Since I’m not dropping out right away I guess I need to think about finals. I feel like midterms kind of snuck up on me so this time I’m going to pay extra close attention and start studying long before I need to. At least I’m not alone in prematurely focusing on the end of the semester. Lots of my classmates are, either because they’re paranoid like me or because finals are their only hope of salvaging their grade. Either way, after my mother crushed my attempt to leave, it’s felt like finals are all I can think about.
Also Cassie is freaking out about that class with the asshole professor that’s holding her grades hostage and she talks about at least twice a week so it is impossible to forget about finals. She is determined to not only pass the class, but to make sure all the remaining students pass as well so they can get their fake midterm grades reversed. And then she wants to go to war with the administration until something is done. Or at least leave a really nasty review on ratemyprofessors.
(if you’re new, start here, and if you’re totally lost, this might help)
I’ve been using my classwork as an excuse to avoid extracurriculars. I’m going to anime club at least, because I realized I need some form of joy in my life and SpyXFamily is an absolute delight. I’ve been avoiding the Rain Chasers though. I sent a message to Patricia saying that I was deeply uncomfortable with what happened in the power plant. She never replied. I’m assuming that means I’m no longer a candidate for her inner circle
It kind of stings, to be honest. Like after what happened I’m not sure I want to be her friend anymore because maybe she is brave like Kate but Kate was a dangerous person to be around. Logically I know I should be relieved that they don’t want me in their group, but it also kind of hurts to realize that there’s something wrong with you that’s driving people away.
I know, I know, I’m projecting my insecurities onto this situation. I didn’t do anything wrong. They’re the problem. It’s not really me.
I can’t help it. I worry that I’m going to be alone forever because I’m just so unlikable.
Cassie is my friend only because we have to get along and are we really friends, if she won’t trust me with her secrets yet? The Steven ship has sailed… over a waterfall… onto the rocks below… and then it caught on fire. And as for Grayson, well, we don’t actually chat that much.
There is one tiny bit of hope that perhaps I’m not a total disaster of a friend. Maria continues to act like we’re BFFs. I’m not sure this is a position I entirely want because it also feels like she kind of maybe sort of a little bit looks up to me??? and that makes me uncomfortable. I keep telling myself that it’ll probably get less weird and also this way I can keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t get herself hurt or killed.
And believe me, she’s trying.
I think her encounter with the library ghost emboldened her. Personally I think if I were her, it would have had the exact opposite effect, but Maria’s survival sense is even worse than Steven’s. In the time since the library encounter she has: traversed the steam tunnels by herself, spent an entire day in the library hoping it flooded again, and snuck into the graveyard after dark. She only told me after the fact on all of these and when I asked her why, she said it was because she was worried I’d try to stop her.
Damn straight I would.
I asked her if she wanted to get lunch together. Some conversations are best held in person.
“I’m just a little concerned that you’re going to get hurt,” I said after the usual chitchat was out of the way. “I grew up around this stuff. People get killed.”
“But not on this campus,” she replied. “We’d have heard about it.”
I started to reply but then choked back my words. What the heck was I supposed to say? That she couldn’t trust that because I came from a town that routinely covered up murders and the police were in on it? Oh yes I’m sure that would go over well. Or did I tell her about sweater girl and how her roommate forgot her existence? I wasn’t convinced Maria wouldn’t go hunting for the laundry lady on her own if I gave her more info than what I’d already mentioned in the Rain Chaser meetings.
And then there was the student that drowned. The one I failed to save.
I couldn’t tell her about him. I didn’t want her to go to the power plant. I didn’t want to have to talk about what I saw.
“I won’t try to stop you,” I sighed. “Just tell me if you’re going to do anything so I can go with you? It’s a lot better with two people.”
That concession worked. She brightened considerably.
“I can do that,” she promised. “And you’ll be at the thing Patricia invited us to, right?”
“Thing?”
You know, she continued. The thing. The cool thing Patricia said she’d found and we’d use the steam tunnels to get to. I plastered my best customer service smile on my face and said that ah yes, that thing. The thing I was clearly not invited to because Patricia thought I was too much of a liability, apparently. I sweetly asked if she could remind me of the time and where we were meeting, because I’d forgotten and wasn’t able to find the message on my phone that easily. She happily reminded me, because in her mind it was obvious I was invited as the most experienced member of the Rain Chasers.
Then, heart pounding, I went back to my dorm to figure out how to handle this.
