Well, I did it. I talked to Cassie. And then I confronted Grayson. I hope you all are proud of me, because I feel like shit. I’m trying not to do that thing where I ascribe all the blame for how it turned out to me. There are things that are simply out of my control and people make their own choices. I can’t predict the future and I can’t control the world around me. Sometimes things just happen and castigating myself for not having the prescience to predict it helps no one.
I really am trying, I promise.
(if you’re new, start here, and if you’re totally lost, this might help)
The conversation with Cassie wasn’t hard. It was actually a relief. Getting everything out into the open is a lot easier than trying to keep it all bottled up inside.
“Wow,” Cassie said when I finished explaining everything. “That’s… a lot.”
“But you see why he didn’t want me to say anything, right?” I asked urgently.
“Sure, but…”
She trailed off reluctantly, staring at the floor between us. She wasn’t happy with Grayson. We’ve been living together long enough that I could tell she was upset and it wasn’t hard to figure out why that was.
“I mean, we’ve been hanging out a lot more,” she said, “since you two are a thing now. And I just thought… I don’t know, maybe I’m asking too much.”
I waited. I didn’t want to press her. She’d tell me if she was ready. Then she sighed and leaned back on the futon, staring pensively out the window.
“I mean, he knows both Maria and I are involved in this… weird shit… right? He knows we’re not going around blabbing about it. I mean, shit, you’re the one making those list of rules flyers for everyone.”
My stomach twisted uncomfortably. We’d put out a bunch at the start of the semester but hadn’t done anything else. Honestly, I’m afraid of getting caught. You’d think that after setting a dumpster on fire I’d be a lot more confident but if anything, I think it’s had the opposite effect. I’m jumping at every sound and no, it’s not because I’m scared of possum-mom. It’s more like I’m expecting someone in the administration to jump out from behind a bush while shouting ‘gotcha!’
Yes, it’s stupid, I know. I even shared my fears with Grayson and he was like don’t worry about it, if they come after us I’ll tell them that we were smoking and didn’t realize the dumpster was full of paper. They can’t do anything to the president’s son over an accident.
“I haven’t done that recently,” I mumbled, but I don’t think she was listening.
“I guess I just hoped he’d trust us,” Cassie sighed. “We’ve known each other long enough that him being the president’s son isn’t going to change anything. He should have told us.”
“Unless he has a reason for hiding it,” I said.
I wanted her to disagree with me so that I could feel better about Grayson. But instead she only nodded thoughtfully. The knots in my stomach tightened.
“We should tell Maria that she needs to find out who is guiding the Folklore Society now,” she said. “It’s not the person in charge. He seems too rational, from what you’ve told me.”
Did I mention how nice it is to have no secrets between us? I really appreciate having someone close by to talk to about these things. I don’t always have the time to write up an entire post, after all, and being able to get immediate feedback from someone that’s in the same situation as me is a huge weight off my shoulders.
“He doesn’t seem like the type of person to listen to others,” I said. “He only started taking me seriously once he saw the evidence right in front of him. Even then, he took charge of the situation pretty quickly. I don’t think someone would be able to manipulate him from behind the scenes. It’s more likely that whoever told him about the graveyard did so because it matched with their goals.”
“Or was just trying to be helpful,” Cassie suggested.
Awesome. Back to theories that exonerate Grayson. Love it. Except if I’m being rational - and I’m trying very hard to not let my emotions get in the way here - then I have to consider that Grayson knows way too much about this campus for him to carelessly tell someone to go into the graveyard. If he was the person who told the folklore society about the visiting hours, then it was a deliberate measure to get them inside.
Unless he realized they were going to get into the graveyard one way or another and told them the visiting hours so they’d go in while it was safe.
Yeah, I’m not sure I believe that.
“Guess there’s only one way to find out,” Cassie sighed.
“I have to confront Grayson, I know,” I said miserably.
“No, dummy, get on the school discord and ask the club president who told him about the visiting hours.”
ngl I felt pretty dumb. I stared at her for a moment before spinning around in my chair and frantically messaging the club president. He’s not hard to find on discord. He’s been advertising the club in the student organization channels every week when they meet. I think it’s been successful, unfortunately, because Maria told me that their membership is recovering.
