I Killed my 2 babies ( twins )
What happened is someone forcefully impregnated me with twins..
And I was so cruel and so neglectful that during the pregnancy I starved myself which resulted in with time them dying inside the womb and they were kicking terribly from hunger I guess, and they slowly starved .
This was what I now hear because of my brain trauma , its not your fault etc but let’s be honest it is …. I was basically suffering from lack of motivation, resilience, apathy. I was too lazy to get out of bed and wash before I was forcefully impregnated, no one supported me , my family didn’t care … I was too lacking motivation to go to work, study, to do basically housework and everyday activities …..
The brain trauma wasn’t severe or anything it just took the things I mentioned above although I must admit I would have never lost those children if not for the brain injury….. I want some of your honesty , you can swear ,shout , be honest with me ,what did I do here ? Because I sometimes don’t even understand probably due to a little bit of autism, that what I did here was my fault and was MEGA wrong ….. its my fault right its not “ ohh its not your fault its due to the illness “ sort of thing like people and I say ….
I just can’t get over this … its been a year since this happend barely .
Also these two baby twins dying caused me to just want to stay in bed and take my own life away, I can’t deal with this anymore ..
During the whole pregnancy I was so poorly and had and have such a psycho and shit persoanlity that what I did was not give a fuck about the babies , I was like “ohh so just starve I don’t care “ I’m too tired to feed you, feed yourself… I told them I don’t care that you die I don’t care about you etc….. In anger and frustration, when they were dying and I was aware of this …
I cant even cry about this and just feel torn to shreds inside because I commited such an act, the thing is I think somethings wrong with my head apart from autism … because I didn’t care at first after I killed them , I simply relaxed and had enjoyed my hobbies because I thought it wasn’t my fault but the illnesses….
I even laughed I mean I couldn’t cry because I had apathy …
I just feel like I’ve done something so bad, I mean my heads kinda ill but mildly and I feel trash ,I’m never going to get over this ….
I feel like a murderer and I feel its all my fault I understand that I’ve been impregnated by force but I should not have kids ….
Any comments allowed…