“Alright, alright!” I said putting my hands up defensively. Slight relief flooded through my body as the pressure from the gun eased. The rain was steady and soft now, it looked like it would ease up soon.
“My name isn’t really Emily.” I confessed.
Lydia fell to the wet tarmac, her raven hair a wet tangled mess. A hand covered her mouth as she stifled her sobs.
“My real name is Cara Brooks.”
Lydia picked her head up and looked at me with slight recognition to my words. You could practically see the light bulb above her head flicker to life.
“W-where do I know that name from?”
I looked at her and then back to ground with shame.
The gun was once again thrusted onto the back of my skull with force as the special agent yelled, “Doesn’t matter. It’s time for this thing to die.”
“No wait! Please!” I begged as I brought my head closer to my chest, trying to scrunch down and make myself as small as possible. I don’t know if I was shaking because of the literal gun pointed at me, the fact that I was drenched in freezing cold rain, or because I was terrified. Maybe it was a mixture of all three.
“L-let me explain! Please.”
“Why should I?” It was clear in his conviction that he wasn’t going to change his mind easily.
“I know I’m going to die tonight, and hell maybe I even deserve it for all the terrible things I’ve done. But at least give me the opportunity to explain to Lydia what happened.”
I felt him turn towards Lydia.
I almost pissed myself when all my muscles unclenched themselves when the pressure and sensation of the gun left the back of my head. A hard and calloused hand grabbed my shoulder and ripped me off the ground. I was then thrown into the back of the police vehicle. Lydia and Thomas occupied the driver and front passenger seats.
There was a moment of intense awkward silence.
“Lydia do you remember why everyone thought I was responsible for the graffiti?” I blurted out quietly.
“You had red smears all over the bottom of your dress.”
I nodded my head. “Do you remember what it said?”
“Cara Brooks is a freak.” She looked down and twiddled with her thumbs nervously.
“I didn’t spray it, but I did try to wipe it off, hence why the red was there.”
“I don’t get it. If you, however the hell you were able to do it, were Emily at the time, why didn’t you just leave it be? Act like you didn’t know who it was.” Lydia asked.
“Because even though I was living as her, I still had most of my memories.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
“As a shapeshifter, when I change into someone else I absorb their thoughts, feelings and memories.” I explained further. “At first it’s small glimpses, little meaningless bits of time. As time goes on though, the more and most important memories surfaced.”
Special Agent Buford chimed in,”Wouldn’t your old and new memories mix and you’d get them confused?”
I scoffed and crossed my arms, fighting the urge to squirm at the soft squishiness of my wet shirt. “Oh, you should know the answer to that one already.”
“What does she mean?” Lydia asked Buford.
I answered before he could utter a letter,” People… things, like me don’t normally grow up in the most stable environments. Good memories are few and far between.”
I took a deep breath before continuing. I had to mentally prepare myself for the mental deep dive I was about to take into my childhood, my actual childhood.
“My mother,” I began,” was petrified of people like Mr. FBI agent over there, the ones that hunt us. You probably aren’t even an actual agent are you?”
His white knuckles gripping the steering wheel confirmed everything I needed to know.
“Well, being isolated by my mother didn’t really help my social standing when it came to school, being poor didn’t either. I was seen as the loner, the quiet kid, the weirdo, the freak. Nobody wanted to be friends with me. Needlessly to say with all the hurtful words that the bullies engrained into my head and the fact of knowing what I am and how crazy my mother was, I had really bad self-esteem issues. I was too short, too fat, my hair was unkempt and greasy, my teeth were disgusting… it all took a toll on me mentally.”
Looking to Lydia, I saw her face fill with concern as I talked badly about myself. That’s the thing about her. Whenever she knew me as Emily, every time I talked down to myself, she would say ten things about me that she loved.
My gaze went back to my hands where I twiddled my thumbs as I fought back tears when the memories resurfaced.
“Then in middle school,” I breathed in a shaky breath as the tears started to sting my eyes. “I saw Emily Emerson for the first time. I was completely infatuated with her. She had the life of my dreams, Lydia. She was beautiful, popular, had an amazing family that loved and supported her, and most importantly, she was free. Free to be herself and not hide who she truly was. So, that’s why I began stalking her.” I explained.
