Just based on the title, I know what you’re probably thinking. I’m full of shit, right? Can’t say I blame you. With all the fabricated stories and the stupid “bigfoot hunting” shows on TV, I can see why you’d think that. But as absurd as it sounds, the story I’m about to tell you is one hundred percent true.
Don’t believe me? Fine. You’re entitled to your (wrong) opinion. But I’m an old geezer who just learned how to use a smartphone last year. I can assure you, I have absolutely nothing to gain from “internet clout,” as my son calls it. So, without further ado, here we go.
The year was 1987. I was a twenty-eight-year-old college dropout with no girlfriend, no job, a steadily declining bank balance, and the looming threat of being kicked out of my parents’ house if I didn’t get my shit together. So what did I do? I went camping. Alone.
Yeah, yeah, save me the lecture. I know how reckless that was. Venturing into the forest with three days rations of beef jerky and granola bars? Not my brightest moment. But if you haven’t caught on already, I wasn’t exactly the brightest crayon in the box.
I pulled into the parking lot at the head of Winding Arrow Trail in Appalachia National Park. Don’t bother looking it up. I changed the name. I know that if I gave you the real location, dozens of sasquatch enthusiasts would flood the area seeking out their claim to fame. Well, tough luck.
As I slammed the trunk of my worn out ‘71 Chevy Vega, I breathed in the crisp autumn air. The leaves on the trees were a beautiful cocktail of reds and oranges and yellows. Birds of all kinds sang their songs, and bushy-tailed squirrels bounced along in search of acorns. I couldn’t have asked for more perfect weather.
I didn’t sense anything out of the ordinary until about four hours into my hike. I was well into the forest, and even though I swore that I was alone, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. It was only then that I realized what a terrible mistake I’d made. I hadn’t told anyone where I was going, I hadn’t brought any weapons, and I had no way to call for help. If someone attacked me out there, I might never be found.
It was cool out, but I was sweating bullets. And to make matters worse, suddenly, everything fell silent. No bugs buzzing, no birds chirping, no leaves rustling. Just total, all-encompassing silence.
My heart pounded against my ribcage like a jackhammer. Thoughts of my family flashed through my head. What was I doing? I was a twenty-eight-year-old man, but I’d run away from home like an angsty teenager. My parents would never know what had become of me. A single tear trickled down my cheek at that realization. Then, I was snapped from my reverie by a sound.
A bush was rustling less than twenty feet from me. I froze. The silence. The eerie ambiance. My eyes grew wide as dinner plates. That usually only meant one thing: there was a big predator in the area - and I was about to come face-to-face with it.
Suddenly, the bush stilled. Two luminescent, yellow eyes appeared amidst the leaves. My stomach dropped into my toes. We were stuck there, this thing and I, trapped in a sickening staring match. I can’t even begin to describe the dread that consumed me in that moment. I thought that my life would end right then and there. But then, he emerged.
A mountain of auburn fur towered over me. The eyes climbed to over seven feet off the ground, glowering menacingly down at me. They were framed in an ape-like face, sitting above a wide nose with large, flared nostrils. His teeth were bared, huge yellow canines gleaming like kitchen knives. I was shitting bricks.
The beast took an aggressive step toward me. I was rooted to the spot. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t run. I couldn’t hide. I couldn’t fight. I was completely out of options.
“P-please don’t k-kill me,” I sputtered pathetically as the thing took another step forward. It was a mere ten feet away now. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
“Okay, fine. I’ll spare you this time. But only because you said please,” the sasquatch boomed, his mouth twisted up into a grin. My face drained of color.
“Y-y-you spoke! But you’re… you-”
“Ha! You should see the look on your face! It’s priceless,” he wheezed through boisterous laughter.
“Okay, I’ve gotta be high or something. Maybe some weird kind of mushroom spores? This can’t be real.”
The bigfoot struggled to compose himself, but eventually, he wiped the tears from his eyes and suppressed his giggles.
“Still think you’re tripping, buddy? Nope, I’m real as the ground you’re standing on,” he said, slapping me playfully on the back. The impact sent me flying forward. I crashed to the earth, taking dirt and leaves to the face.
“Ow. Alright, I get it. Just don’t do that again,” I whined, caressing my throbbing cheek.
“Sorry, man. Too strong for my own good, I guess. Here, I’ll help you up,” he offered, extending a massive, leathery hand to me. I reluctantly accepted it.
