“Now, I become Death, destroyer of worlds.” - J.R. Oppenheimer
Today marks the day THE “Absolute” died. A being once known as Auren is now gone. His past, present, and future are all gone… How did we come here? Well, I was there. I was the one who took his life. I…was the one who stormed the gates of heaven and saw the throne of God and slew him where he sat… How I got here is a long story. Full of trials, tribulations, and anger.
Lust, loathing, love, and lament. I felt it all. My life was a continuous spiraling of a self-fulfilling cycle of narcissism and shame. I woke up day by day, week by week, and year by year. Every second is hidden behind a jaded mirror of dissociation. I was there by proxy meanwhile I was committing acts of terrorism in my head. Inflicting the torture I felt daily to random people I pass on the street. The actions I would perform for these innocent souls are something that would get me committed to a mental asylum that’s inside the largest volcano. I knew I wasn’t worth it. So much so that the smallest amount of empathy sent me into a spiraling whirlpool of shame and self-doubt.
It was a normal dreary morning. I woke up in my gaming chair around a small mountain of soda cans and takeout boxes. I look down at my loose watch and saw I need to work in twenty minutes so I get up quickly wearing what I wore yesterday with the only change in my appearance being my hair being tied up in a messy man bun and my musk being hidden by a thin layer of axe cologne.
As I exit the landfill of a house I pass by the one light in my life. A woman so beautiful that merely describing her isn’t enough to fully encapsulate her presence. She smiled and gave me a cute wave.
Me: “Good morning Sarah. Might I say your smile is brighter than the sun? Every time you interact with me it’s a blessing and makes my heart flutter.”
“Yeah right… As if I could ever say anything like that” I thought to myself in a condescending tone. She looked at me confused and asked “Alex. Are you in a rush?” she asked in her silky tone. I looked up at her from my normal sulking “y..yea I’m late for work but what can I do for you, Sarah?” I spoke softly.
“Well, my friends and I are going out to a hard tonight and we didn’t want anyone hitting on us. Can you be our chauffeur? It’ll mean a lot to me!” Her voice hit my heart like a warm drink on a cold day.
“of…of course. I would be happy too” I said as I rubbed the back of my neck and smiled with all the energy I could muster. Her eyes widened and she jumped up and hugged me. I quickly placed my hands behind my back not knowing how to handle affection. “you’re the best Alex!” Her crystal clear voice rang silently in my head as she whispered in my ear. “so tonight at 10 can you be at my door?” I looked back and put my hands in my pockets to grab my phone and text myself the time. “tonight at 10…got it.” I smiled and waved as I walked away with a bead of sweat rolling down my neck.
Sarah was my first and only girlfriend. It was a long time ago but we hooked up as freshmen in high school. I was just some emo kid and she was a cheerleader. Naturally, I would get bullied by how I looked and Sarah would be my armor. She often asked why I put up with the harassment and I would say how my father and mother are worse. My father was abusive and my mother was distant and cold.
She would tell me that she would get me out of that house. Little did I know she ended up moving later that year. She gave me her number all those years back and at first, we texted all the time but over time she ended up being distant. What was texting every hour went to days and weeks and months. Finally, almost 2 years later she broke up with me saying “Long distant relationships are impossible for her but one day she’ll come back.”. At that moment I knew I was worthless.
The light in my life dwindled and I became cold. I would do drugs and get into fights regularly. I ended up still graduating top of my class but skipping my valedictorian speech. I sold drugs to pay my way through college and moved away from my parents and have been here since.
About a week ago I got a text from Sarah. “Hey… I miss you and wanted you to know I’m in town. Do you know any cheap apartments near you?” I looked at my old cracked screen and peered into the abyss of my phone. My light lit up a little more when I saw her name. “yea… I can’t believe you’re talking to me again. My apartment complex is cheap and they have a few rooms left. I’ll send you the application link” I waited like a lost puppy starting into my phone screen while going idle in the game I was playing.
I almost gave up but I heard a “ding” on my phone. “awesome! I just applied and I’m waiting for the landlord to call you’re the best Alex. We should get together and talk again”. I was taken aback by this. “am I being pranked?” I asked myself in quiet uncertainty.
Sorry, I got caught up in the past… Days go by and she ended up living next to me. We started texting once a day but that day was the first she decided to speak to me. Anyways, I walked to work and I was late as well. I sat down in my little cubicle and signed in. The cubicle is off-white, with failing motivation posters tacked onto the walls. Falling into my thoughts and disassociating as I pounded away at my soul and keyboard. Filling the screen with numbers and letters is a data entry worker I could barely hear my boss berate me for being a minute late. “Alex, this is the 5th time today that you’re late, and as per company policy, I have to write you up” his voice fading into obscurity as I imagine torturing him. In my endless hellscape that is my mind, I strap him to a searing hot metal slab.
