“So, how have you been feeling since our last visit?” My doctor asked while spinning his chair around to face me.
He had been looking over past notes for a long while before asking me this question. My symptoms hadn’t gotten any better and my mouth had been dry the entire time I was taking the new medication he had prescribed; I also had many more sleep paralysis incidents then I had the previous months. I relayed this to him and he frowned before typing on his computer for a while longer. He looked focused. I tapped my feet against the floor with anticipation. The doctor’s office always made me nervous and his unhappy demeanor wasn’t helping. He eventually looked up from his computer and spoke, “Usually one of the standard medications I prescribed you would have solved your problems by now or made them more manageable so I’m thinking about giving you this less commonly used antipsychotic. You know the drill, you’re going to come back in a month and we’ll go from there. You can also come back sooner if you are experiencing any side effects.” The doctor ended his speech with an exasperated sigh like he was getting tired of seeing me and going through this same lecture with the same person and went back to his computer.
I walked out of the doctor’s office with another pamphlet on stabilizing my anxiety and walked to the nearby pharmacy to get my prescription. The sky was gray like it was going to rain soon, so I walked briskly as to not get caught in the storm. When I got there the medication wasn’t in yet so they told me to wait in the lobby for a while until they got it, and that it wouldn’t be too long. I sat in the chair anxiously tapping my feet, wishing I could go back home instead of being in this bright, overwhelming place. My breathing felt cold like I was chewing on a very minty gum. I had the strong urge to stand up and pace around the room. I didn’t give in and looked down at my phone to drown my feelings of anxiety out with senseless scrolling through reels. Even with the distraction I could still feel my heart beating faster and faster. My hands started to shake and my breathing quickened but I was able to close my eyes and calm my breathing before I had a meltdown in the pharmacy and embarrassed myself in public again. Maybe it was the anticipation of taking a new medication but today I felt especially on edge and I felt my sanity and composure begin to melt away.
I looked up because it seemed like the people walking around the pharmacy were glancing at me and then looking away as soon as I looked at them. I looked back down at my phone again but as soon as I did I could feel their judging gazes on me. Every time I looked back up the people weren’t looking at me even though I felt their gazes which started to agitate me. What could they possibly see in me that would make them want to stare? Did I look sick? I knew I hadn’t slept well recently and maybe they thought I looked ill. Maybe- “Jason.” A woman said my name breaking me out of my thoughts and I looked up to see the pharmacist with a white bag. “Take one of these pills every night before you go to bed, and do not take any other medication with this.” She also rattled off a large list of possible side effects but I was more focused on leaving the place.
I left the pharmacy with the bag in my hand and walked home with no incidents. As I shut the door and locked it my cat greeted me, rubbing against my leg and trying to lead me to his food bowl. I filled his bowl and changed its water before going to my couch and sitting down. My apartment consisted of two bedrooms, and a living area with a kitchen combined to it. One of the rooms contained my bed while the other was where I kept my computer and all of the cat things. I tend to spoil my cat, hence having almost a whole room for it even though most of the time it sleeps in my bed. Sometimes my cat is the only thing that keeps me connected to reality.
As night came around I grew more anxious to take the medication and avoided looking at the pill bottle which was sitting on the counter, like it was some sort of cursed effigy. Around midnight I started to feel tired and decided it was time to try to go to bed, so I walked over to the bottle and dropped one of the little blue capsules into my hand. I grabbed my cup of water and put the capsule on my tongue before washing it down and heading to my bedroom to try and sleep.
I tossed and turned in my bed restlessly for a long while, as I was still anticipating the possible side effects that the medication could have on me. My anxiety festered in me making my mind race and gave me the urge to move around. This made sleep hard so I gave up and started scrolling through my phone to pass the time. My mind wandered as I was scrolling through different social media platforms and watching videos. I was reminded of old memories from a time before when I hadn’t had all of the issues that constantly plague my mind. There was a time in the past where I was normal and not constantly paranoid, but that time was over after the incident that took everything I had right out from under my nose. I started to feel drowsy and the room started spinning so I put my phone down and closed my eyes. The motion went away when I closed my eyes and sleep overcame me.
