I have to admit I’m a sucker for these things so, naturally, once I saw that guy advertising it I was first in queue for the early human trials. Lucky me I was one of the first to get it, great genetics, I think! ḧ̴͚̮͇̈́͠͝͝͠ë̸̢̆̀͛̇̽l̸͇̖̻͋͌̚p̷͎͛́̿̒̀̄And let me tell you, this thing is AWESOME! First things first, I linked it to myI̸̥͙͕̳̼͆̾̈́̈̇̆͘’̸̡̛͕̞͇͙̙̏͐̀͌͝m̸̡̪̬̦̺̂͋̈́̊̎̇ smartphone and… you can literally type with your mind! I mean, I know it’s peak laziness but t̶͔̞͓̒ŗ̷͎͓̩͍͌̓̌̕ͅã̷̲̳͔̒̓̀͝ͅp̸̧͈̖͍͔̤͊̀̄p̵̹͖̥͇̗̄̎ë̴̼̠̱̠ͅd̷̥͐̆͂́̿̈́̚… Come one, you know you’d want to be able to do that too, the amount of time and effort you Ỉ̵̡͇̱̟͇͓̦t̸͍̩̗̩͈͛̋͜’̴͙̯̀s̶̨̤̠̯̮̟͙̒͌͑̿̇̌̿ save yourself over the day certainly give you some extra time tog̶̜̱͕͍̬͊͋̈̑͠e̴̠͍̻͕̱͋t̷͉͚̜̀̂͑̇̔͘ṱ̶̠͓̣̕ỉ̸̛͖͔̳̺́n̸͈̼̤̖͛͂͋̕g̷̰̖̹̏͒͆̆́̀͜ͅ explore the other many features.
For instance, just before h̸̹̫̲͈͖̐́͛̏̈́̕ȧ̶͖̩̍͐̉̄r̶̯̼̺̿̏̇d̶́͐̈́̈͜ę̴̤̥̱̮̟̒̈͆́̀͝r̸͈̙̔̐̌̌͑ writing this I wanted to make sure my car’s battery was topped, I’m planning a big trip f̸̡̱̮̰̭͓̀̈́̔̌̏̏ḙ̶̢̘̼̰̝͚͗͌e̶̢̥͆̇̑̑͊́̆l̶̩̒̉ş̶͈̭͙̎, so instead of having to even unlock my phone, I could access the app. I mean… It was l̵̝͓̮̫̻͌̔̍̃͛̕i̷̧͙͈̦̬̓̐͂k̷̮̏̂̈́̍̿͘e̷̫̟͐͘ there, in my head! Like, I instinctively knew the battery was just shy of 81%, and with just one thought, BAM! Charging. f̷͉̪̦̘̿a̵͇̭̝̗̻̠͈͊̈̕d̸͇̀i̸̩̹͚̥͆ͅn̵̮̰͐̒̌g̶̨͓̲̘̦̦̋͑͐̃̑͠ Not only that, but while I’m driving, I can just think of where I want to go, and the GPS is magically set there, how crazy is thį̸̮̻̪̻̙͎̓̔̾̓̽̅t̷̞̪̩͙́̒̀͌̓̉͂ ̸͍̘̘̻̿̎̄d̵̨͕̀̄̒̈́͆̾o̷͈̙̜͙͝e̴̡̧̦̟̼͂̑̊s̷̺̬̊̈́̓͜n̴͚̬̗̒̆͝’̷͍͍͈͙͍̹͂ẗ̸̩̩̝̬͕̜́̀̀́͘̕̕ͅat? Fog? No problem! Just think of it, and the car takes care of it. Is it ḱ̵͉͖̞͕̩̊͗̚͜ͅn̷͈̭͈̜͙̈́ͅo̵̮̞͆͐̎͊̈͜͠w̴̡͖̦̘̉̋ ̷̩̀̏͒̎͜͠͠I̵̦̝̖̹͇̣͑͑̇̊͗̈́’̶̡̊̽ͅṁ̸̧̟͆̌̒͠ cold? Is it cold? Is it cold? Is it cold? Is it hot? s̷̙̽t̴͔͔̙͔́͒̾́͐͘͝ͅị̵̣̉̀͝ḻ̵̡̧̟̦́̌̿͜l̸̘̝͂ ̷͓̺̫̤̾̅̎h̷͙̳͉̬̟̋́̀͝e̵̛̹̟͙̠̍̋́̽̓̃ř̴̹̗̇e̵̻̦̙͙͙̖̘͆̑̽̈́͛̏ Is it raining? Sun’s too bright? Just think of it, it’ll be taken care of!
