Sorry I didn’t reply to everyone’s messages on the last post. I was like “I feel so guilty for not spending every waking moment studying” and then my brain was also like “but don’t you feel guilty for not replying to people” and anyway I guess my stress coping mechanism is to do only one of the things stressing me out and then binge watch anime to bury the guilt of not doing the other thing. I did read them all, though. I always do, I promise.
(if you’re new, start here, and if you’re totally lost, this might help)
I talked to the professor I trust about Cassie’s situation with her asshole professor. He tried to be helpful, but there wasn’t a lot we could do it sounded like. Cassie could make a complaint and the school could do some things based on that, such as place an observer in the classroom. I thought that sounded like a terrible idea. Like yes, we’re putting someone in here to observe you which obviously means one of your remaining eight students - whose grades you’re holding hostage - ratted you out.
It was nice to talk to my professor though. It’s weird because all through school teachers were these unapproachable ~*~adults~*~ and now I’m an adult and the dynamic has changed. I can just have a conversation with the professor like I would a normal person. It’s wild.
After we got done talking about my friend’s dilemma and he gave his suggestions, he also asked how I was doing here at the university. He’d noticed that I’d struggled quite a bit at the start of class. I struggled in all my classes just because I had so much catching up to do.
I told him that I was from a small town and that no one in my family had gone to college yet. I tried to make it sound like it was no big deal because I didn’t want to seem pathetic, but he was quiet for a moment and then he said that must be very difficult for me.
To be far from home like this.
To be in a strange environment where I don’t know anyone.
To be in an academic setting I wasn’t prepared for.
I sat there, speechless, for a moment. I’ve thought about all these things before, but I’ve assumed all this time it was something I just needed to… get over. That if I toughed it out I’d stop feeling so nervous and anxious all the time. After all, it really wasn’t that big of a deal, right? Lots of people go to college. If they can all come here and do this and be fine, then I should be able to do the same.
It was the first time someone had said to me ‘what you’re doing is hard’ in a way that made me feel they were right. That this is hard and that I do have reason to struggle with it. There’s a lot of relief in realizing that this weight you’ve shouldered isn’t imaginary. I’m not weak. It really is a lot to carry.
After my sister got married, I inherited the role of the eldest. Mom was at the store a lot so I was at home, trying to take care of my younger siblings and also make sure my own schoolwork got done. Mom always said she didn’t want to make us spend all our time working at the store, especially since I worked on the campgrounds during the summer, but there was still a lot to do at home. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, helping my younger siblings with their homework. I have this mental image of myself as the tough, reliable one that can get things done.
I don’t feel that way, though. It’s just a show I’m putting on so that no one else in the family has to worry about how things are going to get taken care of. I feel like ever since my older sister left, I’ve been pouring myself out and trying to pretend that the pitcher will never run dry.
I think going to college is the first selfish thing I’ve done.
Is the first semester this hard for everyone else?
I didn’t say any of this to my professor. He asked how I was doing and said it sounded like things were hard for me. He didn’t need my life story. I said instead that it was hard, but I was getting by. My grades were improving, though perhaps not as quickly as I was hoping for. I had a plan, though, I hastily added before he could say anything about the tutoring center.
Then, because I felt I could trust him, I changed the subject to something else I was desperately wanting to know more about.
“I’ve been seeing some… odd things around campus,” I ventured. “Especially when it rains.”
He laughed a little.
“Oh yeah, the campus superstitions? I’ve heard about them too. It gets in your head, doesn’t it? Just the other day I swore I saw something moving between the raindrops, but when I looked it wasn’t there.”
The other professors talked about it a little bit, he continued. Some of them felt that even if the superstitions weren’t real, the students believed them enough to warrant canceling class if it rained. They could always do makeup assignments online, after all. He thought it a bit odd that the administration hadn’t put out official guidance about it for the professors. It seemed like the sort of thing they’d do - tell staff to stop canceling classes, that is.
“So, you’re not from around here either?” I guessed, my heart sinking.
“Nope. This is my third year teaching at the university.”
Well great. I finally get up the nerve to ask a professor what’s going on around here and I ask someone that has just as much of an idea as I do. He did give me a couple names of professors that had been here much longer and took the local traditions a lot more seriously. I’ve got them written down. I’m not sure I’m going to follow-up on that yet. I’m sure they could tell me some useful information, but after my encounter with the campus police and the broom lady, I’m not sure I want to draw that kind of attention to myself. They might know a lot of things from being around for so long, but seniority only works in your favor when you’re part of the in-crowd, and students - especially freshmen - certainly aren’t part of that group. We’re the fodder for the beasts.