I was in my car driving down the dark highway. The windshield wipers were barely able to keep up with the downpour of rain falling onto it as we sped to the hospital. She was holding onto her stomach in extreme pain and agony, writhing in the seat next to me. Something was horribly wrong with her which sent me into a panic. She had a family history of issues with pregnancy and we were worried about them but we bit the bullet and decided to risk it and start a family together, even knowing the possible risks. She screamed in the seat next to me and I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as my anxiety spiked.
We were speeding down the road rushing past cars and street lights trying to get to the hospital as fast as we could. The hospital was only a couple exits away but her agonized screams got worse so I sped up. The dread I felt was like a physical presence behind me that refused to leave me alone. Two cars that were side by side appeared in front of us from the dark but I was going too fast to slow down and had to pass them. I tried to pass on the right and hit a patch of grass. We lost traction, turning the car sideways while still going fast. For a second it was like time stopped, and we were frozen in that moment of pure terror. It felt as if there was no gravity as the car flipped upside down in the air. I looked into her scared eyes one last time before the car made contact with the ground. The last thing I remember is her head jerking forward and hitting the dashboard as the front end of the car went straight into a wall and then everything was dark.
I woke up yelling and in a cold sweat. I was shaking from the posttraumatic nightmare I had experienced and I couldn’t do anything but try to calm my rapidly beating heart down. I stumbled into the bathroom and looked at my face, my eyes were red and watery like I had been crying. I took a shower and finished my morning ritual almost robotically as I had done it so many times before and I couldn’t be bothered to care anymore. My body eventually stopped shaking as hard and I made sure to feed and water my cat before putting on my shoes to go outside.
My hand lingered on the door knob and I felt apprehensive about leaving my apartment because all the noise tended to stress me out. There was so much noise outside and even more people that may stare at me if I had a meltdown that made leaving my house a stressful task. I remembered how I looked in the mirror, even though I stayed clean I still looked tired and had let my hair grow out a little too much and it was uneven and messy. I bit the bullet and decided to leave the house and go on a walk around the park and then to walk to the barber shop and get a haircut. I opened the door and walked outside looking over the balcony at a woman jogging along the sidewalk. I froze and my body felt cold as I saw the thing following behind her. I turned around and slammed the door to my apartment and locked it. I ran into the kitchen to get the receipt that came with the pill bottle to check the warnings. There was nothing about hallucinations on the warning, the medication was actually supposed to get rid of any hallucinations I had.
I walked back to the door and looked out the adjacent window back onto the street without leaving the safety of my home. There were people walking around but those things were behind the people as they were walking around going about their normal lives like they weren’t being bothered by them. The creatures were tall and dark like a shadow in an already dark room, they had long arms that reached down to their knees and they were double the height of a taller human. Their eyes were dark pits with white orbs that shook violently in their sockets. Some would glance at me but go back to following the person they were in tow of, almost like they were uninterested in me even though I could see them while others clearly couldn’t.
I stepped away from the window and felt a presence behind me, my heart was racing in my ears and I started to become dizzy, one of those things was right behind me like they were with everyone else. One of those things could’ve been breathing down my neck and I was ignorant to its presence but now I was aware. I whipped around, wide eyed, and looked towards the thing behind me. There was nothing there. There was nothing behind me besides my cat sitting on a shelf. I didn’t know what to do now that these things were outside, they were looking at me so they must’ve known I was there but they didn’t follow so I knew I must’ve been kind of safe since they weren’t outwardly aggressive, at least for now. Even though they weren’t after me I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t call anyone because they’d think I’m crazy and I didn’t want to go outside because what if they were hostile and I was mistaken? I paced my living room for a long while with my heart racing trying to decide what to do in my predicament.
I could feel my anxiety rising and the world started seeming two dimensional as I felt the hairline fractures in my sanity begin to fissure and I collapsed onto the floor in tears. My already messed up life was falling apart in front of me again and I could do nothing to stop it. I laid on the floor and it felt like I was falling into an abyss of insanity before I blacked out.
I inhaled sharply as I woke up from a dreamless sleep on the uncomfortable wood floor. My back was sore and my mind immediately raced through the memories of the day. The only light in my apartment came through the window from a street lamp so I got up to turn on one of the lights. I then sat on my couch staring blankly at my television with my mind racing to figure out what to do. I couldn’t just sit in my house forever, I had to leave at one point. Those things were following other people but not me so I was at least safe alone. I rationalized that if I went out at night then I could find out more about them without feeling too overwhelmed with less people out.
