My mom came out to campus. She left my aunt in charge of the store which is a massive sacrifice because my aunt is a disorganized disaster. Like if you’ve ever thought ‘Ashley you are a chaotic mess’ let me tell you it runs in the family.
At least I know how to close out a till though.
(if you’re new, start here, and if you’re totally lost, this might help)
I hadn’t officially dropped out of school yet as Cassie told me I could do that online and said I should wait until I got home first. When Friday evening rolled around she asked me why I hadn’t started packing yet and I was like ‘oh I’ll do it in the morning’ and she was just like ‘mmm hmmmm’ and didn’t say anything else about it.
Mom showed up around lunchtime on Saturday. We went to the town’s mall to shop which was honestly one of the more depressing things I’ve seen in my life. There were twelve stores and half of them were vacant. Growing up in a small town meant it was a big deal to drive over an hour to the nearest mall, so it’s hard to put into words how much worse this experience made me feel. Like we’d driven my inner child to a cliff edge and made them watch while we shoved all their favorite cartoon characters over the edge. I think mom sensed how gloomy I was, as she waited until we were at the cheap Chinese buffet to talk about serious things.
I really like buffets. Plus it also has sushi and Cassie says their sushi is terrible but I’ve never had it before and I think it’s amazing.
I was on my third plate when mom brought up how I said I wanted to drop out and go home. She understood that it was hard, she said, and that perhaps my family - herself included - had been less supportive than I would have wanted. But it was clear that this was important to me and while she was still going to worry and wish I were safe at home, she wasn’t going to let me do anything I’d regret for the rest of my life either.
She suggested I finish the school year and then if I still wanted out, I could transfer to a community college closer to home. I could commute. She didn’t need the car during the day while she was at the store, after all.
“I don’t know what I want,” I said quietly. “Do you think I’m giving up? It feels like I’m giving up.”
I no longer had an appetite. Maybe it was because the easy way out no longer felt so easy or maybe it was because this was my third plate.
“There’s nothing wrong with giving up something that isn’t right for you,” she said with fake cheerfulness. “Going home wouldn’t be so bad. Everyone that leaves eventually makes their way back, after all. But… if you’re not sure, you shouldn’t make any big choices just yet.”
I keep telling you my mom isn’t actually a bad person. She’s just had her share of trouble in her life and that made it hard to be the perfect mom with the white picket fence that bakes cookies for when the kids get off the school bus. She didn’t want me to leave because she was scared I’d never come back, but she doesn’t want to destroy her kids’ dreams to make herself feel better, either.
“I think you’ll regret it if you don’t finish the semester,” she continued. “You’ve always liked to see things through. I think you’ll have a better idea what to do at that time.”
When I called her I assumed she’d leap on the opportunity to take me home and give me no room to back out. Instead, she wound up being the person to talk me into staying. I promised her I’d wait until the end of the semester and make up my mind then.
I can just avoid the Rain Chasers in the meantime. Focus on my schoolwork and not think about anything else. And no, I didn’t tell my mom about all the strange stuff on campus and I don’t plan to. She can’t be objective about that stuff. Only reason I was able to work on the campground is because she wholly bought into Kate’s ‘I keep the town safe’ public image.
Then she left. And I stayed behind. I’m still coming to terms with that.
I at least figured if I wasn’t leaving this weekend then I could go on the date I promised Steven. Unfortunately, he still hadn’t replied to my texts and I didn’t want to keep texting him because I don’t want him to think I’m annoying or clingy. No one likes someone that’s clingy, right? I do know his class schedule, however, so I planned to wait for him outside of class on Monday. I could make it look casual like oh, I was just headed for the campus grocery store for some ice cream. He might be suspicious but Steven is also kind of oblivious so he doesn’t catch subtle things. He’d probably take me at my word. I felt a little guilty, but I consoled myself by planning to make it quick. Be like hey, you got my text? We missed last weekend but there’s this weekend, you good or nah? And then I could head towards the grocery store and cut the conversation off.
