I sold knives door-to-door. Yes, those jobs still exist, and they are miserable. Most days you get rejected and humiliated and yelled at, especially in a poor neighborhood. People look at you like you’re a cockroach they can’t get rid of. And yet we keep grinding away because we are desperate, and we need the money. So, when your boss offers a same-day cash bonus for each premium set you sell on Christmas Eve, you must step out of your comfort zone. Maybe too much so.
“Good afternoon, I’m with Varney’s Knife Co. Can I please have a few minutes of your time today?”
The middle-aged woman who stood before me reeked of pickle juice. Sweat stains on her tee. Greasy blonde hair all over the place. She pulled up her sagging jogging pants and eyed me up and down.
“I opened the door, didn’t I?”
“Yes, of course. Thank you. For Christmas Eve, we are offering a premium set of knives for twenty percent off. Are you in the market for a new set of kitchen knives?”
The woman licked her lips and smirked. “I could use a new set. Ones I have now are a bit rusted. I’m sure you know everything about that, right? Perfect time for you to make a big sale. How did you know?”
I returned a gentle, yet uncomfortable smile. She could sense the desperation in my face, the need to close the deal. “Well—”
She cut me off. “Come on in, I’d love a demo. Is there a sample set I can try out on the meat I just cooked up? The name is Ember.”
Ember dangled her hand in front of me, as I stood there surprised at her invitation. “Tim, nice to meet you. Let me just grab a sample kit from my truck.”
When I entered Ember’s home, a flood of smells choked my nostrils almost to the point that I had to gag.
“Sorry for the odor, just been cooking up a storm,” she said.
The living room and kitchen were essentially in the same room, and the area was dimly lit. A few lamps emitted just enough light to set off some red flags. The various piles of men’s clothes and shoes thrown about was one thing, but it was the stains on the carpet that made my stomach churn.
I was about to turn around and leave when Ember said, “Tim, if your steak knife can cut through this piece over here on the cutting board, I think you might be walking away today with some cash in your pockets and one happy boss.”
I handed Ember the knife and she cut right through the meat as expected.
“This one is from our premium collection,” rolled off my tongue, as Ember glowed with satisfaction at the knife’s precision.
“Tim, I want to make you the richest knife salesman in this town, but I need you to do something for me.”
Ember came face-to-face with me and rolled up the sleeves of my shirt.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
She reached her hand into my pants and fondled me. “I want you inside of me, but it’s not what you are thinking. I’ll buy ten premium sets and throw in an extra thousand tip if you give me what I want.”
“What is it that you want?”
Ember grabbed the knife and gave it back to me. “Take a small piece off, just an inch or so from your left arm.”
I jumped back. “Wait, what? You want me to cut myself?”
“Tim, I want to taste you, just a little skin.”
Ember saw the scars near my wrist. She knew I had cut myself before during a darker time in my life. So even though I felt disgusted, I cut off a small piece of flesh the size of a quarter and placed it in her hand.
“Okay, are we done here? Can I get the money now and go?”
“Tim, I’ve got five thousand cash if you can give me a bigger sample.”
I placed the knife against my arm.
“No, not there, sweetheart. I want a piece of that sausage,” she said.
My body shuddered. “No fucking way, not cutting off a piece of my dick for you.”
“What if I buy a premium set from you each week for the next year?”
I thought about it for a minute. The job was purely commission based, so having a guaranteed weekly customer would go a long way.
“I can help make it less painful,” she said.
She took the knife and pressed it against the side of my penis. I closed my eyes.
“Okay, just the tiniest piece, please. I need this thing, you know.”
My soft chuckle turned to an excruciating scream, as the blade cut all the way through, severing my manhood. I fell to the ground howling and then passed out from the pain.
When I woke up, I was positioned on the couch, Ember next to me eating the chunk of my penis. I looked down at my wounds and noticed she had like cauterized me or something to stop the bleeding.
“I called your office. Someone is on the way to pick you up. As for me—well—I don’t live here. But I really enjoyed the meal.”
Ember stormed out and left me. I was never the same again.