Eventually I went back to my door, opened it, then stepped outside again leaving the comfort of my home. I looked down to the road below me and there was nobody driving or walking around which was perfect for me. I walked down the road with my eyes darting around looking for the presence of those things. I continued walking towards the nearest convenient store, for some reason the fluorescent lights of the place seemed comforting and safe. The parking lot was empty besides for the one car of the person working there. I looked in through the window and there was no creature standing behind the man, it was just him in the store. I sighed in relief and walked in while making a mental note to call my doctor as soon as possible. The new medication had just had a bad side effect on me and I hallucinated the whole thing.
Feeling much better I walked over to the wall of fridges and grabbed a carton of ice cream and a few other items to eat later. As I walked up to the cashier at the front I noticed something out of the corner of my eye; there was one of those things standing at the corner of the store, staring back into my wide eyes. I started to shake before the person at the counter said, “Excuse me man, are you okay?” He looked worried like he probably thought I was some sort of tweaker.
“Oh, yes I’m alright” I said, while setting down the food items on the counter.
I kept glancing back at the thing standing in the corner of the building, looking to see if it would make any sudden moves. The man looked at the corner at the same time as me but seemed to look right through it then looked back to the items of mine that he was scanning. After he scanned the items I paid for them and rushed out of the store.
While walking home I kept looking backwards to see if one of those things were following me, but there wasn’t anything in sight and the streets were empty. I set the snacks that I bought down on the counter and put the ice cream into the freezer saving it for later. I paced around thinking of what I could do about these things, obviously I couldn’t tell anyone because no one else could see them and they’d think I was crazy. I decided I would try to study them more, from a safe distance to find out more about them before jumping to any fear filled conclusions. I already had enough to worry about before this so there was no reason to freak out too much and stress myself out without seeing them do anything actually bad. Besides for their off-putting presence they had done absolutely nothing wrong to warrant any fear from me, but deep down I felt like there was at least something about them that I should be concerned about. Because of the feeling they gave me I decided that in my investigations I would stay as far away from people as possible as to not be near the things as they could still do something to me.
I threw on a hoodie to cover my face as much as possible before leaving the house again. If these things could recognize me and find me somehow I would like to try to make it difficult for them to see my face. I walked down the road for around twenty minutes before coming to the main part of my town where there were some stray people walking around. Most of them were stumbling lightly like they were drunk and the others were going into bars or fast food places that were still open. The things followed behind all of the people walking around, all of them at different distances away from the people. They didn’t interact with our world as I saw them go through walls at times or get passed through by people walking faster than them. The weird thing was that they were all different distances away from the people they were following but they’d hold that distance between them and the person tightly. I walked around looking for anything that stuck out when I saw a woman walking down the street with one much closer to her than I had previously seen.
The woman was clearly very intoxicated as she stumbled down the road towards a restaurant’s parking lot. I walked in the same direction as her but stayed on the opposite side of the street trying to watch what she was doing. She put her hands in her pocket and pulled out a car key and pressed a button that made the car alarm go off. She fiddled with the key for a few seconds before the alarm stopped and she stumbled into the car. I started to walk towards the car and shouted, “Hey!” through her open window.
“What do you want?” She asked, reaching for something in her passenger seat as I approached.
The thing was still right behind her and I started to grow anxious at the idea of what the thing she could’ve been reaching for was, it was night after all and I was a stranger walking up to her car. “Listen I just saw you come from that bar and you can’t drive while you’re intoxicated, you should call someone to pick you up.” I said while putting my hands up to signal I wasn’t a threat.
“Listen here mister, you can’t tell me what I can and can’t do. If I felt unsure about my ability to drive then I wouldn’t drive.” And with that she put the car into reverse and backed out of the parking spot she was in.
