I feel a bit awkward talking about this, but here goes. A few weeks ago, I was browsing the internet late at night when some ads appeared. Not the kind of ads you might expect – they were RPG items. Yes, I admit I’m a bit of a nerd. It caught me off guard because of how specific the algorithm seemed to be. Just a few days earlier, I had been discussing with friends our plans to play a game soon, and I mentioned wanting to get some miniatures. Lo and behold, miniature ads showed up.
I checked out a few offers, here and there, and, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a big fan of 3D prints – the relief finish looks (in my opinion) unsightly, too irregular. Until I stumbled upon a figurine that would be PERFECT for a boss – some kind of king, I suppose, a strong male torso with tentacles entangling the waist and an octopus head. The finish was perfect too, nothing too elaborate or machined, I assume it’s handcrafted. The price wasn’t too high, around $25, so there was no reason to hesitate. I bought it and informed my friends that we now had a boss for the campaign.
Days passed, and I regularly checked the shipping progress. About a week later, the mail carrier left a rectangular cardboard package with a seal that read “Miskatonic Arts,” and a bright red sticker with tentacles coming out from the sides. “Cool,” I thought, “Maybe they specialize in crafting cephalopods for games.” I went in and quickly opened the box. The statue was quite attractive, even before touching it, I noticed an emerald glow emanating from it. I couldn’t recall buying a deluxe version or one with additional special effects. I picked it up, and to the touch, it felt slightly warm, about 3 to 5 degrees warmer than room temperature. “This will definitely surprise the guys.” I opened the app to confirm the delivery when I noticed a message from the sender. “We’ve received a delivery confirmation, is everything okay with the product?” I promptly started typing, “Oh, everything’s fine, just to confirm, maybe you guys sent me a slightly better product than what I paid for. It has some extra glow features; is that correct? If so, is it battery-powered or battery-operated?” A few minutes passed with no response. “Yes, friend, thanks for buying from us!” They confirmed the delivery, and then the chat ended.
I was confused, “Yes” to what? Well, better let it go. I took a photo to share with the group. For some reason, the photos came out as if they were experiencing “interference,” with a lot of noise. “Could it have something to do with the battery? MY GOD, IS IT RADIOACTIVE?” I started to panic while sending the photos to my friends (you can check one of them here ) and sharing my distress. They reassured me, saying there was nothing to worry about, at most it could have a layer of radium in the paint finish, but it wouldn’t be more dangerous than a smoke detector or a banana, as long as I didn’t start eating the statue (which I had no intention of doing).
We scheduled to play on the weekend, and I prepared for bed, leaving the statue decorating the living room coffee table. I tried to forget the unease that the strange object caused me, even without reason. I laid my head on the pillow, letting my thoughts flow into the night drain, calming my breathing. But there was no peace, not even in my dreams. In my mind, I woke up in an open field, the sky shining with stars and the Milky Way’s own trail. A thin layer of water, barely covering my feet, spread across the ground, seemingly endless. Mountains rose from somewhere in the background, and then a faint, subtle sound began. It was a noise, constant and slow, a scraping sound of stone. In the middle of all this, I began to see small circular ripples forming at a point, as if something were coming from the depths, slowly approaching the surface. I approached and looked. To my horror, what emerged was a familiar shape – first an octopus, then a torso, and more tentacles. I began to sweat, and upon touching it this time, the statue was boiling. I woke up sweaty and breathless with my alarm in the background.
I got up, still stunned by my reverie, and began to get ready for work. However, as I put on my clothes and headed to the front door, I noticed something strange. It may sound silly, maybe it was just confusion on my part, but the statue that was once facing the window, with its back to the door, now stared directly at me. I felt a chill in my stomach as it locked eyes with me, and I rushed to work, wishing time would pass slowly. It didn’t take long.
In the following days, I started experiencing inexplicable chills as I looked at the miniature. Sometimes, I swore I could hear it whispering. I decided to put it back in the box until game day, but the whispers persisted at night, turning into indistinct voices echoing through my dreams – vivid and disturbing dreams. I found myself wandering through strange lands, sometimes alone, sometimes followed by shadowy figures moving in the shadows, but always accompanied by the statue.
My health deteriorated into a wreck, probably due to lack of sleep. I had a fever, confusion, body aches, and tremendous discomfort. I went to the doctor, and he attributed it to stress, recommending some days off work. But being away from work only brought me closer to that thing. Gradually, my plumbing started deteriorating too – first with a thick, black liquid oozing from it, then pieces of I-don’t-know-what, something sticky and slimy, clogging everything. The smell of the sea made me nauseous.
I tried returning it in every way, but I can’t contact the company. I’m afraid to leave it on the street, and someone might find it, perhaps even a child, and suffer the same fate. Or maybe, am I just going insane? No, definitely not after the last incident.
It’s the eve of the game night, and I started preparing things, maps, character sheets, quest papers, some dice, snacks, and finally, the miniature. It was time to act like a functional adult and put this nonsense aside. Perhaps it really is stress killing me. It was then, as I removed it from the box, that I noticed something strange: peculiar engravings all over its body and base. Inscriptions in some kind of ancient language. Things that weren’t there before. But that’s not all, far from it. Shortly after, the kitchen sink overflowed with water, completely clogged. I was furious and determined to fix it in one go – no cleaning products or uncloggers; I wanted to vent my anger in brute force. I removed the sink trap and started pulling with all my might using the plunger. What came out was the weirdest thing I had ever seen – an octopus. But not like I imagined them, after all, what kind of octopus has green eyes? And what kind of octopus speaks? It spoke to me in something I didn’t understand, but I knew it was what was written on the statue. Its words entered my mind, penetrating flesh and spirit. I understood; I understood what it wanted! Yes, it’s wonderful!
I’ve already planned everything for the game night with my friends tomorrow; it will be wonderful. I have everything planned for each one of them. That’s why I’m writing here; if you’re planning to play with your friends, try checking out Miskatonic Arts. You’ll surely find something useful for your enjoyment. Definitely 5/5 stars, and I definitely plan to buy again.
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!