It didn’t take long before he replied. I reminded him of who I was, careful not to mention anything about the inhumans directly. I’m kind of careful about that now that we’re distributing flyers. I don’t engage on the discord where it could be seen and recorded and maybe someone might start putting together the pieces. Maybe it’s paranoia, but I just feel I shouldn’t be in writing as someone connected to the weird stuff on campus anymore.
lol and then I write it all up and post it here, I’m stupid, I know.
Anyway, I asked him who the student was that told him
And I admit that I had a moment of anxiety about asking him, after what happened to Professor Beatrice. However, my computer screen wasn’t facing the window and I didn’t think the flickering man had the capability to monitor unofficial school communications like this. That’s one of the few advantages humanity has against the inhuman - we have technology. We can invent things. Just as we used fire to drive away the dark so long ago, we’ve always been just one slight step ahead with our tools.
Besides, I reasoned, on the very very very slim possibility that the flickering man would find out, he’d most likely just break the club president’s fingers. That wouldn’t be that bad, right?
Nothing happened to him, for those of you that are as anxious as I am. He attended the last meeting of the folklore society and according to Maria, all of his fingers were intact and he seemed to be in perfectly fine health.
He told me that he wasn’t sure of the person’s name, as they didn’t attend the club very frequently. So I told him to please not take this the wrong way or thinking I’m being a weird stalker, but would he like a photo?
‘normally no,’ he replied, ‘but this is kind of special circumstances right. with that weird thing in the graveyard and all.’
I sent him a photo of Grayson. It’s actually a photo of both of us, but I cropped myself out. Cassie took it of us one day when we were walking together and not paying attention to her and then she sent it to me. I was thinking of sending it to my mom when I finally got around to telling her I might be dating again.
Look - I just want to be more certain about these things before I tell mom. She’s got her own baggage, yanno?
‘yeah that’s him,’ the folklore president said. ‘what’s his name?’
My heart sank. I didn’t reply. I just shut my laptop and started sobbing.
Which was why I confronted Grayson, a few days and lots of practice later. And also encouragement from Cassie. So. Much. Encouragement.
It was a lovely day. The weather was gorgeous - clear skies and just warm enough to be pleasant in the sunlight. The campus was full of students, emerging from their dorms to enjoy the late spring weather and get a reprieve from hours of being cooped up inside studying. Most people had their laptops and textbooks with them, but there were some people that had strung up hammocks and were taking naps, or throwing a football around on the campus green. I think I’m getting over my anxiety being around large groups of people, because I felt almost relieved that there was a crowd when I asked Grayson about the graveyard.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbled.
His shoulders hunched and he quickly looked away from me. Okay, so he might not want to have a sensitive conversation out in the open like this. Fair. But Cassie thought it might be best to be somewhere he couldn’t, I dunno, do something bad like summon the flickering man to rip my tongue out.
I don’t think he’d do such a thing but Cassie pointed out that I’d been wrong about such things before.
“I just need to know something if we’re going to continue to be friends,” I said, taking a deep breath. Just like I’d practiced with Cassie. “And I’m not going to judge. I’m just going to listen. But I need to know.”
He glanced at me warily, looking like a hunted animal. I couldn’t blame him. This was similar to the conversation Cassie had with me and I know how bad I felt during that. He probably felt the same, if not worse.
“I know you told them about the visiting hours,” I said. “I just want to know your reasons why. They could have died in there.”
He didn’t answer. I waited for a moment longer as we walked along the sidewalk in silence.
“They were looking for the tree,” I prodded. “The groundskeeper found them.”
“I… probably should have warned them about the groundskeeper,” he finally sighed. “I was hoping they wouldn’t run into him. And honestly, I didn’t think they’d believe me.”
Well, he’s not wrong about that last part.
“But why?” I insisted. “You sent them into danger.”
“I know!”
He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.
“Look - I’m just - I’m a little desperate,” he finally said. “I-it’s not safe for me in there. But I need to know more about that tree and I thought since they seemed determined to go in there anyway, I’d just… arm them with a little information and see what they could find out.”
“That only works if they’re fully aware of the risks they’re taking,” I said softly. “They thought it was all just a story.”
