it clear in a nice way that she has no interest in me.
“Yeah, Peggy told me that she has been thinking about you. She’s kind of lonely and would like you come keep her company”. I can’t count the number of times Rosco has lied to me, so I did not believe him. But he kept on, “You know Peggy is a sweet girl and it just takes time to get to know her. I think you rushed things before” How did he know? “You really shouldn’t pass up an opportunity like this.”
I crossed the street and rang the bell. Peggy answered and she seemed pleased, if somewhat surprised, to see me. She said “Oh, hello……”
“Steve”, I said
“Right, Steve! How silly of me”
Silence
Peggy said “How can I help you, Steve?”
I said “Rosco told me…”
“Rosco? Who is Rosco?” she asked. This really confused me because I could see Rosco was already there, behind her in her living room, curled up on the floor. He was looking at me with one eye.
Pointing with my right hand I started to say “Just there..” but she suddenly backed away from the open door. I took that as an invitation to enter. As I crossed that threshold she started laughing, giggling really. Ah, I see, it’s a game! She is having fun with me. I can go along with a game. As I strode into her living room a strange sight caught my eye. A pair of hairy male legs were sticking out from under the coffee table, which was askew up against the couch. And the blood. Peggy was still backing up, still laughing. She was about to enter her kitchen. As I was studying this pair of legs with the blood I noticed (for the first time) the large knife in my right hand. I don’t recall picking that up. This is when it dawned on me that Peggy wasn’t laughing, she was crying. Sobbing, really. Hysterically, you might say. I stepped into her kitchen and was startled to see the large amount of blood everywhere. As Peggy cowered in a corner I approached her. I wanted to reassure her that everything is alright. I’m there to protect her from whatever is going on. But as I approached she held her hands up to her face protectively and I saw the gashes on her arms. She was bleeding profusely. When did this happen? I heard Rosco say “Enos, what have you done now!” Damn his Dukes of Hazard quotes! I turn and see Rosco, covered in blood, pointing a gun at me. The last thing I saw was a bright flash, the last thing I heard was thunder.