It all went as planned. He seemed a little surprised to see me walking down the sidewalk as he came out of the building, but quickly accepted my explanation that I was going to the grocery store. He fell into walking next to me, which I thought was a good sign. He was a little jumpy, but I think that was more because the sky was overcast and the weather forecast predicted rain at some point in the day.
“I texted you,” I ventured. “I guess I should have called but my mom was visiting this weekend-”
“I got your text,” he said tersely.
“And?”
“I’m thinking about it. One of my friends invited me to the cookout his fraternity is having on Saturday and I kind of want to go to that.”
I admit I felt a little relieved. He wasn’t ignoring me because he wanted to dump me.
“You can go to that,” I said. “I don’t mind.”
I was trying to sound earnest but I think I just sounded desperate, because he didn’t reply. I was frantically trying to figure out what I should say next when we heard a familiar roar from behind us.
Neither of us turned around because we didn’t need to. We both knew what it was. It was the rain, finally breaking from the clouds and sweeping down on us like a curtain being drawn closed.
“I hate this school,” Steven said with a deep, calm sigh like one would use when announcing they don’t like grilled cheese sandwiches.
And we both broke into a run.
The grocery store wasn’t far off. I veered towards it and Steven followed. I wasn’t scared yet, as we weren’t the only students caught out in the sudden downpour. Students were scattering in all directions and if my theory about safety in numbers was true, we were still safe.
We’d barely gone a few paces when I saw something in the corner of my eye. A person. I almost dismissed it, but there was something off about them. I wasn’t certain what. The glimpse was too brief. It only flagged in my brain as being something strange and there were no other details.
I slowed, heart pounding. It had been ahead of us and to the right. I didn’t want to run right into it. Beside me, Steven demanded to know what I was doing. I ignored him, squinting through the water beading on my glasses.
There. Another glimpse. Only for a fraction of a second, but it was unmistakably a person.
They were upside down.
Their feet were pointed to the sky and their head towards the ground, a few inches from the pavement. They were in mid-step and then they were gone again.
“There’s something out there,” I said to Steven.
The area was rapidly emptying. We had to find shelter soon or we’d be the only ones out there. I began walking towards the grocery store at a quick pace, watching the surrounding area intently to make sure the upside down person wasn’t getting closer.
Another flicker, directly ahead. Beside me, Steven sucked in a breath. He saw it too. This time, its mouth was open.
“We see you,” a voice grated.
Its voice bounced around us, like it was skipping from point to point. It echoed in my ears like the rain hitting the pavement.
“What was that?!” Steven hissed.
“How should I know?” I hissed back.
“Aren’t you the expert?”
He sounded annoyed. At me. As if it were my fault this was happening. I clenched my teeth together. Now was not the time to argue. I began walking again. My nerves screamed that I should run, but I didn’t want to blunder directly into this thing. Better I keep a cool head. That’s what I told myself.
“How many came before you?” the creature hissed.
Its voice still echoed from all directions, but it felt closer now. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. Now that I knew what I was looking for, I could see it as it disappeared and reappeared. It was like trying to track a single piece of static on a TV screen. There were brief glimpses of it, always in mid-step, feet pointing to the sky, and the rest of the time it was just an indistinct bit of movement in some unexpected part of my field of vision.
“How many will come after?”
Its words were soft but there was a hard undertone at the end. Like this was a threat. I was trying not to pay attention to what it was saying and focus solely on how far we were from the grocery store. Inhuman things don’t think the way we think, after all, and they talk in riddles and metaphor as a consequence.
Beside me, Steven asked in a panicked undertone what it was talking about. I was no longer trying to keep track of where it was. It jumped from place to place at a dizzying rate, impossible to track. Its face was narrow, bulging at the chin and the dome of the skull was curved to one side. The rest of its body was similarly distended, billowing in smooth curves before narrowing out to the mere width of a hand.