The hot iron cooking his back like bacon on a hot pan. I could imagine the smell of his burning flesh and his cries for help becoming muted by the overpowering sound of his body cooking in the heat. I’d imagine pulling his muscles off his body and them snapping off sounding like breaking rubber bands. My boss slams his hand firmly on my desk and yells at me to see him in his office. I looked up and locked my computer and followed him with my head hung down in shame.
We walk into his dimly lit office. The smell of nagchampa incense assaulted my nose and felt as if it crept into my brain. He shuts the blinds and closes his door. “Alex, you’re a bright and talented man. I can’t imagine why you’re constantly late for work and you almost always wear the same clothes. Unfortunately, no matter how good your metrics are we have to let you go.” he said but then started to smirk. “I.. Understand I’ll just leave…” Before I could finish he stood up towering over me and said “now now now. Alex…” he flips a photo on his desk face down “we can…work something out I’m sure.” He stood behind me and rubbed my shoulders uncomfortably. Creeped out I tries to stand up but he was
Holding me down… At that moment I blacked out. I know j needed the job and the next thing I know I came to the bathroom vomiting the contents of my stomach. My throat hurt and the taste of salt and bleach was stuck in the back of my throat… I was repulsed so I went straight home and sat in my shower crying… Shaking in fear. That night when I fell asleep I couldn’t get the image of him assaulting me. Over and over… And for what? A job? Humans like…no pigs like him don’t deserve to live…
After the third or fourth cycle before he could unzip his pants, a mushroom appeared from the ground and time seemed to freeze. “power to escape, the power to fight your fears. Eat me… Become my vessel human” I couldn’t believe a mushroom was speaking to me but I did not hesitate in my dream. I ate it. Suddenly a waterfall of maggots and blood started spewing from my mouth. The smell of iron and decay filled the air and besides the rushing fluid, all I could hear was chanting “The headless king rises again” over and over.
I gained control of my body and looked at my boss in my dream and pounced on him. I shoved my hand down his throat and grabbed a handful of acid from his stomach and pulled my arm out. I slathered it over this pig’s eyes blinding him. I slowly watched as he writhed on the ground in pain screaming. I jumped on him again with inhuman strength and grabbed his head and started and pulled…and pulled…and PULLED…..until his head ripped off. Hearing the beautiful orchestra of his tendons snapping and his skin tearing made me laugh. I eviciserstdd him and disemboweled his body. I then strung his body over his shower hanging him like a macabre scarecrow. Then…I awoke. Covered in blood and bile. Sitting in an alleyway in the cold rain. The shock of the cold rain and the somber smell of petrichor kept me in the moment. My phone started ringing and it was almost drowned out by the sound of sirens and rain.
My hands shook out of fear and excitement as I answered “Hello?” I asked in an unusually confident voice. “Uh, Alex. It’s 11 pm and I’m home. Are you still able to help out?” I looked at the time and freaked out. “Fuck… Yeah, I just disassociated I’m sorry ill be right there.” I said as I started to jog home. “ok see you soon!” Sarah said as she hung up. I got there in less than 5 minutes which didn’t make sense as I was nearly 10 miles from home.
I quickly got in my room and changed to the only clean clothes I had and stepped outside. When I knocked on the door it was just Sarah as her other friends canceled. “In sorry it’s just me they decided to bail we can still go out, right? I need this.” she was… Beautiful. She was wearing a loose crop top shirt with high-waisted shorts with the outline of her thong pulled over her waist made my heart race. “Yea, let’s go!” We got into her car and drove to a little bar that was packed full of people.
The bar being called “NiteLife” was loud and colorful. Full of youth with the smell of a skunky drug filling the air. Sarah and I sat at the bar and she ordered herself a martini. “Man that’s so fucking sick” she exclaimed as she looks at the screen above the bar.
“local man found dead in his home brutally murdered. His body was already showing advanced signs of decomposition as a strange black fungus was growing from his body” the news reporter said in a somber tone. I almost vomited knowing it was me…” but…how… didn’t this happen tonight??” I thought to myself. Sarah looked at me and asked, “Hey, Alex are you ok?” I grabbed my face and said “Yeah… Just coming off a migraine.” she looked at me with a warm smile and pulled me up off my chair “Come on let’s dance our thoughts away”
Hours go by and she downed a few more drinks but eventually got tired around 2 am. I drove her home that night. We got to her door and she invited me in as I carried her to her bed. “I’m running away from some baaadd people alex. I never forgot your number and I always thought of you… I love you..” knowing it’s just the alcohol speaking inlaid her down and tucked her in. “I love you too Sarah. Sleep well.” I said as I gently kissed her forehead and walked out.
This was just the begging and little did I know it was way deeper. Stay with me as I go further into this grim tale on how I became death. Until next time. -Alex-