Still, I thanked the professor for his time, and left with not a lot of resolution to my problems.
Cassie appreciated the effort though, when I told her.
“I’m just going to keep my head down for the rest of the semester,” she said glumly. “I need my grade more than I need vengeance.”
She considered it for a moment.
“I really want vengeance though,” she admitted in disappointment.
I might drop a brochure for the campgrounds in his mailbox in the hopes he’d take the bait. He seems like the type of person that a certain cup-carrying murderous asshole would take offense at.
Other than that, I’m spending a lot of time at the library. I feel I’m more focused there and have a better time concentrating on my homework and studying. Also… I’m watching for the ghost.
Yes, I know you all were like oh you need to research please don’t just go out there and try to piss off a ghost - look. It’s not like there’s a section in the library labeled Local Occult Folklore. Best they’ve got is newspaper articles and you have to request those and get them checked out special. I asked Steven about how he got his map and apparently he’s really good at navigating the library’s arcane search system. He’s actually been helping me. I haven’t found anything particularly interesting and certainly nothing relevant to my current problem with the Rain Chaser’s inner circle and the ghost.
Fortunately, as a side effect of being in the library so much, I was bound to encounter the library flood at some point.
I tried to stay in the stacks, as that was where the flood was reported to occur. They’re certainly not the most comfortable places to study. There’s some chairs, but no tables or desks, and it’s cold down there. No one studies in the stacks when there’s actual study rooms upstairs. I think that’s why I stood out, when the president of the Rain Chasers showed up to look for books one day.
“Heeeey,” she said, stopping to stand in front of me. “I forgot your name.”
I glanced up, uncertain as to what she was up to. We weren’t friends. Her little clique of a club had ensured that. I planned to keep attending the meetings, but only so that I could keep an eye on what they were up to. I certainly didn’t feel like pretending we were buddies.
“It’s Ashley,” I replied tersely.
“Last meeting was pretty wild, wasn’t it?”
“Sure.”
I returned my gaze to my laptop, hoping she’d get the hint and go away. She didn’t. She sat down in the other chair and started talking about the club, of all things. They wanted to be better at recruitment, she said, and some people had put out some ideas but she just didn’t know what to go with. I wanted to tell her that maybe they should be nicer to newcomers, but I only said it in my heart because I didn’t want to start a fight.
“Listen,” I finally said, when I could get a word in. “I’m only here because I’m trying to see the ghost again.”
“Again?”
“Yes. Again. I’ve heard you can make it mad and I’m curious as to how.”
Maybe she’d know. It was worth a try.
“We need the library to flood!” She stood up excitedly. “I’ve been wanting to see it!. C’mon, let’s go walk around. I think you need to get away from other people for that to happen.”
I glanced around. There were other students nearby. Reluctantly, I shut my laptop and put it in my backpack. She might actually be on to something.
I’m starting to understand why Kate had no tolerance for… anyone, really. The club president - whose name is Maria - chattered incessantly about things I didn’t care about and things that I honestly think I had no business knowing. I made a mental note to never tell Maria anything personal, not unless I wanted it spread to every stranger that walked across her path. Finally, she veered into talking about the inhuman, which was a welcome change from hearing about her roommate’s STD test.
“I heard a professor say he saw some figure flickering between the rain,” I said in a desperate bid to keep the conversation going in that direction.
“Yes! I’ve heard about that one. We call it… the flickering man.”
Oh wow so creative.
But also we’re not supposed to name them.
“I think it’s a poltergeist,” she continued. “Or maybe a banshee. It could also be a more modern creature, I suppose.”
She started rattling off a list of things that could be found only on the internet, each one growing more preposterous than the last. Finally, my patience snapped.
“That’s not how modern monsters work!” I snarled, whirling to face her. “I come from a town that was infested with these things, both old and new. The new ones have restrictions. They can’t go wherever they like because they’re weak and fragile. Whatever is on this campus is unique to this campus. The university isn’t importing random monsters from the internet!”
“But what if the flickering man really is s-”
“If the next word out of your mouth is ‘slenderman’ than so help me god-“
“Sssssssss-spanakopita?”
I think she was trying to be funny, but I really wasn’t in the mood for jokes. We stared at each other, her eyes wide in bemusement from my sudden outburst.
“Is… your town really haunted?” she finally asked.
“So haunted,” I replied empathetically.
Then we both went silent because we realized there was cold water touching our ankles.
I could see the first threads of panic in her expression. The library flood. It was finally happening. She glanced about in a frenzy, not really focusing on any one thing in particular. I took a deep breath and tried to calm the pounding in my own heart. If she was going to freak out, then I had to be collected for the both of us. I couldn’t be scared. I couldn’t freeze up.