I couldn’t let her go to the power plant. I was certain that Patricia was looking for more candidates to attempt the pool and I didn’t think she’d explain the risks in a way Maria would understand. Not that I think that Patricia would be deceptive. Rather, I didn’t think even I could talk Maria out of it effectively. I was too afraid to tell her that I saw someone die, because if she thought I was trying to talk her out of it she might just not tell me about the next time.
I had to stop her some other way. Something dramatic that would hopefully drive my point point… or at least sour her relationship with Patricia.
After all, Patricia dumped me pretty fast. If she thought Maria was a flake, perhaps she’d do the same to her.
I’d stop Maria on her way to the power plant. Tell her while we were down in the tunnels what I saw. When she failed to show, hopefully Patricia would write her off and attempt to persuade someone that at least had a shred of self-preservation.
I realized that I couldn’t do this alone.
Obviously I couldn’t message Steven for help. His number is still blocked in my phone. Every time I get the urge to unblock it and apologize I feel like Cassie is right there, staring at me. She doesn’t say anything but there’s this Iook in her eyes like she knows exactly what I’m debating. I feel like if I so much as unlock my phone she’ll swoop in like the avenging angel of failed relationships and I’ll never see my phone ever again.
So he’s off the list of people that could help. Cassie wasn’t an option either, as she’s been veering wildly between being interested in the unnatural world and pretending it doesn’t exist. Right now she’s changing the subject if I so much as mention that it looks like rain. I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready for this sort of stuff and I’m not going to be the person to force her into that situation.
Not all of us can live like this.
I did as some of you suggested on my last post. I messaged Grayson instead. I asked if he was around and got a reply only a few seconds later.
‘Yeah’, it said. ‘Everything okay?’
I’m not sure what it says about my life that his first assumption was that something was wrong. I mean, he was right, but still.
I hastily explained the situation. Not all of it. Just enough that he’d understand the urgency. One of my friends was walking into trouble, I said, and I wanted to intercept her before she could get there. I needed to stop her at all costs and that was why I needed help.
Because if she wouldn’t listen to words, then I intended to drag her out of the steam tunnels by force.
Which meant I needed muscle.
Okay, moment of honesty. Grayson isn’t that big of a guy himself. He’s skinny and not much taller than me. However, I didn’t have a lot of options, and I figured two against one would give us some sort of edge, even if between the two of us we didn’t have a lot going on.
Maria doesn’t have a lot going on, either.
‘Okay,’ he replied. ‘Not sure we can get her out of there but maybe we can block the way.’
Grayson came and met me at my dorm. We headed down into the basement together.
“You pick the best date locations,” he joked as he held the door open for me.
He quickly grew solemn after seeing my face, however.
“I’m sorry,” he said as we walked towards the point we intended to intercept Maria at. “You said you weren’t interested in dating because of your last boyfriend and I shouldn’t have made that joke-”
“It’s fine,” I replied.
It came out far more curt than I intended. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. That’s all this was. I was nervous because I was worried about Maria.
“I’m just stressed,” I continued. “It’s not what you said.”
It was, though. My last boyfriend was murdered by Krampus and the last person I dated I strung along for no reason. I just didn’t want him to know that.
We waited for Maria just around the corner of a junction that she was bound to pass through. I waved at her when she came into sight.
“Oh, who is this?” she asked, peering at Grayson standing behind me.
“A friend,” I replied. “Listen - I know Patricia invited you to the power plant, but you can’t go there.”
This was it. I took a deep breath. Suddenly my throat felt tight.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “This is hard.”
Why couldn’t I say it? Why were the words so heavy in my chest? I remembered the feel of the student’s hand in mine. How it was limp before slipping back into the water, like the hand of a doll.
“T-there’s - I - I saw something bad at the power plant,” I finally said. Every word was an effort, like I had to squeeze my lungs empty just to get them to make noise.
“Are you okay?” Maria asked.
She didn’t seem upset that I was telling her to not go to the power plant. She peered at me in concern. I blinked and was startled to find that I was crying.
“No, I’m not,” I whispered. “Can we go back? Please. I don’t want to go there and I don’t want you go to there either.”
“Yeah. Sure. It’s fine. I’ll tell Patricia something came up.”
I hesitated. Not that she woudln’t go. Just that something kept her from making it to the power plant this time. I wasn’t certain this would be enough to settle the matter entirely.
“Ashley,” Grayson said urgently. “We need to go.”
I turned. Maria peered past us and gasped.
A wall of steam was tumbling down the corridor towards us.
“Go!” I screamed. “Go go go!”