Steven had known the stories were real and still misjudged the danger. Am I angry at Grayson because I see too much of what I did in his actions? Or am I equating two things that really aren’t the same at all? I don’t know.
“I don’t have a lot of options,” he snapped. “It’s not like I can go around telling people that hey, all the stories on campus are true, but could you risk your life to go scout out the graveyard for me?”
Despite everything, I felt bad for him. He seemed so genuinely desperate and after seeing what’s happening to his dad… I can’t blame him. He wants out. He wants an escape. People make stupid, dangerous choices when they’re desperate. And Grayson is running out of time. He’s a year ahead of me. He graduates next spring.
“You could have asked me,” I said. “Or Maria or Cassie.”
There. That’s what hurts. He put some strangers at risk instead of turning to me for help. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you’re in a relationship? Shit, isn’t that what friends do? And maybe I haven’t been the best at that, but I’m learning.
Maybe Grayson just needs to learn too.
“I guess.” He didn’t seem convinced. “But I’m worried it’s not a good idea for you to go into the graveyard anymore, either. You’re too connected to the inhuman things on campus.”
Okay so he’s not wrong. I have an agreement with the laundry lady and a bargain with the devil. And it certainly feels like all the weird shit on campus hones in on me.
“There’s another thing I want to know,” I said cautiously. “You didn’t want to talk about it earlier, but can we discuss it now? Please? You can order the inhuman things around. I’ve seen you do it. Why is that?”
His back straightened and he drew his shoulders back, but he still wasn’t looking at me.
“Grayson?” I prodded. “Why can’t you talk about this with me?”
“It’s because I’ve enjoyed feeling normal!” he snapped, his head jerking around to glare at me. “Do you know how rare a thing that is? I’ve been - been thinking of what it’s going to be like to graduate, to leave, and that’s not something I’ve really felt was possible for a long time now.”
For a moment I was speechless. He was angry. He was genuinely angry this time and I felt like I was shriveling under his glare. Something went very cold and still inside me and I suddenly started shivering, despite the sunlight. Everything I wanted to say was knocked right out of my head. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I didn’t want to be there anymore. It was hard to breathe.
I said something like an apology and that I didn’t mean to upset him. I think that’s what I said. Then I walked off. I just… left.
Grayson was yelling something at me as I walked away. I think it was an apology. I don’t know. I couldn’t really process anything except how much I needed to leave.
I don’t understand why I acted so strangely. It didn’t feel like me.
Cassie says I should make another appointment with the therapist I was seeing, but I kind of stopped going, so.
Anyway. I meandered aimlessly across campus for a while before the bell tolling from the general direction of the chapel reminded me that I had class to go to. It was one of my geology classes and while it wasn’t the one with Professor Monotone, it was still late in the day and the classroom was warm and. I don’t know. I was in a weird headspace. I made an effort to pay attention, but at some point I completely zoned out. I don’t think I fell asleep. There wasn’t that unpleasant start you get when you nod off and wake abruptly. It’s more that I finally looked around and realized that things weren’t quite right anymore.
My classmates were still there. They were taking notes, staring at their phones, or nodding off. The professor was still talking, but his words were coming from a distance. Like I was listening to him while underwater.
I admit that my first thought was ‘I hope none of that is on the exam.’ Don’t judge me, okay?
Then I looked around the classroom.
Tree roots littered the floor. The ground between them was spongy soil, glistening with moisture. A faint fog drifted over them, casting everything with a faint gray sheen.
No, I realized with dawning panic. Everything was a little gray.
I think most of you know the rule. But if you don’t or if you don’t remember, here it is again. The rule written for the campground in my hometown, the rule describing what happens when a camper suddenly realizes they’ve taken one step too far to the side and are no longer in the campground as we know it.
“If you think you’re lost, stop and look at your surroundings. If everything appears a little gray, like the color has seeped from the world, then you’re no longer in the campsite. Seek out the highest hill and beg whatever you find there to return you to the camp. Pray it is in a benevolent mood.”
I was no longer on campus. I was here, but I wasn’t here.
The highest hill. I had to find the highest hill. I was starting to panic as the memories of all the stories from back home came flooding back in like ice in my veins. What if I couldn’t find the highest hill? Or worse - what if I did? What would the master of the gray world tell me?
