I finally worked up the courage to tell Maria what happened. I wrote her a long message and then deleted it and wrote it again and deleted it again. Finally, I just typed out ‘Patricia got someone killed’ and sent that. Then I sat there, waiting, my heart pounding until I got a response. I waited until it was time to go to class over an hour later and never got a response. There wasn’t one when I got done with class, either. I still don’t have an answer. I’ve just been worrying about what her silence means about what she thinks of me.
At least I had plenty of things keeping me distracted.
(if you’re new, start here, and if you’re totally lost, this might help)
I went to a club for the first time in my life. I’m not sure whose idea it was to go as a floor outing. Cassie told me about it. It sounded like fun - intimidating, but fun - so I agreed to tag along. Cassie helped me pick out something to wear. She didn’t like anything I had in my closet, so she let me borrow something from her’s, which was unsettling because the last time I borrowed someone’s clothing it went very badly. I couldn’t really say no, though, as I couldn’t let this become some weird hang-up and besides, I really didn’t have anything appropriate.
I have a lot of t-shirts and some blouses that might be okay at Sunday church I guess. I might be sheltered but even I realize that they wouldn’t fit in at the club. Cassie loaned me this sleeveless metallic leopard print thing. It was low cut in the front. She also loaned me earrings to go with it and even did my makeup.
Don’t get the wrong idea, it’s not like I’ve never worn makeup before. I had a boyfriend in highschool, right? That’s just something you do when you have a boyfriend. It’s just I always felt weird when I put it on. Like I was a little girl playing with her mom’s makeup still, just putting on an act for all the grown-ups around me.
I haven’t worn it since he died. I guess I didn’t see a point. I wasn’t dating, right? But Cassie was like nah you gotta look good and she got out her makeup. I tried to tell her I could use mine, but she didn’t like how it consisted of nothing but neutral, natural colors, and the next thing I know she’s putting on thick black eyeliner and gold glittery eyeshadow. I didn’t think I could pull off those kinds of colors, but it did look good.
We had our door open and the other girls stopped by occasionally as they were getting ready. It felt like I was the dorm floor makeover experiment, trying to see if they could turn this frumpy country girl into the hottest person at the club. I won’t lie - it was kind of nice to be fussed over like that. It’s not like I get much attention at home. After my sister got married that made me the oldest and I had to take care of everyone else when mom was at the store.
The transformation was remarkable. I felt sexy.
And very, very self-conscious.
I tried to put on a cardigan before we left but Cassie stopped me.
“You look good!” she exclaimed, shoving me out the door. “Stop trying to cover up!”
Then off we went to the club, which was this narrow building on the corner of a block downtown. The girls I was with chatted about how tiny this town is, but it’s bigger than my hometown, so I didn’t say anything. The club was divided into two parts, with the upstairs being the club and the downstairs being the bar.
There was a line at the door, just like you see in TV shows. It made me feel kind of important when the bouncer let me in, which is silly I guess because it wasn’t a very long line (like eight people) and he was letting in everyone. They were just checking IDs at the door and gave you a wrist band if you were old enough to drink. But still. For one brief moment I felt like a big deal because the bouncer smiled at me and let me into the club.
Let me have my moment, okay, I don’t get many of them.
The inside was crowded. There wasn’t much else to do around here than go to parties or the club. I quickly found myself swallowed up in the crush of people until the girls I was with formed a circle in a corner and carved us out some space that way.
I can’t say I enjoyed myself. Dancing looked fun, but there were too many people that you just wound up pressed against a stranger and I started to get panicky after a few minutes of that. I’m not used to being in a crowd. So I stayed with the girls that weren’t dancing and we screamed at each other over the music and that was my evening.
Also someone spilled their drink down my cleavage.
I figured that was it, I’d tried clubbing and it clearly wasn’t for me. But I mentioned it at anime club with a couple people I’m starting to get to know and how it felt weird to be there.
Which was when katana boy jumped in with his theory that the club is harboring a succubus and that’s why it didn’t feel right, because - like him - I’m more in tune with the unnatural things happening on campus.
I’m trying not to think too hard about how his mind immediately went to succubus. Like. There’s a lot to unpack there and I’d just rather not.
I was about to tell him to fuck off but then he mentioned that goth night was on Thursdays and that I might like it better, because it’s a lot less crowded. I thought there’s no way I’m ever going anywhere katana boy frequents, it’s bad enough we’re both in the same two clubs, but then a couple more people from anime club were like yeah goth night is great, you should totally come with us.
I went to the only thrift store in town with a couple of them and I guess I’m a goth now.
Or at least, I have goth stuff.
I even ordered some fishnet arm things online.
I still feel like I’m playing dress-up but this aesthetic is way more comfortable for me.
Katana boy came with us, unfortunately. He wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t trying to impress everyone all the time. It’s grating.
