It’s funny how the possibility of imminent death can make someone come to terms with themself. I’ve never exactly been the most self-aware person. I drink and fuck while still preaching the ideals given to me by my Christian parents. I call people out for incompetence and idiocy while I still take shortcuts in the most menial tasks at my day job. However, something I’ve always known is my propensity to get in over my head. This time, I bit a bit more than I could chew.
A little over a month ago I was in an affair with my friend’s husband. Now this wasn’t a friend I met at the workplace. We were both in the theatre department at the same high school, so I guess you could say we were pretty close. Her husband was the track star, so I suppose she should’ve known what she was getting into. Anyways, she found out by showing up home early when I was quite literally caught with my pants down. Of course, I burnt those bridges faster than any petrol could do. That isn’t the issue though.
I’ve never been one to regret my actions. I’m decisive by nature, and hey, to some people that might make me come off as a dick. However, I found myself daydreaming a lot. Rather, it felt like a daily nightmare. I would think about the night I had with my friend’s husband, and there were always random details that were off. His face was sometimes distorted in a way that you would see wax off of a melted candle, and the room was basked in a red light that contorted his features in a way that made his melted flesh look menacing and mad simultaneously. Sometimes, the husband’s face would be completely normal as well as the room, but out of the corner of my eye, I would see these silhouettes close in on us in a semi-circle around the bed.
I couldn’t concentrate. It plagued my mind like the bad dream it was, and it came to a head the other night when I got home from work. Dinner was a lonely affair since at this point I didn’t have many people to talk to, so I finished up and went to my bedroom for an evening of TikTok scrolling. I’m not sure how long I did so, but I reckon I scrolled for hours. I laid down my phone and rubbed my eyes, and once I opened them I noticed in the dim light that in a semi-circle around my bed were cloaked figures that seemed to hover above the ground. I almost jumped out of bed in defense of what was before me, but all of a sudden I felt the pull of invisible hands on my sheets.
The lamplight dimmed as their hushed whispers grew louder. I couldn’t decipher any of what it meant. I just knew that the dimmer the lights got the more intense their presence got. They floated closer and closer while their boney hands hung at their sides. It felt like a hurricane was in my room, but at the same time, there wasn’t a breeze that moved a hair on my head. I lay there, my head restrained to my bed as if a band was across my forehead, looking to the ceiling. All of a sudden the whispers fell silent, and a soft pair of footsteps started walking across the carpeted floor to my side of the bed.
What arrived was the melted face of my friend’s husband. The opposite ends of his mouth curled in opposite directions, while his oversized teeth crowded his mouth. His hair fell longer than it was before, and it was patchy. His eyes had cataracts, and they glared with sadistic intent. The simulacrum of the man I once knew stood above me, looking down at me as if it had an offer I couldn’t refuse. In a whispery voice, it spoke.
“You have two paths. One path is a lot shorter, mercy gifted to the grime between our toes. All I ask before you this day is an apology to those harmed. It must be sincere, and I will allow reattempts until accomplished. Upon completion, we shall feast upon the marrow of your bones after your essence is snuffed between my fingers. The other is you continue to intrude upon the livelihood of others, and you will go mad. You will live a destitute life, and your mind will grow as addled as the entity that stands before you, and we will eat the marrow of your bones while you laugh the song of all lunatics before and after your time.”
I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I tried to kick and thrash at the invisible bounds that dug into my skin despite their inexistence, but it only fueled the terror that I felt now and stood before me. The lamplight turned into an ominous shade of red, and it distorted its features. It made the distorted lips of the creature form a sadistic grin. It made the gangly hair look like cobwebs that clung tightly to its scalp.
“I may be confused as to why I do what I do, but I know what warms my gut.” It runs its fingers along my abdomen. At first, its fingers felt cold and wet, as if it was left out in the rain on a cold spring day. I then started to feel a burn similar to a chemical burn that I once got in chemistry class in high school. I passed out from the pain, only waking when the daylight seeped in through my window. I could move, and when I looked down I found the burn from the night before.
I don’t know what to do. My choices are to apologize and die, or don’t and slowly go mad at the pleasure of the entity that visited me. I’ve never been one to contemplate my actions. Hell, the only reason why I’m doing it is because I am being prompted by an abomination from hell. I know I’m not a good person, but I shouldn’t have to die because of my past actions. I just know now that there are things out there worse than some stupid homewrecker.
I still remember its fingers tracing my abdomen like an artist traces their clay masterpiece. I still remember the way the whites of its eyes gleamed in the dim red light that covered us. Even as I type this, I still see glimpses of the cloaked figures sliding between shadows. I’ve never cared about being watched, but it’s all I feel right now. I can’t apologize without dying, and I can’t die without going mad. I’ve always been unapologetic, but maybe it’s time for me to learn something new about myself.