Lydia gasped as she cupped her hand over her mouth. I saw Buford side eye me in the rear view mirror.
“It was minor at first, just following her to her classes, memorizing her school schedule. Then it escalated to me memorizing her whole routine and where she lived, learning each and every one of her friends names, her mannerisms.”
“I thought you said you absorbed all their memories and stuff, so why did you do all that? To help assimilate to her life easier?” Lydia asked, interrupting me.
“I did.” I answered before continuing more,” And yeah it did help to blend in easier but you have to understand something else, this was my messed up coping mechanism. I’d watched her every move like a character on a tv show. Emily lived my dream life, so I watched it play out for her while in the back of my mind the plan formulated itself.”
“Do you want to know the truth about how I knew there was that old and abandoned cabin in the woods by her families cabin?” I asked Lydia, Thomas’s eyebrows rose with interest.
Lydia nodded her head as she chewed on one of her knuckles. This was a nervous habit of hers.
“The truth is, my bro- her brothers,” I corrected,” never squatted there. It was me. The summer previous to the summer before freshman year I followed her family to that cabin. I stumbled upon the cabin when they went on a hike one random day and then memorized those woods like the back of my hand. Then the next summer when they returned I set up shop once again as I waited to build up the courage to carry out my plan.”
Lydia mumbled,“You didn’t…”
“I did.” I said sadly. “Emily would go on morning hikes by herself on one of the trails by the cabin. One morning that fateful summer, I had finally found the courage and I followed her until she reached a secluded spot on the trail. That’s when I confronted her and well…”
“Decapitated her.” Buford bud in.
Lydia’s eyes widened with shock when she leaned the truth.
“She put up a fight! There was no other choice, I had to slit her throat! It was the fastest and easiest way to get her to die.” I admitted.
The cabin of the car was filled with a tense silence yet again.
“I don’t regret it though.” I said, putting my hand on Lydia’s shoulder. She was quietly crying into her shirt.
“Sure I was a bit confused for a little while after I became her, keep in mind this was also the first and last time I shifted into somebody that wasn’t me, but when I got my old memories back and learned about my past, I couldn’t have been happier. My family was great and- and then that next year I met you, Lydia. And you became my best friend and got to know me, the real me. You didn’t judge me like how everyone else did with Cara. I might’ve looked like Emily Emerson but deep down I was still me, just an echo of the former Emily. Then Cara Brooks went missing, and her mother never bothered to find her. It was easier for a shifter to hide in plain sight when they don’t have to worry about taking care of a child anyway.”
Buford cleared his throat and said gruffly,“ Get to the point.”
I took a little offense to this considering I was pouring my life story and heart out to the guy but went on anyway.
“I thought Cara brooks had been scrubbed from existence. Nobody thought of that one weird girl they grew up with that just disappeared into the background anymore. But somebody remembered, and spray painted that awful message. So, I tried to clean the spray paint and erase Cara Brooks forever. It worked and now we’re here.”
“Emi-“ Lydia started,”Cara?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I answered while avoiding eye contact with her.
“Em, I had no idea.”
I chuckled to myself as some more tears slipped out,” Yeah that was kinda the point.”
“I’m so sorry.” Was all she had to say.
The three of us sat there in silence before I perked up again. With a deep breath and a fake smile on my face, I say,” Okay, I’m ready. You can kill me now.”
Thomas nodded firmly before stepping out of the vehicle and I followed.
“What? No, wait! You can’t do this!” Lydia screamed.
I got on my knees, put my hands behind my back, and kept my head down. I heard Thomas’s footsteps slowly retreat behind me as he readied his shot.
“No!” Lydia cried as she rammed into me, covering my back with her own.
“Move it!” Buford shouted at her.
“I don’t want to live like this anymore!” I snapped at her. “I am so tired of hiding and feeling paranoid all the time, Lydia! I just want it to end. But at least my shoulders feel a lot lighter now that you know the truth. I’m a murderous monster”
“Em! Emily! You can’t talk like this! We’ll figure this out, I promise everything will be okay, I swear it!”
“If you don’t move I won’t hesitate to shoot you too!”
Thomas let out a frustrated grunt and then stormed up to us after she wouldn’t budge. The sound of metal colliding with skin filled the air as he pistol whipped Lydia off of me.