I sucked in a deep breath, filling my lungs, and held it for a few seconds before slowly letting it out. One thing at a time. First, I had to get to the highest hill and around here, there’s only one hill and it’s the garbage dump.
Or at least that’s what people claim it is. It certainly does look artificial. It’s at the edge of the furthest parking lot and I’ve heard people go sledding on it with stolen lunch trays.
I waited a few minutes before standing up. The thing in the hallway (rule #2) had deviated from its pattern before and I wanted to make sure this wasn’t another instance. There was no noise from the hallway, however, and I didn’t have that overwhelming feeling of terror. Just a sick sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. So I stood up. None of my classmates reacted.
It did strike me as weird that I could still see them. Perhaps I wasn’t fully in the gray world yet. Maybe I could walk out of it if I just walked far enough. I don’t know. I was just grasping at straws at that point, thin slivers of hope to stave off the panic.
The hallway was the same as the classroom. Thick tree roots crisscrossed the narrow corridor and the ground burped with water every time I stepped over one. The mud sucked at my shoes, as if it was trying to drag me under. I didn’t want to walk on the roots though, as I thought about what Grayson had said, about the tree in the graveyard trying to consume him. These roots… the ancient millipedes I saw crawling among them… the petrified wood and the tree in the graveyard.
It’s all connected. Somehow.
And now the gray world is mixed in.
I turned down the hallway and headed for the lobby. It would take at least an hour of walking to get to the highest hill, I estimated. The parking lots were on the other side of campus and then I had to get through them to the very edge and they are big expanses of land. I only had to hope that I could get there before anything else in the gray world found me.
I was not so lucky.
There was someone standing in the lobby, blocking the doors leading to the outside. At first I assumed they were only a student still in the real world, but as I drew closer I realized that there were small things off about them. The way they held their head at an uncomfortable angle. How they were standing there, unmoving. And how they were covered in fragments of pottery, all stabbing inwards into their skin. Like the contents of the art building’s kiln had exploded into him, coating him with a palette of colors, shining dully in the muted light.
I began to back away. The creature’s body shifted and its head began to swivel around. It knew I was there.
“James?” I said.
The name popped up from the back of my head. Professor Monotone believed that this was his ghost. And while I stood there, heart pounding, the creature paused. Tilted its head in the other direction.
“You are James, aren’t you?” I ventured. “Professor Monotone told me your name.”
It wasn’t moving, but it wasn’t coming towards me either. Maybe, if this was a ghost, I could just… talk my way past it.
“Do you think you could just let me by here?” I continued. “There’s somewhere I need to be.”
James opened his mouth. The shards of pottery embedded in his neck shifted up and down. He was trying to talk. Hesitantly, I crept forward. This was the gray world. Perhaps I could affect the creatures here, even if he was a ghost. I reached out a hand, my fingers shaking, but James didn’t move. He stood perfectly still, except for his throat, bobbing up and down as he struggled to make a sound through it.
He’s been trapped here a long time, unable to speak.
I tentatively grabbed the first shard in his neck. I pulled it free. It came out as easily as if I were pulling it out of pliable soil and the edge of it was barely stained with old, dried blood. I threw it aside and reached for the second one. James still wasn’t moving. There. Two out. Only one more to go, the piece embedded in the underside of his chin.
It slid free. And James’s hand shot up and grabbed hold of my wrist.
I froze in place. For once, I think my freeze instinct did the right thing, because James didn’t make any other hostile gestures towards me. He merely held onto my wrist, locking me in place, while his mouth moved up and down and side to side experimentally. A thin, rasping sound came out of him, like a balloon deflating through the holes still in his neck. It ended in a long hiss. He did this a couple times before I realized what he was saying.
Class.
“I-I just came from there,” I stammered. “I don’t need to go back. I need to leave.”
Again, he repeated the word. I tugged experimentally on his grip but he did not let go. For a ghost he was startlingly solid. Strong, too.
“Or…” I ventured, “are you trying to get to class?”
The shards of pottery covering his face trembled wildly as he nodded his head up and down. Class. He was trying to get to class. Was this the unfinished business that kept him here? But if it was here, then wouldn’t he have already made it? He could go anywhere in this building. I’ve seen him in the classrooms.