And speaking of, you know… It’s not just “connecting” yourself to everything that’sS̵̤̗͊̓̔̏͊̄́o̶̭͈̥͋͐m̵̹͈͆̿̃̆́ȩ̶̢̖̭̭̥̬͂ö̷͔̥̮̞̪̹͓́̾̐̚ṋ̷̞̮̱̘̣̥͒̍̈́̾͆̊̔e̵͔͖̦̍̑̽͠ ̶̡̨͖͍̗͘͝h̵̛̩̻̥̥̟̟̖̐̀̉a̵̱̦͖͂̓͌̚ş̸͔̜͍͔̰̜̉̉͋ digital, but having full control over your own bodt̶̛̼̾̓̿͒̀o̷̻̺̊̈́̓͝ ̴̡̰̱͔̗͋͒̐͐ͅͅś̵̛̬̭̜̯́̌̓̅̅t̶̻̙̙̻͕̻͠o̵̖̲͌͆̕̕p̸͙͓̗̭̟̓̾͋̈́ ̶̢͚̝͎̩͉̒̈́̈͌̓͐ͅi̸̼̺̔t̸̲̙̩̳́́̐̄̌̃͘y. I can regulate how dilated my pupils are at any Š̴̡̧̻͈̻̱̪͋̾ỏ̴̢̻̙m̶̞͚͓͆͐è̷̢͙̙̺̩̀̽̓ͅẗ̴̺̘̻͎͒͐̋͂́͒͜ḧ̵̢̺̫̙́͋͋́͘ị̸͂͊̋͗͘ņ̶̫͂g̸͎͔̖͆ ̴̜̺̖̆́̈̍͠͝ͅi̷̛̖̹̱̜̦̓͛ͅn̶̘͎̳̑̉̑time, my heart rate, and it’s theoretically possible to even leari̷̛͍̫̬̺͛͂ẗ̸͖͍́̾̄͆͂̅ͅ ̶̳̮̓̇̊̑c̵̙͒̈́̏͒͝o̷̟̥̥̪̖̰̿͆͛̽̒̽̑ṗ̵̩̟͕̻ì̷͇̈́̆̓͛e̷̟͎̲̬̬̫͂͋͛̔̄̈́̕d̴̨̛̯̪ͅn how to regulate ionic exchange. THIS truly is the future, all thoseM̶̨͎̱̰̟̥̏̌̏̇́Ȅ̴̘̖̦͕̹̽̉̈͑ science-fiction movies? I’m living inside one right now.
I can’t stop thii̶̢̳̼̓̌t̴̛̗̩̱̺͎͍͇̋̄̌͆̚ ̴̦̮̳̻͇̃r̷̲̻̓͗̕e̴̫̼͎̔ṕ̴̺͈̫͒͗́̊̂l̶̛̝̍͒̇͑́͠a̸͍͕̺͑c̸̲̳͎̺̋̀͛̒͜e̴̖͇̭͛̈͗̽͛͋͠ḏ̶̛͉̊̍̂ ̶̩̬͚̉͛͊M̴͕͖̺̋̆͛̎͆E̶͍̝͕͍̻̓̒̋́͗͜nking about new and exciting features. It’s already instaled, and it’s being constī̴̪͚͙̤̅̾̈́̀t̵̮̒̇ ̶̰̞͂̍͠ṭ̵̻͑h̸̗̱̲͕̥̎̄̆̒̊̕i̴̢̢̨̝͈̙͆́̄͘͠ͅǹ̶͙̺̙̗̼̦͓̿͑͘͘͠k̶̨̬͓͖͒̂̑͂͠s̶͕͇͙̏͑̅ ̶̖͈̖̯͔́̍̋̓̀̂͝i̴̱͖͉͚͂͑̔t̴͎̬̪͑͌̍̉̓̓͝ ̸̨̡͙̥͖͉̀̃̎̊̆̌͜í̸͓͔̩̻̬̹͐͂̊̇͋s̴̨̺̱̈́͑ ̸͙͔̥͊̈́͊̃̀̅́M̶̙̻͕̺̔̈̀͗͊̅͋E̴̟͆̊̌̚̕̕͝antly updated. For FREE. I mean, they’re not publicly available, and it would certainly be Ǐ̷̹ ̵̭̦̚t̸̳̼̺͖̲̫̫̒̎̃̎̐͋͘ḩ̸̳̯̩͔̊͛̈̆́͘͠i̶̬̬͖͙̩̾̈́ň̵̛̖̜̇̓k̵̙̦̹̃̌̌̓̽̆̚ ̵͙̓́i̵̦̺̘̟͐͂͗̇t̷͛̿ͅkind of infuriating for them to charge their early alpha-testers for updates, ha, ha.