Hello, my name is Brian. I’ve been through a lot recently with the death of my close friend happening a few months ago. Do I have to ask What is fear to you? My greatest fear is that of the unknown. I spent my WHOLE life studying theories to try to understand it all. I had a dream where I met god. At least what felt like a god.
I had my doubts but after thinking it over I concluded… What if it was god? Not just any god but THE god. Ever since my friend passed away I wanted to know if there truly was heaven. A perfect place where only good exists and you are welcomed with open arms. I wanted to share with those willing to listen to what I found out about our “Universe”.
It all started with a dream on the night Elijah (my Friend) had died. It was a rather bland dream but gets interesting and downright terrifying. I woke up in a classroom filled with kids from my past, but their faces were blurred oddly enough. I stood up and walked to the chalkboard to do a math problem. As I scribbled my answer in one of the children screamed so loud that it felt as if my ear was bursting. I had to cover my head and fall to the floor because of the sheer pain I was in. I yelled as loud as I could to tell this kid to shut up.
Afterward, it all stopped. All of the sounds in the room were gone I couldn’t even hear my breath or heartbeat. It was as if the concept of sound couldn’t exist. I was able to stand on my feet after my ears stopped ringing. As I panned the room in a confused daze the children started to rapidly vibrate their heads back and forth. My heart rate started to rise when their heads became increasingly violent, so their very skin began to rip covering the room with crimson-colored blood and viscera.
Then suddenly… they stopped moving with blood running down their necks. It was then I saw a black figure walk into the room through the wall in the back. This thing looked like a woman’s figure but was made of a thick black substance that, smelled of rot and pennies. It slowly walked toward me with the black liquid running off until revealing pasty white skin. The creature had no facial features but a wide mouth that stretched ear to ear if they had any. Before I could get a grip of what is going on it was right in front of me. I can feel it staring at me even though it had no eyes but a sunken hole where the eyes would be.
The stare felt as if she was piercing my soul in time. She then spoke to me in a thunderous tone.
“I can smell your breath and taste your fear. You’re staring at me through a black screen reading us… knowing us. memorizing my lines. Bring more to me… I require more stories to consume… more narratives to feed on.” This creature smiled revealing a sharp toothy grin. She spoke again this time it sounded like a rusty can being scrapped by a fork with trumpets sounding off in the distance. It was enough to send shivers down my spine.
“And you child, what are you doing here? Watching Brian’s story unfurl in front of you… Does this please you? Or does this terrify you? Mmmmm I can taste your narrative… I can see where you are heading. The dim light shining on your face shows me everything I need to know… Wait… what is going on? I can’t see anything anymore? IT’S YOU….” She points to me with rage and confusion.
“Wh…What do you want from me?” I asked not knowing what to do “Who were you speaking to?”
“You know what you are doing… I know you are trying to stop me from feeding.” I can feel the anger growing as the black liquid began filling the room and the children’s bodies began to break down into the liquid. “You may have stopped my feeding now child but you cannot stop your judgment. Do you know who I am? Look inside your heart because you do know. I am the light that stops the dark, I am the dark that balances the light. I am the end and the begging… The alpha and Omega… I … am … GOD!”
As I stood there the building split revealing a white canvas. filled with words and odd symbols all colliding together creating one cohesive story. I saw as this thing rose above the ground I stood on and all the black liquid following upwards toward the creature. It was then it started to write on the canvas. It was my whole life written out as a long novel. All the good times and bad times, the highs and lows. Every part of my life was written as this thing just stared at me.
“Why Am I being judged? Is this truly what God is? A monster?” I thought to myself
“Yes I am” She spoke to me in a calmer tone.
“Your life is flashing before me and you, this is so I may judge your actions.” She spoke in the same calm tone.
It wasn’t long until the writing stopped at this exact moment in time. Nothing continued to be written and the creature looked confused.
“This… this isn’t right. I am supposed to be your author. I am supposed to be your end… Why has it all stopped now?” She began to frantically thrash the ink in the air writing on the canvas, but everything she wrote would instantly disappear. She then looked at me and grabbed me by my throat. I can feel the life drain out of me and my vision was beginning to fade when all of a sudden a loud boom shook the area we were in. A bright white light engulfed me and her.
She started to scream in anger as it got brighter and brighter until… I wasn’t there anymore… My vision started to clear and as I looked around all I could see is a library. One so impossible large and infinite in all directions. In front of me was a desk made of some type of beautiful deep brown wood. Bibliosmia filled the air, It reminded me of college back when El was still alive which calmed my nerves. Just being here made me feel as if my fears and doubts were all gone.
I looked behind the counter and there sat a singular librarian whose lips and eyes were sewed shut. She seemed to notice me as her head tracked my movements. I spoke up not knowing if she could talk but before the words came out I felt her speak in a soft, calm tone.
“Yes you are safe and no I am not in danger. I know why you came here I know what you want and what you are.” I didn’t even get a chance to formulate my words. It was as if she knew what I was about to say.
“Here… A book for you to read… be careful you don’t want to damage the book. It is your story after all.” She said handing me a book with a name on the spine… It was my name. The book was a compilation of my past and present. It was every thought, action, and reaction. Even things that would be impossible were in there and I was reacting to the impossible scenarios in the book how I would imagine I would in real life.
“No, that is something far beyond even my perception. You are in the Narratio Grandis, A library of all narratives. Everything here is everything that ever will be or was. The hub of the possible and impossible. All stories exist here in these books.”
I was going to ask if they were God and where I was.
As I was reading I decided to skip to the end. Where I was now. Before I could flip the page to see what my story has to show me what my future Is I blacked out. I woke up in a daze and in my bed, covered in sweat and with my heart feeling as if it was going to burst. I spent days and weeks trying to make sense of it all. What was god? Was it the ever devouring being I saw in my dreams or the strange librarian? Why did she know everything but who god was? In the story, it stated I wanted to leave the situation with the ink creature called “God”. The blinding flash of light was my way of controlling my own story subconsciously.
What if we are all a part of a larger story? A narrative ladder as you will, climbing up and up reaching beyond the concept of size. Akin to sets of infinite numbers and going beyond reaching absolute infinity. What if what we see as fiction was real to those people. Like watching an animated sitcom. What if their life was real and we dictated what they did because we wrote the story. Then who writes our story? Who writes the being who writes our story? Do you see my dilemma?
The unknown is the greatest and most primal fear man has. That’s why we have books, microscopes, technology, and even rockets. It’s so we know the unknown. But I fear this is something beyond our reach. A benevolent being controlling our every action. My dream, me writing this and you reading this. We are all but a narrative to them. This terrifies me knowing in the end we cannot overcome something this great.
I do pose a question, friends. Is God truly good or evil? Or are they just watching tv and our lives are nothing but a show to them? Who watches the watchers in the end? Who is our God’s god? This has kept me up for the past few nights. Was it all a dream or a warning? … I just don’t know at this point. Stay wary my friends.