“Is your class outside?” I asked.
Another nod.
“Great! That’s where I’m going. We can go together.”
And he let go of my wrist. I resisted the urge to heave a sigh of relief as I nervously edged past him toward the door. He slowly rotated to follow me. This could work, I thought. I could get him to his class, maybe help him move on or whatever happens to ghosts, and then get myself out of the gray world. I reached for the door and shoved it open. James was right behind me. We only had to take a few steps and we’d be outside.
I’m not quite sure how to explain this. I’ll try as best I can.
The sky turned its attention towards us. Like the horizon had become aware that we were there and was now bending inwards, like the singularity of a black hole, to stare down upon us.
My knees went weak and my mouth was dry. I felt its disapproval. It wasn’t anger, it was more that I knew we were doing something that displeased the entity and I knew it in every cell of my body. I knew it so well that it was the only thing I knew, the only thing I could know at that moment.
James wasn’t meant to leave. Only I could.
I stumbled, disoriented, no longer sure of what was real and what wasn’t. I felt like I was coming apart, turning into cloth and fraying away under the scrutiny of the gray world. I caught sight of James for one brief instant. His hand was stretched out to me, the back of it studded with flecks of ceramic and old, old blood. I reached out for him.
And he was sinking. The mud at our feets was reaching up for him, forming hands of its own, and pulling him down. He was mired in it up to his knees but still he reached out for me, defying the gray world, defying the tree roots that crowded in around him, seeking to imprison him further in their grasp.
Then someone grabbed my shoulder and pulled me backwards.
I was standing in the harsh fluorescent glow of the overhead streetlight. The sky overhead was now a reassuringly rich shade of hazy black. The geology building in front of me was dark and silent. I whipped around, bewildered, and stared at my professor. The very same professor I’d just been in class with.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” he said. “Are you looking for your backpack? I put it in my office after I saw you’d forgotten it today. C’mon, let’s go get it.”
He pulled out his keys and started to unlock the building. I glanced at my phone. It read that it was 9PM. I’d lost nearly 6 hours. I began to shiver in the cold night air.
Was all that time spent in the gray world? Did it really take that long to find my way out through the doors just down the hallway? Or did that entity’s presence affect the passage of time or my memory of it?
I don’t know. I’m still really freaked out about it.
I felt bad doing this, but I told the professor I was a little spooked by the geology building at night and would wait outside. He was like a’right and got my backpack for me. Then I went home, as quickly as I could. My legs ached, like I’d been walking for hours, and maybe that was the stress or maybe Grayson and I had walked for longer than I thought we had. I don’t know. I was running on adrenaline and that carried me the rest of the way home.
There weren’t many people in the dorm when I got back. Most of the doors were shut and I could hear muted voices as I passed. With finals so close, I assumed most of them were studying, or enjoying the weather and going out somewhere downtown. Our dorm room was still open though and I rounded the corner, exhausted, ready to collapse on the futon and tell Cassie all about the weird day I’d just had.
I froze in the doorway. Cassie was sitting in her chair, her back straight, her arms limp by her side. She stared directly ahead, unblinking. And behind her was a creature, its skin banded with color to resemble clothing, with its long fingers sunk into her skull until all I could see were its palms.
I didn’t scream. I didn’t move. I just stood there, staring in helpless horror, not knowing what to do and whether I could stop it or if that would just hurt Cassie more.
But mostly I was thinking of how I was the one that had lost the stone that had been protecting her.
Then the creature turned its head, its face blank and expressionless, those gaping eyes staring at me like an owl.
It slowly slid its fingers free of Cassie’s skull.
Then it walked past me. It actually shouldered me aside and I flinched when its body touched mine. Its body was surprisingly a normal temperature, but the skin felt… greasy.
Inside the room, Cassie was turning to look at the doorway. I stared at her dumbly.
“Hey,” she said. “I didn’t hear you. Everything okay? You weren’t answering your phone.”
I told her everything was fine. That I’d accidentally set it to airplane mode and didn’t realize it until I was on my way back to the dorm. I didn’t tell her about the gray world or the creature or even my conversation with Grayson and she hasn’t asked yet.
I need to find out what that creature did to her first.
And I hate this, but I think it means I need to talk to Grayson again. [x]