He effortlessly pulled me to my feet. I gazed up at him as he began to shake my hand. “Sorry about that. Must’ve scared you shitless. The name’s Mark.”
“Uh, yeah, don’t worry about it. I’m Daniel.”
“Nice to meet ya, Daniel.” Mark could sense that I was still uneasy. He sighed, taking a seat on a nearby rock.
“I can see that I’ve got some explaining to do. Sit,” the cryptid demanded, patting the spot beside him. I hurriedly obliged, scooting next to him like a child at reading time.
“If you haven’t already put two and two together, I’m Bigfoot,” he admitted, searching my face for a reaction.
“Uh, yeah. I can see that. Is that all?”
“Hey, you can never be too sure. There’s gotta be someone out there who’s never heard of me. Anyway, I bet you’re wondering why I came up to you.”
“Well, I wasn’t before, but I am now. Why me? Don’t people hike here all the time?”
“Yeah, but most people come in groups. And the ones who don’t are usually shitheads. They’ve got a certain stink to ‘em, ya know?”
“Uh, I-”
“So as I was saying, you don’t have that smell, so I decided to test out my social skills. It’s been so long since I’ve interacted with anybody that I was starting to lose my mind.”
“Yeah, well, thanks for that, I guess… How long has it been since you’ve talked to anyone?”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer.
Mark placed a hand on his chin, deep in thought. “I don’t have a watch or anything, but if I had to take a stab at it, I’d say probably about six months. That’s around when my girlfriend dumped me.”
“Wait. There’s more of you??”
“Yeah. Isn’t that obvious? I mean, did you think I just poofed into existence? Had to have been born somehow.”
“That’s logical,” I said, mentally facepalming myself. “So, what exactly do you need me for if there’s more sasquatches out there?”
“Well,” Mark said, rubbing the back of his hairy neck, “I’m kind of on the lamb right now. Can’t really show my face or they’ll rip me limb from limb,” he confessed, chuckling nervously.
My jaw fell open. “You’re a fugitive? What the hell did you do?”
“You don’t wanna know. I’ve got a screwed up past.” He shuddered, a chill rippling through his gargantuan body. “But I’m trying to turn a new leaf.”
“Oookay. Well, good luck with that, brother. It was nice talking to you, but I think I’m gonna get going,” I said, standing to leave.
“Wait!” Mark shouted, shooting out an arm to stop me.
“What’s up?”
He stared at the ground, drawing in the dirt with his big toe like a toddler would. “Do you mind if I tag along? It’s lonely being an outlaw.”
I pondered it for a moment. Truth be told, I still wasn’t entirely convinced that I wasn’t high as a kite. I didn’t exactly want a seven-foot ape man following me around, but what choice did I have? Mark could snap me like a twig and he wouldn’t even give it a second thought. It seemed to me that I only had one option.
“Sure. You can come. But I’m only staying out here for one night, okay? I’ve got, um… work tomorrow evening.”
“Great! Better make the most of it, then.”
Mark and I traveled along the desolate path, taking in the scenery and shooting the shit. I’ll admit, I was a bit weary of him at first, but the further we walked, the more I began to warm up to the big guy.
We continued until we were well off the beaten path. Mark said he knew of an amazing spot to watch the sunset. I was thrilled. Good company and an awesome view? What more could a guy ask for?
Well, it was even better than I’d hoped. Mark brought us to a rock ledge that overlooked the forest below. The sky was a beautiful amalgamation of pink and orange and purple. The sunbathed the landscape in golden, fleeting light as it slowly dipped below the horizon. It was perfect.
“Thanks for showing this to me, buddy. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually manage to get a girlfriend some day and bring her out here,” I chuckled, praying that if I said it enough, it might become a reality.
“You and me both. Double date?” Mark grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.
“If the law doesn’t catch up to you before then, it’s a deal,” I quipped, smirking back at him.
Mark’s expression fell. It was like someone had just told him his pet mountain lion had died. I must have struck a nerve.
“Look, Mark, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was stupid of me,” I stammered, staring shamefully at the treetops below my dangling feet.
“It’s fine. Let’s go set up camp.”
Mark silently led me to a nearby clearing. Before long, his jovial demeanor returned, and he even offered to help me pitch my tent. What a stand-up guy, am I right? As it turns out, I was going to see a much darker side to my furry friend than I ever would have imagined possible.
“Thanks for helping me set up. Sorry I don’t have a bigger tent, though. I feel like an asshole making you sleep outside.”