While navigating through the parking lot she almost hit a car by taking a turn too sharply. She made it out of the parking lot and got ready to turn onto a busy road. The creature was only a dark shadow on a darker canvas for me but I saw it reach its hand out towards the woman. The woman accelerated the car onto the road seemingly only looking in one direction. She approached the center lane of the road as I saw the creature behind her reach its hand out to touch her. My heart dropped as an oncoming semi truck smashed into her car, spinning it out of control. It spun violently before making contact with a pole and being completely pulverized between the pole and the giant semi truck that had hit it. The sound of glass shattering brought back horrible memories and my body shook all over as it was flooded with adrenaline and fear.
I ran back to my house and slammed the door behind me, accidentally startling my cat which ran into my bedroom. My hands were shaking and I went to make some tea to try and calm down while running the previous events over in my head. As the creature made contact with the woman a car hit her, most likely killing her on the spot. The carnage of the wreck was so awful there was no way she could’ve been okay. The distance between the creatures and the people was always different but they never moved closer or further, once it made contact with the woman she died, could this have been correlated?
I paced around the house all the while constantly looking behind me, it always felt like I was being watched or stared at by an unseen source. I kept asking myself why one of those things wouldn’t be behind me but no matter how much I searched in my head I couldn’t find a reasonable answer. I took another one of the pills out of muscle memory but became anxious after taking it remembering the previous night’s dream. It was too late now. The pill apparently did not only have antipsychotic effects but also very sedating effects, because after about half an hour after taking the pill I became extremely drowsy even with the extreme anxiety plaguing my body and fell asleep quickly.
I was sitting on a grassy hill and the sun was shining. She was in front of me, halfway down the hill she was there playing with our son. They were kicking a ball back and forth while laughing and smiling. I found myself smiling too, it was a nice summer day and we were creating core memories as a family. There was a light breeze that flowed over the hill and across the field that laid at the bottom of the hill. After the large field was a dark forest that gave me a weird feeling. I stared at the forest for a moment then looked away and the feeling and memory of that feeling was immediately gone.
I smiled as I looked at them playing together and thought of how proud I was that our son was already enjoying sports and started daydreaming of teaching him new things and all the fun memories we could make. The thoughts were interrupted by a nagging feeling to keep looking back at the forest but every time I would look there was nothing of worry there so I didn’t understand why my mind kept going back to it. Even with the joy I felt I started to get anxious because it was like there was something in the forest and my instinct was telling me to look out for it. When I looked back at the forest again I could swear I saw something deep in the trees like an outline of a person but it was so far away and the outline was deep in the forest so I couldn’t tell what it was but I was sure it wasn’t there before. I kept looking but nothing happened so I looked back to my family but the uneasy feeling was still there. They were still playing without a worry in the world and I felt the smile come back to my face but it dropped as I looked back at the forest and saw those creatures at the edge of the forest. There were two of them standing side by side, staring with a menacing gaze at my family.
The creatures started walking towards us and I stood up in a panic and tried to scream for my wife and son but it only sounded like a whisper. I tried to run towards them but it felt as though I was running through thick syrup. I looked back to the treeline and the creatures were nowhere to be seen. I turned my head violently left and right to try and find them but they were still nowhere. “What’s wrong honey?” My wife’s sweet voice came from down the hill.
I looked down at her and my heart sank as the creatures were right behind her and my son almost ready to touch them. I tried as hard as I could to scream and run towards them to save them but nothing happened. I looked into her eyes as they widened when the creature touched her. She fell to her knees and started screaming in pain as her body started to contort and break from some unseen force. I felt my soul shatter for a second time as her screams became more and more pained and animalistic as she bent in awful and inhuman ways. My son had disappeared and I was forced to watch as she slowly met a brutal demise for a second time in front of me.
I shot up out of my bed screaming and thrashing around viciously before realizing I was in the real world and that awful experience was just a very vivid dream. I broke down, I couldn’t stop thinking of the image of her and my son playing in the field. We would never get the chance to make happy memories like that because of the car crash that took her and our unborn child from me. Eventually, I got up and walked to the kitchen where the pill bottle was. The dreams started as I started taking the pills, so I was done with them. I grabbed the pill bottle and took the top off before holding it over the sink. I stood with the pill bottle over the sink but I could not bring myself to pour the capsules out, because what if I stopped seeing those things? I couldn’t just go on with my life knowing those things were following people around. I put the top back onto the pill bottle and set it down on the counter because I could not live with myself if I suddenly stopped.