ḯ̶̺̹̟̼̄͝s̶͇̒̋̎̈́̂ ̴̼̤͕̫̠̈́́̂̂̚l̸̙̄̇̓̔ó̷̲̗̖̥̈́͠o̵̫̙̪̓̽͂̆̿̽͘ḳ̷̢̮̮͓̘̏͠ͅi̷̠̮̼̲̍̃̄ṋ̸̻͎̠̙̗̿͆̚ͅg̴̟͎͒́̎̅ I remember I got the last update, a tiny patch, a couple f̴̹͒̔̄̅̔̚͘õ̷͓̪͍̊̈́͝ṙ̸̡͙͕̆̉́͝ ̵͍̩̥͊̏̽̓͋M̷̛͍̺̣͖͇̱̍̏̂̽Ë̶̳̖͕̽͊̐days ago. And I mean it, it was TINY, like kilobytes-tiȈ̵̙̙͇̱̫̈́̍̆̄ ̵͔͔̪̬̺̾̈͒͝c̶̨̪̣̘̼͈̎a̷͙̮̺̙̬̐͋̐͋̃̄ͅṇ̷̙͎͇̗͑̾̓̎̌̍͜͠’̷̨̛̝̗̹̝͓́̕t̸̛̬͈̜̟̲͎̄̈̀̓̕͝ ̵̻͉͕̦̇r̴͎̥͇̪̳͖̈́̍͋̅ư̸̰̹̳̑̉̋n̵̢͈̦̰͈̐̈̈̕͜ny, you get me? And what was it for? Synesthesia. I can mess arounḮ̷̹̱͎̤͍̃͛͊̚͝͠ ̶̹͓̥̌h̵͖͎͓̭̾̕a̴̫͌̍͗̊͗́̇v̸̺̣̪͉̖̆̈͗̈́̇̕e̷͎̦̬̾́̀͝d with my brain’s conections now, which feels kind of scary being this early in development, ṅ̵̨͍̙̹̙̘o̴̙̦͍͕̐̏͌͊ ̵̻̮̐̈̿̚͝b̶̬̹͕̊͝o̵̢̯͍̜͆́̈͗̀͘d̵̳̗̙̫̣͙̝͊͒y̴̡͍͉̜̐̾̑̎͘͠so I’ll just stay away from it for some time. Or until I can’t hea̷̧̒͋͋̚ṇ̶̛̪͉͇̰̿̓͗́d̷̠͉͐̑̽́̈́̓ ̶̢̗͕̜̞̔͋͝i̷̗̬͔̞͗̑̄̓̕t̷͎̀́̑͌́̈́̐’̷̛̂̒͒ͅș̵̣͛lp myself and curiosity gets the better of meġ̷̨̥͕̦͆͠ȩ̶̛̱͈̮͚͇͑͋̃̃̽̕ẗ̵͕̥̓̐́̒͋t̸̡̻̬͖̪̝̂̓̏̂̄̈́i̴̧̽̓̀͘͜͝ǹ̴͍̤͒̽̂̾̒g̷̟͓̣̿̾͋́̈̓͛ ̴͖̽͆̈́̿c̸̢̠̮̱̖͕͌͝ļ̸̢̢͔̔͝o̷̙̭͇͋͗̕͠s̶̥̗͒̊́͛̚e̴̛̪̔̈r̶̨̢̩̫̘͔̳̔̅!
You know, thesem̶̙̺̱͕̗̏̃͆̈͜͝ỳ̴̱̬̗̠̪̠̉͋ ̵̗̰̳͓͙̀̈͝ͅG̸͝ͅo̴͓̻̭̓̑̉̈́̚d̶͖͛̂̚͝,̸͓͓̫̔̅̀͆ ̶̢̹͍͋̐͝Ï̷̤͔͚͍̰̈́̑͆́͝ ̷̪̳͖̄̾̌̉̅t̸̫̼̐̋̀̋̎̀ḧ̷̡̲̮̲̯̘̐̿i̶̪̓̓̌͆̓͝n̴̡͔͙͎̬̰̲̉͗̈̚̕k̶̯̞̥̗̱͉̳̈́͐̓ cutting-edge devices don’t come without their bI̷̩̭̩͙̭̱͋͂̅ ̷̧̧͈̘̂͠͝ỏ̷̭͇̥̑͘v̵͔̹̠̭͈̮̠̈̄͗e̵͔͌̓̔͌̿͌͒ŕ̴̭̭̜͚͙̚͜s̶̡̪̀̌̒̓̾̚͝ẗ̶̬̯̗́͌e̶̬͙̪̅p̶̟͋̀p̵̨̤̗̯͔̺͍̄͋͠e̷̱͔̖̜̘̿͑ͅd̴̮̪̭̥͐͑͋̓͜ͅugsugsugsugsugsugs, and I’d better go or I’ll be getting to drive without any sunlight!
I might be back with information on the new updaḐ̴̪̣̲̦̟̞͆O̵͈͖̜͉̻̓͛̈́̍̑͂̕ ̸̜̻̰̤́N̷͎̿̚O̷̡͇̤͍̲̍T̵̡̖̠̘̪̄͑͑̕͠ ̵̭̻̣̲͔̰̎̔̆̉̕T̷̨͙̘̭̦̆̌̋̓͆̓́R̷̨̢̼͔̹̖͒Û̵͚̖̥̦̝̊͛̓͋̉S̵̨͖̗̙̯͈͋̓́͜Ṭ̵̨̙͕͋̉̾̏̓̄͘ ̴̢̘̤̺̇̽͐Ȉ̷̜͈T̷͖̣̙̳̜̻̬̏̂̆͆͝tes!tes!tes!tes!tes!tes! Bye, bye friends!