Like most nights, I couldn’t sleep. Insomnia is a disease of its own, but I’m not here to talk about insomnia. I’m here to tell you about the TV show I stumbled upon the last night, and as the title says, it was sadistic as fuck. As I sleepily flicked through the channels, there it was;
“Hello everyone and welcome to this evenings show! That’s right, it’s everyones favourite gameshow…Choices!!”
The studio audience went completely wild.
“Tonight’s contestant ladies and gentlemen, is Kelly Daniels. Kelly is 36-years old, has been incarcerated for the last 16-years for the murder of her brother, and says that if she wins tonight, she’s going to buy a yacht to live in and travel the world in style.
“Now, Kelly, I’m sure you’re very familiar with the rules by now, but I have to run through them for any new viewers at home.
“So, in my hand, I hold a set of cards. All of which hold random commands. The game is quite simple; Two cards are drawn per round. The contestant can answer either yes or no, however, both cards that have been drawn require an answer, and only one “yes” and one “no” can be used per round. So, if you pick “no” for your first command, your second must be a “yes,” and vice versa. There are 100-cards to choose from, and you must last 3 rounds…so, Kelly…are you ready for your chance to win your freedom and ten, million, dollars?!!”
“Ohhh you bet I am, Paul! Freedom and money for life?!…Let’s do this!”
The crowd cheered and howled like some insane football fanclub.
“Okay Kelly, please choose your first two cards and place them face down on the table.”
The audience finally simmered down to almost complete silence. Suspense was slowly filling the air. The presenter picked up one of the chosen cards.
“Okay, your first card and command is; Stab yourself in the right calf with a knife that’s been provided.”
The audience began stirring in their seats and whispering to each other.
“Ermm…” Kelly sat there contemplating whether this choice would be better or worse than the card yet to come. She was no stranger to the show after all. “…No.” She finally answered.
“Alright, alright! Second card must be a yes then! Let’s see what it says!…Alright Kelly, You are to remove all your clothes!”
The audience completely lost their shit. Some were howling and whistling and yelling sexual insults, whilst others were clapping, pointing and laughing, ridiculing Kelly to the point of utter humiliation.
Paul, the presenter, once he’d finally finished laughing, handed the pack of cards back to Kelly. Her enthusiasm now long gone. She picked two more cards and covered herself as best as she could.
“Your next command requiring an answer is;…Spoon out your right eye.”
“What?! No! Absolutely not!”
“Alllrightty! That means your next command is….oooo, so unlucky! Kelly…you now must shoot yourself in the face!”
Again, the audience went nuts.
“What?! No! This–this–this is bullshit! It’s bullshit!”
“I’m sorry Kelly but you know the rules! You must” do this, or, *we get to kill you!” He laughed.
“Then shoot me! This game is fucking bullshit! Shoot me! Shoot me mother fu-“
“Join us next week folks, for everyones favourite gameshow…” The audience joined in, “CHOICES!”
Then, the screen went blank.
I haven’t been able to find the show since, and, honestly…I strangely enjoyed it.