Blah. Blah. Blah… I cannot listen anymore.
“It will get better”
“2024 will be the best year. Nyah nyah nyah.”
I can’t do this anymore.
I am defeated.
Whatever, I’m going off topic. The reason I’m telling you this is, I need some independent opinions on what the fuck is happening.
Like every morning, I dreaded getting out of bed. In fact, I spent the entire last afternoon in bed. I dropped down like a wet sack of stones and my body felt like it was made of rocks and concrete.
I have zero energy left for anything. I would have stayed in bed if it weren’t for my best friend, Nicholas, who surprised me with a visit.
“Heeeeeey!” energetic as always, Nicholas yelled into the loudspeaker at my doorbell. I instantly know it’s him when he comes. “Hi Nick”, I say blandly, “come in. Hold on, let me open.” I pressed on the buzzer. Footsteps follow. Nick comes to my door and knocks. I let him in.
He hummed to himself and started lounging on the couch. “You want a tea?” I asked.
“Yes, please!”
“Lemon?”
“Works for me!”
“Okay. Be right back.”
I walk over to the electric kettle to boil water, put tea leaves into the teapot and light up a candle to put the teapot on top of it.
I glance over at Nick, who now has his feet on the coffee table and his arms crossed behind his head.
I want to ask what brings him here, but he already answers. “So… I just… wanted to ask where you were. You didn’t answer any of my texts? What’s going on?”
I had been dreading this question. I don’t know either. If anyone knew that’d be nice. I lied. “Ah, it’s just the stress. I have been working overtime lately. I’m just… you know. Tired.”
That’s not the whole truth. “Tired” is not the word. It’s more than tiredness. I feel… drained? Not sure if that word is cutting it either, but everything just feels impossible. Even the smallest tasks. Interacting or chatting with friends feels like a major chore.
“Hmmm.” Nick fumbles around with the strings attached to his hoodie. Strings… that word gives me a weird feeling. Kind of… enticing.
I decided to change topics. We talked about his new job, his new car, the new dog he was planning on buying, and how he enjoyed working. I just didn’t want to explain to him what was REALLY going on.
The tea was done. I went back to the kitchen area to fetch two cups and pour in the tea. I walked to the couch where Nick was sitting and put the cups on the table. He immediately took a sip, slurping loudly.
I wish I had the energy like him. Playing football, having a full-time job, a girlfriend, AND going out with his mates…How does he conjure the energy for that? I can barely scrap up enough energy to get out of bed on most days. And the smallest tasks like vacuum cleaning my 2 room apartment or – I have to go lie down for 3 hours afterwards. Taking a shower is especially hard. When I do that, it feels like the biggest accomplishment of that day.
In general, it feels like my brain is permanently in sleep mode. Like, I never truly wake up. In the old days, I used to be awake after 4 cups of coffee. Now I can sleep 20 hours, wake up at the same time 50958 days in a row, and drink 374 cups of coffee – my brain still won’t wake up. I’m basically just running around like some half-alive zombie.
Autopilot was two years ago. I don’t know what THIS state is.
“Umm. Are you sure you don’t have… any… deeper stuff going on? Like… I don’t know…” Nick tried to start again. I brushed it off.
“Okay.” He looked at his phone and then at me again. Then he slapped his leg. “Well, anyways… I gotta go now. My girlfriend wants me home for dinner.”
“Alright”, I say.
Nick looks at me in a concerned way, as if he were thinking about something. “If you need anything, let me know. Okay?”
“Yeah. Will do. See you later.”
I walk him to the door and shut it behind him. He briefly said bye.
Without being able to help it, I let out a long, loud sigh. I sluggishly walked to the couch and dump myself on it, reaching for the TV remote. I opened Netflix. Nah. Nothing but crappy movies. I started a TV series, but after 2 minutes, I stopped. It got boring. EVERYTHING is boring. I can spend 8 hours alone in a room browsing dumb social media sites, without doing anything remotely productive. I can’t enjoy the movies. I can’t enjoy the shows. I can’t enjoy ANYTHING these days. Not sure why. I start doing something and then immediately find it boring.
I also felt so mentally dead that I feel drunk. Except that this type of “drunk” doesn’t feel fun. Nothing has been “fun” for a long time.
I stared into a direction. With no movement, just blah.
I sighed loudly again. Fuck it. I’m going back to bed. Not planning on sleeping, but my body feels so heavy.
I sluggishly walk to my bed, but I pass by the empty dirty teacups on the way. Ehh. Oh well. I might as well push myself to clean them up first.
Starting the sink faucet, I sprayed some kitchen cleaner into the cups and let the water run on them. Then I realised the teapot was still full of leaves. Sighing again, I empty the teapot into the trashcan and put the teapot into the sink. After that, I grabbed a cleaning towel to dry up the spilled tea and water from the kitchen counter.
But there was something strange. Suddenly I saw a black, long smudge on the counter and my hands are all black too. Ahh. Must have been the burnt tea leaves or some leftover candle stuff.
I tried to wipe it away, but it needed some scrubbing. Then I washed my hands. “Alright. Fuck it. I’m going to bed”, I thought to myself.