I went through my options of what I could productively do with this knowledge and I came up with an idea; maybe if I could find one that was close to someone I could somehow move it away from them by preventing their death if it was caused by an accident. That night I left the house and went to many different bars looking for someone that one of those things was close to while also getting shit-faced to make the presence of those things not as intimidating. I still didn’t know if they could hurt me so I was extremely nervous but after a bit of liquid courage from a few different bars I wasn’t feeling as scared of them anymore. At the bars there were a lot of people with the creatures close to them but none close enough for it to be very soon. The thought of how many people had these creatures as close to them as they were made me even more depressed than I already was, as I couldn’t help all of these people. Maybe my purpose was to help them, maybe now that I could see these things I was supposed to help them by doing something to prevent their death and help them live longer.
I had no success at the bars and started walking the streets in more dangerous areas looking for anyone that those things were close to. Eventually, I came across a man with a black hoodie on walking down the street with one of those things dangerously close to him. I stayed on the opposite side of the street but followed him until he walked into a liquor store. He walked out of the store with a bag that had the distinct outline of a bottle that must’ve been at least a half gallon. He walked down the street a couple of blocks before starting to drink from the bag and the creature was following him, almost seeming excited. Before long the man started to stumble but kept chugging his drink. I didn’t know if he was planning on killing himself or if he was just overdoing it but I jogged over to him before I could think. The creature behind him looked at me with its piercing white eyes almost dissuading me but I couldn’t stop now.
I tapped the man on the shoulder and he jumped as he looked back at me. “What do you want?” He slurred.
“Man I don’t know what you’re drinking but I know that the amount I’ve seen you drink in the past ten minutes is definitely not healthy and you really should pace yourself,” I said while trying to keep a safe demeanor and a kind tone.
“You’re not my dad, fuck off!” He turned around and started walking away from me.
I panicked, even if this guy was being an ass to me I couldn’t live with myself if he died because of me. I lunged forward and knocked the bottle out of his hand and it landed in the grass next to the sidewalk making a gurgling noise as it poured out into the dirt. He turned around unsteadily with rage in his eyes, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing man?” His spit flew into my face.
I was frozen in my place by the look that the creature gave me, no matter how mad that man was there was no anger even close to the otherworldly hatred that the creature looked at me with. The man lunged at me as the creature reached its hand towards him, still keeping the same distance. I moved out of the way of the man trying to not get hit but he tripped over my foot which I didn’t move fast enough and he flung his arms as his face went forward with no balance. Right in his trajectory was a fire hydrant and his skull connected with it with an excruciating crack of his skull shattering over the top metal piece of the hydrant. He slumped to the side, there was a big hole on his forehead with blood seeping out of it and his body twitched for a few seconds before stopping completely. The creature was gone now and it was just me and the man who I just watched die. I ran out of the area before anyone could see me near him and darted back home.
When I got home I fed and watered my cat before collapsing on the couch in exhaustion and crying until I couldn’t anymore. I felt as though it was somehow my fault, maybe I could’ve done something but those evil creatures wouldn’t let me. I was helpless, this was like a curse. I couldn’t help anyone even if I wanted to and if I stopped taking the medication I would have to live the rest of my life knowing these MONSTERS were following everyone and would eventually cause their death. I couldn’t stop asking myself why I didn’t have one of these things behind me and my thoughts looped until I started to get tired. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed another one of the pills and took it before going to my couch and stewing in my own painful prison of thought I had created in my head. Soon I started to become drowsy and my thoughts of the creatures wandered and as I fell towards sleep I couldn’t get the image of them out of my head.
I was on the couch watching a movie with her next to me. My arm was around her and she was leaning against my side with both of her arms wrapped around me and I felt completely at ease. There was a quiet static noise from the baby monitor next to us that had a black and white picture of the baby’s room and the baby sleeping quietly in his bed. I sunk back further back into the couch getting even more comfortable before she moved her head to look at me. Her beautiful brown eyes looked deep into mine as she smiled shyly and asked, “Babe could you please get me some water from the kitchen.” Her eyes sparkled in the dark from the reflection of the light and my heart filled with love.
I sat up and said, “Of course.” as I walked towards the kitchen.