There weren’t any other people around us. The exits weren’t in sight. Already, the water was up past our ankles. It probably wouldn’t get any higher than our knees, I reasoned, judging by where the librarians placed the books.
On the other hand, this was an unnatural flood. It didn’t necessarily need to follow the rules of a real flood.
And a student had once drowned in it.
“We pick a direction and start walking,” I told Maria. “Once we find a wall, we follow it until we reach an exit.”
“Okay, but what about the ghost?”
Maybe she wasn’t panicking. Maybe she was just excited. She drifted away from me, moving aimlessly up and down the rows. The water continued to rise. It was at our mid-shins when I grabbed her arm.
“You could drown,” I hissed. “We need to find the exit.”
“It doesn’t get that high. Besides, the ghost will lead us out.”
“You don’t know that!”
These were all just stories and rumors. There was nothing concrete. Nothing proven. There was no list of rules spelling out what had to be done to survive.
I glanced around us, panic starting to unravel my composure at the seams. The water was perfectly still, save for the ripples we were generating as Maria slogged through the flood and I desperately followed. It rose silently, as if the water was simply seeping out of the concrete floor beneath our feet. The library was empty around us. If there were other people in the stacks, they’d either already fled or the flood was simply not occurring for them.
Then a current swept through the water. I felt it tug at my legs and I stood there in surprise, thinking of that whole in the world, drawing all the water towards its gaping maw. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Maria turned towards me, realizing something was wrong. I stared at her, pale and shaking, as the water swirled around my knees. She opened her mouth to say something.
And the water picked up one of the bookcases and toppled it.
Its metal frame fell on top of Maria. She went down with a cry underneath it and vanished into the murky water. I saw her hand clawing at the water, thrashing in desperation as she blindly tried to free herself. I took a step to run towards her - then someone grabbed my wrist.
I turned back. A young man in dated clothing, dripping wet. The drowned student. The library ghost.
“Wait just a moment!” I gasped.
I looked away from him and took another step towards Maria. I couldn’t see her body, just the bookcase that pinned her sticking up out of the water like a shipwreck’s mast.
The hand around my wrist tightened. The ghost’s grip hurt. Surprised, I looked back again and he stood there, clutching my arm with both hands, his face contorted with frustration and…
Anger.
I tried to pull out of his grip. He did not relent and his brow furrowed even more, his lips peeling back into a snarl.
I’d found what made the library ghost angry.
He didn’t want me to save her.
“To hell with that!” I cried.
I lunged, putting all my strength into it. The ghost held onto my arm for a moment longer, I felt the bite of his nails, and I leaned into it, forcing him to support all my body weight. Then he relented and I fell forwards, hitting the bookshelf face-first. I collapsed to my knees, bringing the water up to my chest, and I floundered, feeling for Maria’s body.
My hand touched something warm and alive and still struggling. I felt about some more, frantically searching for the edge of the bookcase. There. Metal beneath my hands. I stood, wrapping my fingers around the edge, and I lifted.
It was lighter than I expected. It came loose with a couple tugs and I shoved it backwards, off of Maria’s body. She surfaced, gasping for air.
“Can we leave now?” I hissed as she sputtered.
“S-sure. I’m ready to go now.”
When I turned around, the library ghost was gone. Without a guide, we followed my original plan of walking in one direction until we found a wall. From there, we kept going with the wall to our left and eventually came to the lobby. It too was filled with water, up to our waists now. The lights dimmed erratically overhead. Not flickering - dimming for long moments before coming back to full strength. There was no one else inside but us. We trudged for the doors and threw them open, falling outwards into the bright sunlight of the courtyard.
We stood there on the pavement, panting, soaking wet, and I turned to look back inside the library. The water was gone. The lobby was scattered with students, oblivious to what we’d just fought our way through.
“I can’t wait to tell everyone about this at the next meeting,” Maria sputtered.
I wanted to scream at her that she could have died. That she would have died, if I hadn’t been there to pull the bookcase off her. But I was shaking from adrenaline and my thoughts weren’t lining up coherently, so I said nothing at all.
I’ll let her do the talking at the next meeting. They’ll believe her, after all. Besides, I have my own story to tell. There’s marks on my arms from where the ghost held me back. I’ll show these to the inner circle Rain Chasers and tell them what I discovered.
The library ghost is angered when people put themselves at risk of drowning. He is still here, bound to his eternal duty of taking people to safety, and it enrages him when people disregard his help.
Even if it’s to save someone else.[x]