I felt uneasy as we were leaving campus. Like that moment when you wake from a vivid dream and you have to reassure yourself of what is real and true. I shook it off, attributing it as being the result of doing something new. I’d only gone to the club two days ago and now I was going again, dressed all in black with fishnets on my arms, with a bunch of people I only sort of knew. This felt entirely unlike me. Surely that was why I felt so strange as we crossed campus, why the world around me felt so alive.
Like it heard every footstep I made.
The sensation vanished once we left campus. I was distracted enough by going to the club that I forgot about it. It was a lot more fun this time around, now that the upstairs wasn’t packed to the brim with people. I could actually move around and talk to people. It was nice. I might go back.
We left around 2AM. There was a faint mist on the ground as we returned to our dorms. Mine was the furthest away and I was the only one going that far. Katana boy offered to walk me back but I refused for the obvious reason and also because I didn’t want him walking back to his dorm alone. Of the two of us, I was confident I was more equipped to handle inhuman things.
Even if handling them meant curling on the ground in a weeping ball of terror.
Which is precisely what happened when I stepped into my dorm room.
Someone was waiting for me. I thought it was Cassie at first, as she sat on the futon underneath Cassie’s loft, and with the lights out I couldn’t make anything out other than her shape. I was about to speak when I happened to glance upwards and I saw an indistinct lump on Cassie’s bed.
My roommate was already asleep. I had no idea who was sitting on the futon.
I fumbled for the door handle behind me. The hallway lights were still on. I could at least get myself to somewhere there was light. It wouldn’t save me, but anything was better than being trapped in this tiny room in the dark.
“Running won’t save you,” an elderly voice croaked. “We’re going to have a conversation, you and I, whether you like it or not.”
The laundry lady. I slid down to the floor, my back against the door and my blood running cold. She found me. I thought desperately that I should get up and run anyway, but my legs didn’t seem able to cooperate. My whole body was unresponsive, helpless to watch as she got to her feet.
“You’ve done me great harm,” she continued. “Perhaps I could overlook you stealing that girl from me, but there were other consequences because of what you did.”
The longer she talked, the more her complacent facade began to crack. I heard the bite of anger in her voice. She stepped closer to where I was huddled. Frightened tears ran freely down my cheeks. She towered over me, smelling of detergent and bleach.
“They found out,” she hissed, leaning forward until I could see her face even in the darkness. “They know. And it’s because of you.”
Then she straightened and stepped back.
“Oh-oh,” I croaked. “Sorry.”
“Hmm. You’re only sorry because you’re scared. I think I need to make you mean it.”
I tried to ask if she was going to kill me but I couldn’t produce the words. It came out as a croak, like there was a hand constricting my throat.
“Oh no, of course not,” she replied. “You passed my test once already and I cannot try you again. There are rules.”
Desperately, I glanced up to where Cassie lay asleep, blissfully oblivious to what was unfolding mere feet away.
“Nor can I harm those that have not slighted my generosity,” the laundry lady added.
I began to shake in relief. I was safe. Cassie was safe.
But only for now.
“You know so many people that haven’t been tested yet,” she mused. “I’m sure at least one of them will fail to live up to my standards. I won’t take them to my realm this time, I’m done with that for a little while. Maybe I’ll take their skin. Wash it and fold it and put it away nicely while they watch.”
My heart was pounding and I felt light-headed. I was dizzy. It felt like I was drunk. It was enough for me to find my ability to speak again.
“Isn’t skinning someone a little… cliche?” I asked desperately.
She eyed me in disapproval.
“The old punishments work quite well. There’s no need to get clever.”
“What about a stern lecture? That’s a punishment too. Very traditional.”
She ignored my attempts to dissuade her. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself it was. I guess I spout nonsense when I get panicky.
“I’ll consider it,” she said sarcastically. “You’ll find out what I decided on soon enough. Now how about you be a dear and get the door for an old lady?”
Was this a trial? Would she use me as a test run for her new punishment if I refused? I clawed at the door handle and yanked it down. I pushed myself to the side and swung the door open, trying to flatten myself against the wall to put as much space between her and me as possible. She briskly walked past and in the light of the hallway, I could clearly see her face as she gave me a malevolent smile in passing. Then I slammed the door shut and locked it behind her.
The noise woke Cassie. She found me huddled on the ground, nearly hyperventilating in fear. She didn’t ask questions. She just brought me some water and a blanket and waited until I was able to talk again.
I told her that she needed to be careful. That there was something out there and it might target her. The laundry, I stammered. She should do her laundry off campus like I did.
“The laundry! Are you serious right now?”
“I am!”
I buried my face in my hands. The adrenaline was starting to fade and I was discovering how deeply exhausted I was. This went beyond it being hours after midnight. I didn’t realize that my life wasn’t like everyone else’s in the world until I came to college. That people didn’t grow up around inhuman things and they weren’t a part of their lives. I guess I always assumed that everyone had some sort of understanding that these things were out there but there was a societal norm that no one talked about it. I couldn’t fathom any other way.