I stifled a sob as she let out a grunt before her body fell to the ground. At least Buford had the decency to drag her out of the way.
His footsteps retreated yet again and I readied myself for the end as little bits of rain dripped on my head. I winced once the sound of the gun went off, but nothing ended. There was no piercing hot pain where the bullet had made contact. I turned around to see if he missed the shot.
My body froze when I saw Lydia lying behind me on the ground, red oozing onto her shirt from the gaping bullet wound.
“L-Lydia!” I screamed as I made my way over to her. Thomas was freaking the fuck out, since he didn’t shoot the creature he was aiming for.
“See? I told you I’d take a bullet for you.” She said weakly with a laugh. I grabbed her hand and pressed it tight as I took my other hand and applied pressure onto the wound.
“Why would you do this?” I asked her in between sobs.
“Because you’re my ride or die and I love you, no matter who or what you are.”
“No, no, no, no.” I cry into our entangled hands. “It was not supposed to go down like this.”
“Say it.” She whispered, the life clearly draining from her quickly. “Pretty please?”
“My- My partner in crime. I love you, I love you so much.”
I couldn’t do anything but watch as her once dazzling green eyes faded into a lifeless grey as the corners of her lips turned into a small smile.
I sobbed into her still warm chest as my mind still processed what happened.
“Go, get out of here!” Thomas yelled at me.
“What?” I asked trembling and confused.
“You need to leave now. They’re going to think you did this.”
“B-but I didn’t.”
“I know you didn’t kid!” He screeched as he chucked the gun into the bushes.
“So, why don’t you just kill me?” The rain started to pick up again.
“ I don’t know! I- I just can’t. This is the least I can do. Just get out of here! Take my truck, and disappear!” He tossed his car keys to me.
I tried to say something to him, some form of stunned gratitude, but the words got caught in my throat and he motioned for me go. I jumped in the black truck that he was driving and peeled out of there- in the opposite direction of the tire spikes. The last thing I saw was Thomas Buford standing over the dead body of my best friend.
Lydia’s words rang out in my head the whole time I was driving. I eventually stopped in a small town and got a motel room using whatever cash that was left on me. I had to stop a few times and switch cars so nobody could trace me. Thankfully the clerk hadn’t asked any questions about me looking like an awful mess and the blood stained on my hands and shirt.
Once I settled into the dingy old motel room, I looked myself over in the bathroom mirror for a long time, thinking about my life’s decisions and the choices I’d made leading up to this point. Then I replayed Lydia’s demise on repeat in my mind.
I stripped myself naked and looked over my body. My dirty blonde hair went a little bit passed my shoulder blades and was unruly and unkempt. My hands were stained with blood and dirt. My makeup was running from all the crying and the rain.
I braced myself for the inevitable pain that I was about to experience. Suddenly a vision of the body I wanted to become popped into my mind and my body began to morph. The bones in my face snapped as my muscles rearranged themselves. My skin burst open and began to slide off like a slimy jacket. I fought my screams as my whole body felt like it was on fire and I was burning from the inside out. Then just as quickly as it started, the pain was gone. All that was left was a pile of skin and hair surrounding me.
I looked in the mirror and saw me- the real me. I saw Cara Brooks- albeit I was covered in blood and my hair was matted down soaked in the metallic smelling substance.
One long hot shower later I emerged a new woman, literally.
My body had changed a lot since I was last in it. I was taller now- about the same height as Emily had grown into- I had nice curves and I wasn’t too fat or too skinny either. I actually looked really nice. I kinda missed my long silky black hair, and it reminded me of Lydia’s. I’d always miss Emily’s crystal blue eyes though.
But Emily was dead now, along with Lydia.
I’m me again, and I’m living by my best friends last words. I’m loving myself for who and what I am now. I realized that all these years I was being me, not Emily (even though I had her face and body). All the friends I had made along the way were all there for me because I was me.
Obviously I’m not going by Cara Brooks anymore, that would be impossible and cause a lot of issues for me. I go by Lydia now, and I’ve started a new life in honor of the Lydia that died for me, I mean it’s the least I can do.
I am Cara.
I am Emily.
I am Lydia.