“Oh, don’t mention it! Where do you think I normally sleep?”
“Can’t argue with that. Goodnight, Mark. See ya in the morning,” I said, beginning to zip up the flap on my tent.
“Night, Daniel. Sleep well.”
I didn’t make it until morning. I was abruptly ripped from my slumber by a bright flash. Followed by another. And another. What could that light have been coming from? Heat lightning, maybe? No, it was too bright. Then it dawned on me.
They were camera flashes.
As quietly as I could, I started to unzip my tent. What I saw still gives me chills to this day.
As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I tried to pinpoint the source of the light. It took me a moment, but I finally spotted it. A man was illuminated by the moonlight. He was covered from head to toe in mud, sticks, and leaves. If it wasn’t for the glint of his camera, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed that he was there. My groggy brain wondered why’d he stopped snapping pictures so suddenly. Then, I heard it.
I peeked my head out of the tent, glancing to my left. There was Mark, teeth bared, upper lip curled up into a menacing snarl. Every muscle in his body was tense, and his eyes glowed red with hatred. I could feel the abject rage oozing from his pores.
I wanted to jump in front of him, to call out to him, to try anything and everything to spare the man’s life like Mark had mine. But I knew that my attempts would be futile. So, I stayed silent. Our camouflaged visitor never stood a chance.
Mark was on him in an instant. I couldn’t see the poor guy’s face, but his fear was palpable. I felt sorry for him. I really did. He just wanted a few pictures for the tabloids. He didn’t deserve that.
Mark showed no mercy. He seized the man by the throat like he weighed less than a feather. He ragdolled the guy, repeatedly slamming him into the ground with brute strength until he was nothing but a bloodied mess of tattered flesh. But he didn’t stop there.
I closed my eyes when I heard the wet ripping sounds. I tried to keep them squeezed tightly shut out of some semblance of respect to Mark’s victim, but I just couldn’t bring myself to look away. He started with the arms.
The man released the most agonized, soul-shattering shrieks that I’ve ever heard. He wailed and pleaded as Mark tore his right arm from his body with a single heave. Then came his left. After Mark separated a leg from the man’s torso, his screams died, and he went limp. Still, the behemoth continued.
Mark seamlessly ripped the final limb from the man’s body. Then, as if he thought there might be the slightest possibility that the empty husk of a human being was still clinging to life, Mark twisted his neck so ferociously that the man’s head was permanently stuck facing backward. But the worst part of it all?
The entire time, Mark was smiling.
Amidst the flurry of spewing blood and severed limbs and cracking bones, the monstrosity that I had come to adore was grinning from ear to ear. It was all I could focus on. Not the gallons and gallons of blood coating the ground or the decimated corpse lying before me. No, I couldn’t stop staring at those massive, yellow teeth glimmering in the moonlight.
I was petrified. Mark finally turned to me, regret immediately washing over his features when he noticed the fear in my eyes.
“Daniel, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to see that. All of this could have been avoided if I’d just stayed away. This,” he said, motioning toward the assortment of various body parts leaking crimson into the dirt, “is why I’m an outlaw. This isn’t my first time, and it probably won’t be my last.”
I was at a loss for words. I racked my brain for anything to ease the situation, but the shock was overwhelming. All I could do was stare up at the beast and mumble incoherently.
“I’ve caused enough trouble for you. Thank you for letting me tag along, Daniel. For what it’s worth, you’re a great guy. I’m sorry. For everything.”
Mark wiped a tear from his cheek. He glanced back at me one last time as he dejectedly trudged into the foliage. And just like that, he was gone.
Once he was completely out of sight, I scrambled to pack my things. Adrenaline surged through my system like a drug. No matter his intentions, Mark had turned that spot into a crime scene, and I refused to be pinned for the murder. I meticulously packed up my tent, scouring the area for any wrappers or fabric; anything that could be traced back to me.
Once I was certain that I was in the clear, I booked it back to my car. It took hours, but I finally made it as the sun was cresting the horizon. This time, I didn’t stick around to watch. I collapsed into the driver’s seat and floored it back to my parents’ house.
I’ve never told anyone about that night, for obvious reasons. I was never named as a suspect, and I’ve made sure to stay far away from that trail ever since. This is a cautionary tale to all the sasquatch hunters out there.
Bigfoot is very real, and he’s out there. But please, do not go searching for him. Some mysteries are better left unsolved.