I don’t have many friends anymore. So I ask the hive mind that is this corner of the internet. Am l human enough? And how do I become more human?
Let me give some context. I was a simple man, with a simple job. Well, I’ve had many jobs, although not really relevant I guess. Anyway, I was a librarian, in my rural, quiet town. Obviously not sharing where it actually is. I mean, honestly some of the stuff people post here. Yikes, in a sense I wonder if being stupid is synonymous with being human.
So, back to me. Librarian, quiet town, few people. I liked it here. Honestly it was a really nice place. Everyone was nice here. Everyone was accommodating. They never questioned who I am, they never asked what I am. It was always simple things they asked me.
“Hey, can I get some help?”
“Hey! Do you have Percy Jackson?”
“Can you sign these packages?”
“What’s the wifi password?”
It’s probably the best job I had. I really liked helping people. Yeah, that’s a human thing right? However, humans also don’t help people. I wonder, Is it human to selectively favour someone over another? What are the rules to empathy?
Oh well, whatever, back to me again.
Things were going great until, well, until I started growing older. I mean, nothing really changed. I was a librarian for a while, you know. I was just getting up there in age. My skin was getting baggy, my wrinkles were showing, my joints hurt, pus leaks. You know, normal ageing things.
But people weren’t asking me things anymore. I mean, I can help them. Like I used to.
I tried. I really really tried. They winced, they grimaced, they covered their faces when I was near them.
Oh gosh, I must’ve smelt so bad then. Damn that’s kinda embarrassing. Of course it was my smell! Ah! How did I not realise then!!??
That’s a human thing right? Being embarrassed over body odour? Feeling anxious? It has to be! Right?
Anyway, back to me. Librarian, minor twist in the story and being embarrassed about my body odour. So yeah, I reached the most obvious conclusion at the time. What if they think I’m not human because I’m not helping them?
So, I did my best from then on. I worked round the clock. A real go-getter, a real busy bee. Humans work hard right? Especially to keep a job they love. Right? So I did the same.
I thought I was doing a good job, you know. I mean, the people coming to the library reduced after a while, what with all the maggots and all. I mean, I can’t help where my skin sheds. And I’m definitely not cleaning up, I mean isn’t that the whole point of a janitor. Anyway I was still being helpful, you know! Giving the books out, collecting the late fees. Golly, there were a lot of un-returned books too now that I think about it.
Hmm, maybe I should collect them. I wonder if the manager would appreciate that. Showing initiative is a human thing right? Maybe I’d get a promotion too! Humans get promoted all the time! I just never held a job down long enough to get one. Maybe I’d be more human after getting one! Yeah, I should do that, especially now that I took care of my ageing problem.
Humans do that too, right? Yeah they do for sure. The will to live, the drive to survive, the urge to do whatever it takes. You know, that’s probably the most human thing about me. I’m sure of it. I feel the most human every time I’m replacing my parts. I mean it’s like tuning up a car right? No biggy, I’m sure any minor alchemist can do this. It’s not even hard. Only issue is finding the parts. But where there’s a will, there’s a way right? Ah human’s and their sayings. Another favourite human quality of mine.
And I mean, of course, it required certain sacrifices. But I’m sure the loyal friends of the library didn’t mind me borrowing some of them. After all I helped them so much, they owe me this much, right? What are friends for after all. I mean humans repay favours too, right? Yeah, I remember reading that. Obviously, they’ll live on through me of course, I can still hear all their screams. They’ll quiet down soon enough, just like the rest of my collective consciousness.
Anyway, back to me, it’s time for the twist. See, no matter how hard I worked, no matter how much I fixed myself, the people didn’t like it. I don’t understand though. I did what I had to. I loved this job. I was going to go door to door, collect the books and get promoted. It was supposed to be that way at least. I mean it’s not my fault the janitor called in sick. I’m definitely not cleaning up that mess.
Ah, I guess being disappointed is a human thing too. So using the library computers for the last time now, before they come at me with their torches and pitchforks. Gosh, I’m so tired of this happening again and again.
And yes, that brought me here. From one hive mind to another that I’ve heard so much about. How do you do it? How are you such a good human? And of course, the main question, how do I become more human?