My phone was on my bed. I plopped into bed like a bag of rocks, just like I did on the couch earlier. But one thing didn’t leave my head since Nick’s visit. I don’t know what. I open my phone and give Disney plus a chance. What’s that? Pinocchio? Might give it a go and start it from where I left it at last week.
“I got no strings, to hold me down.
To make me fret,
Or make me frown,
I got strings,
But you can see:
THERE ARE NO STRINGS ON ME.”
Fretting and frowning, eh? Well, I can’t do either because I just feel sort of numb. I gave up on the movie and decided to take a nap. I slowly dozed off to sleep but one word kept repeating itself in my head as I did: strings.
--
I woke up with a glaring headache. I looked at my phone. 5 calls from Nick. Fuck phone calls. I hate them. Is this still 1900 or what?
Gnah.
Also, it was cold. I noticed that when I briefly woke up during my nap. It was warm in my house and then suddenly the temperature dropped 40 or 50 degrees. It was suddenly freezing. I knew the rent in this house was a bit too cheap to be true, but this is becoming inconvenient.
Another thing I noticed was that my Nintendo switch suddenly turned itself on at 3am. And I’m pretty sure the same happened with the water fountain in the bathroom earlier that night. Wait. Was I seeing this? I probably just needed a little fresh air to clear my head. I got up to open the windows. The curtain cords started dangling around and hit me in my face. Strings.
I sighed again, slumped over to my bed and grabbed my phone to open WhatsApp. I texted Nick. “Hey Nick, what’s up? You called me 5 times ???? did something happen? Sorry, I was sleeping.”
I had no energy to call him back. Making a phone call is too hard. It feels like lifting a 500 lbs bag of rocks. I have no energy for that. All my energy is drained out.
Nick texted back. “Lindsey? Can I come over? I have to tell you something. There’s something wrong with your house.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”, I answered sarcastically. “What’s NOT wrong here might be a shorter list. Anyway, what is it? Is it burning somewhere? Or are there any STRINGS attached?” The word “strings” sounded a lot darker and more serious than I intended.
“No. But uh… I have something that might interest you.”
“Are you sure you want to come over now? It’s 3:40am.”
“Yes. 10 minutes. I’m coming.”
Nick came over huffing and completely out of breath. I let him in and closed the door. I asked what was going on, he just handed me his phone. A newspaper article was open. As I read, Nick went over to the couch and buried his face in his hands and let out a long puffing noise, breathing out. The previous tenant had hung himself with a curtain string and jumped out of the window.
Hmm. Strings.
Before I could say something, Nick let go of his face and looked at me. I continued reading.
Jeremy Tollworth, 25, hung himself inside his apartment in [name of my street, my house number, my apartment number]. Police stated that he may have suffered from depression.
“So… Lindsey… what I wanted to tell you is this…”
I understood straight away what he meant. I acted like I didn’t, though. I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, waiting for him to explain. I was just going to make him say it.
“This house is haunted.” Okay, that was not what I expected him to say. Thankfully.
“Ohhh, so you think this Jeremy guy hung himself.. here? In MY apartment? And his spirit is causing all this ruckus? Come on, that’s ridiculous.”
“Lindsey, I-“
“You were funnier when you told me about that ghost that lived in your wall.”
“Lindsey, this ISN’T a joke!” Suddenly he stood up and grabbed me by my shoulders. “Look. This doesn’t add up. Your switch suddenly turning itself on at 3am… that can’t be a coincidence.
Anyway, what are you looking at? And also… I know.” I had been looking at the strings of his hoodie for a while now.
“W-what?”
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed. You constantly spacing out, you being like this… it’s kind of obvious.
Please get help. You are going to be the NEXT one doing what Jeremy did.”
“Oh come on. Why would I EVER do that?”
“I’m just saying. Spirits can turn faucets on at 3am, turn electronics on and off, and they can make a room freeze suddenly. I also read that they can make you depressed too.”
“Woah, what are you saying? I’m not depressed!”
“Lindsey… I think you might be. Also, you need therapy. I brought you something. Here.”
He reached into a big plastic bag and pulled out a strange-looking device. It looked like a walkie-talkie. I protested against needing therapy but he ignored me.
“That’s an EVP device. I will use it to look for any spirits that live here.”
“I tell you – there is no such thing as spirits” I reassured him again.
Suddenly the device started beeping like crazy. A male metallic-sounding voice came out. I can’t describe it. It sounded like a sad man. “Help me. I’m stuckkkkkk. Help. I can’t handle this.” The “k” sounded like he was repeating it over and over again.
Nick’s eyes were shining. He excitingly started looking at the device. “Who are you?”
No more answer.
Nick continued.
“… hey! I can hear you. I am Nicholas. And this is my friend Lindsey. I’m going to talk to you with respect. If you are comfortable, show yourself. Talk to me if you want to. If you don’t want to talk to us, it’s fine. Come again.”
The voice (or whoever, or WHATever it was we heard, did not show again. We are currently waiting.
Nick agreed to spend the night here. I will keep you posted. But for now, it looks like we have to wait and find out.
EDIT: I sure hope there aren’t any STRING attached to finding out what’s going on.