It was getting closer with each flicker. We didn’t have a lot of time left before it caught up.
Something about its distorted body seemed familiar. I let my mind drift for a moment, ignoring Steven’s frantic questions from beside me. Upside down… why was that familiar?
Raindrops. Looking through a raindrop turns everything upside down.
“We need to get out of the rain,” I said, interrupting whatever Steven was saying.
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” he asked sarcastically.
“Well, it’s no longer a guess. I’m positive this will get us away from that thing. Look, the grocery store is just ahead.”
“Campus security is closer.”
And before I could tell him no, he turned abruptly and yanked the door open. We were right next to it. How would he not go for the closest refuge, after I told him that we needed to get out of the rain? I opened my mouth to tell him no, that was a bad idea, but his hand was on my wrist and he tugged me along and I went with him because we’re all just dumb herd animals and it’s easier to follow than to lead, I suppose.
We stood in the lobby, dripping onto the linoleum, while the officer working the front desk glared at us. I frantically tried to think of an excuse for why we’d come inside but then Steven opened his mouth and ruined everything.
“There’s something out there in the rain,” he said. “It’s following us.”
The officer’s eyes slid from us to the door, streaked with rain. He looked thoroughly unimpressed and just when I thought - hoped - that he’d assume we were just some naive kids giving in to paranoia, his expression changed.
It grew pinched. Hardened. Creases appeared on his brow as his eyes narrowed.
“Get out,” he grated.
It sounded like there was a hand around his throat. His voice came out only with immense effort, like he was choking on his words. He laboriously shoved himself to his feet. Frantically, I glanced behind us.
The flickering man was at the door. Right outside it. He was an older man, balding, and nicely dressed in a suit. His body bulged outwards around the abdomen and then narrowed at the ankles, his feet tapering off to a point. Like an arrow towards the sky. He stared in through the glass of the door with a placid expression.
Waiting.
“W-we can’t go outside,” Steven said frantically.
He, too, had turned around and was now fully panicking. The security officer wasn’t going to be dissuaded, though. Because if he shoved us outside then that thing, whatever it was, would go after us instead of them.
“We’re staying here until it stops raining,” I hastily said. “That’s okay, right?”
“You have no business being here!” the officer barked, his voice ringing in the small room. “If you don’t leave, I’ll see to it that you’re both expelled!”
Beside me, Steven froze. His fear of whatever was outside warred openly with his fear of being thrown out of university. And I… I was surprised to find that I was just as conflicted as he was.
I realized at that moment that I didn’t want to be expelled. I wanted to stay here. I didn’t want to go home, I didn’t want to transfer - those weren’t bad options, honestly. They are probably the smart thing to do, considering everything that’s happened. But life is full of risks and for those of us that grew up around old land and know the stories and have seen what’s out there, we can’t live “normal” lives. Ignorance is a bliss that is denied to us.
Perhaps that is why no one is truly successful at leaving my hometown. We get out here and see that the rest of the world is no different. That the shadows are still filled with monsters and we, who know how to look, have caught their eye in return.
At least back home is safe. I guess that’s what everyone that left told themselves when they were packing it in and giving up on the outside world.
I’m not ready to give up. I thought I was. But hearing that stupid security guard with his ugly, pinched face threaten me with the very thing I thought I wanted - something in me recoiled at his words. It reared up, hot and ugly in my chest, and I knew that I couldn’t let someone else dictate my future. I’d chosen to come here and it was the first real choice I’d made for myself and I wasn’t going to let go of it just yet.
Unfortunately, arguing with campus security would only make the situation worse. As defiant as I felt, I at least had the presence of mind to realize that. Beside me, Steven was glancing frantically between me, the officer, and the door. He opened his mouth and I could see on his face what he was going to do. Bargain with them. Tell them there was a monster just outside and didn’t they see it, didn’t they know what it would do to us?