“Thank you.” She cooed from the other room.
I grabbed a cup of water out of the cabinet and started to fill it in the sink. My mind wandered as I looked out the window that looked towards the backyard and I saw them standing there. Illuminated in the moonlight those creatures were there again, standing in a line at the back of the yard towards the fence with their white eyes looking directly into me. The water filled the cup and poured over my hand as I stared at them. A loud static noise and her screaming my name shook me out of my stupor and I ran to the living room. “The baby!” She shouted at me.
I looked towards the monitor and the static crackled loudly but I couldn’t see a clear image of what was going on because I was too far away and the monitor was too bright.
The baby started crying from the other room and I ran up the stairs and down the hall as fast as I could towards his room. As I ran the cries turned into screams which made me run even faster. I was sweating profusely and I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my body as I kicked the door open and ran into the baby’s room. One of those monsters was leaning over my baby’s crib, lowering his hand toward my child. The baby’s screams turned into ear-piercing shrieks that made my ears pulse in extreme pain which made me stop and put my hands over my ears instinctively. I fell to my knees facing the ground then the screaming suddenly cut off. “No no no,” I mumbled as I crawled to the crib and looked in.
The baby was gone and I collapsed onto the floor in complete defeat.
“What did you do?” She screamed as she appeared in the doorway.
“I tried to help, I really did.” I stammered out.
“Now he’s gone! Now you’re never going to be happy because you couldn’t save us! This is all your fault and you deserve everything that you’ve experienced because you couldn’t even save the people you love!”
“I DID WHAT I COULD!” I screamed back.
She flinched and a hurt look overcame her face and I immediately felt bad. “No, please, I’m sorry.”
“It’s too late.”
A creature appeared behind her and put its hand on her shoulder. Her face filled with shock as she collapsed to her knees right in front of me. “Help me please.” She whispered as she started to tremble.
“NO PLEASE!” I screamed as she started seizing in front of me and twisting into the position I imagined she must’ve been in after the car crash.
“SOMEBODY HELP!” I screamed but no one was there, there was nobody there to help me or her and she soon ceased moving in my arms.
I woke up with tears running down my face and my body trembling all over. I stumbled out of my bed and into the bathroom and soaked my face in cold water. I looked in the mirror and was barely shocked at the awful condition I was in. My hair was a matted mess and dark circles under my eyes had large wrinkles now making them baggy and not nice to look at. My face was pale and the light in my eyes that had once been there was gone; I could’ve been mistaken as a dead body if I wasn’t moving. I tried my best to wash my face and make myself look okay but even with all the effort I was willing to put in I still didn’t look at all okay. What did it even matter if I didn’t look okay? I wasn’t.
I left my house and kept my head down, ignoring the creatures walking behind people as I walked to the park. I was defeated and just wanted to enjoy something little even if it wasn’t important in the end. The grass was green and the birds chirped their morning song, the sun was out and it was warm and the trees swayed in the breeze. The smell of fresh-cut grass permeated my nostrils and all of the sounds of the trees and birds made me feel slightly relaxed and forget about all of my problems if only for a moment. I walked over to a bench and sat down looking up at the trees above me. They swayed in an almost hypnotic motion and I found myself getting lost in the beauty and even forgetting about the creatures.
I was so lost in the mesmerizing beauty of the trees that I didn’t even notice the woman who sat next to me before she tapped my shoulder. I jumped a little and looked down at her, she was a beautiful woman that seemed to be around my age, she wore a black beanie that matched her black hair and had a nose ring. Her brown eyes looked into mine and she reminded me so much of her and my thoughts started to wander but I brought them back down to earth as this woman seemed to be trying to ask me something. “Uh, sorry, I zoned out for a while. What is it?” I asked.
“I just saw you sitting alone, are you waiting for someone?”
“No, I just went out here to try and get some fresh air.”
“That’s a shame, I’m here alone too.”
From there, a long conversation ensued between us that lasted for the better part of an hour as we got to know each other and opened up about our lives. I didn’t mention what happened in the past and tried to keep the conversation on a lighter topic. The entire conversation felt fluid and after the previous nightmarish days, I was finally able to relax and enjoy myself with this stranger. I started to hope that I could get her number and we could hang out more and maybe even date and I could finally get my life together.
