The town where I grew up has been slowly dying since the factory closed down.
My parents, like a lot of other folks, lost their full time jobs and had to work at a gas station to make ends meet. I’d been working 2 part time jobs since I was 16 so we didn’t lose our house. But the pizza place I work at closed down, and the writing was on the wall. There’s no work here, just a run down town crumbling into dust.
So I got out out.
And I thought - maybe it will be easier for my parents with one less mouth to feed. Of course, that also means one less person bringing in money, but I couldn’t help that. It took me a month of going to the library after my shift at my other job, but I finally found a new job. It was a couple of states away, at ______, that great big monopoly everybody hates, but they’re willing to take me sight unseen, and even help with moving expenses, I couldn’t believe it!
I put the last of my cash in an envelope and left it for my parents, along with a note apologizing for leaving like this. I just couldn’t look them in the face and tell them.
I headed out in my 17 year old beater for (hopefully) better days. After driving non-stop for what seemed like forever, I arrived at my new home in _______. But everything feels wrong here, the people talk different and the dirt is a weird color and the air even smells wrong. But I can get used to it, I thought. I’ve never been out of my home town before, so it’s bound to be an adjustment, right?
I started the new job, and it was immediately hell. The work is brutal, with no AC even in 100 degree weather. I have 5 different direct managers all telling me different things and yelling at me for doing what another manager told me.I can’t even take a break to pee without asking permission, like I’m in kindergarten. It’s humiliating, and soul crushing. If you’ve never been belittled all day every day, you can’t really imagine what that does to your spirit.
The other awful realization I had is that what seemed like a lot of money in my small decrepit home town doesn’t go nearly as far here in this new place. But we’re all on mandatory overtime every week anyway, and I’m working 50-60 hours, so I don’t have time to go out and do anything anyway. I have my 1 day off, and I go home and crash for 12 hours and get groceries; prepare for a new terrible week, lather, rinse, repeat. It’s hell on my health: mental and physical. But Health and Safety at my new workplace is a joke, and not a funny one. One of my coworkers had a heart attack right there on the floor, and they just told us to get back to work. They made him come back a week after he got out of the hospital. A couple of weeks later I fell 16 feet off a ladder. Manager just said to suck it up, they weren’t doing workman’s comp for my dumb ass, and anyway the cameras didn’t see it so it didn’t happen. So now I have a limp and constant back pain, as well as panic attacks from the stress of working in this hell-hole.
I wanted so badly to quit, but one of my nicer coworkers pointed out that there were some hidden terms and conditions to that money that helped me move here; I have to stay for 6 months, or give that money back. If I quit before that, I’d be more than broke, I really would be homeless, and probably with ______’s debt collectors trying to hunt me down.
So I stuck it out for the 6 months, after which I am a broken wreck of a human being. I’m in pain all the time, from my back and leg. I finally got to see a doctor when my medical benefits kicked in 3 months after I started, turns out I fractured my leg and really f-ed up my back. I’ve also got a mysterious stutter, probably from not being able to finish a sentence at work without being screamed at for stupid crap that wasn’t even my fault. Working there turned me into a bitter, angry and exhausted person, which I hate. I just wanted a life!
But I did finally reach that 6 months, finally, finally, finally! I gave my worst manager my 2 weeks notice, and she told me it’s really goddamn inconvenient, and can’t I stay another couple of months? I did agree to stay an extra week, because I really needed some money, but after that I was out. I couldn’t take it anymore, ______ is a meat grinder; they hire a dozen people a week to replace the ones that quit the previous week. My nice coworker quietly congratulated me on getting out, and even told me he’s a little jealous, he has a house and a wife and kids to support, so he’s never going to be able to leave. That sounds like a fate worse than death, so I told him that sucks, and shook his hand. I could hear the head of the maintenance department and the plant manager screaming at each other again on the way out. Sounded like they hadn’t yet gotten around to taking a swing at each other though.
When I got home to my tiny crappy apartment though, it was bliss. After 5 days of nothing but sleeping and putting ice on my back, I finally felt like a human again.
Of course, I had no job, no friends, and very little money, but it’s still better than working for ______. It’s not easy go get another job with a limp and a stutter, but I found something part time at a pizza place. My car finally died, but that’s OK, this new place is close enough that I can walk, even if it’s slow going. I tried some stretches and exercises that the internet recommended for my back problems, but other than that I spent most of my time in the overgrown wooded lot behind my apartment. It’s green and quiet, and sometimes I see animals walking by if I’m really still.
I was sitting back there when I saw this really strange animal, lying in the middle of the road. It seemed unnatural, like a very large rat got too friendly with a crab. Looking at it kind of freaked me out, but. It was dazed and hurt, but still alive, still breathing. Probably it got hit by a car or something. I looked into its tiny ratty eyes, and thought, man I’ve been there. So I picked it up and took it into the wooded lot. I have no idea what something like that eats, so I put some raisins and some water in a little bowl next to it, and covered it with a ratty old towel so it wouldn’t get cold at night. I petted its head for a while and told it that it’ll be OK, and I hope it feels better soon. When it started to get dark I went back to my place, and it was gone the next day. I hope it got better and stays away from roads from now on.
The next day I started to really feel sick. I had a terrible fever, was shaking all over, and everything hurt from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. I can barely afford time off work, much less a doctor visit, so I stayed home and hoped for the best. But the best didn’t come. I started feeling worse and worse, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m cold and tired all the time, my hands and feet started to feel numb, and I have these weird patches on my skin. My eyebrows and lashes fell out, so I look like a goddamn monster.
I drug myself in to the pizza place after a few days, but my manager took one look at me and sent me home. He doesn’t want me around food prep, and I can’t say I blame him.
I slowly walked home and fell asleep almost immediately. When I woke up, I couldn’t feel my feet at all, and my hands had curled up into numb claws. It seems like there’s some kind of ulcers or lesions all over my skin too. I know I’m really up the creek without a paddle now, so I broke down and called my parents. But they didn’t answer and I know why. I’ve got 10 days until the rent is due, and there’s no way I can get the money together. I’m really cursing myself for having ever taken this job, for abandoning my parents and moving away from everything I ever knew. I’d had such high hopes for a new life.
It’s the next day now, and this morning when I woke up, I noticed that two of the fingers on my left hand and part of my ear is missing. I’m going to go lay back down on the floor, pull up my ratty old blanket, and sleep some more. I guess there’s nothing left to do but wait.