It wouldn’t work. It’d probably make them throw us out faster, now that we admitted we saw the very thing they were trying to hide.
So I caused a scene. Started crying. Turned to Steven and said that this was all my fault because I was being stupid and I shouldn’t have started a fight to begin with. That if I hadn’t been so flakey he wouldn’t have had to be so frustrated with me and then I wouldn’t have come to find him to apologize. We wouldn’t have gotten caught out in the rain and be stuck here until it stopped pouring, bothering everyone and I was just screwing everything up.
It wasn’t a hard act to pull off. It wasn’t like I was lying, after all.
The anger bled from the security officer’s expression. His face softened. He blustered for a moment about us needing to leave, but he’d clearly lost the heart for it. He was staring past us towards the windows and I glanced from the edge of my vision and saw that the man at the door was gone. I caught a glimpse of his back as he moved away and then I lost track of him entirely.
Meanwhile, Steven was looking around the room as if someone would appear to tell him what to do as I stood there sobbing in front of him.
“Uh, it’s okay,” he finally ventured. “I wasn’t that upset.”
“I think the rain is letting up a bit,” the security officer said hastily.
He grabbed something from behind the counter and shoved it at Steven. An umbrella. I wanted to laugh, but I hiccuped instead. I quickly thought of how guilty I felt about Steven and the scratching student and my grades and everything else I’ve failed to do. It wasn’t hard to keep the tears going.
“You can return it later,” the man continued, ushering us both to the door. “How about you take your girlfriend home before the rain gets bad again?”
Before the flickering man came back, he meant. But Steven was at least sharp enough to pick up on the subterfuge and agreed that would be good, thanked him, and then we were both shoved out the door and into the drizzling rain.
I cried the rest of the way to the dorm. Steven didn’t walk me back. I told him he didn’t need to. He should get back to his dorm while we still had time. So off he went and he took the umbrella with him.
Don’t be mad. He’s kind of oblivious. I’ll have to remind him to give it back to campus security, because I’m pretty sure he’ll forget.
I know I should be thinking about what the heck that flickering man was or what he meant with what he said, or, I dunno, focusing on my schoolwork because surviving the semester doesn’t mean shit if I don’t pass my classes. But I’ll be real - I haven’t got a clue. We already know campus security is weird, so that’s nothing new. I’ve also heard plenty of people say there’s things out in the rain, so I guess we finally ran into one of those things.
But everything else? About how it saw me? (because let’s be realistic, it probably wasn’t talking to Steven) And how others had come before me and others would come after? I suppose it could just be referring to us as students. Classes graduated before me and will graduate after. That’s the simple explanation. I think we all know that things aren’t always that easy, though.
Unfortunately, my concentration is shot at the moment. An hour ago, Steven texted me to ask if I meant what I’d said or if it was just an act. He didn’t include any emojis or extraneous words, so I honestly couldn’t tell his tone from the terse message, but in my head I read it in an angry tone.
I’m just sitting here trying to figure out how to reply. I keep thinking I should just tell him it was all an act and that we should break up but every time I move my fingers to type that I get this tight panicky sensation in my chest and I think that really, Steven hasn’t done anything worth dumping him over. I shouldn’t be so critical. Our handful of dates weren’t that bad. I had fun, right?
Or maybe I’m obsessing over this problem so I don’t have to think about the one that scares me.
Forget surviving college. I gotta figure out how to survive the semester. [x]
Update: lol nevermind, after I posted this I told Cassie what I told you all about Steven and she snatched my phone out of my hands, texted him ‘WE’RE OVER’ and then blocked his number
Update 2: I unblocked his number
Update 3: he sent me something really mean and now I’m crying
Update 4: I blocked it again
Update 5: Cassie and I are no longer talking to each other.
Update 6: I’m gonna go cry myself to sleep now please don’t yell at me in the comments I don’t know if I can handle that right now.