“I have a deep question I want to ask.” She said, scooting a little closer to me.
“Sure what is it?” I asked her while looking into her eyes.
She looked into my eyes and asked, “If you had the chance to save someone would you take it?”
The wind died down and the birds stopped chirping. The entire world was quiet, seemingly waiting for my answer. I started to get a feeling of impending doom in my chest and my hands started to tremble as the anxiety came back. “Of course I would.” I faltered.
The woman’s voice took on a new sinister tone as she said, “Then why didn’t you? You could’ve saved her but you didn’t, you’re the reason she’s dead and it’s all your fault.”
I stood up and started walking backward and she stood up too. I tried to stammer out a reply but I blinked and she wasn’t there anymore, in her place was one of those creatures looking down at me with its evil eyes. I stood there, frozen as it walked towards me and fear filled my body as it got closer. I closed my eyes and braced myself for what was to come next but when I opened them I saw it now following behind a person that was walking by with his dog.
I was finally given hope for some kind of reprieve from this living nightmare and it was all a facade for those things to torture me more than they had already. I walked home defeated as I had no more hope anymore. It was only the afternoon but I walked into my room and got into my bed. I felt drained and I just needed some rest and maybe I would feel a little bit better afterwards.
I was in the car and rain was pounding against the window. I had to squint to see in front of the car but even then I couldn’t see much. I noticed the sound of light crying coming from next to me. She was sitting in the passenger seat with her head on the dashboard, tears streaming down her face and shaking slightly with her quiet sobs. I looked back to the road not knowing what to say and sat in near silence with the occasional sob breaking it. I didn’t know exactly why she was crying but deep inside I felt horrible like it was my fault, I just knew the pain was because of me. I wanted to say something to comfort the pain but I thought that it would only make it worse so I just sat in silence and kept my eyes on the road while letting my mind wander and search for what I could’ve done wrong to have caused this.
Suddenly the crying stopped and she broke the silence and said, “It’s so lonely without you here.”
I kept my eyes focused on the road and searched my mind for some words to say but I couldn’t think of any. “Why did you have to leave us here?”
I looked to my side and she was looking up at me with tear-filled eyes and I felt a lump in my throat as I couldn’t stop myself from crying too. “I’m so sorry, I really am. I tried, I did everything I could. I promise”
“I know you did sweetie but it wasn’t enough.” she whispered to me in her sweet voice.
“If I could go back I would’ve called an ambulance or-” She cut me off
“You can’t go back, what matters is what you do now. You ruined the amazing life we could’ve had so what matters now is what you do from here. I’m not mad at you for what you did, I just miss you.”
With the combination of my tear-soaked eyes and soaked windshield, I couldn’t see the two cars on the road before it was too late. I tried to hit the brakes but the car spun and started to flip. I looked towards her and she whispered, “Please find me.” As the car made contact with the ground.
Before I could feel the impact of the car I shot awake in my bed again. The words she whispered now echoed in my head as I got out of my bed and looked outside. It was night now and the sky was cloudy and covered the moon leaving the whole world bathed in a depressing dark gray. I walked into the living room to feed and water my cat, though this time I gave him extra food and water along with a couple of his favorite treats. The feeling of being watched was still there the entire time as I walked into the kitchen where the cupboard full of different failed medications was and grabbed a few bottles of the ones with the most warnings on them. I set them on the counter and then found a piece of paper where I wrote that whoever took care of my cat could have everything of mine that they wanted including my money as long as they took good care of my cat.
I walked into my room with a large glass of water and the pill bottles of past medications and sat down on my bed contemplating if what I was doing was a good idea. I would miss my cat, but even though I loved him, I missed her more. I felt the feeling of being watched even stronger now and felt a presence right behind me. I realized all of this time there had been one of those creatures following me but I just couldn’t see it. All of this time I felt special but I was just ignorant to the fact that I was no different than anyone else and I was bound to die too. It felt close to me like it was anticipating my next move and I could feel that it was probably some warped version of excitement for me to end it all. I looked at the pill bottles on my bed and her words echoed through my head, “Please find me.”
I thought about the possibility of living a life without these pills and trying to move on, but in the end, how could one live with this knowledge?