And I was exhausted from being reminded that my experiences were the outlier.
From listening to katana boy make things up about the inhuman to impress people. From Steven denying anything had happened and that there was nothing out there, even as he took the tunnels to avoid the rain. From Cassie pretending it was all just ghost stories one moment and then being petrified of an overcast sky the next. And from Maria and Patricia and all the others in the Rain Chasers that didn’t seem to grasp that they could die, that they weren’t nearly as safe in this world as they’d been led to believe for their whole lives.
“Please just trust me,” I mumbled between my fingers. “I’m too tired to argue.”
“Well, I guess so. But you have to explain everything in the morning!”
I sighed and said that would be fine. Then, slowly, I got up and teetered to the bathroom to wash the makeup off my face. Cassie was still awake when I returned to the room. She sat on her bed, waiting as I changed into my pajamas and climbed into my own loft.
“Ashley, I don’t like this,” she said once I was settled. “What have you gotten yourself into?”
“Everything,” I mumbled. “Absolutely everything.”
Then I pulled the covers over my head and she left me alone after that.
I did explain in the morning what was happening. I mean, there was no avoiding it. Cassie wouldn’t leave me alone until I did. I told her about the laundry lady and how she made people that disrespected her work vanish. That she was mad because I helped one of her victims and was looking for a way to retaliate.
“You have to warn people, then,” Cassie said urgently.
I glanced around the cafeteria, spooked that someone would overhear. The laundry lady’s words stuck in my mind.
They know.
I could only assume she was referring to the school administration. The people covering all this up and presumably keeping the inhuman things in check. If they could anger the laundry lady, then there was no telling what they could do to me.
I mean, besides expulsion, that is.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I hissed, gesturing that she should lower her voice. “It’s just, well, I kind of made everyone mad at me.”
No one had said anything yet but I could just imagine that Maria had a back channel to let everyone in the Rain Chasers know how much I sucked.
“It can’t be that bad.”
“It is!”
I told her what I did. How I took Maria’s phone away just like she’d done to me with Steven.
“That was for your own good,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Spineless people shouldn’t date each other. They never figure out how to break up.”
“I do too have a spine!”
She fixed me with a steely stare from across the table.
“Then why don’t you talk to them?”
“I just-”
I floundered for a bit. Cassie didn’t push right away. She ate the rest of her breakfast in silence while I picked at mine. Finally, when she was done eating, she sighed and leaned back in her chair.
“Well?” she demanded. “What are you so afraid of?”
That they would hate me. That the more they got to know me, the more they’d realize what an awful person I am to be around. That I’m boring and awkward and selfish and that everything I do to seem nice to those around me is just an act, just something I do because I think if I’m convincing enough they’ll ignore all the terrible parts of who I am. If I tell them I saved sweater girl and that the laundry lady was after all of them in retaliation, they’d be angry at me for putting them in danger. And maybe you’d say that was something I had to do, that sweater girl had to be saved and I couldn’t have known any of this would happen…
…but I haven’t told any of you this, but I didn’t do it to save her. Not entirely. Nor was it entirely about alleviating my own guilt, either.
I wanted your approval. I wanted her appreciation. I wanted… to feel good about myself.
And it didn’t work and now I was on the verge of everyone finding out how selfish I’d been.
I didn’t say any of this. I sat there in silence until Cassie grew exasperated and left.
I messaged Grayson first. He needed to know and I felt he’d be the most understanding out of everyone I knew. I didn’t give him all the details. Just that he had to be careful about someone folding his laundry.
‘I don’t use campus laundry,’ he messaged back. ‘I take it home to my parents on the weekends.’
‘I didn’t know they lived nearby.’
Yay another thing to feel guilty for. I never found that out about him.
‘Oh yah they in town but I didn’t want to commute, wanted to live on my own in the dorm.’
So they’re local and have enough money to pay the ridiculous housing costs. Neat. I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.
Then I sat around for a while until I worked up the nerve to message the Rain Chasers. Despite my fears, Cassie was right. They needed to know. If they got mad and kicked me out and I went through the rest of my college career alone and unhappy, then that’s not far from my expectations, I suppose.
I messaged the channel and told them that I had a problem that they needed to know about. Our next meeting is this evening, so the floor will be mine. Maria said she’d put me in the meeting agenda, so I guess she’s at least talking to me in public now, even if she’s just being professionally polite in her role as the club president. It’s not very reassuring.
Then I unblocked Steven and warned him.
He messaged me back. I was back in my dorm room with Cassie, so I handed the phone to her and let her read it instead of me. When she handed it back, the message had been deleted and his number was blocked again.
I guess… I’ve got at least one person in my corner, no matter what. That’s better than nothing.[x]