I shoved at Maria to get her moving. To her credit, she turned and ran. And further to her credit, she seemed to know where an exit was. We ran, the only sound in the tunnel the impact of our feet and our panicked breathing.
Then Grayson screamed. I turned just in time to see him engulfed in a cloud of steam. The ghost wrapped around him, a multitude of arms curling around his body and dragging him into its depths. The arms anished inward as they dragged Grayson inside, leaving behind nothing but a roiling wall of mist behind.
No. I’d brought him down here. I’d done this.
“Grayson!” I shrieked.
I lunged for him. I stretched out a hand and plunged it into the steam. It was hot against my skin, but I didn’t jerk my arm back. I flailed around, trying to grab hold of some part of Grayson so I could pull him out.
In front of me, inches away, a face formed in the steam. Its mouth was open, screaming silently at me. I stared into its lifeless eyes.
A hand closed around mine. I squeezed with all my strength and pulled. Behind me, Maria wrapped her arms around my chest and she pulled as well.
Together, we dragged Grayson out. It was like pulling him through a wall of mud. The steam didn’t want to let him go. It formed hands and arms, clutching at hsi clothing, his body, even as he stumbled forward, gasping for breath.
And when the last bit of him was free, the steam recoiled. It churned, drawing in on itself, as it retreated down the corridor.
None of us stayed to watch what became of it. Maria grabbed my hand and began running again, so I grabbed Grayson’s and together we reached an exit and emerged into one of the college halls. It was late enough that there weren’t any classes at the moment and the hallway was deserted. We collapsed along the wall. At least, Grayson and I did. Maria paced back and forth, too hyped up with adrenaline to hold still. I was shaking. Beside me, Grayson was the calmest. A little rattled, I thought, but otherwise holding together fine.
“Are you hurt?” I asked when I regained my breath enough to speak.
“I’m okay,” he replied. “I think I’m okay.”
He inspected the back of his arms and hissed. The skin was bright red, but at least it wasn’t blistering. I stared at it in disbelief, too afraid to touch him.
“It was scalding, though!” I exclaimed.
I looked at my own hand. The skin was red, though not nearly as bright as Grayson’s face and arms.
“Only the edge of it, I think. It didn’t hurt once I was inside.”
“You should still go to the medical center,” Maria said. “Tell them you were sunburned or something.”
“I’m okay. Really.”
He shoved himself up and began walking slowly down the hall and away from us, clearly intending to not do as Maria suggested. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him with all the confidence she’d accumulated during her time as the Rain Chaser’s club president.
“We’re going to the medical center,” she said. “All of us. We’re not leaving you alone until you go.”
Well, at least it was a way to keep Maria away from Patricia and her cronies. I covertly texted as much to Grayson and he glanced at his phone when it pinged and sighed deeply.
“Fine,” he muttered. “Let’s go.”
“Are there… stories about the medical center?” I ventured to ask Maria on the way over.
“It’s right next to the graveyard, of course there’s stories.”
I get that when your campus grows to the point it swallows up the town graveyard you have to make concessions on placement but I also kind of feel that maybe they could have found a way to put the student medical center literally anywhere else.
We waited in the lobby while they saw to Grayson. It took a while. As we waited, Maria sat next to me and fiddled with her phone while I tried to think of a way to dissuade her from associating with Patricia. Would telling her about the student that died be enough? I no longer felt confident of that. We’d just watched Grayson get swallowed up by angry mist and she seemed to have recovered from that ordeal already. She was texting on her phone like nothing had happened.
Her phone.
I realized that there was another solution that didn’t involve convincing Maria of anything.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
And I grabbed the phone from Maria’s hands.
By the time she wrestled it back out of my grip, it was too late. I’d already managed to text Patricia a message.
‘Ashly told me evrythng go to hell’
“Everything what!?” Maria shrieked when she saw what I had done.
“It’s that thing that I - I’m having trouble talking about.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Cassie had made this look so easy. Why did I feel like guilt was trying to eat its way out from inside my stomach?
“You could just tell me instead of doing this!”
She brandished the phone. I took off my glasses and pressed my palms to my eyes, as if that could stop me from crying.
“I’m sorry,” I replied miserably. “It’s for your own good.”
“Oh screw you.”
And she stormed out. When the medical center released Grayson, he found me alone in the lobby, red-faced from crying. He didn’t ask any questions. He just walked me back to my dorm.
It’s a small consolation that I still have at least one friend now that Maria hates me.
For however long that lasts before I mess it all up.[x]